Work Of Art Finale Review

WORK OF ART #1.10 "The Big Show"

After a very long 10 weeks, Work of Art is finally over. I, and I'm sure the majority of the Internet/America/Universe, was expecting Miles to win all along and so when I sat down I wasn't expecting anything surprising. I assumed the finale would be your typical show where the guy you knew was going to win wins and you're either really happy or breaking your neighbor's car windows. What? Am I the only one who reacts like that?

So here is a recap of what happened last night in my living room during the last 5 minutes of the last episode of season 1 of Work of Art: The Next Great Artist:

China: Miles, sorry, but even though your art is better than everyone single other person's on this show, and even though I shouldn't have the authority to say this to anyone - I mean, c'mon, look at me, I can't even properly dress myself! - YOU DIDN'T WIN. HAHA. NOW GTFO.
Miles: .__.
Me and My Sister: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MILES GODDARNIT WHY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EVERYTHING WE KNOW IS WRONG


Miles, I personally believe, was technically the most skilled. He was also the most fun to watch, the most polarizing, the one who EVERYONE had an opinion about, positive or negative. When we reminisce about this show in a few years or whatever, we will all talk about Miles. So for him not to win was a complete shock. Especially since they sent him out first!

Thankfully, our most knowledgeable or at least most critical judge Jerry Saltz has an explanation for us:

“When did Miles lose?” ...His show was all-but perfectly realized, and looked like something I might review in a respectable Lower East Side gallery. Here came the rub. Miles’ work was so up-to-date that it looked dated. This way his art lost its edge, turned in on itself; it went from being over-hung to just being overkill. As highly accomplished as his work was, it was a bit too much in a highly conceptualized, self-reflexive, intensely theorized, and familiar quasi-visual idiom. Miles had lost by winning. He got so close to a good idea of art, that the art he got close to wasn’t entirely his own. I began to understand that this had been happening all along. Indeed, it had been there in his first digital black-and-white portrait of Nao. I think Miles should move to New York and be poor and stay up late with thousands of other young artists. Then, in five years, he could be an artist to reckon with. That he lost this reality TV show will one day actually help him.

Let us hope that is true. Miles might have been a bit pretentious, a bit of a hipster, but he was overall a very good artist (if not great), and that's the most important thing. His art is very conceptual and not very emotional; that portrait of Nao, the one he did of the "homeless shelter," those were the only ones I can remember making anyone really feel anything. But he's good, darnit. I think he'll be okay.

Before we move on to who won, let me just talk about the home visits. They helped to make this episode a lot more memorable, very human, sweet; this episode could very well be my favorite. We got to see Peregrine, Abdi, and Miles in their home environments; we got to see where "the magic happens," who they are when they're in a more comfortable, less stressful and manufactured space. While I have personally been hating on Peregrine ever since that first team challenge, it was hard not to like her as she introduced our Favorite Eternally Gleeful Swiss Man Simon de Pury to her husband (a "Jazz musician and horn sculptor"). When he was playing that horn that was wrapped around her, it was not only awkward but also...okay, mostly it was awkward. But at least I didn't hate her anymore?

Peregrine's favorite part of her show was a big portrait of these two taxidermied unborn twin deer. They were precious. However, they seemed like an out-of-place "sideshow" when it came to the rest of her Carnival theme. She had cotton candy, tons of pink and orange casts of little boys' heads, ponies, etc. It was a bit too much, in my opinion. It really was all over the place. While there were some really good pieces in it (the deer and the guest judge David LaChapelle really liked her cast of a boy's head under glass), I agree with Bill: it would be better had it been edited down. It was too unruly.

Miles' house was very nice. I liked it. You know what's good about the Midwest, other than their funny accents? You can get nice homes on the cheap-ish. Miles' had a nice home that I assume was on the cheap-ish. (I feel like now is an appropriate time for me to, as always, plug the AV Club's review, which has tons of funny quips about Miles' and Abdi's home visits.) We got to see the place in which Miles' works, AKA the ga-raage. They kept pronouncing it weirdly. I liked Miles' concept a lot, but when I first saw it I was a bit skeptical about how it was turning out. His abstractions were INCREDIBLY abstract that, when I saw them in the garage, it was hard to see them the way he wanted me to.

