Conundrums

So normally I love being a baby. Okay, I'm 17, which is pretty far removed from being a baby, but I'm still younger than the majority of my friends. My birthday's in December (HEY YO) so while everyone else is able to vote or buy cigarettes or whatever the heck else an 18 year old can do by the end of senior year, I, alas cannot. This isn't usually a point of concern for me; as I said, I love being the youngest one around, as if it gives me more of an excuse to act immature and idiotic. But today, almost immediately after talking about internships with my sister (at my school in order to graduate seniors have to get an internship which they do in lieu of going to class for a month or so) I go on Kotaku and see this:

Kotaku Looking for Eager Interns in NYC

Joy! Glee! Happiness! Other positively-associated emotions! I love Kotaku, and I've been hoping that they'd post something like this for, like, a year now.

Aspiring writers: Kotaku is bringing in another round of editorial interns! Do you…
• Live in the New York City metro area?

I live a train ride away from NYC! Huzzah! Everything is looking great so far until, so anticlimactically, I reach a stumbling block.

• Are you over 18?

...curses. Over 18? I'm not even a day away from 18. I'm barely 17! How can an inanimate number, so minuscule in the grand scheme of things, crush my dreams so swiftly?

And then I realize, you know, this bulleted list is not over. Surely, being 18 is an important aspect (not that it should be) but look at the other points of "requirement":

• Want to learn how to work in the games press?
• Have a laptop and a better-than-average command of English? (Better than us, I'm saying?)
• Maybe, kind of, sort of heard of a few videogames?

All three of these points are readily applicable to me! I love video games, even if I'm not someone who plays them constantly. In fact, much of the time I am more interested in gaming news, and so Kotaku is so perfect for me. Obviously it's not just a site run by writers who like talking about games instead of playing them (not that that is necessarily true of me, either) but writing about video games, and just writing in general, is one of my admittedly few passions, and so, in sum: I really need this stinking internship. I more than just want it, I honestly think I need it. How can I breathe without Kotaku?! How can I live?! (I'm a little insane, but you should know that already.)

So, even if they throw out my application because I am not some arbitrary number that really should have no bearing on the matter when I'm giving free reign to do as I please instead of going to school starting the third week of May, I am going to apply for this internship. We'll see how that goes.

In other news, Pokemon Black and White was released here in the USA yesterday. I still haven't gotten it but it should be coming soon...not that I'll have time to play it :( Senior year is surprisingly busy.

Check out this review by IGN (I'm not a particularly huge fan of them/their reviews but whatever):

"Say-GUH!"

I was browsing GAF yesterday and found this really interesting article and accompanying thread from the 90s. It's an interview with the then-president of SEGA of America. Very prescient and a good read.

They're scans so you should just read it on the thread: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?s=7ac3d76ef3a68bd11eed2a0ee3bc5608&t=422270

I always wonder how my life might be different if Sega never exited the console war. It's quite sad that they lost so badly, too, especially since the Dreamcast is now looked upon so fondly. Even then, it was liked, I think; Sony just was a tough competitor. The Dreamcast couldn't stand a chance against the PS2 with its DVD player (and better reputation; after the Sega Saturn, Sega's brand name was so damaged in this country that the Dreamcast was arguably screwed from the start).

It's especially sad when you realize that all of this could have been avoided had the higher-ups over in Japan not been so negligent of their American counterpart. Maybe Japan was ready for the Saturn (not that it did so hot there), but the Genesis was still riding high over here and could have lasted another year or two. Reading about the mismanagement back then and knowing full-well what the aftermath was is so sad.

Especially, if you read the thread, when you find out about the massive mess-up that was the Saturn's launch in this country! It was supposed to come out on "Sega Saturday," and the PS1 was going to come out a week afterwards. However, at that year's E3, the president (Tom Kalinske, who is the guy interviewed) announced that that was a ruse and the Saturn was immediately available at certain retailers. The retailers left out turned their backs to Sega, feeling abandoned, and this move just caught people really off-guard. Coupled with the fact that the Saturn just wasn't a very good system, Sega was doomed to fail against the superior Sony PlayStation.

Of course, Sega is still in the video game business, so it's not completely different now a days. But I always wonder what would have happened if the Dreamcast was a juggernaut and instead of the XBOX 360 we had Dreamcast 2 fanboys or something? That the latest Sega console was ubiquitous with gaming, just like the Wii and PS3 (and 360) are now? These hypotheticals will forever remain hypothetical.

Sigh.

New York Comic-Con/Anime Festival 2010

I went to Comic-Con/NYAF this past weekend. It was pretty awesome. Yay!

I saw the standard cosplayers; there were so many Lightning's and Yukiko's and Ramona's of different shapes/colors/sizes, it was pretty nuts. But I actually liked a lot of the costumes I saw; it's awesome how much effort some of these people put in, and how much confidence they had, wearing skimpy outfits and posing for picture after picture. I know I took pictures!

I also got to see the first ever New York screening of The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya on Friday. I was really excited for that, but man, the other people in the room were obnoxious as HECK. They laughed at every little thing, even if it wasn't all that funny; they applauded everything, too. It was insane. I mean, I loved being around a whole room full of people who I knew loved the same anime that I did, but they were so irritating. This girl we sat next to laughed so loudly and annoyingly, and this guy we sat behind waved to the voice actors who hosted the panel and I think he was dressed up as an InuYasha character or something and it was horrible. Towards the end of the movie -SPOILER ALERT- Kyon (main character) got stabbed out of the blue and everyone started laughing and clapping. How is that funny or applause-worthy whatsoever? They were taking me out of it, and it nearly ruined it for me. I still really enjoyed the movie but I hope I can see it in the comfort of my own home soon.

