Relevant Things Going On in My Life Right Now #4

I have no clue who that chick on the left is. So don't ask.

Have you guys ever seen The Dish on Style Network? Oh, that's right, I forgot. You guys actually have better things to do than watch reruns of Clean House all day long.Well, basically the show just rips-off The Soup but is more woman-centric. Thus, it is also less funny. YOOOOW! It's hosted by Topanga from Boy Meets World, who is the large woman in the picture. She's gotten, well, quite large over the years.

But that's not all!:

• 10 Things I Hate About You: The movie used to be one of my least favorites EVER, but in my quest to become the Coolest Joseph Gordon-Levitt Fan in History or something moronic and pointless like that it was necessary to give it another chance. I still think it's a terrible movie. It doesn't age well - it's INCREDIBLY 90s. That being said, it was tolerable. Heath Ledger, JGL, and David Krumholtz all gave fun performances and their characters made me trudge through the movie. Although JGL played the irritating and dull archetype of the Loser-ish Kid Pining For Inexplicably Attractive Vapid Valley Girl, he did it with STYLE! (When I hear anyone say "with style!" I think of Buzz Lightyear instantly. Oh, Toy Story. You're my best friend.) SO. While I can't recommend this movie, if I ever find myself at your house and you put it on, I will only whine for one hour as opposed to three. 
Smart Guy: There's some new channel called Centric that was airing a Smart Guy marathon today. Man, I love that show. Really! I also love Sister, Sister, which, if it was ever remade, I could DEFINITELY star in. It's about biracial twins! I can play that in my sleep! But anyway, Smart Guy has a cool premise that is executed in a stupid-but-hilarious way. T.J. is the bomb, as is his brother Marcus. MARCUS. And then Marcus' friend! I can't remember his name but I think he used to be my favorite character. And T.J.'s dad is so nice! His sister I couldn't care less about, though. Do you guys like T.J. Mowry or Tia and Tamara Mowry better? I can't choose :(
Weekend Box Office: Excitement! The excellent blog that you guys should follow The Playlist reports that Inception came in first this weekend with $60 million. This was expected, although it is perhaps even a tad higher than initial projections. I'm really happy! I hope that the drop-down percentage is slow and this movie will make back its budget multiple times due to strong word-of-mouth. (Read my mini-review for the movie here.) Other new release The Sorcerer's Apprentice opened in a VERY weak third. Read the post I linked for some really good reasoning as to why that is. It's too bad, really, because I like Jay Baruchel and I wish him ETERNAL HAPPINESS. But he'll be okay.
Cheap Trick: I'm just randomly listening to them over and over again today. My favorites are, very boringly, "Surrender," "Hello There," and my number one favorite is "I Want You to Want Me." They're actually a pretty awesome band - not that I doubted otherwise! But Robin Zander has a really good voice - singing AND speaking! SOMEONE RECOMMEND ME MORE CHEAP TRICK SONGS. NOW.
K.K. Slider: He's the adorable singing dog from Animal Crossing! That game is one of my favorites of all zee times. It's just so nice. I played the GameCube one for HOURS. Possibly over 100 hours in fact. I'll never know for sure. My favorite part of the game was being serenaded by K.K. on Saturday night and then getting a bootleg of the song to play in your house. My two favorite K.K. songs are "K.K. Rock" and "K.K. Parade." Unfortunately, the bootleg of "Parade" really sucks. Only K.K. himself does it justice. "Rock" is one of my favorite songs ever, no joke. It really is. It's been stuck in my head every single day of the last week. Here it is in video form (fast-forward a little to :30-ish):
 
Lisa Simpson: Lisa Simpson is my favorite Simpson, followed by Bart. This review of "Moaning Lisa" paints her, however, as a lovable but fun-killing kid. I agree that she is the most human of the family, but there are TONS of moments where you see her acting like a crazy kid like everyone else. She does like Itchy and Scratchy after all. Read the comments as people talk about how they can (or can't) relate to Lisa and why. It's interesting. And since it's the AV Club, it's also funny. 

