Jason Sudeikis: "DO WANT! you to see this movie." Me: "No! I can't! Too...stupid..."
That is a hilarious screencap from the trailer for Hall Pass. "Hall Pass" is some dumb new movie coming out next year that I will not go and see, but will tell you about excitedly anyway for 3 reasons: ONE, Jason Sudeikis is in it!!!!! TWO, STEPHEN MERCHANT IS IN IT!!! and THREE, JASON SUDEIKIS AND STEPHEN MERCHANT ARE IN IT TOGETHER!!!!
Huzzah! Behold, the trailer!
This movie is unworthy of these guys' heaps of talent, but god darnit all, a movie exists with both of these two in it now! How can I not be excited?
Although, listen to that premise. Poor Jenna "Pam" Fischer, looking all bored and sad that her healthy career on The Office has led to only tiny roles in middling lowbrow comedies, as she flatly tells us the movie's plot. I've never heard the term "hall pass" used for this purpose before, but then, my "worldliness" is defined only in the context of video games and very specific kinds of television shows, so it's quite likely that it's a very popular term. (But I doubt that.) Anyway, why would any woman EVER give their husband this kind of "pass?" That makes no sense to me. It's a really idiotic plot device and ME AM DISPLEASED PAM. Me am displeased.
So anyway, other than that I really have no clue how this movie is supposed to sustain more than 20 minutes. Owen Wilson (Pam's husband, which is really weird because Jim is Pam's husband and I mean isn't everything on the Office fact and don't all movies and TV shows exist in the same universes and and and and?) goes clubbin' with his motley crew consisting of J. Sud' (who apparently was also freed from that prison sentence that is marriage), Stephen Merchant (YAY!), and some other people who aren't J. Sud' or Stephen Merchant, and tries to "score babes" with probably little success. Although, according to this magazine I read on an airplane to Japan, Owen Wilson is an "American hearthrob" whose broken nose is "handsome," so maybe he actually does manage to use his hall pass successfully. But then, that's it, really. If the movie goes down that road, with Owen Wilson being successful, then it can't last any more than 5 minutes, really. Unless he realizes how much he looooves his wife or something and goes running back to her. But then, since the hall pass is only effective for one week anyway, with the implication that Owen and Jason Sudeikis go back to their wives afterwards, then the movie is still only 5 minutes.
Basically Hall Pass is going to be a flimsy concept "hilariously" stretched out for an hour and a half. Well, at least that means we get to see Stephen Merchant and Jason Sudeikis try their darnedest to make me want to pay money to see this movie. I will resist, but it's hard. That chloroform joke at the end made me chuckle more than it should have.
I give this trailer 3 Stephen Merchant's dressed like fabulous British gentlemen out of 5.
P.S. I watched the trailer a second time on mute, and it was entertaining. I suggest you try that.
Hello and welcome to FWSF's 100th Post Spectacular!
...Just kidding. While this is indeed our 100th post, I wouldn't call it spectacular in anyway. It is exciting though! For me! And hopefully for you!
When I had to make this blog for a class assignment back in April I didn't really expect to keep doing it almost 7 months later, but here we are, with over 7,000 page views since late May. I'd say that's pretty good for a blog with virtually no advertising, written by a 16 year old who mostly references things that no one else would understand except her for they are inside jokes she has with herself.
And while most of my comments/followers are my friends, it's nice to see that I've gotten the occasional anonymous comment from someone I presumably don't know. (2 of the 3 were pretty mean but I'll take that as a sign that they think this blog is a lot more substantial than it actually is!)
So instead of doing anything really cool, I'm just going to give you some links to some of my favorite posts on this site.
The first post: Okay, this isn't really one of my "favorite" posts, but where would we be without it? Probably at only 99 posts. And that is a major difference that I never want to think about, ever. (Also, now you heathens can stop asking me about where the title comes from because it's REALLY ANNOYING and I explained it already in this post, geez!)
