It's the Most/Least Wonderful Time of the Year, May Sweeps (NBC STYLE)

Thursday night was the season finales of both Office and my new favorite Parks and Rec. 

Office was unsurprisingly underwhelming although some of the guest stars amused me, namely James Spader (and I guess Will Arnett, just because I love him unconditonally). James Spader was actually quite fantastic as the unnerving, disturbingly persuasive managerial candidate. I don't know if his character would work full-time but, darnit, would I love to see them try.

Another point of interest or two or four in an other lackluster and annoying inconclusive finale: Ryan was really on fire. His delivery of "Oh, no, Stanley, you'll live forever" killed me, as did the whole gently deriding Jim thing. ("James.") What was the point of Jim Carrey showing up? It was nice to see Gabe finally leave but it was a bit rushed...I actually missed it while I was doing something else. And Toby is looking seriously gaunt. I'm worried about him.

The Office's inconclusive (we still don't know who's boss!) season finale gets 3 obnoxiously hilarious Jim parodies (as performed by Angela) out of 5.

Parks and Recreation has been on fire all season long, even as a midseason replacement. Thankfully it won't be getting that shaft again next season. While I found this week's episodes, sold as a bit of a two-part finale, to be less solid than last week's, I still thoroughly enjoyed them, especially the near-epic "Li'l Sebastian," which was probably as perfect to an ending as anything I've seen from any show this season. It reminded me of the good old days of The Office where there were things at stake, where the end of the season was supposed to bring up new questions as well as answers. Parks and Recreation is relatively low-key and yet its character development is so strong that they drive the plots, they are the ones causing the conflicts instead of some meaningless and manipulative plot. Tom's conflict was especially poignant and at the same time subtle enough, not made to be some big plot point to be sold on. What I love about the show is that it's not something that, like Office, needs to be promoted the heck out of to get our excitement. We come back for the characters.

And just like Ron I will miss Li'l Sebastian. I have however cried several more times than Ron has.

I'm also interested in what the proposition given to Leslie will mean for the show. Perhaps Leslie in the government, maybe as mayor, was the end game all along. It will be interesting to watch. Also excited for: more Ben x Leslie moments, Andy and April as they exit their honeymoon period, and finally meeting the original Tammy! Also I hope they play "5,000 Candles in the Wind" again because that was awesome.

I give the Parks and Rec finale episode(s) 4 and a half torches exploding in Ron's face out of 5.

Seven and One-Half Years Later

Wow. So. I've written about how much I love Beulah and specifically their finale release, Yoko, before. From that post you could probably tell that I've done quite a bit of research on the band...and yet, somehow, I had never heard this NPR segment before now.

It's always interesting to hear someone's voice for the first time. Sometimes you have expectations for how they'll sound; in Miles Kurosky's case, I was expecting a voice a bit higher, raspier, with a less confident tone. I've been listening to this band for four years and I had never heard him speak before just now. And to speak about one of my all-time favorite songs, "Me and Jesus Don't Talk Anymore"? Man. How did I miss this?

Enjoy, although I don't know that anyone reading cares about this as much as I do. It's a great song and an interesting little piece, though.

Irrelevant, but: Don't miss the season finales for The Office and Parks and Recreation tonight!

Thursday Night's All Right

Thursday's comedy block was extremely awesome. I'm a cynic and a hater and I actually really enjoyed every show of the night -- well, except the Paul Reiser Show, but I don't watch that, so.

Community was hilarious, although I kind of resent that all of those awesome little plot lines will never be expanded upon. The Office was sweet, even though it was trying really hard to make me feel that way. It was nostalgic, and I'm a sucker for that kind of stuff. Season 2 will forever have a place in my heart, so I really appreciated this episode. And it made me even more sad to see Michael go.

Parks and Recreation...I can't even describe my feelings for that show in words. I spent the last two days watching all of the episodes of Season 2 that I hadn't seen. It's just a perfect television show; it's reminiscent of season 2/3 The Office, and it's so wonderful. I love EVERY. SINGLE. CHARACTER. Even Tom, even Jerry. (HAHA, Tom and Jerry.) The show works in relationships so subtly; last week April and Andy got married with little fanfare. This week Leslie acknowledges her feelings for Ben and it's not a big deal. The little quiet moments make this show feel realistic, moreso than the Office, and I just enjoy every minute of it.

The hour-long 30 Rock had its great moments, too, with some hilarious one-liners (ALSO THE RETURN OF DANNY, JUST PUTTING THAT OUT THERE CUZ I LOVE HIM), but overall I think the show should stick to its 30 minute roots. Also the shoehorned clips felt really, really weird. This season has already had two season finale-type episodes and it's not even over yet! The Office also played with nostalgia this week but in a less overt way, and while it was still kind of obnoxious I appreciated it a bit more than 30 Rock's lazy bag of season 1/2/3 clips.

I did, however, love the callback to Jack's classic line: "It's after 6. What am I, a farmer?" Good stuff.

So, yes. I highly recommend you start watching Parks and Recreation if you haven't, and I would suggest you watch all four shows' latest episodes. They were all worth it. Best Thursday in awhile.

Vacation Posting

I'm on Spring Break right now, so I'm feeling very lazy. Well, really, I've been feeling lazy for awhile now. Sorry.

Today's Thursday and you know what that means - a new 30 Rock (the hour long 100th episode!) and a new Parks & Rec! I woke up this morning feeling excited. It was wonderful.

Last week's Parks and Rec was so good, just a great ensemble episode with character development and heartwarming moments and blah, I'm excited for tonight's. Especially since it's called "Soulmates" and it involves Leslie being matched with someone she already knows on an online dating service. ;) Although if it's who I'm thinking it is, then why would he be on an online dating service anyway? He doesn't strike me as that kind of guy. Well, I guess I'll figure that out in less than 12 hours.

Last week's 30 Rock was good too but I just want them to resolve this TRACY IS MISSING! arc already. I hope tonight is awesome and I'm looking forward to that Condoleeza/Jack tryst being brought up again. That was mentioned in season 1, right? It killed me. Hopefully this will be a satisfying culmination.

I wonder what an hour-long 30 Rock will feel like. It seems like a weird prospect, like an hour-long episode of The Simpsons or something. Well, I guess they did have one of those, and it worked out pretty well in my opinion. So I have high hopes.

