An Explanation, A Rant, A Fuss

Yesterday I received an Anonymous comment on my last Liz Lee-related rant. Usually I address these often condescending, "I'm so superior and worthy because I'm posting anonymously on a random Internet blog"-sounding comments directly, but I want to talk about this one with the whole class.

Anonymous said...

"Allegra is an American fashion model from Miami, Florida" Case closed.

April 4, 2011 12:51 PM

Hey Anonymous! Thanks for your comment! Let me point out why I find it so hilarious, because I find it so hilarious!:

1. The quotation.

I suppose this explanation is long overdue, although I honestly feel like I gave it at some point. Even if I did, though, why is it necessary? Isn't it obvious that that's a joke?! Do you think a Floridian model would be spending her Saturday afternoons blogging about Bebe Zeva, her weeknights about Cartoon Network shows?! Really!?

If you're really that naive then I'll just be honest with you: my about me is a joke. Seriously. It's not even something I came up with on my own, it comes from the opening lines of this biography of America's Next Top Model Cycle 4 contestant Tiffany Richardson:

Tiffany Richardson is an American fashion model from Miami, Florida. She enjoys eating Popeye's spicy wings.

Look at Tiffany. She gets it, even if you didn't, Anonymous!

See? Yeah. I thought that was ridiculously stupid and funny so I just made it my About Me. I guess a joke isn't really a joke if you have to explain it but I didn't really think that I had to!

2. The implication.

So because you believe(d) that I am a model -- which is so humorous to me that I had to get up and go laugh hysterically for a good twenty minutes before I was able to function properly and continue writing -- you decided that a. my opinion was invalid b. my opinion was inaccurate c. my opinion was biased because all models are born with a distaste for inauthentic, obnoxious hipsters who masquerade as "nerds" for the money and/or LULZ?

I don't have the scientific evidence to back me up on option C but I can say with much confidence that all three options are sad and wrong-headed (except for the part about Liz being an inauthentic and obnoxious hipster who masquerades as a "nerd" for the money and/or LULZ. Y'know, just in case you didn't pick up on that, either). I think it's pretty great that you thought that because I was a model my opinion about Liz Lee was worthless and stupid and wrong. Well, listen, I'm not a model, so what's your excuse now?

Or maybe you just have an irrational hatred of Miami? That could be it. After all, what other reason would you have for quoting the "Florida" part too? I can't say that I've ever been to Florida, but Miami seems like a decent enough place. Obviously if Foals thought it was worthy enough to write a seriously awesome song about, then it must not be so bad. Why the hate, Anon? Why the hate?

Whether it was because you thought I was a model, a Floridian, or both, overall you seem to think there is a link between that and "stupidity," which, in your crazy foreign language that doesn't use the Roman alphabet and thus is utterly unintelligible to me and my ethno-centric ways, means that I don't like Liz Lee. Hate to break it you, sir or madam, but a LOT of people don't like Liz Lee. Not everyone falls for her heavily scripted, label-tastic antics they way you do! Crazy, isn't it?

Man, now all of my angry feelings of hatred towards Liz are bubbling up again. Curse you Anonymous! ...and thanks for commenting.

P.S. I'll admit that some of my hatred for her is rather irrational, but then, you should also admit that some of your appreciation of her is irrational, too. From an objective standpoint.

Regularly scheduled blogging to start up again tomorrow.

I HATE MY LIFE AS LIZ, Part 3

Yesterday, for the first time in YEARS, Daria was on television, IN ENGLISH, at a watchable hour (on Logo, randomly). I WAS ECSTATIC LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA FOR REAL.

Daria, as you obviously are aware, was an animated series on MTV of all things back in the 90s, when the M still stood for "music" and not "my God this is terrible." It was snarky, but it was genuine, it was sincere, and Jane and Daria's perpetual cynicism was not unchecked. They were likable, but I think a lot of the time this was despite their raging sarcasm. Of course it's fun to see them get away with their vitriolic, witty quips, but you understand that these girls were not supposed to be models for the viewer. They had flaws. They were real.

Scarily enough, Daria and Jane were even more real than the person that many are touting as their present-day, real-life "counterpart." Guess who that could be? YES INDEEDY, the abominable Liz "Look At Me, I'm So Nerdy With My Makeup and My Expensive Art School and My MTV Affiliation and Hipster-esque Appreciation For Anything Ironically 'Cool'" Lee. How I loathe that woman; her hair, dyed red with the blood of those who fought in the Great War for the Betterment of Teenage Culture, sends me into a murderous frenzy upon sight, for gods-sakes. Unlike Daria, Liz Lee lives in a completely manufactured world where everyone is played by an actor and almost everyone is a self-obsessed idiot. (Oh, wait, that's exactly like Daria. BUT DARIA IS A CARTOON OKAY) This fact infuriates me, mostly because Liz has kept up this ruse successfully for two years now, and is not going away like I so politely ask her to every night in my dreams. And by "polite" I mean "threateningly," but that's besides the point!