I think it's pretty cool that I managed to avoid doing one of these for the first 2 weeks of this month. Last month I did two of these! But I enjoy my Relevant Things series since it gives me more to talk about. It's kind of redundant to say "in my life" though because I never think about anything else than pop culture-type stuff, anyway.

P.S. Still working on the Bieber story...you'll get to read it, eventually.

Relevant Things Going On in My Life Right Now #2

Me cosplaying as Captain Willard from Apocalypse Now. LOLOLOL (That's not funny, is it?)

It seems like every time I want to write these things, I'm watching something on MTV. This time, it's True Life: I Hate My Face. Ladies, don't worry, you're not alone; I hate your faces too!

So, that aside:

• MTV Movie Awards: I saw them yesterday, and then again today (not by choice the second time!) They weren't that good, at all. Predictably, Twilight swept everything. Pretty lame. Trying to think of funny moments right now and failing really hard. Oh, actually, no, Aziz Ansari was surprisingly funny; I liked his Human Giant skit and the one with Zach Galifianakis. He was teaching Zachy G. how to have "swagga." It was as funny as it sounds. The opening with Les Grossman (from the stinking 2-year-old Tropic Thunder, I mean, come on guys, he's funny, but why are you bringing him back now? So random) was pretty funny. Michael Cera bookends. Yep.
• Apocalypse Now: Just saw the end today. It was a pretty excellent movie, aside from the fact that I had no clue what was going on half the time. But that's what happens when you watch it over a period of a week. You know. "THE HORROR, THE HORROR!" Why is "I love the smell of napalm in the morning" such a popular line? Really. But I did love that character, even though he really wasn't that important in the long run. And --spoiler-- who ever thought that Lance would be the only one in Martin Sheen's party left? NOT I STEVE CARELL
• The Hard Times of RJ Berger hatred: Okay. So. You should probably know me well enough to know that I kind of HATE a lot of things. Sometimes I just make assumptions. Usually, though, my assumptions are OVER 9000% CORRECT. This is one of those times. RJ Berger is some little demon that reared its ugly little head in some MTV/Viacom office saying "PUT ME ON TELEVISION OR I WILL KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU AND MAYBE ALL OF YOUR SHETLAND PONIES TOO." We all know how much Viacom employees love their complimentary Viacom Corp. Shetland ponies, so they, begrudgingly, obeyed Mr. Berger's commands and gave him his horrible show. Okay, so, back to the assumption thing: I kind of haven't seen the whole show yet. But really, if you saw the commercials, you'd know - it's not necessary for me to see it to know that it sucks. I MEAN. COME ON. RJ is supposed to be 15 and HE LOOKS CORY MONTEITH-AGED. Man, it's just not okay. After it premiered on Sunday, I checked the Internetz and saw that most people above the age of 14 called it crud. I also found out that it was a lot more...um...yeah, just read this: http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-hard-times-of-rj-berger-pilot,41841/
• Old video game commercials: Okay, these aren't that old, but remember now: I'm young and stuff. There's the Kirby! Nightmare in Dreamland one that has that song that everyone who was worth my time (oh snizz oh snizz) knew all the words to back in, like, fourth grade; then there's the Super Smash Bros. one from all the way back in the 90s. That one's one of the GREATEST. EVER. It's even greater than my cat. And my cat is pretty darn great. (ETA: Upon further consideration, I have decided that my cat is still greater than this commercial.) Oh! Then there's the Pokemon Red and Blue commercial. Guess who's in it? DRAKE BELL. Gasp! Giggle! Squee! Here's another one that's actually really depressing for a commercial trying to sell you two really expensive kids' games. Man, Nintendo had the best commercials back in the day. Now? Meh.
• E3 excitement: OH MY GOD IT STARTS NEXT TUESDAY GAIZ. I am SOSOSOSOSOSO excited. I think this year's going to be AWESOME BEYOND BELIEF LIKE TOTALLY FERRLZ. I probably shouldn't hype it so much BUT IT'S HARD NOT TO, MAN! Last year it was really early, and I had Study Hall 9th period so I left school early to go watch the press conferences. Now it's during my Finals week, so I come home even EARLIER! :D ...but then I have to study. But PSH THAT CAN WAIT. Plus, on the last day I don't have any tests. I might have to be resuscitated, guys. Be on hand.
• Glee season finale: This season was insanely long. Insanely. Scarily, even. The thing is, it wasn't really any longer than the average season, number of episodes-wise. It just lasted the ENTIRE SCHOOL YEAR. It was crazed. This episode had a lot of problems; it felt completely like a different show. Refer to this annoyingly positive but still pretty on-the-nose review: http://www.avclub.com/articles/journey,41944/ Here's the single-greatest moment from not just the episode, but also probably the season (next to Kurt's "Rose's Turn" and that sweet moment with him and his dad and Finn); it's Jonathan Groff singing "Bohemian Rhapsody!" 

