Let's End of the Month Super Cool Post Go!

 (Click the images if you can't read them.)

Links and picture as promised:

• Work of Art Reviews: #1.4 and #1.8 
• Guest Posts: By Max and by "Checkahs"
• Pokemon Posts: On movies and on trainers
• Inception Review: A mini-review
• "Baby" Rant: I was NOT like "baby, baby, baby, ooh!"
• Last night's Futurama: A clip from it anyway

My cat who is better than all the cats of all the times:

(Sorry the quality is poor; my Webcam takes bad pictures. Which reminds me, who wants to make a video blog with me next month? :D)

P.S. "People I do like" = family notwithstanding. Obviously, I saw them plenty. My sister who likes to comment on my blog can confirm that this is true. HEY SISTER LET'S PLAY PERSONA 4 TODAY

Work Of Art #1.8 Review

Oddly enough, my first (and, up until now, only) Work of Art review is the most-viewed post on this blog, counting for more than a quarter of the total page views. How strange is that, especially considering that there are absolutely no comments on it and it's mostly a rambling mess? Well, maybe that's not true. I enjoy reading and re-reading it (don't think I count for most of the views, though!) and I do have a lot to say about the show. Since last night's episode was similarly "thought-provoking," if we can really call it that, I think today's a good time to write another review.

WORK OF ART #1.8 "Opposites Attract"

At the conclusion of last week's episode, Mark is the only one of the "Miles Haters" group left. I'm sure I'm not the only one surprised at the fact that I can even say that. Mark's work, save for that one challenge a long, long time ago when he was in the Top 2, has been wholly uninspiring; it's been safe, boring, dull, and at worst, it's been awful. While his pals Erik and Ryan were either outstandingly bad (Erik) or narcissistic and disappointing (Ryan), Mark's work really just evaded discussion most of the time. He's been hanging around solely because there was also someone at least slightly worse than him. As we come to find out, however, now that the playing field has been chopped down to 6, Mark doesn't have a hiding place anymore.

So this challenge was, like the one from two weeks ago, one that required people to work together. I don't understand why team and partner challenges are necessary on a show like this. An artist is a solitary person, generally. On a show like Top Chef I can understand why they have team challenges - and they have them often, too. A chef works in a restaurant with other people. An artist? Heck to the no. Art is something you do by yourself, and while it's good to know how to work with people just as a people skill, it's not really necessary to show that you can work with a partner on a show about being the "Next Great Artist." But working with people on this show is always hilarious and a grand old time, so I enjoyed this challenge anyway!

It was nice to see some Miles and Nicole stuff again. Miles with his little baby crush on Nicole. HOW SWEET. It's always weird to think that Nicole is older than Miles (heck, everyone is except for Abdi) because Miles is just so in control of everything that's going on around him. How fitting that this is what he explored in his piece with Jaclyn exclamation points! It was kind of lame, though, that Miles, making "the challenge work for your art, not your art working for the challenge" as always, basically went from doing the theme of "Male/Female" to doing "Control/Loss of Control." That was essentially what Abdi and Nicole (who were, by the way, exceedingly dull in this episode; that's what you get when you let your heart win oh oh oh oh put the two nicest, least aggressive people together) had, so it was repetitive. However, Miles and Jackie did a much better job with their self-appointed theme and they actually did make it work for the assigned theme.

On Jackie's piece: in all of the reviews I've read, it has been discussed how Miles made it seem like the idea for her painting was his. OH MILES. SO EVIL. He knows how to play the game, guys. Don't hate because you artists don't want to be like every other reality show contestant in history; that is, you guys don't want to have specific, interesting, and hilarious personalities. You guys just want to be robots who are loved for their art! and nothing else. Jackie doesn't think of herself as the Hottest Thing in the Studio, even though the editors try to make it seem like she does; she just thinks of herself as an artist, and don't you forget it! Or else! This is why, if you read her blog, you will hear her talk about her piece and virtually nothing else. She defends her character on the show, but I think she really just wants to establish that, "Really, guys, I don't have a character! Honest! I'm just an artist! LOVE ME!" You can read her latest blog post here.

"Me? Hot? Gurl, please, I am not at all attractive! I so shy, gurl! Now, sorry, but I have to go take my clothing off now. It's morally ambiguous. You know."

I actually really like Jaclyn, though. Her blog helps. 4 episodes ago I complained about how she was "whiny" and "unlikeable" but she's actually very intelligent and one of the least obnoxious people on the show. I like her just as much as I like everyone else on the show left - Miles, Abdi, Nicole...and I thought I liked Peregrine, but this episode established that if Miles is The Evil Genius (c) then Peregrine is The Horrible Cold-Blooded Faker Who Gets People Sent Home For Things That Are Her Fault (c). That is exactly what she did this episode; she got Mark sent home. I'd like to send her a personalized greeting card thanking her for this, but I would, but I can't. I don't know her address. Also, she doesn't deserve one. Mark's original idea was really boring, lightness and darkness representing their theme, Heaven and Hell, but Peregrine's wasn't better. She essentially said, "Well, y'know, let's do this, because even though it's basically your idea, it's better because I'm much more conceptual and intelligent and a much better artist than you! Tee-hee! Do you like my new hat, by the way? And would you like to come with me and leave a melodramatic, America's Next Top Model-esque message on my husband's cell phone after this? Awkward face!" It's GRATING. Peregrine created a new character for herself: quirky buttface. SHE IS A QUIRKY BUTTFACE AND SHE IS GOOD AT THAT. Especially the latter!

That said, I liked Peregrine's piece. That's high praise, because the work in this episode sucked major. Miles and Jackie's pieces were quite good, although here's something about M&M (that's my nickname for Miles, because I do things like that): every time I see him working in the studio, I worry that he's not doing the challenge. I understand that it's because he, usually, isn't. But because he's made himself so endearing and he's essentially performed inception on the minds of the judges (he's so good at it that Leo/Dom Cobb should have hired him to help out!) everything he touches turns to gold, even if it doesn't make explicit sense. I think after he explained it to the judges, it made more sense to me, and I liked that piece of his, the holes in the wall. It is stereotypically masculine; I read a comment somewhere saying, "Don't girls punch holes in walls?" It's not that we don't, but I don't think that's how most girls choose to take out their anger, generally. Not that any guy I know has every punched a wall that hard, either, but still. So anyway, while Miles' work is questionable in the studio, it works in the gallery, and he's lucky for that.

Nicole's piece sounded like it was going to be really cool, but it was poorly executed. The crank didn't work right, but she was safe because we all know she's talented, even though she hasn't really shown it yet. Also, she's just a likable girl! She's like a little kid, and she's fun to have around. I forgot about her a lot in the beginning, which says something because that first challenge had Peregrine painting Nicole naked (although she didn't actually get naked) and you'd think we'd remember that, but no. But I like Nicole. She looks like a horse. A horse that I want to pet and name Buttercup.

Abdi's piece was kind of cool to look at, but I actually agree with China when I say that it was bad and made no sense. Although China said something about the Hulk, which is stupid because the Hulk symbolizes the loss of control AKA chaos AKA what Abdi was supposed to be doing, so scratch that, I'm back on the the China Hate Train (c). Yes, I have copyrighted all of these terms, thank you for asking. So, yes, Abdi actually had the worst piece. It sucked because I love Abdi. He's one of my favorites. There were so many great Abdi moments in yesterday's episode: there was this one part where Nicole was talking to him and he just had his mouth WIDE OPEN, smiling at her, and it was hilarious. There was also the part where Miles carried him into the apartment. The odd couple. Miles and Abdi should get more showtime together like they did in this episode, because Miles is at his most tolerable/nicest when he's with him. Because Abdi brings that out in people.