Make sure to watch Parks and Rec tonight at 9:30 EST and the 1-hour 30 Rock special at 10 EST. (Also tune in to Community at 8 EST. Don't feel obligated to watch The Office.)

Operation Kitten Calendar

I miss Acceptable.tv. It was this awesome show created by Dan Harmon where viewers could vote on which sketches/"series" would continue onto each new episode. It was hilarious and inventive and so of course it only lasted 8 episodes.

This was my favorite "series" from the show, "Operation Kitten Calendar." Enjoy.


Operation Kitten Calendar Season 1 by TripleA297

Hey Arnold Post of Eternal Win

If you didn't know, the entirety of Hey Arnold! is available on Netflix Streaming. You should watch it right now. I especially recommend what I believe to be the best episode of the show, "Helga on the Couch." You know that Very Special Episode feature over at the AV Club? If I worked there and could write a column for that feature I would totally write about this one. Maybe.

So go watch it. I leave you with this cool "Trivial Facts" version of it that I found on Youtube.



On an unrelated note, why is the best series of The IT Crowd not available on Instant Streaming?! I want to watch "The Work Outing" darn it! That's another Very Special Episode right there. So funny.

Ironically, the Super Bowl Got Me Thinking

Thought: Last night, Christina Aguilera, who, if I may comment, and I may because there are no rules here, this isn't Fight Club, although it would be cool if it was, except I wouldn't have lasted this long, I would probably be like Jared Leto's character and Edward Norton would take his anger out on me because Brad Pitt had a crush on me and then I would be disfigured and scary-looking, looked like her face had been stretched out completely, sang the National Anthem at the Super Bowl. It was terrible. (I heard it playing in the other room and wondered if our neighbors' cat was being murdered or something.) Xtina screwed up some of the words, and that's...yeah. Bad.

Of course, I don't even know the words myself but I assume you're expected to know what you're singing before you go out and sing it? Maybe they just saw Christina and her melting stretchy face in the stands and said, "Oh my god! Christian Aguilera! Even though she's totally irrelevant she's like the most famous singer here! Let's have her sing the Anthem! Maybe people won't be able to tell that it's her and not Lady Gaga, who kind of looks like her! Man, this is genius! I smell a bonus! I think? Or is that a hot dog?" and that's why she sucked so hard.

Personally I'm not offended when people screw up the Anthem. I don't understand why we need to sing it at all our sports games. I guess the majority of the people watching sports are from middle America where you're shot if you don't greet people by yelling, "HECK YEAH, AMERICA!" and smacking them on the butt in a totally non-homosexual way. (Note: I'm a naive, over-generalizing East Coaster. Duh.) Also, why is the "Star-Spangled Banner" the Anthem? I think "America the Beautiful" and even "God Bless America" are better songs, objectively, although I don't think it's a good idea to have a Christian-themed anthem. And why the crud do we need so many patriotic songs, anyway? I get it, really: the USA is pretty spiffy or whatever. I'm not down on it. We have the best cable channels, after all. But I think instead of singing these really boring and stupid America songs before games we should just be given ice cream in red, white, and blue cups. I love ice cream, and so does every other patriotic person; eating ice cream should only reaffirm our patriotism, then. HECK YEAH, ICE CREAM! IN AMERICA!

Thought: After the Super Bowl I screamed at my dad for half an hour, "IS GLEE ON YET? IS GLEE ON YET? HELLO? CAN YOU GET ME SOME ICE CREAM? OH, AND IS GLEE ON YET?" Yes, I scream in CAPITAL LETTERS GRRR. You see, Glee was the post-Super Bowl show this year. Was it The Office last year or two years ago? Because that was the last show that I cared about that aired after the game. I have low expectations for Glee, since it's one of the most infuriatingly overrated things in the history of infuriatingly overrated, a canon that also boasts U2 and Twilight. Last night's episode probably met my expectations: it was boring, the characters were either not there or acting strange (since when has Chord Overstreet a.k.a. "Sam" been so terrible? That broke my cold, dark little heart), but at least the songs were mostly good and it was kind of funny. The best song for me was not the overhyped "Thriller"/"Heads Will Roll" mash-up ("Heads Will Roll" was so underused! But I loved when one of the football players asked who the Yeah Yeah Yeah's are), but the random and unnecessary a capella cover of "Bills, Bills, Bills" by Blaine and his gang of the Gay-Friendly Non-Gays, Featuring Ex-Glee Member Kurt. So good, yet so, so, so pointless.



As he was singing and dancing and being generally enviable and awesome and talented and my future best friend-like, I realized that Blaine is not doing his whole singing and dancing act for the guys. He's doing it, it seems, for the ladies. Blaine is supposed to be gay but I don't get that vibe from him, maybe because his actor Darren Criss is straight and not able to communicate otherwise well. Maybe I'm being stereotypical, but I don't think it's about stereotypes; despite the fact that they're setting up Blaine and Kurt's future relationship they really have no chemistry whatsoever. In fact, maybe Blaine is asexual; he just does not give off the sense that he's ever had romantic interest in anyone, neither female nor male. I don't know if it's the writing or what. He just exists to sing and dance and all of the girls swoon when he does.

I like Blaine a lot but he just is this sexless being. I actually respect that about him, because most people his/my age play up their sexuality in a really obnoxious way, although that's not as true for gay people, I guess. What I don't like is that he's supposed to be some role model for all of the gay boys that watch; they either have Kurt, who is flamboyant and kind of terrible, actually, and just embodies every stereotype ever, or they have Blaine, who must hide his homosexuality really darn well or something despite attending his charming all-boys school, or "Tolerance Narnia," as the AV Club hilariously puts it. I guess I don't have to care this much but if I didn't I wouldn't be me!...

Thought: ...Although that probably wouldn't be a bad thing. (Haha, us teenagers are just so self-deprecating and down on ourselves, it's adorable.)

My Sucky Life as Sucky Suck Suck Liz (Who Sucks)

Remember that girl whose abnormally large head I bore witness to last summer? Liz Lee is her name. She isn't famous, so if you know who she is then I'm sorry, because this must mean that you are familiar with her show, the existence of which is unwarranted, unnecessary, and makes me slightly more resentful than normal (bear in mind that I am extremely resentful always).

