I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You

My love for Pokemon is eternal. It is everlasting. It is white-hot. It is glorious.

I finally got my copy of Pokemon Black yesterday and holy rhombus, that opening is spectacular. Easily the best Pokemon opening ever (objectively, anyway). For a second there I thought I had perhaps been shipped the wrong game...this was sweeping, epic JRPG-quality stuff.

I'm itching to play more of the game right now but I have boat loads of homework. Here's the opening so you can watch it yourself.

Conundrums

So normally I love being a baby. Okay, I'm 17, which is pretty far removed from being a baby, but I'm still younger than the majority of my friends. My birthday's in December (HEY YO) so while everyone else is able to vote or buy cigarettes or whatever the heck else an 18 year old can do by the end of senior year, I, alas cannot. This isn't usually a point of concern for me; as I said, I love being the youngest one around, as if it gives me more of an excuse to act immature and idiotic. But today, almost immediately after talking about internships with my sister (at my school in order to graduate seniors have to get an internship which they do in lieu of going to class for a month or so) I go on Kotaku and see this:

Kotaku Looking for Eager Interns in NYC

Joy! Glee! Happiness! Other positively-associated emotions! I love Kotaku, and I've been hoping that they'd post something like this for, like, a year now.

Aspiring writers: Kotaku is bringing in another round of editorial interns! Do you…
• Live in the New York City metro area?

I live a train ride away from NYC! Huzzah! Everything is looking great so far until, so anticlimactically, I reach a stumbling block.

• Are you over 18?

...curses. Over 18? I'm not even a day away from 18. I'm barely 17! How can an inanimate number, so minuscule in the grand scheme of things, crush my dreams so swiftly?

And then I realize, you know, this bulleted list is not over. Surely, being 18 is an important aspect (not that it should be) but look at the other points of "requirement":

• Want to learn how to work in the games press?
• Have a laptop and a better-than-average command of English? (Better than us, I'm saying?)
• Maybe, kind of, sort of heard of a few videogames?

All three of these points are readily applicable to me! I love video games, even if I'm not someone who plays them constantly. In fact, much of the time I am more interested in gaming news, and so Kotaku is so perfect for me. Obviously it's not just a site run by writers who like talking about games instead of playing them (not that that is necessarily true of me, either) but writing about video games, and just writing in general, is one of my admittedly few passions, and so, in sum: I really need this stinking internship. I more than just want it, I honestly think I need it. How can I breathe without Kotaku?! How can I live?! (I'm a little insane, but you should know that already.)

So, even if they throw out my application because I am not some arbitrary number that really should have no bearing on the matter when I'm giving free reign to do as I please instead of going to school starting the third week of May, I am going to apply for this internship. We'll see how that goes.

In other news, Pokemon Black and White was released here in the USA yesterday. I still haven't gotten it but it should be coming soon...not that I'll have time to play it :( Senior year is surprisingly busy.

Check out this review by IGN (I'm not a particularly huge fan of them/their reviews but whatever):

So many combinations, so many combinations!

I am so tired. I guess that's my punishment for playing Pokemon SoulSilver non-stop. Yesterday I played it until 1 AM, and today I played it from the time I woke up until about 15 minutes ago. Even though my eyes are screaming "Why did you make us stare at countless Geodudes and Gravelers for three hours straight? WHY?" I don't regret it. I did a heckuva lot of training. I beat Clair! Yay me! Now I'm on the Kimono Girls, who are evil despite them all having adorable Eeveelutions. Let's bully them like all the popular kids bullied us in middle school! YOU KIMONO GIRLS ARE SOOO WEIRD!

Anyway, so, I'm really tired. Did I say that already? Apparently I did. Today I don't really have anything to talk about, except another Pokemon-related topic: the player characters! The player characters went from being awesome to being dull, ugly, and non-threatening. They're so hard to believe as POKEMON MASTERS BOLD ITALICS!!! and they're also just really uninteresting.