Two quick random things: Simon in this episode was unmemorable. It sucks. Next week he gets mad at Jackie, so I'm excited to see what she said to him to make this Happy Swiss Man Made of Candy and Sunshine (c) get upset. Also, the scene in-between commercials where Mark is talking about how pretentious everyone sounds was gold. Really, I love these people, but it's true. They're intelligent, hence using these very specific terms that they use to describe things, but I can't help but think that they are so self-obsessed when they're using them. It was Mark's one good moment last night. (Also: see Nicole's rambling explanation of "chaos" to Abdi for more self-obsession and overuse of intelligent words like way too many sprinkles on a hot fudge sundae.)

Jeanne was gone again, and Jerry Saltz keeps saying in his recaps that she always has smart things to say. I never saw this. I don't miss her, although I do miss having a woman on the panel.  China doesn't count; she's a robot and thus has no gender. I think the guest judge, Ryan McGuinness/McGinley/McHeineken was obnoxious and irritating. His voice was tiny and he reminded me of a kid even more than that guy from last week. I liked the guy from last week even though I can't remember his name. I did not like Ryan McG. I guess Bill stepped up his game tonight, although I can't remember a word he said. Jerry Saltz assures me that he did, though.

In the end, the judges made the obvious choice to send Mark home. Mark is literal, boring, and maybe even untalented. At the end when they showed him taking his self-portrait off the wall (I like that touch, by the way; it's nice) I thought, "What? They let him in with that crud of a self-portrait?" I liked that it wasn't a heavily Photoshopped mess of a photo, but it was boring. It was a boring picture that I could have taken if I had a nice camera. How they even let Mark in in the first place, I don't know. I guess they wanted to diversify the cast. Which reminds me, the only minority left is Abdi now. That saddens me, but at least it's Abdi and not Mark.

The group challenge from two weeks ago was far more enjoyable then this one; maybe because it had way more drama. But this episode was good, too, even if it was weird (see: China crying as she told Mark to leave; what the heck was that about? And Peregrine crying the moment the judges opened their mouth, I mean, what?). Next week is our last pre-finale challenge, strangely enough, and it looks to be quite exciting. I'm looking forward to seeing Miles safely glide into the finale spot while everyone else vomits due to nervousness and tension. Maybe you guys should take a page out of The Book of Miles and take naps on your sculptures. The possibilities!

I give this episode 4 Abdi's Being Carried Over the Threshold out of 5.

Fantastic Tales From Virginia!

Today we have another guest blog. YES! Less work for me to do! This post by my broski (well, cousin, actually, but okay) Max is pretty much perfect, so please enjoy it. Also, the language is more "adult" than we normally have here, because I'm an innocent little girl who likes to say "stinking" more than any equivalent, but unlike Beyonce, I think you can handle it. P.S. That Team Rocket song is one of the greatest, EVER. I would know.

Hello. I am the actual writer of this blog’s cousin. Here’s a shameless plug to my YouTube channel:

http://www.youtube.com/user/TheVivvav

Go there. The latest video has me wearing a hat covered in palm trees swaying back and forth to music from Mother 3. And a panda mask I made back in 8^th grade. And a pigeon from Hell. It has to be seen to be believed.

And now for the actual guest blog.

My family moved shortly after the summer started. As I am now waiting to go to college (the current count is 31 days until I leave for it), I have nothing to do. We moved too late to sign up for any summer programs or to find a job. Because of this, I have been sitting my room, playing video games, watching movies, and watching anime. And by anime I mean One Piece, which I greatly enjoy.

I have also been thinking about things. Like Pokémon. It occurs to me that Kanghaskan is the only creature in the world that you can punch in the baby.

But I have been doing some things. When I’m not sitting in my apartment eating food or watching movies, I leave the apartment to pay 10 dollars for food and 12 dollars for movies. Or recently, to get a new driver’s license.

See, my family just moved from Pennsylvania to Virginia. That means we have to get rid of our old Pennsylvania driver’s licenses and get new Virginia licenses instead. So a couple weeks ago, my mother and I went to the DMV. To put it shortly, it was one of the stupidest days of my life. To put it longly (it’s a word if I say it’s a word, damn it), read the next two paragraphs.

We start by getting into my mom’s new car. The only thing I like about this car is the air conditioning. I hate everything else about the car, but mostly the navigational system. The navigational system seems to hold the belief that Grovedale Drive, the street on which the DMV is located, does not exist. And this is a brand new car. So we call my dad from the garage and have him Google Map us some directions. About halfway through writing down the complex directions, Dad goes, “Yeah, this is stupid and convoluted. Here’s the deal. Go here, here, and here, then there, and you’re good.” So we wrote down his directions instead of Google’s, because Google is more interested in joking that you should kayak over 2,000 miles across the Pacific Ocean to get to Hawaii (try getting directions to Honolulu from the continental USA on there) than actually coding an efficient navigational program.

Anyway, even with directions, Mom screws up. When driving, she missed the right turn onto Grovedale Drive. Then we make a U-turn, and she misses the LEFT turn onto Grovedale Drive. Third time proves to be the charm, and we continue forward. This is where it gets ridiculous. We get to the address, and see a building that looks exactly like the DMV back in Pennsylvania. Not even kidding. If you could clone buildings, and cloned the DMV building I took my driver’s license test at, that building would be the freakish non-genetic genetic copy. There are signs all over saying that the DMV is in the back, so we walk around the building a couple times and can’t find it. As far as I can tell, the only back entrance is a shabby white door that looks like it’s used for taking out garbage. We finally go inside and ask, and it turns out that the DMV is in the back of the parking lot, in a separate building hidden behind a grove of trees, that looks more like a bank from the outside. Anyway, we go in, wait in line for 10 minutes with a crying child behind us. Thankfully, the child was pacified after 2 minutes by a Baby Bottle Pop (I did not know they still made those, but I do recall them being the shit when I was 9 years old). But then we get to the front desk, and it turns out the computer systems are down, so we can’t get our new licenses anyway. The government successfully wasted our time.

A few days later, my dad and I try instead. We go the DMV in the morning, and there is a line out the door in 90+ degree weather (32+ if you believe in the limey hoodoo that is Celsius), so we get directions to a brand new DMV that allegedly has no people in it. We go there, and it turns out, it actually has no people in it. But then, AND HERE COMES THE WACKY PART, that DMV’s computer system is ALSO down! Dear Government: WHAT THE FUCK.

It’s been a couple weeks since, and today my mom and I went to the DMV again. The second we walked in the door, I asked the security guard, “Are the computers working?” He said “Yes”. There was much rejoicing between my mother and I. Two and a half hours later, we leave the DMV, and Mom has her new license. I repeat: Mom has her new license. Not me, just my mom. Turns out, Virginia, being the backwater inbred south and whatnot, does not trust teenage drivers, as several years ago a buttload of them caused driving accidents. You have to be NINETEEN UNGODLY YEARS OLD TO RECEIVE A DRIVER’S LICENSE IN THE STATE OF VIRGINIA. Never mind the fact that I AM ALREADY A LICENSED DRIVER. You think that’d be enough, but apparently, I now have to present proof that I had Driver’s Ed. And by that, I mean I have to have proof that I received 4 driving lessons from a dude named Jerry over the course of 5 months, because that’s all the driving education I needed because I don’t dick around while in control of a 2-ton hunk of metal going 40 miles an hour.

To end this on a happy note, I brought my DS to keep me busy during the wait at the DMV, and caught both an Arbok and a Weezing in the Safari Zone. Let’s celebrate this with the Team Rocket song, which, should you choose to listen to it, will be stuck in your head for the read of the day.

Oh shit, son. We gonna catch us a motherfuckin’ Pikachu.

The Things We Do When There's Nothing Else To Do

Today I watched two movies. Would you like to know what they are? Check either an emphatic "Yes!" or a slightly bored, "Sure, okay." Would you like to know what I thought about them? Your options are, once again, of enthusiastic or apathetic affirmation.