I wanted to go to the Square Enix panel, also, but it was full. Other things I wanted to do: play the games! Nintendo's booth had Kirby's Epic Yarn, Donkey Kong Country, Wii Party, and some other games that I really wanted to try but I never got the chance. I watched some guys play Kirby for awhile and it looked so gorgeous and cute, though. I really want it! Now.

I did get to play a little bit of Okamiden, but I had no clue what was going on. It did look really cute, though. I got a poster, a little mask-type thing, and some Chibiterasu silly bands from the Capcom area, which was nice. I wanted to play Marvel vs. Capcom 3 and get a poster, but that game was one of the most popular there, and I think you could only get a poster from one of the signings, which I didn't go to. Oh well.

SPEAKING OF SIGNINGS, I am a sucker for being in the presence of celebrities, so you can imagine how happy I was to MEET THREE (KIND OF MINOR BUT OH WELL) CELEBRITIES! :D I met Patrick Cassels, who works for Collegehumor.com, and got his autograph and a picture with him; he was so nice! Then I got a picture with and an autograph from Judah Friedlander (Frank on 30 Rock), which was pretty awesome, too. He told me to "stay sexy." Hilarious. And the best one of all was meeting Scott Adsit (!!!!! Pete on 30 Rock) who was on his way to the Delocated panel despite not really having anything to do with it! I got his autograph and told him that I loved 30 Rock and Moral Orel and once I mentioned the latter his eyes just lit up and he looked at me and said, "Thank you! I really appreciate that!" And then he asked me if I had seen Delocated and I said that I hadn't but I wanted to and he told me to check it out. AND I DID. And it was okay. It had Todd Barry in it which was great because I love Todd Barry. I also love Scott Adsit!! I wish I'd gotten a picture with him, but at least I'll always have the memory.

Even though I'm the cheapest person around I forced myself to buy stuff: tons and tons of pins, a Scott Pilgrim sticker, and a Scott Pilgrim t-shirt. The Oni Press booth had a ton of cool Scott stuff, and I wanted to get the wristbands but they said "July 2010" on them and were from SDCC, so I decided against it. Also, my wrists are too big for wristbands, anyway. ;_; At least I got the shirt! And a sticker! And I wanted to buy a book from there, Hopeless Savages, but it was $20 and I decided against it. They had a nice booth though. Pretty cool times. Oh, and the pins I got included a Pokeball, a Harvest Moon pin, a Spirited Away pin, a TON of adorable Inception pins, and super cute Wallace and Kim pins. I wanted to get Scott but he was sold out. You know, the only Scott thing I got that actually HAD Scott on it was the sticker. Too bad.

On Saturday night we decided to take a cab to the train station, and we managed to get a stretch limo. It was amazing. We went with these two random people we met; one of them was wearing a green suit. They were also amazing. We paid $30 for 8 people to take a stretch limo from the Javits Center to Grand Central. It was -- guess! -- amazing.

So that was my Comic-Con experience. It was tons of fun. I want to go next year. Can next year be tomorrow? Please? I hope I can meet Scott Adsit again and take a picture with him this time! But any celebrity will do. Please celebrities! Come find me and give me your autographs!

Happy Birthday, Super Mario Bros.!

Today is the 25th anniversary of the Japanese (a.k.a. very first) release of Super Mario Bros. on the NES. There are video games before Mario, and video games after Mario. 25 years ago was the day when video games became what we know them to be today: mass market-appealing, well-designed, FUN games.

That being said, I was never a big fan of the traditional Mario games. I had Super Mario Advance; couldn't stand it. UGH, it was hard. I never liked Super Mario 64. SORRY. I did like Super Mario Sunshine though! Although I didn't think it was very good. However, I own and LOVE Super Mario Galaxy, and I love a ton of the spin-offs, too: Mario Tennis, Mario Kart (64, Double Dash!!, and Wii), Mario Party (1, 2, 4) and then things like Super Smash Bros. and the like. (I also own New Super Mario Bros. Wii and I kind of don't like it that much. Although it is fun.)

But even though I'm not the biggest Super Mario fan, it's safe to say that I wouldn't be playing games today without it. So thanks, Super Mario Bros.!

From the Persona Team, Catherine Trailer

I'm tired. Really, really tired. I blame LittleBigPlanet and it's hideously high entertainment value. I was playing online with some random Puerto Rican person until 1 AM. Man-oh-man. Good times.

While LBP fills every gaming orifice that is not already filled by Pokemon in my body (don't ask where or what these orifices are, because that is a personal question. Also, it's nonsensical and I have no answer for you, anyway), I can't help but stare longingly at my perfectly organized game shelf (which, it just occurred to me, I must take a picture of to immortalize for all Internet-going generations to come!) and wish that, settled in-between LBP and Ratchet and Clank: Tools of Destruction, there was a copy of my much-desired Persona 5. Unfortunately, nary a title exists as of yet. But I assure you, it will come. Gosh darn it all, it will come. I won't let Persona 5 NOT be on the PS3.

While gamers have been awaiting any sign that Atlus was beginning development on the game, or at least on some PS3 project, for the longest time there was nothing. The system was launched nearly 4 years ago, and there has so far been squat. Thankfully, though, Famitsu and Gamescom exist. Gamescom is the European E3; if you don't know what Famitsu is then I don't know WHAT you're doing. It's the premier gaming magazine in Japan. So while this pretty big event is going on, Famitsu has revealed some pretty big news to go along with it. Also, Tokyo Game Show (TGS) is in September, so they're also prepping for that.

Finally we have evidence that the Persona team is not allergic to the HD consoles. DRAMATICALLY I PRESENT TO YOU CATHERINE IN ALL CAPS (this is NSFW but, I mean, who reads my blog at work anyway? I don't think anyone who reads my blog even has a job):



Yeah. Catherine is not known to be related to the Persona universe, but who cares, really? It's an "adult horror action/adventure" game about a dudebro named Vincent, who appeared in Persona 3: Portable, a "listless salaryman, is the main character and his life turns into a nightmare, literally, when he meets the charming Catherine."

