Well, no matter.
This morning I chose to start my day by re-reading Sacha Baron Cohen's Wikipedia page. I did not plan to do this. It just happened. However, I believe that it was fate that brought Mr. Baron Cohen's Wiki page and I together, for reading it for the third time led me on a journey -- a journey through the world of YouTube. Sort of.
According to Wikipedia, Baron Cohen is involved (somehow) with a movie called Dinner for Schmucks. Yes, the title is stupid. But you haven't seen the poster!
"Steve Carell?" I said. And then I looked to the right. I gasped: "Paul Rudd?!" Immediately I had to know everything about this movie. I mean, come on. Steve Carell. And Paul Rudd. In a film. Together. With (as I found out from Wikipedia) Jemaine Clement and ZACH GALIFIANAKIS. It's like the writers sought out to please me specifically. Too bad Jason Bateman's not in it. (Also, I'm just going to pretend that Jeff Dunham doesn't exist.)
I then headed to YouTube to witness this Dream Team in action.
Yeah, so, it is kind of stupid. I hate the premise, and I hate all of the destruction that goes on. It makes me cringe. I'm going to give the film the benefit of the doubt, though, because I just have to. I'm physically incapable of being apathetic about or even disinterested in this movie!
Trailer Rating: 3 Steve Carell's in Glasses out of 5.
After watching that trailer, I found myself compelled to watch more. "Curse you, YouTube," I hissed as I clicked on the trailer for The Kids are All Right, "for making everything so accessible!" (YouTube, if you're reading this, please don't be offended; I love you, I do.)
The Kids are All Right is a movie that I've been hearing lots of good buzz about for a long time. (Okay, maybe not that long. Only since Sundance, less than three months ago. I'm a kid; life moves fast when you spend your whole day reading Wikipedia articles!) Even though I had been instructed by many a magazine to look it up, I never really did. But today, I pleased many film critics across the country by watching the trailer.
The first things I noticed were "Cousins" by Vampire Weekend playing and JOSH HUTCHERSON. Josh Hutcherson! You know, Josh Hutcherson. He's sort of like my generation's Steve Zahn; he's been in a ton of movies, but you never really remember who he is when you see him. You just know that you know him.
But this time, I remembered him. Geez, he grew up. He actually looks his age now! Things kind of rolled on like a bumpy Katamari after that. I got this feeling that the movie is better than the trailer wanted to let on. I mean, on the one hand, you have the story about the kids of lesbians trying to find their sperm donor/father. That's an unconventional twist on the popular Lifetime trope "MOM SHUT UP I WANNA FIND MY FATHER BECAUSE I'M AN ANGSTY TEENAGER WAAH." And then, on the other hand, you have one of said lesbians making out with said sperm donor/father. Erm. Yeah.
Oh, and Mia Wasikowska is like an irritating little mixture of Gwenyth Paltrow and Claire Danes.
Anyway, this trailer gets 2.5 Child Actors out of 5.
Then I stumbled upon The Greatest, starring, amongst others, Carey Mulligan and Aaron Johnson as Brits Who Are Trying Really Hard To Sound Like Americans and Failing. Luckily for them, I like them. I like everyone in this movie: Pierce Brosnan, Susan Sarandon, Johnny Simmons; what's not to like? (Although I must admit that I'm more scared of Susan Sarandon than fond. I blame that movie Step-Mom.)
I love the song. I think it was written specifically for the film. If that's true, then I'm calling mutiny on the Academy if it's not nominated next year! (Knowing how much the Academy likes to irritate me, I'm also calling now that it won't be.)
This was my favorite trailer so far. It was sappy, it was annoying at times, but it actually inspired some sort of response from me. Well, a response other than confusion or disgust. It made me want to go see it, badly. Very badly. And that's the best thing a trailer can do, isn't it?
5 Unbelievably Accent-Less Actors out of 5!
The first time I watched the next trailer, for Take Me Home, I thought, "Wow. This is stupid." But after watching it again...maybe it was Sufjan Stevens' "Come On, Feel the Illinoise!" but I liked it. A lot.
I think I hated it the first time because I wasn't sure if Amber and Sam Jaeger were siblings or not. I was convinced that they were brother and sister, and incest is only cool if it's the kind on Arrested Development (and that wasn't even real incest, so). But then I watched it again. And then I found out they were married, which is completely different than being siblings. And then I came to love how inventive the plot was - a guy (lonely, I suppose, or just poor) decides to become a fake cab driver - all the benefits of being a real cab driver without the certification and the annoying hours! The "romantic comedy" part invokes images of Matthew McConaughey and/or Sandra Bullock, but not all romantic comedies are drivel. I don't know if this one has a release date any more specific than "2010," but I'll be keeping my eyes on it. (Which means I won't be keeping my eyes on it at all until, by a stroke of luck, I find out about it again.)