Basically, you're going to hear about them either way.

Copy-pasted from my Flixster page:

The Science of Sleep

My "review" (I gave it 3 stars out of 5):

I love Gael Garcia Bernal in this movie, and Charlotte Gainsbourg was surprisingly not at all annoying. But this movie just had no real plot to speak of. It plodded on, boringly, and nothing really HAPPENED. The imagery was sometimes cool, sometimes garish and painful to look at. The movie seems to ride too much on the visuals and too little on the story. There was some good dialogue, though, dialogue that I'm sure the 20-somethings will quote in all seriousness, saying, "YES I AM LIKE THESE CHARACTERS" when really, they are not. But while dialogue like that bothers me in most other movies, I find myself wanting to quote these things, too, because they are meaningful, even while they are trying to be.

Additional thoughts: About the dialogue thing. It's the same with another, much better, and more popular Michel Gondry movie, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. The plot of that movie is inherently easy to relate to for a young person, and there are so many conversations that the characters have that you can, and do, see said young people quote and apply to their own lives. However, these snippets aren't TRYING to sound clever or witty. They're not trying to sell posters. Gondry (well, Charlie Kaufman wrote that movie, but still) has a knack for selling the sometimes preposterous dialogue as realistic. These movies are not annoying.

Well, okay, actually, Science of Sleep is annoying at times. But it's good to know that it's not because of the dialogue. It's annoying because, as I said before, nothing really happens at all. People sing the praises of experimental films, saying a plot isn't necessary, and there doesn't have to be a character you like. The latter, I can concede, is true for the most part. But it's my personal opinion that a film is trying to tell you a story. There are a lot of films that convey emotion, but, to me, the best movie is the one that conveys emotion within in a story. This movie is just preoccupied with feelings, although I'm not so clear as to what those even are here! One quote I really like is from a review of the first Back to the Future by the BBC: "Every scene, every line works but then later you see how you were set up: nobody says anything that doesn't become important to the plot later. That should be terrible, but it's done so very well that it's a treat. It's undeniably formulaic but so outstandingly executed that it vindicates the formula." There shouldn't be completely pointless scenes, especially if said scenes are extremely boring like the ones in this movie. Every scene should have a purpose, even if that purpose isn't to drive the plot along.

Here's one crazy scene from the movie. I think it's emblematic of what it basically is:

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

 This review that I posted on my Flixster basically covers all of my opinions about this movie (I gave it 4 stars out of 5):

It cut out a lot of the stuff that I hated from the book, making the plot a lot tighter and easier to follow (for the most part). However, it also cut out a lot of Mikael's characterization and a lot of the stuff that I really liked from the book - namely, the stuff involving his magazine. My favorite characters in the book are Berger and the graphic designer whose name I can't remember, and Berger's subplot was completely ignored. It's really important, too, so what the heck? And the graphic designer wasn't even in the movie!

Since Mikael's backstory was ignored in favor of having more scenes with Lisbeth in them, it was really hard to pay attention to him. Luckily, Lisbeth carries the film. While I didn't personally imagine her to be as...intense as she was in this movie (in terms of how she looks, really), I do agree that the casting is pretty perfect. Also, Lisbeth is much less awkward and irritating. She's more talkative without losing the anti-social behavior that makes her who she is. I'd say that if they added at least SOME of the Millennium stuff, then I would have liked this movie WAY more than I liked the book. But as it stands, I'd say that I liked it a little more than the book. I definitely appreciated the fact that I didn't have to read this movie and face the horrible writing and drawn out descriptions. That helped.

Additional thoughts: More on the book, really. I make it sound like I absolutely HATED it. This isn't true. I actually really liked it! The writing wasn't that good, but I guess at the time I was just too used to reading all those fancy novels we read in school and such. This is more "popular" fiction, you know, like Dan Brown, Stephen King, Tom Clancy, etc. Also, I hadn't read a mystery novel in a long time, so I didn't remember what they "felt" like. But this movie reminded me of how interesting the plot was. Once again, that is most important to me: a good story. The book, and the movie, had a very good story. While the book decided to convey the story sometimes with "drawn out descriptions" (seriously: there was a WHOLE CHAPTER just dedicated to Mikael Blomkvist's day at the cafe! Ugh) it really did get the job done. The book did a way better job of letting you get to know the characters, as well.

So, that was my day. Notice that I am considering my day to be over when it's not even 2:30 yet! Such is the nature of the summer. *dramatic pose, then even more dramatic fall to the floor!* Excuse me...I feel so faint...I haven't yet had a cookie today...I should correct that situation at once!

Today In Looking For Something To Write About

San Diego Comic-Con was this past weekend. It's the biggest convention around. Like all conventions, it has a TON of dedicated fans who go to buy merchandise and dress up and meet other fans. And, I assume, it's a perfect place for doing those things.

But this article from the AV Club discusses whether or not it should be covered by the media as it has increasingly been over the last five years or so.

I'm not trying to argue myself out of a job or anything, but I do wonder if the amount of ink spilled on Comic-Con is truly necessary. This is an event created to specifically keep people from saying, "Oh, hey, maybe this won't be good, huh?" Aside from all of the big, obvious problems - the long lines, the inability to stop thinking like a small convention when this is one of the biggest conventions out there, the ridiculously overpriced concessions, the fact that the whole thing may move to Anaheim, LA, or Vegas - no one really talks about whether news organizations should even be sending people like me to cover this stuff. Comic-Con started out for the fans, and then Hollywood got involved and tried to make all of the attendees fans of everything it could possibly get them to consume. And now, the event is such a big deal within the entertainment media that it sometimes seems as though the studios are using it to sneak a virus out to the public at large, just another bit of marketing in the long march toward a big opening weekend, but a form of marketing that we haven't yet built up a resistance to, like billboards or TV commercials.

Conventions are supposed to be for fans first and foremost, but also give them a way to meet their idols. An anime convention might have a voice actor come speak, for example. But this writer argues that the big companies go to Comic-Con with the purpose of promotion, and their influence is becoming so huge that we're starting to forget that this is for the fans. Of course, a fan should love seeing the actors there, and sneak previews of movies/shows are undeniably cool. But are they still as cool when you know that you're just being shown this sneak preview for marketing purposes?

Something to think about...Read the rest of the article, which includes a little coverage of panels, here.

Stupid Websites Are Stupid

The site I Write Like is one of those sites that analyzes your writing for something. In this case, they analyze whatever writing you post in the box and tell you which famous writer you write like. Apparently, I write like some guy named Cory Doctorow...and DAN BROWN.

I am now in a horrible mood and contemplating never writing again. So instead, listen to this song that I used to hate and now really like while I go weep in that corner over there.



Download here.
You can buy the album it's from here.
Alternatively, you can pre-order the Scott Pilgrim vs. the World soundtrack, which it will be on, here!

That's What You Get When You Forget You Have a Blog To Update

Saw this music video for the first time today. Weirded me the heck out. Decided it was necessary for you to be weirded the heck out, too. Hence, me posting it.

Good day.

Errors in Judgment

(Judgment is such an awkward word!)

I'm a firm believer in spending money on the things you love. This is probably hypocritical of me, the chick who has posted free downloads on her site before and is currently watching sitcoms on Youtube instead of buying/renting their DVDs. I never buy music, ever, unless I think it's REALLY necessary. But I have an excuse! The musicians hardly get any money from CD sales or song downloads, anyway.

I guess I've just murdered my argument here. But hear me out! I want to support the little guy, directly. I buy niche video games and I buy tons of manga. I hate pirating games; I find it pathetic and irritating. Unless you can't get the game in English/in your home country, then you have no reason to be illegally downloading it. Same with manga. Heck, go to the library and support them!