Yes, well, Little Miss Liz "I'm A Nerd! I'm So Weird! Lawl, Let's Go Shop At Urban Outfitters Because They Sell Personalities That I Can Afford With My Rich Parents' Money! Aren't I Such A Witty Little Geek? Star Wars!" Lee has just been rewarded for her thoughtful and worthwhile contributions to the human race by MTV with a second season of her completely, 100% true television programme.

Lee must be having "quickies" with some higher-up over at MTV or something. Either that's how this happened or she really is that pathetic and lives a life unaffected by the infiltration of cameras; this is because she perhaps has no life beyond the one that she creates for the entertainment (or derision; mostly derision) of others. Obviously, the whole reality show genre is huge right now, and I'm not even complaining about that necessarily; I watch more 16 and Pregnant than I'd like to admit. The difference here is that Lee is completely without note: her entire world, her titular "life," is constructed by producers. It is not just one aspect of her self that she is exploiting for us voyueristic 18-34s to watch, mock, and criticize, it is her entire being.

What's sad is that the "self" being projected, labeled as "truth," is highly unlikely to be her real self. A docu-drama about some non-conformist teenage girl, unbiased and without those obnoxious voice overs that MTV likes to sprinkle (or rather, douse) over everything, could be quite interesting if it was without the editing and off-camera direction that so defines Lee's show.

Perhaps my giving attention to this needy, fame-seeking girl is not the smartest thing to do, but you don't come here expecting "smart things," do you? I hope not. I'll leave you with the unfortunate trailer for the unfortunate second season of her unfortunate show, My Unfortunate Life as the Unfortunate "Liz." I would tell you when it's premiering but I don't want you to watch the show and contribute to the girl's ego and ratings. I hope a season 3 is not a forgone conclusion over at Viacom, because this girl needs to develop her real life character instead of handing her blank canvas of a body over to the college grads who are in charge of cultivating and creating her image for her, pasting stickers of indie bands on her forehead, tattooing anime references on her back, doodling Yoda on her stomach, coloring her hair, painting her lips that obnoxious red color, and just generally making her into an intolerable freak hole.

My Life as Liz - MTV Shows

I Hate Computers (Or, Allegra's Favorite Time "Wasters" That are Actually Great Uses of Your Time Assuming You Have Nothing Important to Do)

Because MY computer crashed I now have a vendetta against all computers. This is how a rational person...rationalizes?

Mehhhh.

If my computer was working I'd be finishing my college applications. Actually, I'd be procrastinating on finishing them. Now I can't even do that! Well, technically I AM procrastinating, sort of, just now I have a valid excuse.

Here are my invalid excuses:

Style Rookie: At the risk of sounding creepy I've been reading this girl's (Tavi, age FOURTEEN) blog for almost 2 years now. It's about fashion, which, if you know me in person (I bet you do, too) is like the antithesis of my being. That's actually extremely hyperbolic (as is the use of "extremely"!), I think fashion is great, especially Tavi's fashion sense considering she's barely a teenager. I'm just really lazy (not a stretch of the truth in any sense) and self-conscious and cheap and lazy and repetitive.

The thing about fashion bloggers is that their blogs are always very accessible and fun to read, even for people like me whose pictures show up in the thesaurus as the antonym of fashionable. Tavi likes Freaks and Geeks and that's good enough for me. (Seeing her in all of these magazines is a strange experience for me, just like how every time I walk past Forever 21 and see the girl from The Stylish Wanderer, another blog I read, I freak out. I remember reading these blogs when they would get at most 60 comments! Which is still a lot but now they get so many more and are on advertisements and it's insane! And recently I was reading some magazine and they had Keiko Lynn and Jane from Sea of Shoes and Arabelle of Fashion Pirates and I was just like, WOW, this is nuts. Yes, I read way too many fashion blogs. I know. You can stop laughing at me. Really. Please. Thanks.)

Oh No They Didn't!: I always get randomly obsessed with this site. Once a month or so I'll go on here because I'm bored and have an essay due the next day and then I'll just go on it every day for the rest of the week. The thing is, I consider myself somewhat culturally aware and yet I don't understand half of the posts on here. But the posts I do understand are great. And I like the comments section, if mostly for people's icons. The terminology they force themselves to use can be grating ("I agree" = "ia," "My thoughts exactly" = "mte," etc. which seems obvious but totally isn't so urgh go away) but so can I! Also their layout is purple, and purple is a nice color, so I am obligated to enjoy this site. See: red, yellow, light brown.

NeoGAF: I've mentioned this site before. The number one video gaming forum/news aggregate on the Internet, NeoGAF also has an entertaining Off-Topic section. Okay, so half of the jokes are just stolen from the site that rhymes with More-Can, but at least GAFfers don't sic their hounds on people and there's no porn or anything. Although my NeoGAF primer consists of: 1. Do NOT join the website 2. Do NOT read Girl-Age threads for fear of being sucked in 3. Do NOT read OTs for a popular game you like but know is divisive because you WILL get mad. (P.S. I break rule number 2 all the time. Girl-Age threads can be hilarious.)

Sporcle: So fun. Usually I resist phenomena like I resist laughing in classrooms (I said I was self-conscious bruh) but this is the one thing the people I have had the "fortune" to attend school with for the last 13 years got right. Sporcle is full of "fun stimulating mental diversions," AKA "Games that Allegra Must Play, Preferably Late at Night, Preferably with Her Sister." And she does! I recommend games that involve video clips or naming as many episodes of a show as you can. I also like the ones where you have to write out all of the lyrics to a theme song in a minute or so. SO fun.

IMDb forums (fora?): Only if you feel like dropping your IQ a couple hundred points. Yes, IMDb forums will knock your IQ into the negatives. I recommend going on the Jon and Kate Plus 8 forum because it is the most hilarious forum in the WORLD. An alternative to this for the people who are fond of their brain cells would be TWOP (aka, Television Without Pity for those averse to cutesy acronyms). TWOP has some really bad threads, too, but overall it's a better moderated and thus better reading. Check out the America's Next Top Model and Teen Mom threads/boards for all of the LULZ and insight you can handle. TWOP-ites are nasty, and I love 'em for it.