The game has a really cool art style that I love. The game play has yet to be seen, and I'm a baby so I don't really like the adult themes, but I'm holding out hope that this game turns out to be my kind of thing. I'm pretty excited.

Catherine's coming to the PS3 and 360 in Japan this Winter. We can look forward to seeing it sometime next year. I hope. (DUN DUN DUN!)

More screens/info here: http://www.siliconera.com/2010/08/19/welcome-to-vincents-lamb-filled-nightmare/

E3 2010 Day 2: Nintendo and Sony (Plus a Tiny Ubisoft Recap)

Today started out as one of the worst days of my life, but quickly became one of the Top 10 Greatest Days Ever. Capitalization WARRANTED.

Before we get to the brilliance and excitement that was Day 2 of E3 2010, let us backtrack to yesterday and talk briefly about Ubisoft's conference. It was not too thrilling, save for some surprises (new Rayman AND new Raving Rabbids, MICHAEL JACKSON SINGING/DANCING GAME!). My favorite games were Children of Eden, Project Dust, and Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood, which I will never play, most likely, but will champion regardless. I also enjoyed Innergy, which is a silly name for a silly game but also too cute for me to pass up. The conference was hosted by Joel McHale from The Soup and that enjoyable but soon to be overrated sitcom, Community. He hosted last year, too, but I think he was much funnier last year. There were a lot of great, mean-spirited quips, especially at the pink-haired guy who demoed Innergy. God, I really hope that's how it's spelled, or I'm making myself look like an idiot.

Now onto today's conferences!

 Nintendo Press Conference: June 15th, 2010, 9 AM Pacific. 

Usually, people are advised to save the best for last. For Nintendo, this was not the case. Not only was this the single greatest Nintendo conference I've ever seen, but it was one of the best conferences in E3 history. It was definitely the best one out of the Big Three (um, spoiler?). Being a going on 10-year-long Nintendo fangirl, I probably was going to be a little biased from the start, but this seriously was excellent. I know a good press conference, people! Trust me.

Not only was this show amazing, but they showed their single most hyped up game FIRST. That would be The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword, a title whose presentation came completely out of left-field. When this title showed up on screen, the crowd went wild; it was insane. It was MADNESS. (But it was not Sparta, that comes up in the next conference.) At first you thought that the game was just going to be shown by our guy from Treehouse Bill Trinen, who I love (I love ALL Nintendo people, though), because Shigeru Miyamoto, a man who needs no introduction EVER, was on a screen in some pre-recorded video. But then Shiggy jumps out of a screen. HE JUMPED OUT OF A SCREEN, GUYS. It was excellent.

From IGN. Obviously. THANKS IGN :) Don't get mad at me for stealing your bandwidth!

He proceeded to demo the game. It looked fun, and this is coming from someone who usually cries just from thinking about Zelda (well, specifically Twilight Princess...and Majora's Mask...). The graphical style was lighthearted in a pseudo-realistic kind of way. The game will rely heavily on MotionPlus usage, with players having to move the Wiimote like it's an actual sword; the Nunchuk simulates the sword. While Shiggs said that the game would have 1:1 control, the live demo did not seem to be so responsive. This was probably because there was interference in the crowd (Bill started yelling at people to "TURN OFF DAT WIRELESSSSS." Hilarious); play previews posted online said that the game really was amazingly close to 1:1. Overall, the game looks great. The release date is still ambiguous but my man Miyamoto said it would come out sometime next year. I don't know if I'll pick it up, but it looks good. 

Now, remember: this is only the beginning. Already, Ninty had showed off what many considered to be their biggest game of the show. Man, they were wrong. The biggest game was coming up next...MARIO SPORTS MIX! :D Haha, no. But Mario Sports Mix did look pretty grand. Reggie -- you know, Reggie, the guy, one of the greatest Nintendo dudes -- announced it while talking about the sports games coming to the Wii. This is an arcade-style medley of sports: volleyball (YESSS), hockey, something that looked like dodgeball that could have not been dodgeball (no wait, it was dodgeball), basketball (YAYYY), and others to be announced. It looked really, really fun. I'm excited. I love the Mario Sports games. Especially Mario Tennis. But not Power Tennis. That crud was dreck. Or is it "that dreck was crud"? Either way.

After that, they talked about some more casual games. Now, the previous two years, casual games were the main focus. However, it was surprising that, right after they were done making a big deal out of the previously-announced Wii Party, an unnecessary Mario Party successor, and Just Dance 2, yet another dancing game I can't play with my friend Matt Damon, they just went straight into Golden Sun. Everyone was going nuts. Me? When Reggie announced that the subtitle would be Dark Dawn, I spent much of the trailer pondering the logic behind that name. I mean, how can the dawn be dark, guys? HOW CAN THE DAWN BE DARK? The game looks pretty good, though. It's coming out this holiday season. It's not my top priority, but we'll see. 

Then they went into something that would have been really exciting had IGN not spoiled it for everyone yesterday: a Goldeneye 007 remake, exclusively for the Wii! I really enjoyed how excited everyone got. I've never played it, but everything I've ever heard about the original has been really positive, and I'd be happy if something nostalgic from my past was being remade for me to enjoy all over again. The graphics were questionable but I'm sure it'll be really, really fun, at the least. It's also coming this holiday. It'll be one bizzzay season.