Seriously. Look at the designs for Red and Leaf from FireRed and LeafGreen:

SO. AWESOME. Look at Red. Look at his face. That is the face of a trainer who has no reservations about brutally murdering a level 6 Rattatta by making his Level 50 Charizard use Flamethrower. This is the trainer who loves his Pokemon and no one else's - and that's GOOD. People, hating everyone else's Pokemon doesn't make you evil! It makes you smart. The whole point is to win, and if you're too busy chatting with Picknicker Liz about how cute her Weepinbell is (which, by the way, you would never do because 1. Liz is a brat and 2. Weepinbell is ugly as sin) then you will LOSE. So good on you, Red. And Leaf! Her outfit is just awesome. It's practical and it's fashionable. The hat is a wonderful stylistic choice because it can get really darn sunny out there in Kanto. Good on you, Leaf. Good on you.

Those designs are probably the two best, technically. They're certainly the best PAIR of characters. But to me, the single best player character is Gold (AKA "Ethan") from Gold and Silver.

"Bro, we don't mess. WE. DON'T. MESS."

 This is the new design of Ethan. But when he was Gold, in the original game, man. He was a true player. He was GLARING, guys. He wouldn't take a "No" from anyone. He did what he needed to do and he beat Lance in one go. Gold even beat RED. Obviously, Gold is the one true Pokemon Master. No one else beat Red, did they? (Other than Lyra/Ethan, who basically IS Gold, anyway. I love his design, too. I almost played SoulSilver as a boy because you can just tell that Ethan doesn't play around. But Lyra is cool, too, despite her gigantic hat. Her hair is actually SHAPED LIKE THAT HAT, too. So weird.) 

Also: Gold is just stronger mentally than Red, too. After Red became the Pokemon Master, he got all excited - "Yeah! I beat the Elite Four! I'm so excited to play the post-game now! Maybe I can go to the Orange Islands!" But no. In Red and Blue, there is no post-game. It's incredibly depressing for someone playing the game, but, well, Red has to LIVE IT. After he defeats Lance, he has no purpose in life anymore. Thus, he retreats to Mt. Silver where he fights Geodudes and Sneasels until he has killed every single one of them. He then takes to the top of the mountain where he becomes so emaciated that he and his Level 80 Pikachu, Charizard, etc. can no longer talk or even grunt. But then Gold comes along, super-excited after beating 16 gym leaders in a row AND beating the Elite Four twice (TWICE!) and he happens along this shell of a man, Red. Then they battle. Guess what? Gold wins, easily. He jumps around excitedly, saying, "HECK YEAH! I WON, SON! I'M GOLD, MOFO!" And then he leaves. And he goes and hangs out with all of those cougar fangirls he has (well, no one's perfect) and life goes on. He doesn't have a mental breakdown like Red. That's because Gold eats mental breakdowns for supper.

 

(By the way, there was also Kris, from Crystal, who is really awesome. There she is on the right. Say "Hi, Kris!" Unfortunately she was replaced with Lyra, but Lyra's grown on me.) 

Ahem. Now, after Gold and Silver, things started to get a little...well, weird. I think we're all familiar with May; she's the whiny chick in the crazy tight booty shorts. Has that little brother, Max, who we should all just forget even existed? Yeah. Her male counterpart is Brendan. Brendan has the single strangest design out of any trainer. He has this weird hat with white on top, and for years I thought that was his hair. It's NOT. How is that hair-looking thing not his hair?! Where did he get an ugly hat like that? And in Emerald, his outfit just sucks. He wears shorts over long pants. Yes, that's practical, Brendan! Now if you're hot, you can take your...shorts off? Oh, you. So strange.

 "Yeah, we be trainin'. We be trainin' in our booty shorts and poor color choicez."

Then finally we have Dawn and Lucas, another fashionably (and mentally) deficient pair. Dawn is actually okay. Her skirt is insanely short, yes, and she is definite and obvious pedo-bait. No 10 year old should be wearing a skirt that short! Don't listen to what those freaks on 4Chan say, okay? But Lucas...Lucas has no excuse. Lucas has a scarf and a beret. I can't believe any boy that wears a beret could be the Pokemon Master. Lucas is such a wuss, guys! He's a wuss. I beat him SO easily in Pearl. Whenever he showed up to battle me, I was like, "Hey, 'sup, Lucas? Que pasa?" And he would say, "Oh, why, HULLO there, Allegra! How are you, dahling?" And then we sat for tea and after we were done we would battle. Although this didn't happen often. But playing as Lucas must be lame, too. I can't take anyone seriously named Lucas. I'm sorry. I just can't.