However, his story of trying to make sense of the footage that he took of a homeless man who died a few days after the photos were taken was definitely interesting and better represented by his gallery show. The actual surveillance photos were included, which was a nice touch of realism amongst tons of Photoshopped images that had no recognizable human features in them. You could see Miles was really proud of what he did, and he should be. Even though I understand why he lost...I still can't BELIEVE it. While everyone on the Internet seems to think that Peregrine's show was the best, I really disagree. Miles' was the most coherent, even if it was the least visually compelling.

Oh, and Miles' parents had a nice house too. [/random]

Finally, we went to Abdi's house, where Abdi introduced Simon to his very nice mom that we all heard a lot about on the show. While Simon and Mrs. Abdi's Mom talked, Abdi made lots of his classic facial expressions. Someone needs to make me some .gifs of Abdi's face, because that boy has one BIG mouth that needs to be documented for all eternity. After Simon and Abdi's Mama were done blathering, Abdi brought Simon into his "cruddy" basement. I tell you, these editors became a lot better at making drama as time went on. The way this part was edited made it seem like Abdi was doing this completely horrible job - his ideas were good but his execution was awful and it was unlikely that these pieces would get better. Simon looked bewildered, confused, and I was sort of confused, too. I didn't think Abdi's pieces looked bad, but they tend not to look as good as they do in person on camera.

It was nice to see how friendly these guys were with each other. Usually in these kinds of shows, one of the final three is a "villain," or at least not liked by the other two. So it's good that Abdi, Miles, and Pere were such good friends. It was one of the things that contributed to making this episode so nice and calm. Really, it was not as climactic and intense as you'd think, except for the parts where Abdi rushes to put together his unfinished sculptures of the basketball players (that's what they were, right?). The two sculptures, when done, were laid on the floor and resembled "The Creation of Adam." That was a nice surprise, to see them turn out looking so well.

So Miles didn't win. I've established this. SO WHO DID? Those final minutes continue:

Jerry: Peregrine, gurl, you rocked it. You was fierce.
Me and My Sister: NO NOT PEREGRINE NO NO
Bill: Abdi, you da man.
Me and My Sister: ... :)
China: ABDI YOU WON YAY
Me and My Sister: NOT EXPECTING THAT BUT YESYESYESYESYESYES! ABDI WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Abdi is probably the single nicest person on television today. He was one of my favorites from the beginning, he and Miles. I thought for the longest time that his place in the Final Three would be inevitable, but as he started to falter I started to worry. So the fact that he came to win the whole thing was grand. A lot of people seem confused, but I see it this way: Abdi GREW the most. When he was good, he was REALLY good. When he was bad, he learned from those mistakes to turn it around. He was very inconsistent, but we must remember that he is also the youngest. I highly doubt there are real, successful artists out there who hit a home run every single time. Abdi was the most REAL out of the final three for this reason. He didn't play the game, creating a character (Miles) and he wasn't fake and irritating and obsessed with his quirkiness (Peregrine). In a medium that encourages you to be someone you're not, Abdi was wholly himself. And c'mon, he's just SUCH A NICE GUY. He deserved to win on that alone.

Even my mom, who had never seen an episode of the show before, was happy that Abdi won. Goes to show.

So congratulations Abdi, and I'll make sure to go see your show at the Brooklyn Museum whenever it is.

Yay, Abdi! :D

Read my reviews for Episode 4 and Episode 8.

Work Of Art #1.8 Review

Oddly enough, my first (and, up until now, only) Work of Art review is the most-viewed post on this blog, counting for more than a quarter of the total page views. How strange is that, especially considering that there are absolutely no comments on it and it's mostly a rambling mess? Well, maybe that's not true. I enjoy reading and re-reading it (don't think I count for most of the views, though!) and I do have a lot to say about the show. Since last night's episode was similarly "thought-provoking," if we can really call it that, I think today's a good time to write another review.

WORK OF ART #1.8 "Opposites Attract"

At the conclusion of last week's episode, Mark is the only one of the "Miles Haters" group left. I'm sure I'm not the only one surprised at the fact that I can even say that. Mark's work, save for that one challenge a long, long time ago when he was in the Top 2, has been wholly uninspiring; it's been safe, boring, dull, and at worst, it's been awful. While his pals Erik and Ryan were either outstandingly bad (Erik) or narcissistic and disappointing (Ryan), Mark's work really just evaded discussion most of the time. He's been hanging around solely because there was also someone at least slightly worse than him. As we come to find out, however, now that the playing field has been chopped down to 6, Mark doesn't have a hiding place anymore.