After that came a lot of Epic Mickey footage! It was so cool. They showed an animated cutscene from the game that was STUNNING. GORGEOUS. BEAUTIFUL. I wanted the game ten times more than I had wanted it before after that and the rest of the demo, and I already wanted it a ton. It looks like just a really classic, fun platformer. One thing I love about Nintendo and their consoles is how friendly they are to games that are designed for all-ages. They're not concerned with being "mature" (although most developers just equate maturity with blood and gore), they simply want to have as many fun games available on their systems as possible. This looks to be one such game! It should be great. September, guys! 

After that came probably the most left-field surprise: A NEW HOME CONSOLE KIRBY GAME. OH YOUR STINKING DEITY OF CHOICE. I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT. It was the cutest game I've ever seen, ever. Think of the cutest game you know. This game is about twelve times cuter. It was brilliant, innovative, had amazing style, and just looked to be really, really, really, really, really CUTE. It's coming out in fall, like every other amazing game that I want, it seems. I need it. I need this game. It's called Kirby's Epic Yarn, which is a...questionable title, but it doesn't matter! You play as a yarn version of Kirby who can use his yarn powers to stretch things and just generally be adorable and make you want to throw money at him. Geez, man. GEEZ. Kirby, I will thrown money at you any time you want. Name the amount.

SO CUTE.

Next segment was boring. Reggie made reference to some random Treehouse worker named Chico (a girl) who played Dragon Quest IX for 140 hours. Shouldn't you be working, Chico? Not just playing games? AND DON'T GIVE ME THAT "I work at a game company" CRUD. BAD CHICO. So, yes Dragon Quest IX is coming in July (26 days from today). After that we saw a cool new Metroid: Other M trailer with lots of gameplay. Looked good. Comes out August 31. 

Donkey Kong Country Returns was next. It's the first new DK platformer in a good stinkin' long time. It's made by Retro, who did Metroid Prime and stuff. It looked really, really good. I think it comes out next year. Not sure if they said. I really enjoyed the trailer...too bad it wasn't a surprise to me. The Internet spoils EVERYTHING! (Hey, does anyone remember that DK Country TV show from the early 00s? It was...uh. I watched it a lot, but I'm not sure that I would say that that time was not wasted.) 

After that was the big guns. The 3DS! SO MUCH STUFF happened during it, I can't even explain it all. The system looks EXCELLENT. It's a big bulky, but it kind of has to be. The lineup is FANTASTIC. It might just be the greatest game system of all time. I'll post the whole video(s) for you to see for yourself, because it's just way more than my words can explain right now.

Sorry the videos are sized differently. I WANTED THINGS TO BE UNIFORM. Sad face. Well, anyway, doesn't that look AWESOME? So great. It was so EXCITING. System of forever, right there. I wasn't expecting much from the 3DS, but I was completely blown away. Just look at that line-up! It's awesome. Satoru Iwata, you are definitely my guy. You rule. You...you all are the greatest people to have ever LIVED.

Nintendo's conference was so gosh darn good, it's going to be hard for me to talk about Sony at all. I'll try.

Sony Press Conference: June 15th, 2010, 12:00 PM Pacific

Sony is known for their cool montages. There were a lot of them. They were mostly enjoyable, but by the 4th minute of the 3rd one, I started to get a little bored. Regardless, the opening was nice. Jack Tretton hosted, and he made lots of fun digs at Kinect and their Cirque du Soleil promotional event the night before E3 started. Um. Also, the stage was really cool looking. Soon Kaz Hirai came out. I love that guy. Too bad he was stuck rambling about 3D for 10 minutes. It was hard for me to pay attention, especially since I knew now that, well, Nintendo had come up with my ideal 3D solution. But he tried. Then he started talking about system updates that will allow games to be in 3D, and I was fuming something vicious. I HATE SYSTEM UPDATES. They take too darn long!

Moving on. Killzone 3 was shown. Audience excitement level - high. Mine - low-ish. Pretty tired of FPSes, myself. It was demoed by a German named Herman, which I find far too funny for my own good. Before he left, Herman the German said that the game would be out next February. Good. Now let's stop talking about it.

Then there was a make.believe thing. I still don't understand what that is supposed to be. Some sort of multimedia...thing? I wasn't paying attention until I saw a red panda, followed by a polar bear! Red pandas and polar bears are so cute! Thanks, Sony! This, by the way, was the second cool montage of the night. It was followed by another montage. In said montage was The Sly Cooper Collection, which I'm really excited for despite hating every minute of Sly Cooper that I ever played. All 12 of them! But I love fun, gore-free action/adventure games, which the PS3 is sadly lacking. They did announce a really cool PlayStation Move (their new motion controller that they prattled on about) game called Heroes on the Move, starting Ratchet and Clank, Jak and Daxter, and the Sly Cooper gang. It looks...ugly. But fun! Really fun. I love Ratchet and Clank: Tools of Destruction, so even though I probably won't get the Move, I'll keep my eye on the game.

So the PS Move was touted around for the longest time during the show. It was tiring. I like the previous name better, the Wand. I think it's been called the Move for a year now, but oh well. There were some cool games showed for it...well, other than Heroes, I liked Sorcery. The crowd seemed to really like it, too. It looked really, really fun. But not fun enough to convince me to spend $50 plus extra costs on another motion controller.

The best part was when VP of Cool Things Kevin Butler came on stage to make an amazing "inspirational" speech about gaming. God, that man is funny. People were screaming "I LOVE YOU" from the crowd. The crowd was filled primarily with large, sweaty men, mind you. It was fun. Here's Kev's speech below.

He is HILARIOUS. Love the Kinect dig in the beginning. So mean, those Sony guys. I mean, this was mainly just more Move promotion, but it was FUNNY. So, thanks, Kevin. Later, they also showed some new PSP commercials in the vein of the Kevin ones starring that Bobb'e kid who's all over the place. Y'know, the go-to smart mouthed African-American kid? That's him! He plays Marcus Rivers in the new PSP commercials. Very, very funny. Hopefully we'll see them on TV soon.