Daria: She's Like You, Except Actually Cool

Sometimes I wish I was born earlier. Like, at the end of the eighties. I really do like being [insert age here; I always forget], but I missed out on a lot of cool stuff. I feel like I should be older. Albeit with the same very low maturity level. Anyway.

One of the things I was too young for but totally would have dug had I been old enough was Daria, which just came out on DVD yesterday. I can appreciate it now, yes, but there's nothing like seeing something and liking it the first time it comes on. But I never got to experience that.

Copy pasta from Salon:

I've come to the same conclusion as many of the devotees who signed petitions and clamored on message boards for the series' DVD release: "Daria" could have only happened at that time, during that strange, transitional period after the grunge and gangsta rap of the early '90s and before the boy bands and teen queens stepped up to create a glittery pop landscape in the '00s. It spoke directly to those of us on the borderlands between generation X and Y, growing up with the shadows of Kurt Cobain, Tupac and Biggie looming large, who could relate to "The Truth About Cats and Dogs" and "Reality Bites" as well as "The Craft" and "10 Things I Hate About You," who could identify with the screaming discontentment of the 1990s but could also feel the lighter, more hopeful influence of the easygoing and revirginized 2000s.

On all of those things, I missed out. Not alive in the early 90s but barely able to spell at the beginning of the 00s. (Well, actually, that's a lie. I've always been a pretty awesome speller. Although in 2000 I thought that 2 plus 2 was 5, so.)

But enough about me! Let's talk about the show! This isn't supposed to be a borderline lamentation of being born in the wrong decade! Exclamation points!

Set in a mid-Atlantic suburb, the series revolves around Daria and her family, the Morgendorffers. The minutiae of modern life are filtered through Daria's caustic lens, providing moments of apt reflection about the nature of adulthood. At first glance, Daria Morgendorffer appears to be a strange icon to come from the same network that gleefully produced "The Hills," "Laguna Beach," "Jersey Shore" and "My Super Sweet 16." After all, Daria's deadpan delivery and constant cynicism don't exactly fit with the new programming, and her friends are far too multidimensional to be seen on the channel today. Between the eclectic artist Jane Lane and the archetypal high-achieving model minority Jodie Landon (and matching boyfriend Mack), Daria finds backup during the turbulent teen years -- especially while dealing with Beavis and Butt-head clones Kevin and Brittany -- and the machinations of the Lawndale's self-proclaimed fashion police and popular girl squad, the Fashion Club. The series' complex web of teen life is almost impossible to imagine in the demographic-obsessed media market that has emerged since, when so many personalities gracing MTV direct all their contemplative energy toward the nearest tanning bed.

Harsh! But true, really. It's hard for anyone who hasn't heard of the show before to really comprehend that it was on MTV. But MTV was actually a pretty cool place back in the day. Not that there wasn't still stuff on the channel to make fun of -- and Daria did just that.

Daria and Jane were the misanthropic voice of their generation. Their mumbles, grunts, rolled eyes, were all relatable to the average teen outcast. Am I being sarcastic? Slightly, but only because I think that as much as every kid who ever watched the show wanted to be Daria, they never could be; Daria was much cooler than the archetype she was supposed to be representing. In retrospect, it's slightly disheartening, but at the same time, it's fun to think that people like that really exist. She was the weirdo messiah, except not nearly as annoying as you might think she'd be.