So, you would think I'd be happy when I found out that One Manga, the most popular online manga scan website, was being shut down. However, I'm not. Read this, the message that pops up when you go onto their homepage:

"There is an end to everything, to good things as well."

It pains me to announce that this is the last week of manga reading on One Manga (!!). Manga publishers have recently changed their stance on manga scanlations and made it clear that they no longer approve of it. We have decided to abide by their wishes, and remove all manga content (regardless of licensing status) from the site. The removal of content will happen gradually (so you can at least finish some of the outstanding reading you have), but we expect all content to be gone by early next week (RIP OM July 2010).
So what next? We're not really sure at this point, but we have some ideas we would like to try out. Until then, the One Manga forums will remain active and we encourage all of you to continue using them. OMF has developed into a great community and it would be a shame to see that disappear.
You can also show us some love in this moment of sadness by 'liking' our brand new Facebook page. It would be nice to see just how many of you came to enjoy our 'better than peanut butter and jelly' invention.

Regardless of whether you stay with us or not, on behalf of the One Manga team, I would like to thank you all for your unwavering support over the years. Through the ups and downs you have stuck with us, and that is what kept us going.
As a certain Porky was fond of saying... That's all folks!
Time for me to go lay down and let this all sink in.
- Zabi

I'm all for taking off the licensed chapters. That makes sense. But the unlicensed stuff? There is absolutely no reason to remove the manga scans that are not, and perhaps will never be, licensed. Doing that just hurts the fanbases of these companies who are forcing One Manga to shut down. The only things I ever read on One Manga were Bakuman and Kodocha; I read (and will continue to read, on some other site) Bakuman because it's not available in English. It's been licensed now, that's true, but the English volumes aren't going to come out until the fall, and by the time it was licensed by Viz I was already several volumes worth in to quit. I read Kodocha online recently because it's no longer in print and is incredibly hard to find. That's another good thing about these sites, too. I was also planning to read Life online. It's a series that I supported by buying it in English, but it's no longer being published.

Shutting down One Manga hurts people who are interested in delving deeper into the world of manga. Without online scanlation sites, it's hard for people to ever find out about series that aren't the super popular ones. It will be hard for people to become educated manga fans. Of course, there will be other sites on which you can read these series, but they'll be harder to find, and who knows when they will be taken down, too?

It seems the manga companies think that people read these scanlations because they like reading their manga online. THIS IS NOT THE CASE. People read them because they want to read manga for free, or they want to read manga they can't otherwise. The companies are now trying to combat the former while also continuing to let people read stuff online. It's idiotic, because they're trying to get people to pay for things by chapter, with no added benefits over buying the physical volume. Paying a dollar or more per chapter is going to, in the end, be more expensive than just buying the physical volumes. It's not a smart solution. Companies should work WITH the existing scanlation sites to gauge readers' interest and come up with ways to entice people to buy the physical media.

I definitely am against people using sites like One Manga to read things like Full Metal Alchemist or other popular series online; if you like something, and you can buy it readily, then BUY IT. Manga companies don't make that much money, anyway, and it's all to support the original artist. Manga is such a niche that we're seeing once-"huge" companies like Tokyopop on the edge of bankruptcy. But removing EVERYTHING from these websites is not the solution; a true manga fan is interested in the manga that they don't see at Barnes & Noble's, so they go read it online. Now, it's going to take a much larger effort to get to know the world outside of Shonen Jump.

Sticking To That Creepy Guy's Guns, Part II

I'm not really sure if I want to propagate this girl's videos and the bashing of them. Yes, they are disgusting, horrible; crude, depressing. But she's an 11-year-old girl, and 11-year-old girls are idiots. Everyone should know that! The things that little Jessi Slaughter did and said are completely despicable and idiotic; they're even more out of line than the average 11-year-old attention freak's comments. But she is still little Jessi Slaughter.

So instead of posting her original videos, I'm just going to post this relatively unbiased from my much maligned Good Morning America. It also features the trademark idiot Perri Kaplan. I HATE THAT WOMAN. She came to my school once. Apparently the high schoolers (I was in middle school at the time) accosted her, just as they should have. But ignore her part and watch the rest to get filled in on the Jessi Slaughter story that everyone on the Internet has been talking about for the past week or two. (Everyone has been talking about it, right? Yeah?)



At the risk of sounding like an English teacher, what do you think her videos/behavior says about what youth is coming to? Personally, I think kids are growing up even faster than they used to. This is pretty obvious, I think. It's hard to distinguish a child from a preteen (because there IS a difference) when their mouths are closed these days. It's sad. We should appreciate the youth we have. We shouldn't even know what a "glock" is (I still don't and I'm 5 years older than this girl!) and we shouldn't we going on the Internet at age 11 and telling people to "get AIDS and die." But once again, I want to make it clear that I don't support the bullying of her -- because it IS bullying -- and I do feel bad for her because of what the people on the Internet have done. They've made fun of her, brutally. And even though she wants to act so grown up, she is so obviously a kid. She can dress my age but she can't act it, and she can't think like it.

It's sad, really.

So many combinations, so many combinations!

I am so tired. I guess that's my punishment for playing Pokemon SoulSilver non-stop. Yesterday I played it until 1 AM, and today I played it from the time I woke up until about 15 minutes ago. Even though my eyes are screaming "Why did you make us stare at countless Geodudes and Gravelers for three hours straight? WHY?" I don't regret it. I did a heckuva lot of training. I beat Clair! Yay me! Now I'm on the Kimono Girls, who are evil despite them all having adorable Eeveelutions. Let's bully them like all the popular kids bullied us in middle school! YOU KIMONO GIRLS ARE SOOO WEIRD!

Anyway, so, I'm really tired. Did I say that already? Apparently I did. Today I don't really have anything to talk about, except another Pokemon-related topic: the player characters! The player characters went from being awesome to being dull, ugly, and non-threatening. They're so hard to believe as POKEMON MASTERS BOLD ITALICS!!! and they're also just really uninteresting.

Seriously. Look at the designs for Red and Leaf from FireRed and LeafGreen:

SO. AWESOME. Look at Red. Look at his face. That is the face of a trainer who has no reservations about brutally murdering a level 6 Rattatta by making his Level 50 Charizard use Flamethrower. This is the trainer who loves his Pokemon and no one else's - and that's GOOD. People, hating everyone else's Pokemon doesn't make you evil! It makes you smart. The whole point is to win, and if you're too busy chatting with Picknicker Liz about how cute her Weepinbell is (which, by the way, you would never do because 1. Liz is a brat and 2. Weepinbell is ugly as sin) then you will LOSE. So good on you, Red. And Leaf! Her outfit is just awesome. It's practical and it's fashionable. The hat is a wonderful stylistic choice because it can get really darn sunny out there in Kanto. Good on you, Leaf. Good on you.

Those designs are probably the two best, technically. They're certainly the best PAIR of characters. But to me, the single best player character is Gold (AKA "Ethan") from Gold and Silver.

"Bro, we don't mess. WE. DON'T. MESS."

 This is the new design of Ethan. But when he was Gold, in the original game, man. He was a true player. He was GLARING, guys. He wouldn't take a "No" from anyone. He did what he needed to do and he beat Lance in one go. Gold even beat RED. Obviously, Gold is the one true Pokemon Master. No one else beat Red, did they? (Other than Lyra/Ethan, who basically IS Gold, anyway. I love his design, too. I almost played SoulSilver as a boy because you can just tell that Ethan doesn't play around. But Lyra is cool, too, despite her gigantic hat. Her hair is actually SHAPED LIKE THAT HAT, too. So weird.) 