"They see what we wearin'; they hatin'." OF COURSE WE ARE.

The new Pokemon trainers, however, are awesome. The boy especially! The girl is more Dawn-style pedo-bait, but she's older, so it's okay! Girls can be sluts as long as they're of age is what I always say! :D Just another reason to hype up Black and White like crazy.

Relevant Things Going On in My Life Right Now #3

Right now, there's an adorable baby deer sitting in my backyard. It was there yesterday, too, hiding behind a bush. It's so sad; I think its mother abandoned it. Poor guy. Here's some pictures:

But I guess that's irrelevant. Moving on:

• BACK TO THE STINKIN' FUTURE ON BLU-RAY: Heck. YEAH. The complete trilogy (Part III included, unfortunately) is coming out in glorious HD this October. The box set will include extras that people actually want to watch, i.e. ERIC STOLTZ AS MARTY FOOTAGE. Excuse me while I locate my time machine. See you four months from now. 
• New Pokemon Black and White Info: New trailer means more inaccurate guesses and complaints from the fanbase. I like that. Some stuff we know for sure: 3-on-3 battles (o bby o bby), new ugly-as-sin Pokemon (oy gevalt), that the boy trainer's design is adorable and awesome (woot), and a Japanese release date (September 18th, sons). Stuff that only Satoru Iwata and his gigantic bags of money sewn with 10,000 yen notes know: what the "shooter" option means (can we shoot Pokemon trainers now? Because there are times when I've really felt compelled to shoot a brother in his smug face during the game), if HMs will still take up a move slot (they probably will), and if there will be comments in-game that reference the awkwardly mature design of the female player character (I'm dying to know).
• Steve Carell is leaving The Office: It's super-confirmed now. The thing is, the way he's making it sound is that the show will probably continue without him. I need to check my "Stupidest Things Ever" book; just a moment...yep, this one's definitely in there. Seriously. The crud is that? "I think it's just a dynamic change to the show, which could be a good thing, actually. Add some new life and some new energy...I see it as a positive in general for the show," says Steve the Psycho. His publicists are probably feeding him these lines, because there is no way any sane person can believe that. The Office is (or was) specifically about the shenanigans that went on in an office as spearheaded by their wacky ringleader, the Boss. If the Boss leaves, what do we have? And to think, I was telling myself that The Office was getting better. Let's move on before this rant gets mondo-sized and I start saying things I'll regret.
• The Boondocks: I've been watching it recently. It's actually pretty hilarious. People seem to think it's pretty racist, but I think it's just satirizing mainstream African-American culture. I've only seen three or four episodes, but last week's, "Pause," is my favorite, and is also a good and really hilarious example of this. Here's a clip because I love you:
    
• Kevin Smith: I randomly decided to start reading about him today. I can't say I like him very much, although I don't think I've actually ever seen any of his films. My one effort to watch Clerks: The Animated Series was thwarted by my disapproving sister. CURSES! I kinda want to see Dogma, and Chasing Amy is supposed to be pretty good. And Jersey Girl, I've learned, is just as terrible as its namesake, New Jersey. I really hate New Jersey! Sorry.
• New seasons of Intervention and Obsessed: They start TONIGHT, guys! On A&E! Starting with Intervention at 9! I'm so excited, I'm shaking in my SCRAM bracelet and "I Heart Ken Seeley" T-shirt. My girl Lindsay Lohan is coming over; we're going to watch it together. I tried to invite Justin B., too, but he's busy prepping for that dang Macy's Fireworks show or whatever. Fine, JB, you do your little show, but when you come scurrying back to me after you've realized all your friends have left you, don't expect me to bake you any cookies. Not that I can, anyway. Oven's broken.

Quick request before I go back to sweating heavily while watching my Intervention/Obsessed marathon: anyone here know Photoshop and want to make this site a cute little banner? My Photoshop skills are awful. Plus, I only have Elements. If you make me a banner I'll add you to my "will bake cookies" list! That's a huge honor, you know. Just leave a comment and let me know.