So, for years after the show was cancelled, people who felt validated, reaffirmed, comforted by Daria petitioned for the show to be on DVD. And now, nearly ten years later, it finally is. And the nice thing is, Daria, despite its roots firmly planted in that aformentioned transition period, still is applicable today. Everyone goes through their Daria phase, whether or not they're actually anything like her at all. At some point or another, teenagers feel hateful towards the world, to each other, and that's where she comes in.

I think if the DVD was ever going to come out, now is a good time. The people who watched it in their teen years are old enough to watch it with a nostalgic twinkle in their eye but still young enough to be able to enjoy it without an air of pretension. And then there's people who are only now just coming into their "Daria years," people who are starting to feel like they're in the wrong place, people who resent everything, who can take something from the show.

This blog is getting particularly sappy, so let's end it here. Please buy Daria on DVD because it's well worth it. It's stinking hilarious but also nice and reflective towards the end.

And if you could buy me a copy, too, that would be nice. It's a little expensive. I'm young and jobless. I just took an AP exam. Thanks!

Buy it here. And read a nice little interview here.

Did I Say That I Would Never Talk About Justin Bieber?

I hope not, because I'd be breaking that promise.

Certain things are too good not to post, and today, this Justin Bieber-related video is one of them.

Biebs, as I affectionately call him, because we are good chums and have pet names for each other, for instance, he calls me Lady Legs, which isn't quite as cool as Biebs but is definitely something, is definitely not the smartest. This shouldn't be a surprise; have you ever head "Baby?" I'm pretty sure the only words in that song are "Baby" and "ooh," and ooh isn't even a real word, it's more like an expression of feeling, like "ow." But Biebs doesn't have to be smart, all he has to do is look like a 12-year-old Bie-ver (HA HA OH HA THAT IS SO PUNNY HA HA) and the girls will love him.

 

One of those rare instances when they Photoshop weird-looking people to look weirder.

Justin Bieber is one horrible little demon that I can't ever seem to avoid. Not a day goes by anymore when I don't see his name somewhere, or get that stupid little "One Time" stuck in my head. And despite our aforementioned chumminess, Biebs and I constantly backstab each other. Um, behind each others' backs.

Instead of defending him in his idiotic moments like the one above, I laugh at him. Oh, how I laugh. I laugh and I laugh and I laugh. And when I read articles about him, like this one, I laugh at them, too. Especially these horrible little comments. You won't mind if I post them, will you, Biebs? You won't uninvite me from that quaint little dinner at the Olive Garden (which you insist is real Italian food, oh, you're so naive, it's adorable) that we were going to have with Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift and Taylor Hicks, will you?

BigPhill: he looks like a happy lesbian

Davesays: i wanna slap this kid...tell him to stfu!!

ill2012: isnt tina fey a dy** anyway? looks like justina bieber to her

That last one wasn't all that relevant to the Biebs himself, but I still thought it was funny, in a really sad and pathetic kind of way.

But Biebs! Despite our very high schoolish relationship, there are some things I really like about you. Well, one thing anyway. One thing other than how catchy "One Time" is. LET ME TELL YOU ONE TIME THAT I LOVE, THAT I LOVE~ ahem. I like how self-deprecating you can be. You're not Miley Cyrus, and that's good. You're a Bieb. And a Bieb makes cool videos like this one:

Bieber Takes Over from Justin Bieber

He talks loudly in libraries and he swims directly after he eats. Oh, Biebs. You are my best friend sometimes. And then I remember how stupid you are, you stupid little Canadian, daring to call himself an American, insulting Germans, Americans, and New Zealanders alike, making three-year-old girls cry, and I just don't understand you.

Who could I compare you to? Lil' Bow Wow? No, he was never like this. Justin Timberlake, whose BEST STINKIN' SONG NEXT TO SENORITA AND ROCK YOUR BODY EVEEEER you covered in your youth so supremely? Maybe, but at the same time, JT made babies cry as part of a collective. You're going solo, my man. You're the tiniest teen pop star since that last tiny pop star, and you didn't even need Disney's help!

It's why Funny or Die and I find you so encapsulating, such a force that we must reckon with. I don't think I'm using that phrase correctly.