I think you've got enough fodder for preventing you from getting anything done for weeks now. Yeah, you're welcome.

This is Essentially a Post You've Read Before But You Will Read It Again and You Will Like It

Last night's 30 Rock proved that life is worth living. It was a comedy powerhouse that transcended race, religion, sexual orientation, and shoe size.

Yeah. "Wow." Watch it.

And I'm like, "Forget you!"

Last night's Glee was surprisingly awesome. Kurt and Blaine being hilarious/not annoyingly catty/adorable/hilarious (bold for emphasis), the musical numbers, G. Paltrow as Holly Holiday, the one-liners...I actually really liked it. Yippee!

Here is the far-and-away best number of the night, "Forget You" (based on the explicitly titled song by Cee-lo).



(Favorite part? "Why? WHY?")

Is she cool? Is she lame?

Oh, are you talking about old what's her name? PEPPER ANN PEPPER ANN

Pepper Ann was such a great show. Thank goodness there are episodes on Youtube!



Pepper Ann was mos def much too cool for 7th grade! That girl (and NICKY AND MILO I MEAN COME ON) was one of the coolest in cartoons, ever. SHE IS SO AWESOME URGGH. This show talked about "middle school issues" or whatever but since the characters were so amazing it was just a great show. Disney used to have some really awesome shows back in the day. The Weekenders is one that's kind of similar and also newer but just as good (well, almost).



Seriously. Milo is a stoner-in-training. Nicky is a child prodigy but still amazingly cool. And Pepper Ann is just neurotic, paranoid, and generally amazing. And then there's Dieter...hilarious. And Moose! Who was a girl. The ultimate tomboy.



And that theme song really is the best. PEPPER ANN PEPPER ANN SHE'S LIKE ONE IN A MILLION

Top Chef: Just DRAMA (Or A Pun to That Effect)

MAN. MAN! Major stuff just went down on Top Chef: Just Desserts, man! AND I AM STILL IN THE MIDDLE OF PROCESSIN'. THIS MAY TAKE A MOMENT.

[a moment]

Okay!

So if you haven't been watching, then you don't know who Seth is. This is sad. I pity you. Seth is one of the greatest gifts television has received since whatever that last greatest gift was. (Alec Baldwin, maybe?) Seth was the mentally ill guy with obvious mommy issues who managed to have a meltdown about everything. "Hey, Seth, pass me that spoon, would you?" "Spoon? What are you talking about? Who do you think I am? I can't work like this! I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS! SOMEONE HOLD ME! I NEED A CREAMSICLE AND A HUG RIGHT. NOW. MOMMY!" Or perhaps, "Seth, I think you are a talented pastry chef." "WELL YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CAN GO [censored] YOUR [censored] [censored] AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE MAN? I DON'T NEED THIS. I'M GONNA GET ME A FINANCIER AND A SAMMICH AND I'LL SEE YOU IN A FEW MINUTES OR SOMETHING, BECAUSE THERE REALLY ISN'T ANYWHERE TO GO, SO, YEAH."

Yes, that is Seth in a nutshell. Obviously, he is hysterical. How I adore laughing at the mentally unstable on TV! This is what America's about, baby! HECK YEAH AMERICA. While the show has a lot of other good qualities (I mean, it has the word "dessert" in the title; there's no way you can get me to NOT watch it unless "dessert" is preceded by "Twilight-Inspired" or "Very Unappetizing," although I'd probably watch the latter anyway because I'm bored), the best thing about it was quite obviously Seth's really, really demented persona that was unclear as to whether or not it was put on.

Today's episode, which I'm still in the middle of watching, started with what was an excellently absurd tantrum brought to us by our bro. The Quickfire Challenge was to use ice cream and other items to make a sundae. "Can we make our own ice cream?" neurotic Seth asked once Gail stopped yapping about how "we have Breyer's! *smile for the camera* ice cream!" "NO, SETH. YOU CAN'T. WHAT ARE YOU, STUPID? LIKE. WHAT," responded Gail, still smiling for the camera while modeling a carton of Breyer's! ice cream. (Please note: I love Gail, she rules.)

Seth, like any sensible human being would when faced with the fact that there are no options but Breyer's!, proceeded to flip out.

All of the other contestants (yes, oddly enough, there are people on the show OTHER than just Seth!) rolled their eyes and chanted all of the curses of death that they could remember in their heads as Seth screamed "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COOK WITH THAT [censored] [censored]?! MY MOMMY WOULD NOT APPROVE!" Then, trying to ease back onto the ground, Seth looked for "his" paper cups. "Hey. Where the [censored] [censored] are my paper cups?!" [/Arrested Development reference, although he seriously said this, basically] Since Seth could not find his paper cups, he obviously could never function like a normal person ever again. So, he walked out of the room.

Everyone cheered; Yigit was as ecstatic as a person named Yigit can get; Zac's face was as pink as his ascot; that Muppet Danielle grimaced, which in her language is a sign of pleasure; Eric continued to look far older than he actually is, but regardless, he was happy.

But then Yigit, who has inordinately large ears (as well as amounts of screen time), heard sirens. "SIRENS? WHAT?! HOW COULD THIS BE? Does this mean we're actually in the real world and not Just Desserts Land like Bravo told us? SO I COULD HAVE BEEN CALLING MY MOM? Lame." But the sirens not only let us know that there was a real world out there, but that also, Seth kind of had an anxiety attack and was lying on the ground. The ambulance came and he claimed to have "never had an anxiety attack before." Right, Seth. Right.

Seth got taken away and things started to feel weird. Would he come back? Would neighborhood children from that savage, cruel real world pelt the ambulance with pastries? The answers, in order, are NO and LIKE I KNOW, WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?

That's right. Seth got taken away in the ambulance and was "not deemed fit to compete any longer." Apparently NO ONE HAD EVER SEEN THE FOOTAGE FROM THE PREVIOUS THREE EPISODES, BUT OKAY. How this man passed any mental health test is beyond me, first of all, but because of this anxiety attack, Seth was gone, and so was my love for the show.

Johnny came in to tell the chefs what had happened. Unfortunately, he assumed that they would care and feel badly. He was quite wrong.