LittleBigPlanet 2 was demoed. That game looks awesome. I've talked about it before, and not that much else was revealed. Release date? Um...I'm not sure if they said one. Or if they did, I missed it. I think it's out next year, though? I want it. A lot. After that they had to bring the mood down by announcing the not-at-all-surprising PSN Plus service, which will be $50 for a year or $30~ for three months.Wait, that doesn't sound right. Oh well. It's so stupid - you get "100s of dollars worth of free content!" The thing is, that free content only remains free for you to play as long as your subscription lasts. I find that pretty lame, especially since they're giving away PSN games that people will probably want to play for a long time. I guess that's so they can get people to subscribe for longer. Thankfully, all of the currently free services will remain free, so I'm largely unaffected. I still find this service irritatingly XBox Live-ish, though.

There was then a surprise announcement that Portal 2 will be on the PS3, and will be the "best console version." Cool stuff. They showed a trailer. Nice. Gabe Newell is a funny guy, I guess, although I really do not like him at all. Oh, then there was a beautiful FFXIV trailer that made me want the game even more. Too bad it's a stinking MMO. URGH! I don't want to play an MMO. But I do want to play you, FFXIV. So badly...so badly. We'll see. I don't think I ever will play you, but we'll see. ...Um. Oh, Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 was shown briefly in yet another montage. Everyone cheered, including me. Then some time was spent showing a trailer for inFamous 2, which looks GREAT. I like the first one a lot, so I'm excited for the new one. I think Cole got a new voice, too. And hair!

The end of the conference saw the unnecessary return of one of the creepiest games ever, Twisted Metal. I was frightened so much that I couldn't look at the screen. What a horrible way to end the conference...I didn't think the series was that beloved. It was kind of random. I wish they hadn't shown that at the end, or at all. It was really, really creepy. Too many clowns.

All-in-all, this conference was better than Microsoft's, but far worse than Nintendo's. It was pretty dull, and definitely not as good as last year's. At least it was better than Sony 2006, but it's pretty hard to be worse than that.

This day was excellent, if mostly because of Nintendo. Tomorrow will be some third-party conferences, including Konami and I believe Square Enix. Those conferences will not be televised, so I'll just try to post some news highlights. Either way, E3 is still on until Thursday, so more awesome exciting fun times are on the way, I'm sure.

(Now I'm going to go watch DBZ Kai, which features yet another horrible English literal translation of a Japanese song. Bleh.)

E3 2010 Day 1: Microsoft and a Little Bit of EA

So, whoops. I thought E3 started tomorrow! Guess how shocked I was when I came home today to find that Microsoft had just started their media briefing (answer: I was screaming)!

For what may be the first time ever, Microsoft's conference was shown live on TV exclusively on Spike. Surprise #2 of the day. GameTrailers TV/Gametrailers.com must have won exclusive coverage of it (although I checked G4 after and their Pre-EA conference show was all about Microsoft's briefing, so). It was strange.

Let's get to the actual conference, though!

Microsoft Media Briefing: June 14th, 2010, 10:30 AM Pacific.

The big M took the majority of their hour-and-a-half-long conference to showcase their new Minority Report-esque peripheral, Kinect (formerly known as Project Natal to us cool kids who have been following it since last year). The Kinect is...I'm not sure what to call it, really. It's not a controller, please make that distinction. If you don't, Microsoft will send someone to your house to set you straight. Painfully. Kinect allows you to control your games and the XBox interface with your body and your hands. It's basically this little camera thing that tracks you and your movements 1:1 with the game/menus.

The Kinect. Coming November 4th, 2010.

Microsoft wanted us to really get that, yes, your body is the controller, guys! It's totally cool because you can't lose it in the dark and you can move things WITH YOUR HANDS. You're totally in the game, guys! Totally! Except, Microsoft, you're no more in the stinking game with this stupid, poorly named camera than you are with a camera. God darnit.

I mean, I guess some of the Kinect games were sort of cool. Kinectimals (WHAT A HORRIBLE NAME THOUGH UGH) was pretty adorable. It was actually pretty hilarious, because there was literally no segue whatsoever into the demo. You just saw this little girl (Asian, like a LOT of the demo-ing people. Actually, almost all of them were minorities. I felt like it was to clear up that rumor from last year started by N'Gai Croal that it couldn't recognize black people) walk up to the screen and just start saying, "SKITTLES! YO, SKITTLES! WHERE YOU AT, BOY?" ...Okay, she didn't say that, but that would have been the bomb. She just started taking to her pet TIGER, SKITTLES. Because that makes more sense. This went on for a long stinking time. But it was cuter than my very cute pants, so it's okay.

Another cool Kinect game was one by Harmonix, a poorly-named dance game called Dance Central. Personally, I think the game will either flop or be the best-selling game for this stupid camera thing. You do these insane dance moves to these classic songs (one of which is Bell Biv DeVoe's "Poison," which was demoed by a Japanese woman so wonderfully; THAT GIRL IS POI-SOOON) - you ACTUALLY do them. The thing is, though, I find it impossible for someone like me, for example, or my bro Matt Damon, to be able to play this game at all without failing out immediately. Regardless, it's a cool concept.

Some other funny Kinect-related moments: my much-maligned Kudo Tsunoda came on stage and acted pretentious, per-usual. He was dealt massive damage when one of the greatest people who has ever lived came on stage to demo the dreadful Kinect Adventures game called him Lorenzo Lamas in a great deadpan voice. Sheer hilarity. He also then referred to his "BFF Oscar." It was fantastic. 

Let's see...what else? That was pretty much it on the Kinect front. There was a cool Star Wars trailer, but that was about it after the other stuff. There were lots of other games shown, but none of them seemed to have much potential or appeal to a more "hardcore" audience. It was pretty disappointing. Not that I was expecting much, anyway. Kind of a 360 hater here.