This kid can have these really obnoxious and idiotic fans and make videos on Funny or Die, which isn't the most idiotic preteen girl-friendly, and they will still make accounts to post poorly spelled messages to "him," as if he will read them. And he can post totally serious videos on the site and still get Chosen One status!

Justin Bieber In Concert from Justin Bieber
 

Select Comments:

didnceto0o: i don'love u-i like u. but not because u are famouse or all the girla love u.i like u just because u act like a normal boy-not like a flashy superstar and of the videos i know u have really big heart!i like this in you. maybe i'm crazy but..

minkay: Pretty sure that If I met you, I would give you a million roses. I would do anything you wanted me to do for ever and ever. Because your heart and mine make a whole, and I will go out with other people, but my heart only belongs to you. Forever and ever.


Chrissi: Hey Guys!
Please vote for my cats:
http:// www.whiskas.com.au/CatProfile.aspx?id=40730
&
http:// www.whiskas.com.au/CatProfile.aspx?id=40709

(Remove Spaces)

They are cuties! :D

I just don't get you, Bieber. You're nothing special. But everyone loves you. If I were a few years younger, maybe I would understand, although I doubt it, since I was never really that kind of kid. 

But I don't hate you. I could tolerate a world where Biebs is on the top of the charts. Sure, he may not know what "German" means, but, well, he doesn't dress like a stinking disgusting ugly obnoxious oh-my-god-shut-up-no-one-cares slut bag. And that's a good thing.

(Biebs, a German is someone from Germany. Just letting you know. And please call me about our dinner plans.)

Better Than Both the Bologna and the Salami Combined

Today I bought something from Hot Topic for the first time.

Generally, I can't stay in that joint for longer than two minutes. But today? Today, I was there for TEN MINUTES. The cashiers were surprisingly friendly. The dude let me go even though I was six cents short. He also made it so that they wouldn't send me emails (because they have a free "Friends with Benefits" card thing and he made me sign up for that. Well, he didn't make me. But he was so nice!)

So yes. And even though I was in there with the mission to get my friend a birthday present (or three, because we are both awesome), I actually found myself WANTING TO BUY STUFF FOR ME. It was shocking.

Those of you Hot Topic and/or Fonzie Was Six Four-savvy might think, "Oh, well, they sell Contra, so you probably wanted that." But no. I did not want that.

I wanted their Rocko's Modern Life stuff.

Unless you had or were a child in the mid-90s, you probably don't remember what that was. But you should, because Rocko's Modern Life is one of the best cartoons EVER. And I do not say this ironically, unlike most Hot Topic patrons. I sincerely love Rocko's. It might seem weird that I still like the same stuff that I liked when I was three, but you can't really get some of the best stuff in Rocko's until you're older.

For a show on Nickelodeon, it was actually really dirty. Despite it being about an amiable wallaby, his neurotic and/or idiotic friends, and his "modern life," they managed to make it fairly adult, including in tons of sexual jokes. Because we all know sex jokes are adult.

Observe!

That frog is Mrs. Bighead, Rocko's neighbor who often gets into some really weird situations with him. There's this one episode that got banned called "Leap Frogs" that was basically about Mrs. Bighead trying to seduce Rocko. Yeah, it was pretty awkward. Especially since Mr. Bighead absolutely HAAAAATES Rocko, and pretty much everything. Like me!

The show often found itself censored due to its age-inappropriate content. In the earlier seasons, the fast food chain that is referenced in tons of episodes is called the Chokey Chicken, which is a joke that I never got until I was 12 while watching this show again. But later on, Nick wised up and made them change it to Chewy Chicken, which just isn't the same. Here's a scene that was censored after its original airing:

Pretty self-explanatory. I personally don't think that's one of the worst jokes, but then again, I like all of the jokes in the show, inappropriate or not. The thing is, the show always tried to "skew older," as its creator, my boy Joe Murray, said. Well, it didn't really try, but that's just how it turned out. They were able to create a show that was appealing to kids AND to adults. Those shows are always the best, aren't they?