4 Unknown Talents out of 5 is what this gets from me.
The last trailer I watched was the funniest -- and not at all intentionally. Observe, Love at First Hiccup:
Just let that soak in. Let it invade your pleasure centers. Let your body erupt with unrestrained feelings of pity and amusement.
For the uninitiated: The star of this film is Devon Werkheiser. Devon Werkheiser was the star of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide on Nickelodeon. Devon Werkheiser still has all of his baby teeth.
And now, Devon Werkheiser will have his "first time" in a film that is an R-rated remake of a Danish family film.
Yes.
There is so much stupidity in this trailer that it hurts. The cheesy music, Corey Feldman's illegitmate potty-mouth son, the awkwardness, the jerkface boyfriend, the slow-motion, the gay joke, the OH GOD JUST EVERYTHING. My gut exploded at least four times in the two minutes and seven seconds that this trailer lasted, and then it exploded AGAIN.
The best part about everything is that DEVON WERKHEISER STILL LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE NED BIGBY. NED BIGBY STARS IN THIS FILM. Please, try to understand how HILARIOUS this is to me.
This movie was supposed to come out last year. Obviously, it didn't. Will it ever come out? Part of me really, really hopes so, but for the public's sake, let's hope it stays on the shelf of its little Danish director for the rest of her (or, um, his?) life. Or at least just send it straight-to-DVD. Does anyone over the age of eight (or under the age of 35) even watch anything that goes straight-to-DVD? Yeah, I didn't think so.
I think this movie is supposed to be funny -- it's hard to tell. The thing is, though, it's not funny when it's trying to be, or for the reasons it tries to be. It's funny because it's so...not good. Maybe this film isn't particularly not good, like Battlefield Earth or Manos: The Hands of Fire, but I'd put it in the realm of Twilight.
I give this trailer one Danish-subtitled Mess out of five.
Does your head hurt yet? Good. So does mine. I'm going to have the surprisingly decent singing voice of Devon Werkheiser lull me to sleep. You should, too.
This morning I chose to start my day by re-reading Sacha Baron Cohen's Wikipedia page. I did not plan to do this. It just happened. However, I believe that it was fate that brought Mr. Baron Cohen's Wiki page and I together, for reading it for the third time led me on a journey -- a journey through the world of YouTube. Sort of.
According to Wikipedia, Baron Cohen is involved (somehow) with a movie called Dinner for Schmucks. Yes, the title is stupid. But you haven't seen the poster!
"Steve Carell?" I said. And then I looked to the right. I gasped: "Paul Rudd?!" Immediately I had to know everything about this movie. I mean, come on. Steve Carell. And Paul Rudd. In a film. Together. With (as I found out from Wikipedia) Jemaine Clement and ZACH GALIFIANAKIS. It's like the writers sought out to please me specifically. Too bad Jason Bateman's not in it. (Also, I'm just going to pretend that Jeff Dunham doesn't exist.)
I then headed to YouTube to witness this Dream Team in action.
Yeah, so, it is kind of stupid. I hate the premise, and I hate all of the destruction that goes on. It makes me cringe. I'm going to give the film the benefit of the doubt, though, because I just have to. I'm physically incapable of being apathetic about or even disinterested in this movie!
Trailer Rating: 3 Steve Carell's in Glasses out of 5.
After watching that trailer, I found myself compelled to watch more. "Curse you, YouTube," I hissed as I clicked on the trailer for The Kids are All Right, "for making everything so accessible!" (YouTube, if you're reading this, please don't be offended; I love you, I do.)
The Kids are All Right is a movie that I've been hearing lots of good buzz about for a long time. (Okay, maybe not that long. Only since Sundance, less than three months ago. I'm a kid; life moves fast when you spend your whole day reading Wikipedia articles!) Even though I had been instructed by many a magazine to look it up, I never really did. But today, I pleased many film critics across the country by watching the trailer.
The first things I noticed were "Cousins" by Vampire Weekend playing and JOSH HUTCHERSON. Josh Hutcherson! You know, Josh Hutcherson. He's sort of like my generation's Steve Zahn; he's been in a ton of movies, but you never really remember who he is when you see him. You just know that you know him.