The rest of the conference was dedicated to letting us watch other people play the games that WE want to play, which was boring and unfair. Plus, the majority of the games (save for one by Crytek, whom I do not care for one bit) were ones we had already known about, which was a completely snooze. The one cool part, for me, was the gameplay footage from Metal Gear Solid: Rising, the ONLY Japanese game in the whole lot. I'm not very interesting in the MGS series, but I do find it quite interesting. Also, Rising did look fun in a completely grotesque way. It's much more blatantly action-y than the other games, and I think a lot of people will get excited for it. Dude, Raiden's power is CUTTING PEOPLE IN HALF. If I wasn't so squeamish I would want that game something awful.

The last part of the briefing was the absolute WORST. They announced one of the worst-kept secrets of the show to be real, the new model of the 360, affectionately (?) dubbed the Slim. It's incredibly ugly.

LOOK AT IT. LOOK AT ITS UGLINESS. P.S. Thanks for the pic, Kotaku, love ya, xoxo

And you know what they decided to do, those stupid rich jerkfaces, right after they announced that this baby was coming out on Friday? THEY DECIDED TO GIVE ONE TO EVERY SINGLE STUPID PERSON IN THE STINKING AUDIENCE. What a gip. A TON of people are mad about that on the Internet. Seriously, that is not cool. People gave our guy a standing ovation after that, but who wouldn't? It was still lame.

So, that was basically it. All-in-all, it was an incredibly boring press conference. I was still glued to my seat, of course, but it was kind of a disappointing start. People have already made comparisons to the two worst conferences of recent history: Nintendo '08 and Sony '06. While I'm not sure this was THAT bad, it surely wasn't much better. Hopefully Nintendo and Sony will clean Microsoft up tomorrow.

The EA conference came on later, shown live on G4 where it rightfully belongs. While it's not one of the Big Three, it may still be worth discussing briefly.

EA Press Conference: June 14th, 2010, 2:00 PM Pacific. 

Quick highlights:  

• Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit did actually have a very cool trailer. I actually really like the concept, even though at first it just seemed like the most stupidly dramatic racing game ever.

• The Sims 3 for consoles had a presentation that waxed philosophical (am I using that correctly?) very weirdly. He started blabbering on and on about life and death. Strange. But the game looks cool. I want it. The Kris Allen song in the trailer was...strange, though, to say the least. 

• I enjoyed the enthusiasm of the audience during the Dead Space 2 and Medal of Honor segments. 

• 3D Crysis 2 would have been cool if 1. I cared about Crysis 2 and 2. I could see the evidence of it being 3D on my TV. Oh, but it was funny when the background character kept screaming "STOP! SHE'S RIGHT HERE! WAIT!! STOP!!" Haha.  

•  Not from the show itself but on Kotaku's liveblog, Mike Fahey called Cliffy B (Cliff Blezinski for you common folk) Clifford the Big Red Dog, hahaha. 

• That Star Wars: The Old Republic trailer was pretty intense. Not that interested in the game. 

So, that was about it. Today was not that great; I'm more looking forward to tomorrow, where both Nintendo and Sony will have their conferences. Really excited for those -- they're supposed to be promising. VERY promising INDEED. I'll make sure to give you the recap manana. Ta-ta!  

ETA: URGH, Ubisoft is having a conference at 5:00 Pacific, but I don't think I'm going to cover it. I'll give you any major news tomorrow. (Stupid, stupid finals to study for.) 

"More like one Yosuke and one awesome Yosuke."

What are some of the best ways to procrastinate on your AP American essay?  "Video games." "Reading comics."

Well, a comic based on Persona 4, a game with which I procrastinated so contently for hours upon hours over the last few days, combines those two methods into one extremely funny one.

"What's Persona 4 about?" you ask as you chew on your disgusting pencil, laden with bite marks, its point surprisingly sharp as the pencil waves up and down in the air while you bite. I suppose I should humor you and tell you. The Persona series is an off-shoot of the Shin Megami Tensei series.

"Um, that doesn't help," you say in a mocking way, exploding into laughter so obnoxious that it takes every ounce of self-restraint in my wee body to keep myself from punching you (lightly) in your face. Fine then. The SMT series is, as a whole, a dungeon-crawling RPG where you play as teenage characters (usually) and try and convince demons to work with you so that you can destroy other demons. The Persona series is only marginally like that. The first one was, but no one likes it.

The 3rd and 4th ones are probably the most popular; they're at least the most accessible. Both are for the PS2, which means that millions of people have access to playing them. So Persona 3 started the new trend where you play as a silent high school protagonist who has the unique ability to awaken several different Personas (as a Latin student, or as I call us, Latineer, I'm trying not to correct this and write "Personae" but I digress). Then you meet other people who also can awaken a Persona (but not more than one like you can! Losers) and you can become friends with them. Befriending people, in your party or otherwise, helps you advance your social links, which in turn helps you make better Personas.

Get it now? Good.

The comic is by someone named Peachi, who posts it on her livejournal, which is called hiimdaisy. Most people refer to her as hiimdaisy, as such, because most people thought that other most people named their LJ accounts after what they like to be called on the Internet, but apparently not! Click the link now, please, for Part 1. And make sure you open it in a new tab because I'm not done talking yet!

Basically Peachi is a huge fan of Persona and other games that I love, because who isn't? She makes fun of the game while also celebrating its sheer hilarity. While the game is mostly serious, it does have a ton of really funny moments that she sends up so well. The characters are really well-defined in the Persona games, and so it makes it really easy for her to completely parody them.

Because Peachi's work is so well-done -- well-written, well-drawn -- it's made its way around the Internet to people who have played and loved the game as well as people who haven't played it, but have played their fair share of RPGs to get the humor.