Johhny: "Hey guys. Sorry to tell you this, but Seth just got taken in an ambulance and won't be coming back. He had an anxiety attack so he's no longer fit to compete."
Everyone else: "Hooray! Now our non-existent personalities will get some screen time! And now we won't have anyone to make fun of anymore!"
Johnny: "Wait, so you're happy about this?"
Everyone else: "Of course we are! Now, let's go back to work! We want to make ice cream sundaes and play with each other's hair and smoosh cake all over each other's faces because we're feeling playful and fun! SUNSHINE!"

It was horrible and pathetic and it made me sad. Top Chef: Just Desserts is Top Chef: Sans All of the Fun That Makes You Want to Watch. Goodbye, Seth. I'll miss you and your disturbing sociopathic antics. SO MUCH.

Picture found here.

EDIT: Apparently it was not as obvious to people other than myself that Seth was merely a character; the likelihood that the Seth that exists outside of Top Chef is nearly as disturbed or even "mentally ill" as he appears to be on the show is low. OF COURSE I don't find REAL "mentally ill" people entertaining in the slightest; it's called a joke, pathetic, mediocre, exploitative, or unfunny it may be.

If you find this rant boring, pathetic, or you thought that Seth's treatment on the show was exploitative, then, well, why are you reading, anyway? Please go use your time more productively while I go cough like a Japanese schoolgirl. "Cough desu! COUGH DESU!" *dramatic sigh*

Work Of Art Finale Review

WORK OF ART #1.10 "The Big Show"

After a very long 10 weeks, Work of Art is finally over. I, and I'm sure the majority of the Internet/America/Universe, was expecting Miles to win all along and so when I sat down I wasn't expecting anything surprising. I assumed the finale would be your typical show where the guy you knew was going to win wins and you're either really happy or breaking your neighbor's car windows. What? Am I the only one who reacts like that?

So here is a recap of what happened last night in my living room during the last 5 minutes of the last episode of season 1 of Work of Art: The Next Great Artist:

China: Miles, sorry, but even though your art is better than everyone single other person's on this show, and even though I shouldn't have the authority to say this to anyone - I mean, c'mon, look at me, I can't even properly dress myself! - YOU DIDN'T WIN. HAHA. NOW GTFO.
Miles: .__.
Me and My Sister: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MILES GODDARNIT WHY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EVERYTHING WE KNOW IS WRONG


Miles, I personally believe, was technically the most skilled. He was also the most fun to watch, the most polarizing, the one who EVERYONE had an opinion about, positive or negative. When we reminisce about this show in a few years or whatever, we will all talk about Miles. So for him not to win was a complete shock. Especially since they sent him out first!

Thankfully, our most knowledgeable or at least most critical judge Jerry Saltz has an explanation for us:

“When did Miles lose?” ...His show was all-but perfectly realized, and looked like something I might review in a respectable Lower East Side gallery. Here came the rub. Miles’ work was so up-to-date that it looked dated. This way his art lost its edge, turned in on itself; it went from being over-hung to just being overkill. As highly accomplished as his work was, it was a bit too much in a highly conceptualized, self-reflexive, intensely theorized, and familiar quasi-visual idiom. Miles had lost by winning. He got so close to a good idea of art, that the art he got close to wasn’t entirely his own. I began to understand that this had been happening all along. Indeed, it had been there in his first digital black-and-white portrait of Nao. I think Miles should move to New York and be poor and stay up late with thousands of other young artists. Then, in five years, he could be an artist to reckon with. That he lost this reality TV show will one day actually help him.

Let us hope that is true. Miles might have been a bit pretentious, a bit of a hipster, but he was overall a very good artist (if not great), and that's the most important thing. His art is very conceptual and not very emotional; that portrait of Nao, the one he did of the "homeless shelter," those were the only ones I can remember making anyone really feel anything. But he's good, darnit. I think he'll be okay.

Before we move on to who won, let me just talk about the home visits. They helped to make this episode a lot more memorable, very human, sweet; this episode could very well be my favorite. We got to see Peregrine, Abdi, and Miles in their home environments; we got to see where "the magic happens," who they are when they're in a more comfortable, less stressful and manufactured space. While I have personally been hating on Peregrine ever since that first team challenge, it was hard not to like her as she introduced our Favorite Eternally Gleeful Swiss Man Simon de Pury to her husband (a "Jazz musician and horn sculptor"). When he was playing that horn that was wrapped around her, it was not only awkward but also...okay, mostly it was awkward. But at least I didn't hate her anymore?

Peregrine's favorite part of her show was a big portrait of these two taxidermied unborn twin deer. They were precious. However, they seemed like an out-of-place "sideshow" when it came to the rest of her Carnival theme. She had cotton candy, tons of pink and orange casts of little boys' heads, ponies, etc. It was a bit too much, in my opinion. It really was all over the place. While there were some really good pieces in it (the deer and the guest judge David LaChapelle really liked her cast of a boy's head under glass), I agree with Bill: it would be better had it been edited down. It was too unruly.

Miles' house was very nice. I liked it. You know what's good about the Midwest, other than their funny accents? You can get nice homes on the cheap-ish. Miles' had a nice home that I assume was on the cheap-ish. (I feel like now is an appropriate time for me to, as always, plug the AV Club's review, which has tons of funny quips about Miles' and Abdi's home visits.) We got to see the place in which Miles' works, AKA the ga-raage. They kept pronouncing it weirdly. I liked Miles' concept a lot, but when I first saw it I was a bit skeptical about how it was turning out. His abstractions were INCREDIBLY abstract that, when I saw them in the garage, it was hard to see them the way he wanted me to.

However, his story of trying to make sense of the footage that he took of a homeless man who died a few days after the photos were taken was definitely interesting and better represented by his gallery show. The actual surveillance photos were included, which was a nice touch of realism amongst tons of Photoshopped images that had no recognizable human features in them. You could see Miles was really proud of what he did, and he should be. Even though I understand why he lost...I still can't BELIEVE it. While everyone on the Internet seems to think that Peregrine's show was the best, I really disagree. Miles' was the most coherent, even if it was the least visually compelling.