And it had the coolest style. What I really like about animation is that oftentimes it isn't realistic. It creates this cool world that you would never encounter in your real life, and it just feels very massive to be. I love facial expressions, I like crazy colors, I like all of that stuff. Some directors try to take that style and apply it to live-action film (think Baz Luhrman), but it never turns out well. It feels too forced. But in animation, it comes pretty effortlessly.

Listen to the awesome theme songs, of which there were three (the third version is probably the most popular. It was done by the B-52s!):

Awesome. And even though the show had some adult stuff in it (not just the "dirty" jokes, but also a lot of social commentary; it's called Modern Life for a reason, as it often exaggerates and criticizes the late 20th Century life), it was still really kid-friendly and hilarious. Here's a song that I always liked from one of my favorite episodes:

Yeah, that's going to be stuck in my head for the rest of my life. And it's the kind of song that's catchy and funny enough for kids and their parents. It doesn't pander to either. And it's educational! So there! I think any show that wants to make it into the highest echelons of time needs to have a song in it. We always remember the songs from shows that we liked when we were younger. Music brings people together, as do cartoons. That's why you often see them combined.

I think most kids didn't really get what this scene was about (I know I didn't), but it was still hilarious. Now that I get that they were implying that Rocko was gay, there's a new understanding of it, but it doesn't change it that much. I do quite like it when he says, "Did I say 'rainbows?' I meant to say 'dolls!'" Tee-hee. And I like how everyone just immediately turns against him. I love that kind of stuff, animation or live-action.

Here's some clips from another really good episode where Rocko and his BFFAEAE (ugh, my friend says that all the time, it's so stupid) Heffer (a steer - not a cow!! - raised by this really classic family of wolves) go to France. This employs a lot of that social commentary that the show is so good at. And the facial expressions! I love this show's style! And Tom Kenny is one of the best voice actors ever.

I think my favorite character, other than Rocko (I always love the main characters), is Filburt. Filburt was this Woody Allen-esque turtle: completely neurotic, things never go right for him, etc. His "catchphrase," which was one of the show's few such things in a time when catchphrases were practically pre-requisites for getting your show on TV, was "I'm nauseous, I'm nauseous." Kind of sums him up. Oh, and Filburt, like Woody Allen, had a thing for really weird girls. His wife was this...cat...thing with a claw who always said, "Kay?" and definitely belonged in an asylum of some sorts. Dr. Hutchinson. She was insane.

Here's a Filburt clip!

And finally, here is the best scene from the absolute best episode of the show. Find some way to watch it; it's called "Wacky Delly." It was THE BEST. It was about the son of the Bigheads, who was based on and I think voiced by Joe Murray, who was the animator of this insanely popular but insanely stupid show called The Fatheads. He hated it. It was this great story about the tragic artist that was kind of subverted, because he calls on Rocko, Filburt, and Heffer to make a new show for him so he can go and do...well, nothing, really. And this is what was turned out, Wacky Delly:

And guess what? Everyone loves it.  But who wouldn't? I would watch that show. And I would watch Rocko's everyday for the rest of my life if I could.

And what a nice life that would be.

P.S. Please read the Wikipedia page. It has a lot of really interesting stuff that even I didn't know on it! Like Joe Murray's wife killed herself, for instance! I wonder how that really influenced the show? MAYBE WE CAN FIGURE THAT OUT TOGETHER. :)

Things That Are Excrutiating

(That is probably not the best title for a blog that you are trying to get people to read, but, um, oh well?)

So. Hi. How are you? Yeah, okay, I don't care that much.

Let's talk about dubs. But first, a preface. I like a lot of things (hence the relative lack of focus in this blog), but two things I really like are video games and anime. YES. VIDEO GAMES AND ANIME. This may seem weird to you, but really, it isn't. I grew up during the height of the "anime with video game tie-ins" craze. People in the 80s had the anime "secretly" selling toys one, and we 90s kids had the anime secretly selling video games, toys, and, um, school buses one.