What's most infuriating about the Daria/Lee comparison is that Lee herself embraces it, as stated in this new and completely unnecessary interview by CNN (yeah, remember when they were a veritable source of information?). She is deluded enough to call Daria an inspiration, and y'know, as disgusting as it is, it makes a lot of stinking sense. Liz Lee is a cartoon character, through and through. Too bad none of her snark is even vaguely amusing.

The article disgusts me in so many ways. May we count them?

1. This quote: "'The executives at MTV are really smart. The fact that a show like that is on now is amazing and great,' said Fogelnest, who hosted his own show on MTV as a teenager (from his bedroom, no less), 'Squirt TV,' in the mid-1990s. 'My Life as Liz' is 'the one thing where someone's not pregnant or drunk; it's what real people are like.'" Okay, I understand that Jake Fogelnest and Liz Lee are "friends" or something weird like that, but this is some actually scripted nonsense. "Amazing and great"? Huh? And NO, real people are not like this. Honestly, the people on stinking Teen Mom are FAR more real than any person on My Life as Liz. Sorry. (Not.)
2. "But My Life as Liz is unique for another criticism that has been leveled against the show's star: 'My nerd cred is attacked all the time. People think that that was fabricated by MTV. That's the hardest rumor for me to deal with.'...When people (online) say, "You're not a real nerd,"' said Lee, 'I'm sitting in my room with shelves overflowing with stacks of comic books.'" LOLOLOL YEAH OKAY BECAUSE THAT MEANS YOU'RE A NERD. Shelves overflowing with comic books. PUH-LEEZE. Look, maybe Liz Lee DOES read comic books. Whatever. But that doesn't make her a "nerd." That just makes her someone who likes comic books. She is unbelievably image-obsessed, and that just adds fuel to my intense hatred. Which, if you couldn't tell, is super crazy intense, like, whoa.
3. "Benjamin Nugent, author of 'American Nerd,' noted, 'When you have people choosing to be nerds, questions of authenticity can come up. Before, you had no choice to be a nerd. Now that it's an acceptable option, you can accuse someone of being that way just to be cool. When it was uncool, you never had to worry about authenticity.'" I just find this really idiotic while also extremely obvious. What I don't understand is why one now suddenly has an option when they didn't before. You can choose to like video games and what-have-you or you can choose not to. It's that freakin' simple.
4. "'Daria made it cool to be a smart chick,' said writer Jennifer Vineyard, who worked at MTV for eight years. 'Just the presence of people or characters like Daria help make it cool to be yourself. There's a tendency for young girls to play dumb. Characters like Daria show you that you don't have to.'" I mean, I don't know, I don't think that being who you are has to be cool. You just are who you are and you don't complain. Well, you do complain, but then you grow up and you realize that it doesn't matter, these things are forever. Daria definitely is cool, but I don't know why she had to come around to prove to people that being intelligent was something worth being!
5. "Nugent also pointed out, 'Because it's now being put on MTV, teenagers are seeing it as more acceptable. I'm surprised how many kids come up to me and introduce themselves as geeks.'" I don't even know what to make of this. It's just...wow. Um.

I have to give up because I hate so much about what this article chooses to be. My Life as Liz is a terrible misrepresentation about the "nerd" subculture. It doesn't help. It hurts, and it hurts a lot. Liz masquerades as some teen nerd queen but she's just a robot programmed by Viacom to appeal to the one niche not watching MTV. God, I wish she wasn't succeeding.

My Sucky Life as Sucky Suck Suck Liz (Who Sucks)

Remember that girl whose abnormally large head I bore witness to last summer? Liz Lee is her name. She isn't famous, so if you know who she is then I'm sorry, because this must mean that you are familiar with her show, the existence of which is unwarranted, unnecessary, and makes me slightly more resentful than normal (bear in mind that I am extremely resentful always).

Yes, well, Little Miss Liz "I'm A Nerd! I'm So Weird! Lawl, Let's Go Shop At Urban Outfitters Because They Sell Personalities That I Can Afford With My Rich Parents' Money! Aren't I Such A Witty Little Geek? Star Wars!" Lee has just been rewarded for her thoughtful and worthwhile contributions to the human race by MTV with a second season of her completely, 100% true television programme.

Lee must be having "quickies" with some higher-up over at MTV or something. Either that's how this happened or she really is that pathetic and lives a life unaffected by the infiltration of cameras; this is because she perhaps has no life beyond the one that she creates for the entertainment (or derision; mostly derision) of others. Obviously, the whole reality show genre is huge right now, and I'm not even complaining about that necessarily; I watch more 16 and Pregnant than I'd like to admit. The difference here is that Lee is completely without note: her entire world, her titular "life," is constructed by producers. It is not just one aspect of her self that she is exploiting for us voyueristic 18-34s to watch, mock, and criticize, it is her entire being.