Also: Gold is just stronger mentally than Red, too. After Red became the Pokemon Master, he got all excited - "Yeah! I beat the Elite Four! I'm so excited to play the post-game now! Maybe I can go to the Orange Islands!" But no. In Red and Blue, there is no post-game. It's incredibly depressing for someone playing the game, but, well, Red has to LIVE IT. After he defeats Lance, he has no purpose in life anymore. Thus, he retreats to Mt. Silver where he fights Geodudes and Sneasels until he has killed every single one of them. He then takes to the top of the mountain where he becomes so emaciated that he and his Level 80 Pikachu, Charizard, etc. can no longer talk or even grunt. But then Gold comes along, super-excited after beating 16 gym leaders in a row AND beating the Elite Four twice (TWICE!) and he happens along this shell of a man, Red. Then they battle. Guess what? Gold wins, easily. He jumps around excitedly, saying, "HECK YEAH! I WON, SON! I'M GOLD, MOFO!" And then he leaves. And he goes and hangs out with all of those cougar fangirls he has (well, no one's perfect) and life goes on. He doesn't have a mental breakdown like Red. That's because Gold eats mental breakdowns for supper.

 

(By the way, there was also Kris, from Crystal, who is really awesome. There she is on the right. Say "Hi, Kris!" Unfortunately she was replaced with Lyra, but Lyra's grown on me.) 

Ahem. Now, after Gold and Silver, things started to get a little...well, weird. I think we're all familiar with May; she's the whiny chick in the crazy tight booty shorts. Has that little brother, Max, who we should all just forget even existed? Yeah. Her male counterpart is Brendan. Brendan has the single strangest design out of any trainer. He has this weird hat with white on top, and for years I thought that was his hair. It's NOT. How is that hair-looking thing not his hair?! Where did he get an ugly hat like that? And in Emerald, his outfit just sucks. He wears shorts over long pants. Yes, that's practical, Brendan! Now if you're hot, you can take your...shorts off? Oh, you. So strange.

 "Yeah, we be trainin'. We be trainin' in our booty shorts and poor color choicez."

Then finally we have Dawn and Lucas, another fashionably (and mentally) deficient pair. Dawn is actually okay. Her skirt is insanely short, yes, and she is definite and obvious pedo-bait. No 10 year old should be wearing a skirt that short! Don't listen to what those freaks on 4Chan say, okay? But Lucas...Lucas has no excuse. Lucas has a scarf and a beret. I can't believe any boy that wears a beret could be the Pokemon Master. Lucas is such a wuss, guys! He's a wuss. I beat him SO easily in Pearl. Whenever he showed up to battle me, I was like, "Hey, 'sup, Lucas? Que pasa?" And he would say, "Oh, why, HULLO there, Allegra! How are you, dahling?" And then we sat for tea and after we were done we would battle. Although this didn't happen often. But playing as Lucas must be lame, too. I can't take anyone seriously named Lucas. I'm sorry. I just can't.

"They see what we wearin'; they hatin'." OF COURSE WE ARE.

The new Pokemon trainers, however, are awesome. The boy especially! The girl is more Dawn-style pedo-bait, but she's older, so it's okay! Girls can be sluts as long as they're of age is what I always say! :D Just another reason to hype up Black and White like crazy.

The Very Best That No One (Other Pokemon Movie) Ever Was

Pokemon 4Ever was on today. Man, that movie...it doesn't hold up. It just doesn't. Celebi's awesome and all, but he's sort of dull. As is the movie!

It got me thinking about the other Pokemon movies. LET'S RANK THEM BECAUSE I'M TIRED AND WANT TO GET OFF THE COMPUTER:

I haven't seen any of the movies after Destiny Deoxys, because, well, I hate the Advanced Generation series and everything that comes after it. So I'll only do a Top 7, if that's alright with you lot. If it's not, well, there's the close button. Upper-right hand corner. (Actually, I think I did see that Lucario movie. I hated it. Let's just not talk about it, though. It's easier. Less painful.)

 

7. 2000

This one is inexplicably popular. Really! It is. I remember how excited I was to see it in theaters when it came out. I might have seen it on the very first day, even. But I was disappointed. Even as a 6 year old kid, I was disappointed, because the movie just wasn't very interesting to me. It wasn't exciting. I did love that introduced Lugia and some other Johto Pokemon to us before those games ever came out (NOVEMBER 2000 BABY BEST MONTH OF MY LIFE), though, but other than that it just isn't memorable. A lot of people love this movie, and I think it might have even been the best-reviewed out of the series, which isn't saying much because all of them are hated by critics. But, well, since when have I ever been "a lot of people?"

 6. 4Ever

Yeah, as I said earlier...this movie just doesn't do it for me. IT'S SO BORING. Although it does have that amazing-albeit-predictable plot twist where that kid Sam with the stupid hair is really Professor Oak. How old is Professor Oak, anyway?! He's ancient. Possibly more than two centuries old, even. Oh, and one more thing - we rented this movie on DVD back in the day, and it had an audio commentary - which is very cool. But the commentary lasted A TOTAL OF 30 MINUTES. I remember this vividly - they were all talking excitedly about the movie, which sounded really fake, because even I, a huge Pokemon fan, was having trouble getting excited for this movie. But right when it gets to the part where Ash meets Celebi, the stinking STAR OF THE MOVIE, the cast is like, "Oh, well, we don't have anything else to say! Enjoy the movie!" NO. I CHOSE TO LISTEN TO THE COMMENTARY BECAUSE I WANTED TO HEAR MADDIE BLAUSTEIN CONFUSE ME AS TO WHAT GENDER SHE IS. (Yeah, that's right - a woman voiced Meowth. A transgendered woman, but you know, a woman all the same. She's dead now.) It was so disheartening. I think we turned the DVD off.

5. Jirachi Wish Maker

I think I'm being a little unfair to 4Ever. It was dull, but at least I can remember. At least I expressed interest in seeing it more than once. I've seen Jirachi Wish Maker a total of two times. I own the DVD, people, and I watched it once. (Well, actually I watched the DVD itself about 10 times, but that was for the short, Gotta Dance.) It's just...not interesting. It's probably because Max and May are two of the most insufferable anime characters to ever exist, but the movie was bland as that one thing that's really bland that I can't remember right now. The movie isn't that bad, though. I never thought it was so terrible that I had to stop watching. Jirachi is one of my favorite Pokemon (I have two of them, so HA! HA HA!) and there was some really adorable stuff going on. It's just that the movie itself goes on and on and can be quite boring. It also didn't help that I got it in sixth grade, where Pokemon automatically went to being the Game of Forever to being the scarlet letter that called you out for being that kid that everyone makes fun of. Maybe I should try watching it again.

4. Destiny Deoxys 

Here I go, being unfair again! Talk about not being able to remember anything! I can remember the last movie much better than I can remember this one, but what I CAN remember about this movie is that I really, really liked it. I hate Deoxys, I hate Advanced, but this movie was so entertaining that I watched it twice in the span of a weekend. I can't even tell you what it was about, though. I think I need to watch it again.

3. The First Movie

How creative is THAT title? Huh? Huh? Yeah. Well, despite it being one of the worst reviewed movies of the last decade (11 years, but whatever), it's hard not to love this movie. It's pure nostalgia. It's seeing you favorite Pokemon on the big screen. How AWESOME it was to see this movie for the first time. It was promoted like crazy; remember those gold Pokemon "cards" they gave out at Burger King? Yeah, I had several of those. Remember the special cards they gave out when you bought a ticket? I got Dragonite and Pikachu! Those cards are way more special to me than those lame Ancient Mew cards. You can't even use those in the card game, guys. Why people freak out about them, I don't know. But anyway, this movie came out at the height of Pokemon's popularity, and it was amazing. It's not perfect, of course, but who cares? None of the other movies could match how cool it was to see this movie in theaters.