So this challenge was, like the one from two weeks ago, one that required people to work together. I don't understand why team and partner challenges are necessary on a show like this. An artist is a solitary person, generally. On a show like Top Chef I can understand why they have team challenges - and they have them often, too. A chef works in a restaurant with other people. An artist? Heck to the no. Art is something you do by yourself, and while it's good to know how to work with people just as a people skill, it's not really necessary to show that you can work with a partner on a show about being the "Next Great Artist." But working with people on this show is always hilarious and a grand old time, so I enjoyed this challenge anyway!

It was nice to see some Miles and Nicole stuff again. Miles with his little baby crush on Nicole. HOW SWEET. It's always weird to think that Nicole is older than Miles (heck, everyone is except for Abdi) because Miles is just so in control of everything that's going on around him. How fitting that this is what he explored in his piece with Jaclyn exclamation points! It was kind of lame, though, that Miles, making "the challenge work for your art, not your art working for the challenge" as always, basically went from doing the theme of "Male/Female" to doing "Control/Loss of Control." That was essentially what Abdi and Nicole (who were, by the way, exceedingly dull in this episode; that's what you get when you let your heart win oh oh oh oh put the two nicest, least aggressive people together) had, so it was repetitive. However, Miles and Jackie did a much better job with their self-appointed theme and they actually did make it work for the assigned theme.

On Jackie's piece: in all of the reviews I've read, it has been discussed how Miles made it seem like the idea for her painting was his. OH MILES. SO EVIL. He knows how to play the game, guys. Don't hate because you artists don't want to be like every other reality show contestant in history; that is, you guys don't want to have specific, interesting, and hilarious personalities. You guys just want to be robots who are loved for their art! and nothing else. Jackie doesn't think of herself as the Hottest Thing in the Studio, even though the editors try to make it seem like she does; she just thinks of herself as an artist, and don't you forget it! Or else! This is why, if you read her blog, you will hear her talk about her piece and virtually nothing else. She defends her character on the show, but I think she really just wants to establish that, "Really, guys, I don't have a character! Honest! I'm just an artist! LOVE ME!" You can read her latest blog post here.

"Me? Hot? Gurl, please, I am not at all attractive! I so shy, gurl! Now, sorry, but I have to go take my clothing off now. It's morally ambiguous. You know."

I actually really like Jaclyn, though. Her blog helps. 4 episodes ago I complained about how she was "whiny" and "unlikeable" but she's actually very intelligent and one of the least obnoxious people on the show. I like her just as much as I like everyone else on the show left - Miles, Abdi, Nicole...and I thought I liked Peregrine, but this episode established that if Miles is The Evil Genius (c) then Peregrine is The Horrible Cold-Blooded Faker Who Gets People Sent Home For Things That Are Her Fault (c). That is exactly what she did this episode; she got Mark sent home. I'd like to send her a personalized greeting card thanking her for this, but I would, but I can't. I don't know her address. Also, she doesn't deserve one. Mark's original idea was really boring, lightness and darkness representing their theme, Heaven and Hell, but Peregrine's wasn't better. She essentially said, "Well, y'know, let's do this, because even though it's basically your idea, it's better because I'm much more conceptual and intelligent and a much better artist than you! Tee-hee! Do you like my new hat, by the way? And would you like to come with me and leave a melodramatic, America's Next Top Model-esque message on my husband's cell phone after this? Awkward face!" It's GRATING. Peregrine created a new character for herself: quirky buttface. SHE IS A QUIRKY BUTTFACE AND SHE IS GOOD AT THAT. Especially the latter!

That said, I liked Peregrine's piece. That's high praise, because the work in this episode sucked major. Miles and Jackie's pieces were quite good, although here's something about M&M (that's my nickname for Miles, because I do things like that): every time I see him working in the studio, I worry that he's not doing the challenge. I understand that it's because he, usually, isn't. But because he's made himself so endearing and he's essentially performed inception on the minds of the judges (he's so good at it that Leo/Dom Cobb should have hired him to help out!) everything he touches turns to gold, even if it doesn't make explicit sense. I think after he explained it to the judges, it made more sense to me, and I liked that piece of his, the holes in the wall. It is stereotypically masculine; I read a comment somewhere saying, "Don't girls punch holes in walls?" It's not that we don't, but I don't think that's how most girls choose to take out their anger, generally. Not that any guy I know has every punched a wall that hard, either, but still. So anyway, while Miles' work is questionable in the studio, it works in the gallery, and he's lucky for that.