Oh, and Miles' parents had a nice house too. [/random]

Finally, we went to Abdi's house, where Abdi introduced Simon to his very nice mom that we all heard a lot about on the show. While Simon and Mrs. Abdi's Mom talked, Abdi made lots of his classic facial expressions. Someone needs to make me some .gifs of Abdi's face, because that boy has one BIG mouth that needs to be documented for all eternity. After Simon and Abdi's Mama were done blathering, Abdi brought Simon into his "cruddy" basement. I tell you, these editors became a lot better at making drama as time went on. The way this part was edited made it seem like Abdi was doing this completely horrible job - his ideas were good but his execution was awful and it was unlikely that these pieces would get better. Simon looked bewildered, confused, and I was sort of confused, too. I didn't think Abdi's pieces looked bad, but they tend not to look as good as they do in person on camera.

It was nice to see how friendly these guys were with each other. Usually in these kinds of shows, one of the final three is a "villain," or at least not liked by the other two. So it's good that Abdi, Miles, and Pere were such good friends. It was one of the things that contributed to making this episode so nice and calm. Really, it was not as climactic and intense as you'd think, except for the parts where Abdi rushes to put together his unfinished sculptures of the basketball players (that's what they were, right?). The two sculptures, when done, were laid on the floor and resembled "The Creation of Adam." That was a nice surprise, to see them turn out looking so well.

So Miles didn't win. I've established this. SO WHO DID? Those final minutes continue:

Jerry: Peregrine, gurl, you rocked it. You was fierce.
Me and My Sister: NO NOT PEREGRINE NO NO
Bill: Abdi, you da man.
Me and My Sister: ... :)
China: ABDI YOU WON YAY
Me and My Sister: NOT EXPECTING THAT BUT YESYESYESYESYESYES! ABDI WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Abdi is probably the single nicest person on television today. He was one of my favorites from the beginning, he and Miles. I thought for the longest time that his place in the Final Three would be inevitable, but as he started to falter I started to worry. So the fact that he came to win the whole thing was grand. A lot of people seem confused, but I see it this way: Abdi GREW the most. When he was good, he was REALLY good. When he was bad, he learned from those mistakes to turn it around. He was very inconsistent, but we must remember that he is also the youngest. I highly doubt there are real, successful artists out there who hit a home run every single time. Abdi was the most REAL out of the final three for this reason. He didn't play the game, creating a character (Miles) and he wasn't fake and irritating and obsessed with his quirkiness (Peregrine). In a medium that encourages you to be someone you're not, Abdi was wholly himself. And c'mon, he's just SUCH A NICE GUY. He deserved to win on that alone.

Even my mom, who had never seen an episode of the show before, was happy that Abdi won. Goes to show.

So congratulations Abdi, and I'll make sure to go see your show at the Brooklyn Museum whenever it is.

Yay, Abdi! :D

Read my reviews for Episode 4 and Episode 8.

Work Of Art #1.8 Review

Oddly enough, my first (and, up until now, only) Work of Art review is the most-viewed post on this blog, counting for more than a quarter of the total page views. How strange is that, especially considering that there are absolutely no comments on it and it's mostly a rambling mess? Well, maybe that's not true. I enjoy reading and re-reading it (don't think I count for most of the views, though!) and I do have a lot to say about the show. Since last night's episode was similarly "thought-provoking," if we can really call it that, I think today's a good time to write another review.

WORK OF ART #1.8 "Opposites Attract"

At the conclusion of last week's episode, Mark is the only one of the "Miles Haters" group left. I'm sure I'm not the only one surprised at the fact that I can even say that. Mark's work, save for that one challenge a long, long time ago when he was in the Top 2, has been wholly uninspiring; it's been safe, boring, dull, and at worst, it's been awful. While his pals Erik and Ryan were either outstandingly bad (Erik) or narcissistic and disappointing (Ryan), Mark's work really just evaded discussion most of the time. He's been hanging around solely because there was also someone at least slightly worse than him. As we come to find out, however, now that the playing field has been chopped down to 6, Mark doesn't have a hiding place anymore.

So this challenge was, like the one from two weeks ago, one that required people to work together. I don't understand why team and partner challenges are necessary on a show like this. An artist is a solitary person, generally. On a show like Top Chef I can understand why they have team challenges - and they have them often, too. A chef works in a restaurant with other people. An artist? Heck to the no. Art is something you do by yourself, and while it's good to know how to work with people just as a people skill, it's not really necessary to show that you can work with a partner on a show about being the "Next Great Artist." But working with people on this show is always hilarious and a grand old time, so I enjoyed this challenge anyway!

It was nice to see some Miles and Nicole stuff again. Miles with his little baby crush on Nicole. HOW SWEET. It's always weird to think that Nicole is older than Miles (heck, everyone is except for Abdi) because Miles is just so in control of everything that's going on around him. How fitting that this is what he explored in his piece with Jaclyn exclamation points! It was kind of lame, though, that Miles, making "the challenge work for your art, not your art working for the challenge" as always, basically went from doing the theme of "Male/Female" to doing "Control/Loss of Control." That was essentially what Abdi and Nicole (who were, by the way, exceedingly dull in this episode; that's what you get when you let your heart win oh oh oh oh put the two nicest, least aggressive people together) had, so it was repetitive. However, Miles and Jackie did a much better job with their self-appointed theme and they actually did make it work for the assigned theme.

On Jackie's piece: in all of the reviews I've read, it has been discussed how Miles made it seem like the idea for her painting was his. OH MILES. SO EVIL. He knows how to play the game, guys. Don't hate because you artists don't want to be like every other reality show contestant in history; that is, you guys don't want to have specific, interesting, and hilarious personalities. You guys just want to be robots who are loved for their art! and nothing else. Jackie doesn't think of herself as the Hottest Thing in the Studio, even though the editors try to make it seem like she does; she just thinks of herself as an artist, and don't you forget it! Or else! This is why, if you read her blog, you will hear her talk about her piece and virtually nothing else. She defends her character on the show, but I think she really just wants to establish that, "Really, guys, I don't have a character! Honest! I'm just an artist! LOVE ME!" You can read her latest blog post here.

"Me? Hot? Gurl, please, I am not at all attractive! I so shy, gurl! Now, sorry, but I have to go take my clothing off now. It's morally ambiguous. You know."