What's sad is that the "self" being projected, labeled as "truth," is highly unlikely to be her real self. A docu-drama about some non-conformist teenage girl, unbiased and without those obnoxious voice overs that MTV likes to sprinkle (or rather, douse) over everything, could be quite interesting if it was without the editing and off-camera direction that so defines Lee's show.

Perhaps my giving attention to this needy, fame-seeking girl is not the smartest thing to do, but you don't come here expecting "smart things," do you? I hope not. I'll leave you with the unfortunate trailer for the unfortunate second season of her unfortunate show, My Unfortunate Life as the Unfortunate "Liz." I would tell you when it's premiering but I don't want you to watch the show and contribute to the girl's ego and ratings. I hope a season 3 is not a forgone conclusion over at Viacom, because this girl needs to develop her real life character instead of handing her blank canvas of a body over to the college grads who are in charge of cultivating and creating her image for her, pasting stickers of indie bands on her forehead, tattooing anime references on her back, doodling Yoda on her stomach, coloring her hair, painting her lips that obnoxious red color, and just generally making her into an intolerable freak hole.

My Life as Liz - MTV Shows

It's Only 3 O'Clock And I'm Already Calling It A Day

Today I headed over to the IFC Center with mi madre and mi hermana to see Summer Wars, Mamoru Hosoda's follow-up to the OHMYGODAMAZING The Girl Who Leapt Through Time. It was excellent. You can't see it now because today was its last showing, but I recommend you check it out when it comes on DVD/Blu-Ray. I'll keep you posted.

After the movie, we were driving through the East Village, when suddenly I cried, "OH MY GOD!" Turning to my sister, I yelped, bemused, "That was the girl from My Life as Liz!" As in, Liz from My Life as Liz. Yeah, I'm a bit odd. So, yes, I saw Liz Lee being an annoying faux-"nerd" hanging out with her "friends" and a police officer on the sidewalk. If you care, her head is large and her hair is as red as the fire I set to it in my mind. If you don't care, well, then, don't. (Note: I think the police officer was there because they were doing filming or something? I'm not sure. She wasn't TALKING to him or anything. Also, I must say she had a snazzy outfit on. Gotta hand it to the kid.)

Since tonight is the Emmys and I'm preparing by watching 30 Rock on Free-on-Demand, I'm going to just let you read this awesome (IMO) review of My Life as Liz I wrote awhile ago. ENJOY. And come back tomorrow for my post-Emmys recap. Please? PLEASE?

What is it really like to be an “outsider?” The new MTV “reality” series, My Life as Liz, tries hard to answer this question, but ultimately fails.
Liz tells the tale of painfully cool teen Liz Lee from Burleson, Texas, where all hip kids go to die. Liz and her band of fellow “outcasts” stick out like sore thumbs amongst the other kids, whom she describes as being all preppy and stupid, and thus beneath her on the Periodic Table of Awesome. The show documents Liz’s heavily-scripted travails against the pack of blondes who used to be her friends until she awakened her inner dork and now want to make her life miserable.

Liz tries to be the My So-Called Life to the Beverly Hills 90210 that makes up the rest of the MTV line-up. (Liz even has the same dyed red hair that Claire Danes had on Life.) Whereas Life reflects sincere feelings of awkwardness, Liz portrays the sarcastic cynicism of today.

While in similarly cynical works such as Juno and MTV’s own Daria the protagonists were likeable behind their snark, Liz is completely snobby and unlikable, fitting more into the pretentious hipster scene than the nerdy one she so confidently declares herself part of.

Liz is an ironic T-shirt-abusing, chronic hair-dying, thrift store-shopping “weirdo;” however, it’s exactly these kinds of people who’ve become popular and mainstream in their own right. She’s not as different as she claims to be. In fact, according to a multitude of online comments made by her classmates, Liz is indeed quite popular at her school, contrary to what’s shown.

MTV seems obsessed with painting Liz as some sort of nerdy messiah to the masses of socially inept minors it hopes to attract. Liz preaches that she knows what it’s like to be “the school mascot” or “the club president,” and with her show she hopes to give them a voice. What she’s really doing is reducing them to outdated and inaccurate stereotypes. Liz is a 21^st Century girl, but her mindset seems to be stuck in the halls of Saved by the Bell.

In the end, Liz proves herself to be just as condescending as the people she decorates her hate wall with; the blondes she battles may be elitist, but if they are, then she is, too. What she’s not is nerdy, not in any sense.

If you want to find a true look into socially awkward life, Liz isn’t the one to go to; instead, look at the misfit boys surrounding her: if anyone at their school’s a nerd, it’s them. You don’t have to think for long to get why Liz was picked as the show’s anchor as opposed to any one of her male entourage. Even on a show about outcasts, the outcasts lose.

In two words: epic fail.

Hasta manana, babies.