Nicole's piece sounded like it was going to be really cool, but it was poorly executed. The crank didn't work right, but she was safe because we all know she's talented, even though she hasn't really shown it yet. Also, she's just a likable girl! She's like a little kid, and she's fun to have around. I forgot about her a lot in the beginning, which says something because that first challenge had Peregrine painting Nicole naked (although she didn't actually get naked) and you'd think we'd remember that, but no. But I like Nicole. She looks like a horse. A horse that I want to pet and name Buttercup.

Abdi's piece was kind of cool to look at, but I actually agree with China when I say that it was bad and made no sense. Although China said something about the Hulk, which is stupid because the Hulk symbolizes the loss of control AKA chaos AKA what Abdi was supposed to be doing, so scratch that, I'm back on the the China Hate Train (c). Yes, I have copyrighted all of these terms, thank you for asking. So, yes, Abdi actually had the worst piece. It sucked because I love Abdi. He's one of my favorites. There were so many great Abdi moments in yesterday's episode: there was this one part where Nicole was talking to him and he just had his mouth WIDE OPEN, smiling at her, and it was hilarious. There was also the part where Miles carried him into the apartment. The odd couple. Miles and Abdi should get more showtime together like they did in this episode, because Miles is at his most tolerable/nicest when he's with him. Because Abdi brings that out in people.

Two quick random things: Simon in this episode was unmemorable. It sucks. Next week he gets mad at Jackie, so I'm excited to see what she said to him to make this Happy Swiss Man Made of Candy and Sunshine (c) get upset. Also, the scene in-between commercials where Mark is talking about how pretentious everyone sounds was gold. Really, I love these people, but it's true. They're intelligent, hence using these very specific terms that they use to describe things, but I can't help but think that they are so self-obsessed when they're using them. It was Mark's one good moment last night. (Also: see Nicole's rambling explanation of "chaos" to Abdi for more self-obsession and overuse of intelligent words like way too many sprinkles on a hot fudge sundae.)

Jeanne was gone again, and Jerry Saltz keeps saying in his recaps that she always has smart things to say. I never saw this. I don't miss her, although I do miss having a woman on the panel.  China doesn't count; she's a robot and thus has no gender. I think the guest judge, Ryan McGuinness/McGinley/McHeineken was obnoxious and irritating. His voice was tiny and he reminded me of a kid even more than that guy from last week. I liked the guy from last week even though I can't remember his name. I did not like Ryan McG. I guess Bill stepped up his game tonight, although I can't remember a word he said. Jerry Saltz assures me that he did, though.

In the end, the judges made the obvious choice to send Mark home. Mark is literal, boring, and maybe even untalented. At the end when they showed him taking his self-portrait off the wall (I like that touch, by the way; it's nice) I thought, "What? They let him in with that crud of a self-portrait?" I liked that it wasn't a heavily Photoshopped mess of a photo, but it was boring. It was a boring picture that I could have taken if I had a nice camera. How they even let Mark in in the first place, I don't know. I guess they wanted to diversify the cast. Which reminds me, the only minority left is Abdi now. That saddens me, but at least it's Abdi and not Mark.

The group challenge from two weeks ago was far more enjoyable then this one; maybe because it had way more drama. But this episode was good, too, even if it was weird (see: China crying as she told Mark to leave; what the heck was that about? And Peregrine crying the moment the judges opened their mouth, I mean, what?). Next week is our last pre-finale challenge, strangely enough, and it looks to be quite exciting. I'm looking forward to seeing Miles safely glide into the finale spot while everyone else vomits due to nervousness and tension. Maybe you guys should take a page out of The Book of Miles and take naps on your sculptures. The possibilities!

I give this episode 4 Abdi's Being Carried Over the Threshold out of 5.

Work Of Art #1.4 Review

I've been trying to write a review for this for awhile, but I just...couldn't. But today I'm going to try. This post will probably be really stupid, full of "It was stinking hilarious", and poorly written. Just giving you some warning.

Oh, and before I get into things, please follow my tumblr if you have one. If you don't have one, then just disregard this part. It was supposed to supplement this blog, somehow, but I'm not really sure how so it kind of isn't.

WORK OF ART #1.4 "A Shock to the System"

While last week's challenge was incredibly commercial and "safe," yesterday's episode was all about shocking the viewer. That being said, while this challenge was probably more interesting and was better for showcasing the artists' talents than last week's, trying to shock is overrated and pretty hard to do well, which led to this episode, much like last week's, featuring the artists flailing their arms and freaking out a lot. (Look at all of those F's!)