2. Heroes 

While the first movie to come out in theaters was hyped like crazy, this, the last movie to be shown in theaters in America, was a box office bomb. It made less than a million dollars and was released in less than 200 theaters. I was lucky enough to see it with my gal pals (BAHAHA). I think we were amongst the only people in the entire theater. That was when I started to realize that people didn't love Pokemon the way they used to. We were all growing up (I was in fifth grade when this movie came out, and first grade when the first movie came out) and we started to become self-conscious. Pokemon wasn't cool like it used to be. It's too bad for those people who were too obsessed with being mature and "cool" to watch this movie, because it was amazing. We all walked out of that theater crying and saying that was the best Pokemon movie we'd seen. It really is a great movie. Latios and Latias are two of the most popular characters because of this movie. I own this one on DVD, too (thanks Blaire :D) and I really should watch it again. It has the best setting out of any of the movies - it was inspired by Venice. It's really nice. It just has this whimsical air to it.

1. 3

This movie was released at the height of my personal Pokemon obsession. I had Silver, and I played it ALL THE TIME. It's still my favorite game ever, by the way. I was in love with Johto, and while the Johto season of the anime doesn't hold a candle to the original series (Pre-Orange Islands, that is; Orange Islands is definitely one of the worst), I was crazily obsessed with that, too. So then this movie comes out, and of course I love it. Of course I want to see it again, and again, and again. This movie has, in my opinion, one of the coolest plots of any of the movies. It's insanely memorable - I had DREAMS of this movie. It's even quotable. Who doesn't remember how those cool video phones sound? (Yeah, it was a callback to the series, but still. It sounded way cooler in the movie.) Entei was one of the coolest legendary Pokemon yet, and also one of the most disturbing. He could talk, guys! And in this movie, everyone got to have their own Pokemon battles instead of attention whore Ash getting to show off his trainer skills all the time. Ash, your best friends are GYM LEADERS. You can't honestly think you're cooler than them. And, fittingly, Misty's battle against Entei's hostage Molly was probably the coolest. Pokemon 3 was just the right movie at the right time for me. Maybe it's all nostalgia, but, well, oh well. I think I'll always love this movie even so. (Oh, and P.S. this movie had the single BEST short. Pichu Bros. for the win!)

BONUS: Mewtwo Returns

This is the only true direct-to-video release in the Pokemon series. It was horrible. I had to sit through this thing twice and I think I fell asleep both times. The only cool part about it was the cut footage from the first movie that they used as a selling point - "The Untold Story of Mewtwo." It elaborated on Mewtwo's decidedly way-too-awesome-for-American-audiences back story. It was cool, but it wasn't anywhere near as exciting as I'd hoped. After that the movie is just painful to watch. If this was on my countdown, it'd definitely be in last place. Seriously. NEVER WATCH THIS, EVER.

So, thank you for reading my long and very Pokemon-y rant. If you think I'm insane, you're right. If you think my list is incorrect, however, YOU'RE INCORRECT. NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT. *slams door dramatically* But please check back tomorrow. Please!

Shakin' My Weight Like Yeah

I'm a lazy hobo-in-training so today I asked my bro "Checkahs" (not his real name, thank goodness) to write me a guest blog. Here it is, in its EDITED and AWESOME form. If anyone else wants to write a guest blog, JUST ASK. I'm always lazy and I like mocking your horrible writing JAY KAY Y'ALL

I recently found out about a new fitness program around a new device called a Shake Weight, which has too many parodies to count. The exercises have clear sexual innuendos and seem unnecessary, but that’s not the worse part.

On vacation I found that they made a Shake Weight for Men; you need to see the workouts for those as well. With everyone just grunting and sweating like crazy, you have to realize what they actually are doing: holding something that is shaking. Does anyone even care what dynamic inertia is besides physics peeps….no. The guys in the commercial just make weird open-mouthed gestures and then end with a final grunt. could get a toner body without looking so gay (sorry gay people, it’s not your fault).

Anywho… I’m pretty sure the only buyers of these products are the female counterparts who think their partners need a boost. For me, I would rather use that board where the users just shout at you, it's really empowering, or that P90X workout (they have yoga :D)

Don’t get me started on the women’s Shake Weight. The commercial is basically the same without the buff dudes, expressing the awesome power of dynamic inertia!! You can make anything look dynamic with italics. They just say that it’s so hard for women to find exercises for their arms, it’s called a freakin’ dumbbell curl, idiot. The commercial also seems like the users are pedestrians on the street, how does that conversation play out? Excuse me, can you please place this weight in your hand and let it shake for a minute?

It could be good training for a seizure victim or capturing a spazzy dog, but that’s all it has running for it. NO ONE should buy this product.

P.S. You should look at the parodies [of the ads] on your own time; they have rather suggestive material. See them here and here.

P.P.S Stay golden pony-boy(z).

Relevant Things Going On in My Life Right Now #4

I have no clue who that chick on the left is. So don't ask.

Have you guys ever seen The Dish on Style Network? Oh, that's right, I forgot. You guys actually have better things to do than watch reruns of Clean House all day long.Well, basically the show just rips-off The Soup but is more woman-centric. Thus, it is also less funny. YOOOOW! It's hosted by Topanga from Boy Meets World, who is the large woman in the picture. She's gotten, well, quite large over the years.

But that's not all!:

• 10 Things I Hate About You: The movie used to be one of my least favorites EVER, but in my quest to become the Coolest Joseph Gordon-Levitt Fan in History or something moronic and pointless like that it was necessary to give it another chance. I still think it's a terrible movie. It doesn't age well - it's INCREDIBLY 90s. That being said, it was tolerable. Heath Ledger, JGL, and David Krumholtz all gave fun performances and their characters made me trudge through the movie. Although JGL played the irritating and dull archetype of the Loser-ish Kid Pining For Inexplicably Attractive Vapid Valley Girl, he did it with STYLE! (When I hear anyone say "with style!" I think of Buzz Lightyear instantly. Oh, Toy Story. You're my best friend.) SO. While I can't recommend this movie, if I ever find myself at your house and you put it on, I will only whine for one hour as opposed to three. 
Smart Guy: There's some new channel called Centric that was airing a Smart Guy marathon today. Man, I love that show. Really! I also love Sister, Sister, which, if it was ever remade, I could DEFINITELY star in. It's about biracial twins! I can play that in my sleep! But anyway, Smart Guy has a cool premise that is executed in a stupid-but-hilarious way. T.J. is the bomb, as is his brother Marcus. MARCUS. And then Marcus' friend! I can't remember his name but I think he used to be my favorite character. And T.J.'s dad is so nice! His sister I couldn't care less about, though. Do you guys like T.J. Mowry or Tia and Tamara Mowry better? I can't choose :(
Weekend Box Office: Excitement! The excellent blog that you guys should follow The Playlist reports that Inception came in first this weekend with $60 million. This was expected, although it is perhaps even a tad higher than initial projections. I'm really happy! I hope that the drop-down percentage is slow and this movie will make back its budget multiple times due to strong word-of-mouth. (Read my mini-review for the movie here.) Other new release The Sorcerer's Apprentice opened in a VERY weak third. Read the post I linked for some really good reasoning as to why that is. It's too bad, really, because I like Jay Baruchel and I wish him ETERNAL HAPPINESS. But he'll be okay.
Cheap Trick: I'm just randomly listening to them over and over again today. My favorites are, very boringly, "Surrender," "Hello There," and my number one favorite is "I Want You to Want Me." They're actually a pretty awesome band - not that I doubted otherwise! But Robin Zander has a really good voice - singing AND speaking! SOMEONE RECOMMEND ME MORE CHEAP TRICK SONGS. NOW.
K.K. Slider: He's the adorable singing dog from Animal Crossing! That game is one of my favorites of all zee times. It's just so nice. I played the GameCube one for HOURS. Possibly over 100 hours in fact. I'll never know for sure. My favorite part of the game was being serenaded by K.K. on Saturday night and then getting a bootleg of the song to play in your house. My two favorite K.K. songs are "K.K. Rock" and "K.K. Parade." Unfortunately, the bootleg of "Parade" really sucks. Only K.K. himself does it justice. "Rock" is one of my favorite songs ever, no joke. It really is. It's been stuck in my head every single day of the last week. Here it is in video form (fast-forward a little to :30-ish):
 
Lisa Simpson: Lisa Simpson is my favorite Simpson, followed by Bart. This review of "Moaning Lisa" paints her, however, as a lovable but fun-killing kid. I agree that she is the most human of the family, but there are TONS of moments where you see her acting like a crazy kid like everyone else. She does like Itchy and Scratchy after all. Read the comments as people talk about how they can (or can't) relate to Lisa and why. It's interesting. And since it's the AV Club, it's also funny. 