The second post: I had a lot of fun writing that one. It was entertaining, it didn't feel like a chore as writing posts often does these days, and I even tried to start a running gag with it. I should start making fun of Devon Werkheiser again. I think I kind of replaced him with Justin Bieber. (Also, I think this post is solely responsible for the decent traffic I get from Denmark. Wait 'til those guys find out that I don't know a THING of Danish!)
The Glee rant: Glee and I have a really unhealthy relationship. Use this post as your primer. Also this post is the reason that my blog shows on on Ask.com under "Examples of Satire." Is it self-obsessed to quote your own writing? Good thing I never claimed to be anything otherwise!:
This show just tries to do too much in too short of a time. It tries so hard. It's like that annoying girl in your tenth grade Earth Science class who is like, "Yeah, I do this, this, and this, and I'm awesome, and I'm so good at everything I do, because I do a lot and that makes me awesome and yeah and stuff and um, crud, do we have a test today, because I totally did not study, like, at all" and then they go and they suck at everything they try to do, and you would applaud them for their effort if they weren't so annoying, and then you have to be fake friends with them because you don't want to be mean and then you go and you take to your little blog and you go and you rant like crazy and everyone has no choice but to agree with you because you are so irritated. Yeah. It's exactly like that.
The beginning of many J. Biebz related posts: I had so much fun watching th videos for and just writing this post in general. I love ranting. Justin Bieber is such an easy target, but I don't hate him. Why should I? He's never wronged me. HE ONLY LOVES. Seriously, he's never written a song about anything BUT loving people. Why y'all hatin'? WHY
On that note, the post about "Baby": I think it's important to find yourself amusing. Although not in an obnoxious way. But still, this post is a perfect example of me finding myself amusing.
MADE: I'm starting to sound like a broken record but I had a heck of a good time watching this episode of MADE (twice) and writing about it. This post is insanely mean but I don't really care. I like the title of it. YEAAAAAH!
The Persona 4 comic post: I love that Persona 4 comic, almost as much as the game itself. It really is amazing. So that's why I'm happy that this is one of my most-read posts with 255 page views. (Pretty good for this blog, as I said before!)
Essay about Pinkerton and Yoko: This essay took me like 5 hours to write. It was worth it. It was a big accomplishment for me. I did so much research and everything for it...I'M PROUD OF MYSELF ;_; despite no one reading it.
Guilty pleasure songs: I chair danced so much for this, you don't even want to know. Does chair dancing sound gross/inappropriate? It really isn't! It's just swaying in your chair! That's how I dance.
Just all of July in general: But this post in particular. Y'know, THAT'S what I should have done. Oh well. Maybe I'll ammend a handwritten note onto this later. That post has links to other July posts. It was crazy that I wrote a post every single day that month. Don't think that'll ever be happening again! Fun while it lasted, although I definitely struggled. Most if not all of my top 5 most-read posts were written during this month!
Guest posts: Thanks to everyone who wrote a guest post for me. Two are linked in that last July post, and then here's the one Blaire wrote for me. Still open to having people write guest posts for me!
Emmy Recap: Okay, it wasn't that well-written or anything but it's important to me in that it was a top Google result and it received my first really mean comment. Thank you, Lisa, for thinking my blog is important enough to criticize!
Top Chef Seth post: Dare I say CONTROVERSIAL? Nah. That's pushing it. But I got this EXTREMELY mean comment on it that I didn't even publish because it was really...pathetically mean. So then I added that dumb little note on the bottom. This post had some ill-advised comments in it but I'm a kid, of course I say stupid things! I don't regret it either way. Got me a lot of Google results and page views!
So, that should last you for the entirety of November, I'd think. Don't worry, though, I'll still be posting. Let's try and make it to 1000! Yay.
Thanks to everyone's who's read this blog, I really do appreciate it. Even if it makes little sense half of the time.
I'd go see it on the cheap, if only to beat this oppressive heat. IT IS OPPRESSING ME!