However, one person who kept his cool amidst the rest of the gang's misguided attempts to shock was my favorite brohan, Miles. Miles is, without exaggeration, one of the greatest reality show "characters" I've ever seen. Every week Miles speaks in the same deadpan/mildly sarcastic tone in his talking heads and says something completely awesome. This week, he talked about how the first time he got turned on, which was while watching Ursula The Little Mermaid. Yes, this was actually completely relevant to the rest of the episode. Basically, this was Miles: "maaaan dat fish was dayum fine." Um, except more deadpan, obviously. And then he asked his mom what was "happening to his body." Oh, Miles.

Miles constantly mugs for the camera in his big glasses and rolled up jeans and it's just great. Did I mention that he relies on the old standby "I have OCD" as an excuse for everything and has an affinity for sleeping at the oddest of times and in the oddest of places? It's pretty obvious that Miles is going to come out on, or near, the top because he's the strongest personality; not only that, but he also has the best portfolio. I really liked his genital-laden, male bodily fluid-stained Mickey Mouse (now THAT'S something you don't hear someone say every day); while it wasn't that shocking, well, none of the pieces were, honestly, so grading on artistic merit his really was the best. But, of course, I'm kind of biased.

Miles: "Excuse me while I jack off on my painting and then take a nap on it, kthx"

Some of the other "characters" got some fun showtime today. Whenever I see Ryan, I wonder why we don't see more of him. He seems like a cool guy, if a little full of himself (there have been SO MANY pieces that have Ryan in them so far). This time we got to see some Ryan action as we watched him make an idiot out of himself in an attempt to be shocking. It' so weird, because Ryan, like Erik who is probably one of his best buddies, has this sorta dynamic personality (I mean, relatively speaking I guess) and I don't constantly forget about him, like Mark and Peregrine, but at the same time I don't really see him going far. He is talented; his picture was good, albeit not very shocking and boringly self-centered yet again. It's just that he seems more like the male model who is there for the artists to use as opposed to being an artist himself. [/Ryan rant]

Someone who actually got a lot of screen time (as opposed to Ryan, whose "some Ryan action" really amounted to about 5 minutes of screen time) was Jaclyn. Jackie is the obligatory "Little Miss Hottie" who's there for the audience to ogle and for the judges to make awkward comments about. I enjoyed watching them look at her piece, which looked like pictures someone would take with their cell phone to send to their boyfriend Jaden or whatever who would later show those pictures that were supposed to be "so special" to all of his friends, including that sleezy dude that everyone calls Boner who would then email the pictures to every single person in school. The judges seemed to derive a bit too much pleasure from the piece. You knew this was true when they put her in the Top 2 with Abdi, another favorite to win. While Jackie didn't end up winning, she does get to stay to prance around nude for at least one more episode.

I have a love-hate relationship with Erik. On the one hand, he's "really stinking hilarious." On the other hand, he's also kind of a jerk and the art he's done so far really sucks. They always show "ERIK JOHNSON'S PREVIOUS WORK LOOK AT IT PEOPLE HERE IT IS WE'RE ONLY SHOWING IT FOR A  FEW SECONDS BECAUSE WE WANT YOU TO GO TO OUR WEBSITE OKAY IT'S GONE NOW BRAVOTV.COM THANKS" and it always looks really good, but then the crud he produces on the show is just, well, crud. I wonder if it's because he doesn't work well under pressure? I don't know. His "shocking" picture was of Ryan (of course) and Jackie's feet, symbolizing, um, priests molesting little boys. Uh. Uh? Let's stop talking about it, because it's just...erm. Since Jackie is very whiny, she started screaming at people to give her ideas, and Erik did, saying she should have people write all over her pictures. She used this idea and the judges loved it. Erik did not love it when she passed this idea off as her own. That makes sense, of course he'd be mad, but it really made him unlikable in that moment. Jackie, too, but she's always unlikable. I really just wanted Erik to go home. 

(Did I mention that the guest judge this week was famous shock artist Andreas Serrano? I know, you don't care.)

Can I just say that Peregrine cracked me up so many times in this episode? First you see her just standing around nonchalantly in her metallic bunny hood, and then, while wearing that same insane outfit, she has the gall to call Nao "really crazy" (I mean, which she is, but c'mon). Her painting was of fashion models with STDs, and one of them was basically just China Chow. It was called "Syphilis for Prada and Herpes for Chanel." That was basically my favorite non-Miles moment of the episode because during the gallery show China, when looking at the painting, was like, "There's my Chanel collar! And there's my dress! I don't have STDs this is so not cool gaiz D':" China's been completely useless as a host so far. She's no Heidi Klum or Padma Lakshmi (who is actually a really excellent host; thank you, Bravo, for putting Top Chef on right before Work of Art), but I felt like she actually had a personality in this episode, at least. That was nice to see.