I actually really like Jaclyn, though. Her blog helps. 4 episodes ago I complained about how she was "whiny" and "unlikeable" but she's actually very intelligent and one of the least obnoxious people on the show. I like her just as much as I like everyone else on the show left - Miles, Abdi, Nicole...and I thought I liked Peregrine, but this episode established that if Miles is The Evil Genius (c) then Peregrine is The Horrible Cold-Blooded Faker Who Gets People Sent Home For Things That Are Her Fault (c). That is exactly what she did this episode; she got Mark sent home. I'd like to send her a personalized greeting card thanking her for this, but I would, but I can't. I don't know her address. Also, she doesn't deserve one. Mark's original idea was really boring, lightness and darkness representing their theme, Heaven and Hell, but Peregrine's wasn't better. She essentially said, "Well, y'know, let's do this, because even though it's basically your idea, it's better because I'm much more conceptual and intelligent and a much better artist than you! Tee-hee! Do you like my new hat, by the way? And would you like to come with me and leave a melodramatic, America's Next Top Model-esque message on my husband's cell phone after this? Awkward face!" It's GRATING. Peregrine created a new character for herself: quirky buttface. SHE IS A QUIRKY BUTTFACE AND SHE IS GOOD AT THAT. Especially the latter!

That said, I liked Peregrine's piece. That's high praise, because the work in this episode sucked major. Miles and Jackie's pieces were quite good, although here's something about M&M (that's my nickname for Miles, because I do things like that): every time I see him working in the studio, I worry that he's not doing the challenge. I understand that it's because he, usually, isn't. But because he's made himself so endearing and he's essentially performed inception on the minds of the judges (he's so good at it that Leo/Dom Cobb should have hired him to help out!) everything he touches turns to gold, even if it doesn't make explicit sense. I think after he explained it to the judges, it made more sense to me, and I liked that piece of his, the holes in the wall. It is stereotypically masculine; I read a comment somewhere saying, "Don't girls punch holes in walls?" It's not that we don't, but I don't think that's how most girls choose to take out their anger, generally. Not that any guy I know has every punched a wall that hard, either, but still. So anyway, while Miles' work is questionable in the studio, it works in the gallery, and he's lucky for that.

Nicole's piece sounded like it was going to be really cool, but it was poorly executed. The crank didn't work right, but she was safe because we all know she's talented, even though she hasn't really shown it yet. Also, she's just a likable girl! She's like a little kid, and she's fun to have around. I forgot about her a lot in the beginning, which says something because that first challenge had Peregrine painting Nicole naked (although she didn't actually get naked) and you'd think we'd remember that, but no. But I like Nicole. She looks like a horse. A horse that I want to pet and name Buttercup.

Abdi's piece was kind of cool to look at, but I actually agree with China when I say that it was bad and made no sense. Although China said something about the Hulk, which is stupid because the Hulk symbolizes the loss of control AKA chaos AKA what Abdi was supposed to be doing, so scratch that, I'm back on the the China Hate Train (c). Yes, I have copyrighted all of these terms, thank you for asking. So, yes, Abdi actually had the worst piece. It sucked because I love Abdi. He's one of my favorites. There were so many great Abdi moments in yesterday's episode: there was this one part where Nicole was talking to him and he just had his mouth WIDE OPEN, smiling at her, and it was hilarious. There was also the part where Miles carried him into the apartment. The odd couple. Miles and Abdi should get more showtime together like they did in this episode, because Miles is at his most tolerable/nicest when he's with him. Because Abdi brings that out in people.

Two quick random things: Simon in this episode was unmemorable. It sucks. Next week he gets mad at Jackie, so I'm excited to see what she said to him to make this Happy Swiss Man Made of Candy and Sunshine (c) get upset. Also, the scene in-between commercials where Mark is talking about how pretentious everyone sounds was gold. Really, I love these people, but it's true. They're intelligent, hence using these very specific terms that they use to describe things, but I can't help but think that they are so self-obsessed when they're using them. It was Mark's one good moment last night. (Also: see Nicole's rambling explanation of "chaos" to Abdi for more self-obsession and overuse of intelligent words like way too many sprinkles on a hot fudge sundae.)

Jeanne was gone again, and Jerry Saltz keeps saying in his recaps that she always has smart things to say. I never saw this. I don't miss her, although I do miss having a woman on the panel.  China doesn't count; she's a robot and thus has no gender. I think the guest judge, Ryan McGuinness/McGinley/McHeineken was obnoxious and irritating. His voice was tiny and he reminded me of a kid even more than that guy from last week. I liked the guy from last week even though I can't remember his name. I did not like Ryan McG. I guess Bill stepped up his game tonight, although I can't remember a word he said. Jerry Saltz assures me that he did, though.

In the end, the judges made the obvious choice to send Mark home. Mark is literal, boring, and maybe even untalented. At the end when they showed him taking his self-portrait off the wall (I like that touch, by the way; it's nice) I thought, "What? They let him in with that crud of a self-portrait?" I liked that it wasn't a heavily Photoshopped mess of a photo, but it was boring. It was a boring picture that I could have taken if I had a nice camera. How they even let Mark in in the first place, I don't know. I guess they wanted to diversify the cast. Which reminds me, the only minority left is Abdi now. That saddens me, but at least it's Abdi and not Mark.

The group challenge from two weeks ago was far more enjoyable then this one; maybe because it had way more drama. But this episode was good, too, even if it was weird (see: China crying as she told Mark to leave; what the heck was that about? And Peregrine crying the moment the judges opened their mouth, I mean, what?). Next week is our last pre-finale challenge, strangely enough, and it looks to be quite exciting. I'm looking forward to seeing Miles safely glide into the finale spot while everyone else vomits due to nervousness and tension. Maybe you guys should take a page out of The Book of Miles and take naps on your sculptures. The possibilities!

I give this episode 4 Abdi's Being Carried Over the Threshold out of 5.

Bad Breaking? Break Badding?

NO. BREAKING BAD. GOSH.

Sorry, there's something wrong with me, I think. But I watched the first episode of EMMY AWARD-WINNING Breaking Bad today. Not only was it one of the longest TV pilots I've ever watched (almost an hour long, and I mean an actual hour) but it was also one of the better ones.