But instead, let us look at some other would-be films. Here's one: Arrested Development as an action film.
I love George-Michael's line. I think that's one of the best parts.
I'm sure you've all seen The Shining as a romantic comedy? Well, see it again.
This one is really, really good: Mary Poppins as "Scary Mary." Truly frightening.
Wow, this one is hilarious: Brokeback to the Future. THE ONLY VARIABLE THEY FORGOT WAS LOVE, GUYS.
This one is excellent, if only because Woody makes a great Joker - it's The Dark Knight trailer recut to Toy Story 2. It's the #1 film/animation YouTube video in Ireland, guys! MUST BE GOOD. (Spoiler: it is.)
A little long, but really stellar, old sport, is this Tom Hanks as James Bond trailer. Never did I imagine that he would be/have been so excellent for the role. Maybe that should be his next gig - of course, whenever the Bond series is made again. It's on hold for now, unfortunately (although I haven't seen any of the recent ones so I don't know if they're even good or not, and I really don't like Daniel Craig).
If you've found any others, post 'em in the comments. Oh, and keep letting me know if you want the new posts emailed to you when they're posted.
If I haven't made it clear enough yet, I love video games. I love everything about them. I love playing them, watching them, reading about them, talking about them, even singing about them. YES, I SING ABOUT VIDEO GAMES. Poorly!
That's why I like Scott Pilgrim so much. It's this graphic novel series that's about cool people who like video games and anime and manga, and live very video game/anime/manga-esque lives. And they make it seem totally normal.
I would give you the whole synopsis but I'm lazy. Let's let other people do that for me!
Obviously, there is a movie coming out. This is the brand-new trailer for it, released yesterday. It will probably become a huge thing, and I guess that's good if it gets more people reading the comic books. I just hope that people don't just watch the movie and come up to me when I'm talking too loudly about it and they're like, "Scott Pilgrim! I love that movie!" because then I'll give them the stink eye, and no one wants to see that.
Ahem. Anyway, some of my favorite people are in this movie: Michael Cera, Johnny Simmons (HOTEL FOR DOGS SAY HAAAAY just kidding, god, don't ever admit it if you've seen that movie), Aubrey Plaza, etc. So of course, I'm excited, although I would be anyway.
And Edgar Wright is directing! You probably know his stuff (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz); my favorite thing of his is Spaced, which is this hilarious British comedy series that's similar to Scott Pilgrim in that it has lots of video game and other "geeky" references in it. It's good stuff. You should rent it. If you want, I can consider lending it to you...in ten years. OH SNAP.
So, yes. Enjoy that trailer and go out and buy the Scott Pilgrim comics. I'll probably be talking more and more about it as we get closer to the release date of the sixth/last volume and the movie. And then MAYBE I'LL WRITE SOME REVIEWS. Because Google tells me that everyone loves those! And by everyone, I mean the five people who read my blog.
This weekend I did a lot of things, most of which are not pertinent to this blog. But I saw a movie, so let's talk about that. It was called Exit Through the Gift Shop. It was pretty cool.
Basically it's about street art, which is mad cool. Since I'm supposed to be studying right now, I'll just let the pictures (by Banksy, Shepard Fairey (whose work you have definitely seen), and Thierry "Mister Brainwash" Guetta, the three "main characters") do the talking.
Banksy, Bethlehem
Banksy, Bristol
Banksy, New Orleans
Yeah, more Banksy. London
(The coolest part about Banksy is that no one knows who he is. No one, aside from his posse, has seen him before. His parents don't even know that he's the Banksy. It's kind of a romantic notion. This unknown guy making all of this cool artwork, and all we know about him is his pseudonym.)