A lot of fellow video game and anime fans, albeit much more grotesque and irritating ones (yes, there are indeed people more irritating than me!), whine about English dubs. Dubs are, of course, dubbing or translating from one language into another, and since most anime and video games (at least, video games that whiny anime fans play) are Japanese, they have to be dubbed into English. A lot of these fans think that the Japanese or original dub is "lyke sooooo much better desu." Personally, I like a lot of English dubs, or at least tolerate them. But the following examples would probably sound better in their original language.

ANIME THAT SOUND LIKE PEOPLE TRYING TO DIE

One Piece is really popular in Japan. It's one of the top 3 most popular anime, in fact. It never reached that same success here in America.

This is why.

Oh. Oh, dear. That...that isn't good, is it? No. Not at all. One Piece is one of the many anime that is well-liked in its original language by weeaboo masses that was mutilated by 4Kids entertainment. Chances are, if you've ever seen an anime on TV, it was dubbed by 4Kids, and that's exactly why you hate it.

I don't care about the show in the first place, though, so it's dub is more funny to me than anything else. That doesn't mean it's not horrible, though!

Cardcaptor Sakura, on the other hand, is actually a completely awesome manga, and the anime in its original language is also ah-mazin'. However, those darn Canadians decided to turn it into a pile of worthless junk. They called it Cardcaptors. 

You probably have no idea what's going on here. I could try to explain it to you but you'd probably start laughing at me the second I said "ten year old girl," so I won't bother. All you really need to know is that this dub is horrible, but I think you and your bleeding ears get that.

There's even a whole series on YouTube dedicated to bad anime dubs! Here's one example.

Cyborg 009! Bro, I totally watched that show on Toonami back in the day! It wasn't this dub, though; thankfully, they redubbed it to make it more tolerable. But if I was 8 in 1988 and not 2001 and was watching this dub instead, I probably would be in a psych ward by now. Well, maybe not.

OMG BONUS TAIMU DESU! That's what I would say if I looked like this. But I don't, so I'm just going to show you this bonus clip without introduction. (Although it's from that 4Kids dub of One Piece. That's all.)

VIDEO GAMES THAT SOUND SIMILAR TO A VERY ILL MAN'S PUKING

I'm going to get this one out of the way first. I love Final Fantasy X. I love it so, so, so much. I played it for ~20 hours in one week, and I never do that (with any game that doesn't start with "Pokemon," anyway). It is so good that I want to go play it right now!

The one bad thing about it? This scene.

I think I like how the user called Tidus "Baboon" the most about this video. Tidus is kind of an idiot, but I still like him. Um, except for in this horrible little piece of programming. Bleh.

Chaos Wars had no chance. Sure, it actually got some surprisingly decent reviews, but it was yet another faceless tactical RPG in a sea of already extremely niche PS2 TRPGs. Its dub really doesn't help, as it might very well be the worst I've ever heard (apparently it was done by some guy who worked at the publishing company's relatives!).

I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW ANYONE CAN BE THIS BAD AT VOICE ACTING. And why does Uru sound so stereotypically gay?! "I don't really want yo' twisted love. I really don't." I MEAN, WHAT? Seriously. HORRIBLE.

Oh, wait, did I say Chaos Wars has the worst dub ever? I was wrong. This "game" does.

I could try to tell you why this is so bad, but it would either take me years or I would start frothing at the mouth in mere seconds due to my even speaking the name of this abomination. And this clip isn't even the worst of them! Any idiot who paid money for this adventure in wasting time is a sad, sad person and probably will never touch a video game ever again, which is too bad really.

I mean, technically, this isn't a dub in the same way that FFX and Chaos Wars are, but I think it's worth posting for its sheer mediocrity. Besides, the first time I saw it I thought they were dubbing it from some European language.

I'm sorry that I hurt your ears, but if it's any consolation, mine hurt even more -- I had to find these clips AND watch them all the way through AND I watched other clips in between. If you'll excuse me, there's a nice Vicodin with my name on it. (Not really! But there is a little stuffed Pikachu I can rest my head on. Good night.)

P.S. Please, remember that not all English dubs are bad. As I said before, I actually like a lot of them. But sometimes they really are undeniably horrible.

Here's Looking at You, Kids

Do you know where the title is from? If you said anything other than "Casablanca," then off to the chair for you!