The other judges range from annoying to hilariously dumb. Jerry Saltz is the prime suspect in irritating-ness; I'm sure he's the most qualified member of the panel but he really bugs me. I love New York mag but I guess I always skipped the Art section for a reason. Read his recap of the episode to get a sense of how obnoxious he is. The hilariously dumb judge is Jeanne Greenberg Rohatyn, who is barely qualified to even brush her own hair, let alone be in charge of the fate of the people on this show. Jeanne just never has anything of use to say. While Andreas Serrano was standing up for one of the artists that she was dissing, she just gave him this look like, "Uh, are you kidding me right now? How can you NOT agree with me?!" It was incredibly obnoxious and idiotic.

The Tim Gunn character is Simon de Pury, who seems like one of the nicest, friendliest people who has ever existed. While in earlier episodes he seemed more like an observer than a mentor, this time he dispensed important advice and also regaled the artists with his lovely sense of humor. (One of my favorite parts of the show so far has to be, from last week's episode, when Simon tells a joke about a Dr. Zhivago-reading dog. Simon, be my grandfather or something, please!) I think Simon should be a judge, because he seems more cultured, intelligent, and interesting than any of the people who are actually getting paid to give their weak criticisms.

In a horrible segue, not only were the artists trying to be shocking, but the producers were, too, apparently. To be subversive or something, they went with an American Idol-style approach and said that they were going to eliminate TWO people this week. Yeah, I just put "American Idol" in the same sentence as "subversive." That should tell you what I thought of this choice.

The bottom four were Erik, Nao (the "internationally renowned performance artist," she was shaping up to be "The Villain" in the beginning but just faded away), Jamie Lynn (the "Nice Christian Girl"), and John, who was one of my absolute favorites. He won last week's Book Cover challenge and was just generally sweet and huggable. Oh, and, yeah, he was a good artist, too. This week he made a picture of a dude performing "auto-fellatio." I don't want to explain what that means to you, but I also don't want you to see the picture. Hopefully you know enough to know what that means on your own, because it's really disgusting. Unfortunately, the judges found John's picture safe and uninteresting. They told John that they would have preferred a photo of him actually doing the act, which is completely disgusting and weird to say to someone with a straight face. John looked insanely uncomfortable, and I don't blame him.

Nao was put down for doing thoughtless performance art, which was true, but I found it pretty unsettling. So did Andreas Serrano, who, while not shocked, claimed to be disturbed. This view was undermined by the other judges. Idiots. Jamie Lynn drew a parody of the Last Supper that was not shocking at all. The premise was that "We're making Jesus look bad! I'm going to draw a picture that shows you guys that you're making Jesus look bad with all your debauchery! JESUS CHRIST IS SO WONDERFUL!" Oh-kay, Crazy Lynn. The judges called it "Apostles Gone Wild," and aptly-so, but this "Gone Wild" stuff has become so ingrained in our culture that it's pretty much commonplace. As said in this fine review of the episode, "Presented to a panel that includes a man who dumps crucifixes into vats of urine, this 'outrage' directed at religion was benign if not wholly pleasant." It truly was awful.

In the end, the judges kicked off John and Nao, which was completely idiotic. While Jerry Saltz seems to indicate otherwise in his review, I think that the producers wanted to go for shocking in as many aspects as possible. John said that he was "went from winning a challenge one week to being sent home the next [which] is extremely baffling," and I agree. It was stupid. And Nao's might have been meaningless, but I'd be pretty shocked if I saw someone covered in feces that they rubbing on their crotch, and I doubt that'd have a point, either. Erik has been either awful or mediocre for the last four challenges, and Jamie Lynn's was outstandingly bad. Sending home Nao and my beloved JOHN was stupid beyond belief.

It may seem like I have a lot of criticisms, but I'm a hater. That's what we do. I actually really liked this episode, but I don't think I liked it as much as last week's. Next week there's supposed to be some Miles x Nicole (who I haven't mentioned even once, have I?) stuff, which means that there will be lots and lots of Miles, which makes me an excited little girl.

I'll give this episode 3 and a half Little-Mermaid-lovin' Miles out of 5.

Check out the "works of art" here.