Shepard Fairey. See? That's him in the middle. Say hi! HI SHEPARD FAIREY
Shepard Fairey
Sheps F-ayer-ey, Boston
S. Fairey, Boston
(I felt really cool watching this movie because I knew who Shepard Fairey was. I mean, I didn't remember his name, but I had read the Wikipedia page for Andre the Giant Has a Posse before, and I remembered it. It was bomba. Do people actually say that?)
Mister Brainwash (MBW), LA
MBW, Paris
MBW, New York Ci-tay
(Okay, a little more background. Mister Brainwash goes from being Thierry, our "hero" of sorts, our subject, to being the villain. Well, kind of. He starts out as the trusted confidante, lackey, and cameraman for the street art masters, like Sheps and Banksy. But eventually, when Banksy outs him as being a crap filmmaker and turns him loose into the world of street art, he becomes MBW and makes this really bland, borderline copycat artwork that he actually doesn't even make himself. The student becomes the master, and also the millionaire. Sheps and Banksy go from loving this simple-minded Frenchie to feeling disdain for him, resenting him so much that Banksy made this movie about him and made him look like the pompous fool. But whether he's talented or not probably doesn't matter much to him, because he's got the money now, and that's all he needs.)
Oh, hello there. I didn't see you come in. ...I thought I had locked the door...how did you get in, anyway?
Well, no matter.
This morning I chose to start my day by re-reading Sacha Baron Cohen's Wikipedia page. I did not plan to do this. It just happened. However, I believe that it was fate that brought Mr. Baron Cohen's Wiki page and I together, for reading it for the third time led me on a journey -- a journey through the world of YouTube. Sort of.
According to Wikipedia, Baron Cohen is involved (somehow) with a movie called Dinner for Schmucks. Yes, the title is stupid. But you haven't seen the poster!
"Steve Carell?" I said. And then I looked to the right. I gasped: "Paul Rudd?!" Immediately I had to know everything about this movie. I mean, come on. Steve Carell. And Paul Rudd. In a film. Together. With (as I found out from Wikipedia) Jemaine Clement and ZACH GALIFIANAKIS. It's like the writers sought out to please me specifically. Too bad Jason Bateman's not in it. (Also, I'm just going to pretend that Jeff Dunham doesn't exist.)
I then headed to YouTube to witness this Dream Team in action.
Yeah, so, it is kind of stupid. I hate the premise, and I hate all of the destruction that goes on. It makes me cringe. I'm going to give the film the benefit of the doubt, though, because I just have to. I'm physically incapable of being apathetic about or even disinterested in this movie!
Trailer Rating: 3 Steve Carell's in Glasses out of 5.
After watching that trailer, I found myself compelled to watch more. "Curse you, YouTube," I hissed as I clicked on the trailer for The Kids are All Right, "for making everything so accessible!" (YouTube, if you're reading this, please don't be offended; I love you, I do.)
The Kids are All Right is a movie that I've been hearing lots of good buzz about for a long time. (Okay, maybe not that long. Only since Sundance, less than three months ago. I'm a kid; life moves fast when you spend your whole day reading Wikipedia articles!) Even though I had been instructed by many a magazine to look it up, I never really did. But today, I pleased many film critics across the country by watching the trailer.
The first things I noticed were "Cousins" by Vampire Weekend playing and JOSH HUTCHERSON. Josh Hutcherson! You know, Josh Hutcherson. He's sort of like my generation's Steve Zahn; he's been in a ton of movies, but you never really remember who he is when you see him. You just know that you know him.
But this time, I remembered him. Geez, he grew up. He actually looks his age now! Things kind of rolled on like a bumpy Katamari after that. I got this feeling that the movie is better than the trailer wanted to let on. I mean, on the one hand, you have the story about the kids of lesbians trying to find their sperm donor/father. That's an unconventional twist on the popular Lifetime trope "MOM SHUT UP I WANNA FIND MY FATHER BECAUSE I'M AN ANGSTY TEENAGER WAAH." And then, on the other hand, you have one of said lesbians making out with said sperm donor/father. Erm. Yeah.