But this time, I remembered him. Geez, he grew up. He actually looks his age now! Things kind of rolled on like a bumpy Katamari after that. I got this feeling that the movie is better than the trailer wanted to let on. I mean, on the one hand, you have the story about the kids of lesbians trying to find their sperm donor/father. That's an unconventional twist on the popular Lifetime trope "MOM SHUT UP I WANNA FIND MY FATHER BECAUSE I'M AN ANGSTY TEENAGER WAAH." And then, on the other hand, you have one of said lesbians making out with said sperm donor/father. Erm. Yeah.
Oh, and Mia Wasikowska is like an irritating little mixture of Gwenyth Paltrow and Claire Danes.
Anyway, this trailer gets 2.5 Child Actors out of 5.
Then I stumbled upon The Greatest, starring, amongst others, Carey Mulligan and Aaron Johnson as Brits Who Are Trying Really Hard To Sound Like Americans and Failing. Luckily for them, I like them. I like everyone in this movie: Pierce Brosnan, Susan Sarandon, Johnny Simmons; what's not to like? (Although I must admit that I'm more scared of Susan Sarandon than fond. I blame that movie Step-Mom.)
I love the song. I think it was written specifically for the film. If that's true, then I'm calling mutiny on the Academy if it's not nominated next year! (Knowing how much the Academy likes to irritate me, I'm also calling now that it won't be.)
This was my favorite trailer so far. It was sappy, it was annoying at times, but it actually inspired some sort of response from me. Well, a response other than confusion or disgust. It made me want to go see it, badly. Very badly. And that's the best thing a trailer can do, isn't it?
5 Unbelievably Accent-Less Actors out of 5!
The first time I watched the next trailer, for Take Me Home, I thought, "Wow. This is stupid." But after watching it again...maybe it was Sufjan Stevens' "Come On, Feel the Illinoise!" but I liked it. A lot.
I think I hated it the first time because I wasn't sure if Amber and Sam Jaeger were siblings or not. I was convinced that they were brother and sister, and incest is only cool if it's the kind on Arrested Development (and that wasn't even real incest, so). But then I watched it again. And then I found out they were married, which is completely different than being siblings. And then I came to love how inventive the plot was - a guy (lonely, I suppose, or just poor) decides to become a fake cab driver - all the benefits of being a real cab driver without the certification and the annoying hours! The "romantic comedy" part invokes images of Matthew McConaughey and/or Sandra Bullock, but not all romantic comedies are drivel. I don't know if this one has a release date any more specific than "2010," but I'll be keeping my eyes on it. (Which means I won't be keeping my eyes on it at all until, by a stroke of luck, I find out about it again.)
4 Unknown Talents out of 5 is what this gets from me.
The last trailer I watched was the funniest -- and not at all intentionally. Observe, Love at First Hiccup:
Just let that soak in. Let it invade your pleasure centers. Let your body erupt with unrestrained feelings of pity and amusement.
For the uninitiated: The star of this film is Devon Werkheiser. Devon Werkheiser was the star of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide on Nickelodeon. Devon Werkheiser still has all of his baby teeth.
And now, Devon Werkheiser will have his "first time" in a film that is an R-rated remake of a Danish family film.
Yes.
There is so much stupidity in this trailer that it hurts. The cheesy music, Corey Feldman's illegitmate potty-mouth son, the awkwardness, the jerkface boyfriend, the slow-motion, the gay joke, the OH GOD JUST EVERYTHING. My gut exploded at least four times in the two minutes and seven seconds that this trailer lasted, and then it exploded AGAIN.
The best part about everything is that DEVON WERKHEISER STILL LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE NED BIGBY. NED BIGBY STARS IN THIS FILM. Please, try to understand how HILARIOUS this is to me.
This movie was supposed to come out last year. Obviously, it didn't. Will it ever come out? Part of me really, really hopes so, but for the public's sake, let's hope it stays on the shelf of its little Danish director for the rest of her (or, um, his?) life. Or at least just send it straight-to-DVD. Does anyone over the age of eight (or under the age of 35) even watch anything that goes straight-to-DVD? Yeah, I didn't think so.
I think this movie is supposed to be funny -- it's hard to tell. The thing is, though, it's not funny when it's trying to be, or for the reasons it tries to be. It's funny because it's so...not good. Maybe this film isn't particularly not good, like Battlefield Earth or Manos: The Hands of Fire, but I'd put it in the realm of Twilight.
I give this trailer one Danish-subtitled Mess out of five.
Does your head hurt yet? Good. So does mine. I'm going to have the surprisingly decent singing voice of Devon Werkheiser lull me to sleep. You should, too.
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