The comic is pretty spoilerific, so I must admit that I've only read as far as I've gotten to in the game, which admittedly is only up to the summer vacation part. (That's about 15 hours into the game, heh.) Some of the foreshadowing is really hilarious though, like in the part to your left, after the guy goes away, Chie (the obligatory tomboyish character and possible love interest; best friend of the much lusted after Yuki, seen trying not to freak here) just says something like, "Good thing we'll never see him again!" Of course, that means we will see him again. I'm really dreading that part. Look at him. LOOK AT HIM. He's so creepy.

Yeah. Well, in a very awkward transition, this comic has gotten so big that there are even very funny dubs of it on Youtube. The voice acting is unbelievably good, as is the editing. Check it out, it really conveys the comics well:

And that's just Part 1, kiddies!

I hope you enjoy the comic/dubs of the comic, because if you do, you get a really shiny gold star. And you can continue to be my friend. Because you're ALL my friends! Even you, obnoxious laughing one. Your obnoxious laughing is an endearing character trait. (Haha, that's a reference, guys! You totally get it, right? ...Guys?)

You know, on a side note, it's very hard for me to eloquently and humorously gush about the things I enjoy. It's a problem. If anyone can help me through this troubling issue that I must live with every day, it would be much appreciated. TEACH ME HOW TO BE FUNNY WHILE ALSO POSITIVE. D:

New Scott Pilgrim Trailer!

If I haven't made it clear enough yet, I love video games. I love everything about them. I love playing them, watching them, reading about them, talking about them, even singing about them. YES, I SING ABOUT VIDEO GAMES. Poorly!

That's why I like Scott Pilgrim so much. It's this graphic novel series that's about cool people who like video games and anime and manga, and live very video game/anime/manga-esque lives. And they make it seem totally normal.

I would give you the whole synopsis but I'm lazy. Let's let other people do that for me!

Obviously, there is a movie coming out. This is the brand-new trailer for it, released yesterday. It will probably become a huge thing, and I guess that's good if it gets more people reading the comic books. I just hope that people don't just watch the movie and come up to me when I'm talking too loudly about it and they're like, "Scott Pilgrim! I love that movie!" because then I'll give them the stink eye, and no one wants to see that.

Ahem. Anyway, some of my favorite people are in this movie: Michael Cera, Johnny Simmons (HOTEL FOR DOGS SAY HAAAAY just kidding, god, don't ever admit it if you've seen that movie), Aubrey Plaza, etc. So of course, I'm excited, although I would be anyway.

And Edgar Wright is directing! You probably know his stuff (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz); my favorite thing of his is Spaced, which is this hilarious British comedy series that's similar to Scott Pilgrim in that it has lots of video game and other "geeky" references in it. It's good stuff. You should rent it. If you want, I can consider lending it to you...in ten years. OH SNAP.

So, yes. Enjoy that trailer and go out and buy the Scott Pilgrim comics. I'll probably be talking more and more about it as we get closer to the release date of the sixth/last volume and the movie. And then MAYBE I'LL WRITE SOME REVIEWS. Because Google tells me that everyone loves those! And by everyone, I mean the five people who read my blog.

Buy Scott Pilgrim volumes 1-5 here.

(Whoa, lots of caps! And sorry that the videos always get cut off! Stupid Youtube is stupid?)

Things That Are Excrutiating

(That is probably not the best title for a blog that you are trying to get people to read, but, um, oh well?)

So. Hi. How are you? Yeah, okay, I don't care that much.

Let's talk about dubs. But first, a preface. I like a lot of things (hence the relative lack of focus in this blog), but two things I really like are video games and anime. YES. VIDEO GAMES AND ANIME. This may seem weird to you, but really, it isn't. I grew up during the height of the "anime with video game tie-ins" craze. People in the 80s had the anime "secretly" selling toys one, and we 90s kids had the anime secretly selling video games, toys, and, um, school buses one.

A lot of fellow video game and anime fans, albeit much more grotesque and irritating ones (yes, there are indeed people more irritating than me!), whine about English dubs. Dubs are, of course, dubbing or translating from one language into another, and since most anime and video games (at least, video games that whiny anime fans play) are Japanese, they have to be dubbed into English. A lot of these fans think that the Japanese or original dub is "lyke sooooo much better desu." Personally, I like a lot of English dubs, or at least tolerate them. But the following examples would probably sound better in their original language.

ANIME THAT SOUND LIKE PEOPLE TRYING TO DIE

One Piece is really popular in Japan. It's one of the top 3 most popular anime, in fact. It never reached that same success here in America.

This is why.

Oh. Oh, dear. That...that isn't good, is it? No. Not at all. One Piece is one of the many anime that is well-liked in its original language by weeaboo masses that was mutilated by 4Kids entertainment. Chances are, if you've ever seen an anime on TV, it was dubbed by 4Kids, and that's exactly why you hate it.

I don't care about the show in the first place, though, so it's dub is more funny to me than anything else. That doesn't mean it's not horrible, though!

Cardcaptor Sakura, on the other hand, is actually a completely awesome manga, and the anime in its original language is also ah-mazin'. However, those darn Canadians decided to turn it into a pile of worthless junk. They called it Cardcaptors. 

You probably have no idea what's going on here. I could try to explain it to you but you'd probably start laughing at me the second I said "ten year old girl," so I won't bother. All you really need to know is that this dub is horrible, but I think you and your bleeding ears get that.

There's even a whole series on YouTube dedicated to bad anime dubs! Here's one example.

Cyborg 009! Bro, I totally watched that show on Toonami back in the day! It wasn't this dub, though; thankfully, they redubbed it to make it more tolerable. But if I was 8 in 1988 and not 2001 and was watching this dub instead, I probably would be in a psych ward by now. Well, maybe not.