Oh, and Mia Wasikowska is like an irritating little mixture of Gwenyth Paltrow and Claire Danes.
Anyway, this trailer gets 2.5 Child Actors out of 5.
Then I stumbled upon The Greatest, starring, amongst others, Carey Mulligan and Aaron Johnson as Brits Who Are Trying Really Hard To Sound Like Americans and Failing. Luckily for them, I like them. I like everyone in this movie: Pierce Brosnan, Susan Sarandon, Johnny Simmons; what's not to like? (Although I must admit that I'm more scared of Susan Sarandon than fond. I blame that movie Step-Mom.)
I love the song. I think it was written specifically for the film. If that's true, then I'm calling mutiny on the Academy if it's not nominated next year! (Knowing how much the Academy likes to irritate me, I'm also calling now that it won't be.)
This was my favorite trailer so far. It was sappy, it was annoying at times, but it actually inspired some sort of response from me. Well, a response other than confusion or disgust. It made me want to go see it, badly. Very badly. And that's the best thing a trailer can do, isn't it?
5 Unbelievably Accent-Less Actors out of 5!
The first time I watched the next trailer, for Take Me Home, I thought, "Wow. This is stupid." But after watching it again...maybe it was Sufjan Stevens' "Come On, Feel the Illinoise!" but I liked it. A lot.
I think I hated it the first time because I wasn't sure if Amber and Sam Jaeger were siblings or not. I was convinced that they were brother and sister, and incest is only cool if it's the kind on Arrested Development (and that wasn't even real incest, so). But then I watched it again. And then I found out they were married, which is completely different than being siblings. And then I came to love how inventive the plot was - a guy (lonely, I suppose, or just poor) decides to become a fake cab driver - all the benefits of being a real cab driver without the certification and the annoying hours! The "romantic comedy" part invokes images of Matthew McConaughey and/or Sandra Bullock, but not all romantic comedies are drivel. I don't know if this one has a release date any more specific than "2010," but I'll be keeping my eyes on it. (Which means I won't be keeping my eyes on it at all until, by a stroke of luck, I find out about it again.)
4 Unknown Talents out of 5 is what this gets from me.
The last trailer I watched was the funniest -- and not at all intentionally. Observe, Love at First Hiccup:
Just let that soak in. Let it invade your pleasure centers. Let your body erupt with unrestrained feelings of pity and amusement.
For the uninitiated: The star of this film is Devon Werkheiser. Devon Werkheiser was the star of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide on Nickelodeon. Devon Werkheiser still has all of his baby teeth.
And now, Devon Werkheiser will have his "first time" in a film that is an R-rated remake of a Danish family film.
Yes.
There is so much stupidity in this trailer that it hurts. The cheesy music, Corey Feldman's illegitmate potty-mouth son, the awkwardness, the jerkface boyfriend, the slow-motion, the gay joke, the OH GOD JUST EVERYTHING. My gut exploded at least four times in the two minutes and seven seconds that this trailer lasted, and then it exploded AGAIN.
The best part about everything is that DEVON WERKHEISER STILL LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE NED BIGBY. NED BIGBY STARS IN THIS FILM. Please, try to understand how HILARIOUS this is to me.
This movie was supposed to come out last year. Obviously, it didn't. Will it ever come out? Part of me really, really hopes so, but for the public's sake, let's hope it stays on the shelf of its little Danish director for the rest of her (or, um, his?) life. Or at least just send it straight-to-DVD. Does anyone over the age of eight (or under the age of 35) even watch anything that goes straight-to-DVD? Yeah, I didn't think so.
I think this movie is supposed to be funny -- it's hard to tell. The thing is, though, it's not funny when it's trying to be, or for the reasons it tries to be. It's funny because it's so...not good. Maybe this film isn't particularly not good, like Battlefield Earth or Manos: The Hands of Fire, but I'd put it in the realm of Twilight.
I give this trailer one Danish-subtitled Mess out of five.