I think it's pretty cool that I managed to avoid doing one of these for the first 2 weeks of this month. Last month I did two of these! But I enjoy my Relevant Things series since it gives me more to talk about. It's kind of redundant to say "in my life" though because I never think about anything else than pop culture-type stuff, anyway.

P.S. Still working on the Bieber story...you'll get to read it, eventually.

Girl, Quit Playin'!

I wanted to post my Justin Bieber story today, but since it's still unfinished, I've decided to discuss something else Bieber-related:

I've called out "Baby" for its suckiness in the past. But I'll admit that I might have let bias seep through and shape my opinion when I said that. I stand by some things I said: the lyrics are mostly horrible, aside from my beloved Ludacris part and some other parts. And "One Time" definitely is A LOT better.

But "Baby" is, in fact, one of J. Bieb's best. Good job, Biebs!



"One Time" is a victim of major auto-tuning. Biebs' voice is masked by lots of computerized effects. SO NOT COOL. It does feature Biebs' only good piece of acting, but the rest of the video sees him acting like a poseur, basically; he throws gang signs and he says "SHAWTY I LOOOVE YOU" as if he's been cruising in the ATL since Day One. The video glamorizes the Bieber that Usher created, the one that is wholly American. While the song is flippin' sweet as they say in the Land of the Mormons, AKA Utah, the video has some problems. But it does have a lot of hilarious moments where you can really tell that my friend here is a little boy whose just having a megaton of fun (and BOOM goes the dynamite) making a video. And that's what I like. The chorus, too. I love that chorus. LEMME TELL YOU ONE TIME

But the video of "Baby." There's just something there that makes me happy.



Let's analyze "Baby" because we're awesome and have nothing better to do. "Baby" is wholly post-Bieber (I was going to say "Biebian" but we all know that a Biebian is a lesbian that looks like Justin Bieber) - this Bieber already has the girls. He doesn't need to convince them that he loves, that he loves them, because they already know, and they love him, too. And J. says that outright: "I KNOW YOU LUV MEH, I KNOW YOU CAYAH." This seems like it's almost a continuation of "One Time," as if he's singing to that girl as he's talking about how he loves her too and he'll "be theeeyah."

But then things get pretty whack, yo. So whack, in fact, that they almost ruin the song for me. I don't think Biebs' girlfriend understands that when you tell a teenage boy you love him, he thinks that you, um, LOVE HIM. He thinks that you are in a RELATIONSHIP with him. Believe me, I've tried to explain this to her. Girl just don't listen! (Wow, what happened to my grammar?) This girl's ruins Biebs' life (oh god, I almost said "urinates!") as he sings, "Are we an item? Girl, quit playin'! We're just friends, what are you sayin'?" UM. WHAT. Excuse you, Justin Bieber's girlfriend? Do you even understand what you just said?! You spent the first 28 seconds of the video flirting with the guy and telling him you love him and now you're telling him to QUIT PLAYIN' BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST FRIENDS?! WHAT ARE YOU SAYIN'?

Yes, my Paint skills are mediocre.

But even with that major oversight in logic, the video only makes me sort of want to punch everyone. After Bieber is told by the preteen girl who loves him and will never ever be loved by anyone else ever again, she dumps him. Smart girl! But then Biebs whines one of the funniest parts of  the song, "My first love broke my heart for the first time and I was like, 'Baby, baby, baby, OOOH.'" Yes, Biebs. When your heart gets broken by the girl you loved despite her telling you that you weren't even dating, the sensible thing to do is start shaking your fists at the sky and singing, "BABY, OOOH." THAT MAKES COMPLETE AND TOTAL SENSE. WOW. I LOVE YOU. Oh wait, I better not say that because unless I want you to "be like, 'Baby, baby, oooh'" all over again.

The chorus is the worst part of the song. It really is. It's repetitive. It's non-sensical. It's illogical. HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT SHE WOULD ALWAYS BE YOURS WHEN YOU WEREN'T EVEN DATING YOU CHIPMUNKY CANADIAN FOOL? Ugh. (Side note: Crud, I just noticed Drake [AKA Aubrey Graham from Degrassi for those of you in the knooooow] is in this video. Weird.)

But the video itself actually gets totally awesome after the first chorus. The "down, down, down" part of the song is so excellent I can't help but grin like an ugly Brit. J Biebs' dancing to get his girl back is awesome. HE ROLLS OVER A POOL TABLE AND IT'S SO GRAND. His intent to get his baby back is so strong and persuasive that he inspires people to start breakdancing in the bowling alley. It's pretty much official: Justin Bieber is the reincarnation of a Greek god. Maybe even Zeus. He is so powerful that he can get people to dance at his every whim. 

A staple of the best Bieber videos is the scenes where he dances in front of a wall by himself (or, in this video's case, with Ludacris). These are always the best scenes. In "Baby" Bieber just does all of his best, or weirdest, dance moves. He does a Michael Jackson-esque tiptoe as well as something Moonwalk-inspired. He does this cool Electric Slide-type thing. He shakes himself, which is hilarious. He pounds his chest a lot. Justin B. really is a pretty good dancer. He's also a really strange kid. Evidence, here: 

Sorry the .gif is so choppy. But I think you get the point. Soon enough the girl, who actually looks a lot older than Justin Bieber in a bad way, starts to see the error of her ways. You can tell that she's thinking in her head, "Wow. I'm a total jerk." She was being a jerk to him, y'know. And it's not just me being biased against her because he's my friend. She ignored him and pushed him around. MEANIE. But as Justin Bieber breaks out into a spontaneous choreographed dance in the middle of the stinking bowling lane, that girl realizes that this guy is going to make a ton of money. They'll probably make a movie about him! Maybe she could be in it. Maybe she could meet Usher! How cool would that be?

But she still isn't so sure that she should go back to him. This becomes clear to Justin Bieber's producers, so with a cry of "LUDA!" Ludacris appears in front of Justin's wall. It's all over now. This is Ludacris, people. No one can turn down Ludacris even if they tried. Not only that but Luda wants to make his young protege Bieber feel better. If Biebs is Zeus then Ludacris is Kronos, waiting to be overthrown by his son, but not before they release a music video together! His rap is my single favorite part of the song. I actually sing it constantly. "When I was firteen, I had mah first luv; there was nobody that could compare to my baby, no one could ever come between us, no one could evah come above!" In the video you mostly just see Ludacris and Bieber goofing off in-between shots of Biebs mugging for the camera and just looking generally Woodland creature-like. Bieber mocking Ludacris and then being strangled by him is pretty adorable. (Wait. What?) 

Ludacris tells Bieber he went through the heartbreak, too, but he just keeps on saying...you think he's going to give some major words of inspiration, but no: he says, "BABY BABY BABY OOOH." Luda. I don't think you get it, Luda. BIEBER HAS BEEN SAYING "BABY OOH" THIS ENTIRE TIME. YOU REALLY ARE NOT HELPING HIM. AT ALL. That whole rap, for naught! For naught, Ludacris! Bieber just goes back to his old gig of dancing awesomely and in sync with people much older than him in the hopes that this will entice his baby to come back to him. But if his not-girlfriend is anything like me, then she should've flown the coup by now. However, this IS a Bieber video, so she probably can't find a door, anyway. Lost and hopeless, she begins to dance across from Bieber like a minion of his little Dancing Army. It's girls vs. boys now. Why the girls are siding with this chick, I don't know, but that's how it is. That's how Bieber wanted it.