But seriously, folks, it's from Casablanca, which, according to Yahoo's 100 Movies to See Before You Die list, is one of the 100 movies you have to watch before you meet your (hopefully neither untimely nor unpleasant) demise. Have you seen it?

I have! Seeing it for the first time stands out as one of those nice little bright spots in my short life. Too bad I didn't even know what it was at the time! (I, obviously, figured it out eventually.) Despite that, I wholeheartedly agree with its inclusion on movie "bests" list.

Looking through the list, I found that these were the movies I had seen:

1. 12 Angry Men
2. Annie Hall
3. Casablanca
4. Citizen Kane
5. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
6. Do the Right Thing
7. E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
8. Goldfinger
9. The Graduate
10. A Hard Day's Night
11. It's a Wonderful Life
12. The Matrix
13. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
14. National Lampoon's Animal House
15. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
16. Princess Mononoke
17. Psycho
18. Raiders of the Lost Ark
19. Rebel Without a Cause
20. The Silence of the Lambs
21. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
22. The Sound of Music
23. Star Wars
24. This is Spinal Tap
25. Titanic
26. To Kill a Mockingbird
27. Toy Story
28. When Harry Met Sally...
29. The Wizard of Oz

Dang, I'm only 16 and I'm already more than a quarter of the way through that list. But at the same time, there are tons of movies on the list that I've wanted to see for awhile and still haven't. I should get on that. 

How many have YOU seen? ...Oh really? That's nice...Yes, yes...Okay. Okay! Stop talking now. This is my blog. You wanna talk, you go make your own.

Sorry about that! Yahoo also has a "Modern Classics" list, which has movies from the 90s on. You know what this means, right? Brace yourself for another list of which ones I've seen (not including the ones that overlap, though)!:

1. Beauty and the Beast
2. Dazed and Confused
3. Ed Wood
4. Forrest Gump
5. Four Weddings and a Funeral
6. Babe 
7. Clueless
8. Fargo
9. Being John Malkovich
10. Election
11. Fight Club
12. The Sixth Sense
13. Best in Show
14. Donnie Darko
15. The Royal Tennenbaums
16. Elephant
17. Finding Nemo
18. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
19. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
20. The 40-Year-Old Virgin
21. Brokeback Mountain
22. Borat: Cultural Learnings blah blah blah
23. Pan's Labyrinth
24. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
25. No Country for Old Men
26. The Dark Knight
27. Slumdog Millionaire
28. WALL-E

Hey! I've seen almost the exact same amount of "modern classics" as I have ones from the other list! Of course, this isn't including the ones that overlap, which means I've actually seen more modern classics than, well, classic classics. But can you blame me? I'm actually surprised that I saw that many of the classic classics, anyway, because I perhaps am not the most cinematically literate when it comes to movies made before...I don't know, the 60s or 70s? It's quite sad. That's why I recommend that we all keep this list as a little guideline of what we need to see.

I don't personally believe that this list is the most comprehensive, though; Yahoo is not what I'd call a reputable cinema source. However, it's not that hard to tell what a truly great movie is, especially if you're looking with nostalgia-tinted glasses, as most film critics are...Not that old movies are bad by any means, but I feel like a lot of reviewers/people in general are pretty elitist when it comes to them. People say, "Oh, well, I don't watch movies made after 1975 because they're all horrible!" Well, how would you know that? Based off their trailers? Based off hearsay? It's not very fair.

I will admit that I can be a film elitist, too. When I read through that modern classics list, I rolled my eyes several times. Even before I read it, the article from which I found it phrased it so that it sounded like having a list of modern classics was a negative thing. The list isn't the best, but not because it exists, but because it's missing several things and there are some movie choices that I completely disagree with. But having a list of modern classics in theory isn't bad. Oh, but I think it should be limited to everything before, say, 2008; the inclusion of things such as Avatar and The Hurt Locker read very strangely to me. I don't think a classic movie necessarily has to be an old one, but c'mon, Avatar's not even on DVD yet.

Although personally I don't think it should even be on the list at all. I'm kinda just an Avatar-hater. But what do they say about haters?

That's what!