OMG BONUS TAIMU DESU! That's what I would say if I looked like this. But I don't, so I'm just going to show you this bonus clip without introduction. (Although it's from that 4Kids dub of One Piece. That's all.)

VIDEO GAMES THAT SOUND SIMILAR TO A VERY ILL MAN'S PUKING

I'm going to get this one out of the way first. I love Final Fantasy X. I love it so, so, so much. I played it for ~20 hours in one week, and I never do that (with any game that doesn't start with "Pokemon," anyway). It is so good that I want to go play it right now!

The one bad thing about it? This scene.

I think I like how the user called Tidus "Baboon" the most about this video. Tidus is kind of an idiot, but I still like him. Um, except for in this horrible little piece of programming. Bleh.

Chaos Wars had no chance. Sure, it actually got some surprisingly decent reviews, but it was yet another faceless tactical RPG in a sea of already extremely niche PS2 TRPGs. Its dub really doesn't help, as it might very well be the worst I've ever heard (apparently it was done by some guy who worked at the publishing company's relatives!).

I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW ANYONE CAN BE THIS BAD AT VOICE ACTING. And why does Uru sound so stereotypically gay?! "I don't really want yo' twisted love. I really don't." I MEAN, WHAT? Seriously. HORRIBLE.

Oh, wait, did I say Chaos Wars has the worst dub ever? I was wrong. This "game" does.

I could try to tell you why this is so bad, but it would either take me years or I would start frothing at the mouth in mere seconds due to my even speaking the name of this abomination. And this clip isn't even the worst of them! Any idiot who paid money for this adventure in wasting time is a sad, sad person and probably will never touch a video game ever again, which is too bad really.

I mean, technically, this isn't a dub in the same way that FFX and Chaos Wars are, but I think it's worth posting for its sheer mediocrity. Besides, the first time I saw it I thought they were dubbing it from some European language.

I'm sorry that I hurt your ears, but if it's any consolation, mine hurt even more -- I had to find these clips AND watch them all the way through AND I watched other clips in between. If you'll excuse me, there's a nice Vicodin with my name on it. (Not really! But there is a little stuffed Pikachu I can rest my head on. Good night.)

P.S. Please, remember that not all English dubs are bad. As I said before, I actually like a lot of them. But sometimes they really are undeniably horrible.

In Which I Get An Obligatory Post Out of the Way So I Can Post .Gifs of Conan O'Brien Dancing

This is Malcolm Gladwell.

As you can see, he's one classy bro. Unfortunately, when I read Outliers for school this summer, I came back in the fall to find myself as one of the only people who felt that way. The name "Malcolm Gladwell" is largely met with a sneer now, even by people who aren't between the ages of sixteen and eighteen, I find, and it saddens me, because how could anyone hate this guy, even dislike him? (He's like Paul Rudd or something! Everyone loves Paul Rudd!)

Despite its age (because 2005 is so old), this review makes me like him even more. I guess I'll summarize it for you, if you're really that lazy. Basically, Gladwell reviews the book Everything Bad is Good For You: How Today's Pop Culture is Actually Making Us Smarter, which is about how today's pop culture is actually making us smarter. Sorry, was that obvious?

Anyway, sarcasm aside, the book discusses how today's popular culture is much more complex than it used to be, which causes us to think more and become much more active participants in what we're watching (or playing; he cites video games as examples, too) than we used to be. This is something I've been saying for years. Critics of the television and video games are only seeing one side of the picture, only taking things at face value. I find that many of them have only sat through a show or a game long enough to be able to develop a thesis statement and be able to denounce it without sounding uninformed.  But they are uninformed, because the things that make these shows, movies, games, whatever, so great are the things that you actually have to think about: the allusions, the references, the metaphors. Why do they think there are so many sites like Television Without Pity or The AV Club, both of which have hundreds of thousands of views? Yes, for every TWOP you have an IMDB, which has way too many whiny preteens complaining about the dearth of shirtless pictures of Devon Werkheiser there are out there, but the TWOPs and the AV Clubs prove that there is a thoughtful, intelligent audience out there willing to be sucked into the television. These people prove that it can't be all bad.

This is one of my favorite parts:

Most of the people who denounce video games, he says, haven’t actually played them—at least, not recently. Twenty years ago, games like Tetris or Pac-Man were simple exercises in motor coördination and pattern recognition. Today’s games belong to another realm. Johnson points out that one of the “walk-throughs” for “Grand Theft Auto III”...is fifty-three thousand words long, about the length of his book. The contemporary video game involves a fully realized imaginary world, dense with detail and levels of complexity...This is why many of us find modern video games baffling: we’re not used to being in a situation where we have to figure out what to do. We think we only have to learn how to press the buttons faster. But these games withhold critical information from the player. Players have to explore and sort through hypotheses in order to make sense of the game’s environment, which is why a modern video game can take forty hours to complete. Far from being engines of instant gratification, as they are often described, video games are actually, Johnson writes, “all about delayed gratification—sometimes so long delayed that you wonder if the gratification is ever going to show.”

Exactly. As I said before, for every Ico and Final Fantasy IV you have at least two dozen mindless first-person shooters, but even those are more complex than your parents' Pong. Ico is one of the most frustrating games that I've ever played, but it's all worth it because I take away so much - it's like a well-made film, complete with a great story, beautiful art, and an immerse world. Gladwell and the author (Steven Johnson) are exactly right - video games today involve a large amount of critical thinking and are often incredibly complicated. But that's what makes them great.

I said before that I am not so keen on the idea of calling this a "pop culture" blog, but after reading this review, I feel less ashamed of the term. If we can learn to ignore Kim Kardashian and Two and a Half-Men then maybe we can start to realize popular culture's true merits.

Now here is a picture of Conan O'Brien (and Andrew W.K.) dancing:

You're welcome.