The girl smiles and Bieber breaks away from his bro pack to have flirting time with the girl in the middle of the bowling alley. This Bieber kid really doesn't have any problems with PDA, huh? I WOULD KNOW. BELIEVE ME. Soon enough Bieber starts saying, "And I'm all gone," which leads someone who isn't actually watching the video to believe he's committed suicide or something, because never in the song does he say anything other than "BABY NOOO" to indicate that she has come back to him. If I was listening to this on the radio, I would be shocked to hear him saying this, to hear him just abruptly allude to his disappearance...disappearance from this EARTH. Obviously in the video this is not the case. In the video it really just means, "Yo, peace, I be outtie wif mah fly honey." (Side note: she is not very fly at all. A catty girl's opinion.) But if we want to get really insane with this, which we certainly do, then we can say that maybe Bieber killed himself from loneliness and then only got together with his girl in the afterlife. Those shots in that Vegas-looking area would represent the dead Bieber. They descend the escalator and into the light together.

Dang. I'm messed up.

I hope that satiates your Bieber needs until I finish my story. It's weird, because I'm not a fan of him or anything. I mean, we're just friends and all. But he's just such a funny character to me. I think it's because he's the chipmunkiest pop star since Jesse McCartney.

Inception Mini-Review

Whoa. Just saw Inception. You know it, obviously - it's been hyped by pretty much everyone you know for the last YEAR, since that very first teaser trailer came out. But now that it's out, we all have to wonder - does it live up to the hype?

Well, yes, I'd say so. For the most part.

This is a mini-review. I don't think we (okay, I) here at FWSF have ever done one of those. EXPLANATION TIME WHOO: Basically I'm going to sum up everything in bullet points. It's easier and you're more likely to read it without getting bored! (Hopefully.) Think of it as my notes. WARNING FOR POSSIBLE SPOILERS. I'll try to be a little vague.

• The acting was awesome - for me the standouts were Leo, JGL, Ellen Page, and I guess Tom Hardy. Leo played the tortured married man/dream thief - his usual trope, obviously. But darnit if he's not one of the best guys acting today at playing a tortured soul. 
• I'm conflicted as to whether I'd consider Cillian Murphy's acting to be good; his character, although written multi-dimensionally, it seemed, did not seem to feel. He cried at one point, but I didn't get a good sense for who he was because the acting was cold. It was hard to connect with him.
• On that note - this movie is really one without a clear villain. It may seem like it from the beginning, but eventually the villains become friends. For a movie like this, a thriller, a heist, it seems like there -must- be a villain, but somehow it works without one. Perhaps because there are always people shooting at each other.
• The awesome scenes with JGL being thrown around in the hallway, floating around (they're seen in the trailers, you know what I'm talking about) - so cool. I love trying to figure out how that stuff works. It really amazes me. I know that it was done with sets - but how the heck could they have them floating in the air? That's something I'll be thinking about until I buy the Blu-ray and watch the special features that will hopefully cover the Making Of.   
• Ellen Page was a college student in FRANCE. Why did she have a Nova Scotian accent? Was she French-Canadian? It's a nitpick but IT BUGS ME. P.S. Michael Caine rules, bye

OKAY THESE ARE ALL SPOILERS NOW:

• The last third of the movie was the weakest. Once they got into that third dream, on that snowy mountain, it started to get complicated. The premise of this movie alone seems complicated, but it's well-explained. However, the third dream was not. It was unclear to me what the real goal was, and since everyone and everything was covered in white, it was hard to see who was who. When Tom Hardy was attacking someone, it was hard to be sure that it was not actually the other way around. 
• Limbo - the concept should make sense but Chris Nolan complicated it. At least, for me. Also in that limbo part it was incredibly infuriating that there was SO MUCH TALKING. The snappy dialogue is what sets the movie apart from your typical summer action film, but in this scene I just kept wishing that Leo would punch Marion Cotillard in the face.
• On that note - MARION COTILLARD. Her character was so stinking irritating. Maybe that was the point? She was a psychotic witch who was torturing Leo. If that was the goal then she succeeded. But I really dreaded seeing her on screen once it was revealed she was dead. She was cool when she was trying to kill everyone. 
• Her childhood home - it seemed like they were going to explain her childhood, why it was so important. They were setting things up for a BIG SCENE OF EXPLANATION AND LOTS OF FLASHBACKS but nothing ever came. It was a red herring and annoying at that. 
• JGL and Ellen Page - well, actually, Ariadne and Arthur. (Aren't those names adorable by the way?) I'm sure there's going to be tons of fanfiction about them now. I went into this movie thinking that they were going to avoid romance, but obviously they didn't. Although it was brief, anyway. But I think that scene made everyone love Arthur a little more.
• The ending. If you've seen the movie, let's discuss it in the comments. Mark for spoilers. My personal opinion is that the totem falls down, and that it's NOT a dream. But maybe I'm optimistic. God, I hope not. It better all be real! But the callback to the beginning (I actually love frame narratives even though they're done WAY too frequently) was confusing. Obviously Ken Watanabe had been there for a long time, since he was an old guy with lots and lots of makeup. But Leo? What about him? Do we all have our own limbos? But Leo told Ariadne that he had to go find Ken. How did he know that he was even dead? It couldn't have taken THAT long to find him, because he woke up before the flight was over. But Ken Watanabe had grown so old. That's the problem. That's the case against my opinion. That's why most people will say that the ending was a dream. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THIS CHRIS NOLAN WHY

SPOILERS ARE OVER PEOPLE STOP FREAKING OUT NOW

So, while the movie has some missteps, it's something that I think most people will not forget anytime soon. It leaves a lot of unanswered questions that I know I'll be thinking about for a long, long time. Maybe it didn't live up to all of that insurmountable hype, but nothing does. (Except, maybe, The Dark Knight.) It'll probably make you angry - but in a good way. The movie that makes you feel something is the movie that succeeds.

Also, Leo has a really big, squishy head in it. And everyone wears snazzy suits. So you kind of have to see it for that. (Yes, I'm aware that Leo's head is ALWAYS squishy. But it's especially squishy when he's wearing a suit.)

Inception gets 4 and a half Joseph Gordon-Levitt's being mocked by Tom Hardy's out of 5.

Ashamed and Barely Awake

Right now I'm writing something that I hope to get posted for tomorrow/Saturday. Guess what it is? GUESS.

No, whatever you guessed is wrong. I'm writing a story starting Justin Bieber. And it's truly awesome. Maybe you'll get to read it. I hope so, because I really like it. J. Biebs is kind of stupid, kind of jerky in it, but that's what makes it fun. If I post it, then consider this my apology in advance.

I'm pretty tired and don't feel like writing much so I'm just going to leave you a bunch of articles that you should read. Consider it your homework even though it's not graded or even looked at. LIKE ENGLISH 9 HONORS WITH SCHLIEFY HOMEWORK! OR ENGLISH 10 HONORS HOMEWORK! OR AP LANG HOMEWORK! (oh, you know it's true.)

• Whatever Happened to the Box-Office Bomb? from Slate.com
• Vampire Weekend Sued by Contra Cover Model from The AV Club
• Work of Art Recap by Judge Jerry Saltz from New York.com
• Warner Gambles On an Unproven Commodity (Inception) from The L.A. Times

Have a good day. Let me know what you think of those (relatively short!) articles when you read them, which you most definitely will. Right?