I think I made it clear in my frightening Emmy Noms rant a few days ago that I'm not the biggest fan of dramas, but being someone who loves characters, I can occasionally get sucked into a really good one. (See: Dexter, that episode of Friday Night Lights, and heck, I've been known to watch House/Mad Men marathons if the need arises.) Breaking Bad is a really good one.

I'm not good at describing things, but I'll try. Walter White is a chemistry teacher with a super young wife and a son with cerebral palsy. Walter White is 50 years old and has to work two jobs to support his family (the other job is at a Car Wash run by a comically bushy-eyebrow'd guy). Walter White just found out he has inoperable lung cancer. Comedy ensues? Well, yes, sort of. After learning from his brother-in-law, a DEA agent, about the kind of awesome money that meth lab owners (is that what they call them?) make, Walt becomes fixated on them, soon convincing himself that this is what he should be doing. This is how he should be supporting his family. Once he finds out his former student, wannabe gangsta Jesse, is well-known for selling meth, Walt basically forces him into becoming his partner.

While Walter's change is dramatic and his prognosis sad (you know how the show's going to end, basically - he'll die), seeing him go from this meek teacher to a tough guy who beats up people who mock his son and kills meth dealers to save himself is kind of cool and occasionally funny (he wears nothing but his tighty whities when making meth). However, it remains believable because while Walt may become this seemingly heartless killing machine, when he kills the meth dealers at the end of the Pilot, you see him freak out, sobbing, thinking that he's going to go to jail. Instead of having some Jack Bauer-esque killer who just gets it done, emotionless, Walt has emotions, and a family, and it makes him a really strong main character.

If you're like me and you've been hearing constantly that Breaking Bad is one of, if not THE best show on TV, then I suggest you check it out. Amazon has the first episode up in glorious video quality for FREE. That Emmy that Bryan Cranston is definitely going to be winning in August is well-deserved.

Work Of Art #1.4 Review

I've been trying to write a review for this for awhile, but I just...couldn't. But today I'm going to try. This post will probably be really stupid, full of "It was stinking hilarious", and poorly written. Just giving you some warning.

Oh, and before I get into things, please follow my tumblr if you have one. If you don't have one, then just disregard this part. It was supposed to supplement this blog, somehow, but I'm not really sure how so it kind of isn't.

WORK OF ART #1.4 "A Shock to the System"

While last week's challenge was incredibly commercial and "safe," yesterday's episode was all about shocking the viewer. That being said, while this challenge was probably more interesting and was better for showcasing the artists' talents than last week's, trying to shock is overrated and pretty hard to do well, which led to this episode, much like last week's, featuring the artists flailing their arms and freaking out a lot. (Look at all of those F's!)

However, one person who kept his cool amidst the rest of the gang's misguided attempts to shock was my favorite brohan, Miles. Miles is, without exaggeration, one of the greatest reality show "characters" I've ever seen. Every week Miles speaks in the same deadpan/mildly sarcastic tone in his talking heads and says something completely awesome. This week, he talked about how the first time he got turned on, which was while watching Ursula The Little Mermaid. Yes, this was actually completely relevant to the rest of the episode. Basically, this was Miles: "maaaan dat fish was dayum fine." Um, except more deadpan, obviously. And then he asked his mom what was "happening to his body." Oh, Miles.

Miles constantly mugs for the camera in his big glasses and rolled up jeans and it's just great. Did I mention that he relies on the old standby "I have OCD" as an excuse for everything and has an affinity for sleeping at the oddest of times and in the oddest of places? It's pretty obvious that Miles is going to come out on, or near, the top because he's the strongest personality; not only that, but he also has the best portfolio. I really liked his genital-laden, male bodily fluid-stained Mickey Mouse (now THAT'S something you don't hear someone say every day); while it wasn't that shocking, well, none of the pieces were, honestly, so grading on artistic merit his really was the best. But, of course, I'm kind of biased.

Miles: "Excuse me while I jack off on my painting and then take a nap on it, kthx"

Some of the other "characters" got some fun showtime today. Whenever I see Ryan, I wonder why we don't see more of him. He seems like a cool guy, if a little full of himself (there have been SO MANY pieces that have Ryan in them so far). This time we got to see some Ryan action as we watched him make an idiot out of himself in an attempt to be shocking. It' so weird, because Ryan, like Erik who is probably one of his best buddies, has this sorta dynamic personality (I mean, relatively speaking I guess) and I don't constantly forget about him, like Mark and Peregrine, but at the same time I don't really see him going far. He is talented; his picture was good, albeit not very shocking and boringly self-centered yet again. It's just that he seems more like the male model who is there for the artists to use as opposed to being an artist himself. [/Ryan rant]

Someone who actually got a lot of screen time (as opposed to Ryan, whose "some Ryan action" really amounted to about 5 minutes of screen time) was Jaclyn. Jackie is the obligatory "Little Miss Hottie" who's there for the audience to ogle and for the judges to make awkward comments about. I enjoyed watching them look at her piece, which looked like pictures someone would take with their cell phone to send to their boyfriend Jaden or whatever who would later show those pictures that were supposed to be "so special" to all of his friends, including that sleezy dude that everyone calls Boner who would then email the pictures to every single person in school. The judges seemed to derive a bit too much pleasure from the piece. You knew this was true when they put her in the Top 2 with Abdi, another favorite to win. While Jackie didn't end up winning, she does get to stay to prance around nude for at least one more episode.

I have a love-hate relationship with Erik. On the one hand, he's "really stinking hilarious." On the other hand, he's also kind of a jerk and the art he's done so far really sucks. They always show "ERIK JOHNSON'S PREVIOUS WORK LOOK AT IT PEOPLE HERE IT IS WE'RE ONLY SHOWING IT FOR A  FEW SECONDS BECAUSE WE WANT YOU TO GO TO OUR WEBSITE OKAY IT'S GONE NOW BRAVOTV.COM THANKS" and it always looks really good, but then the crud he produces on the show is just, well, crud. I wonder if it's because he doesn't work well under pressure? I don't know. His "shocking" picture was of Ryan (of course) and Jackie's feet, symbolizing, um, priests molesting little boys. Uh. Uh? Let's stop talking about it, because it's just...erm. Since Jackie is very whiny, she started screaming at people to give her ideas, and Erik did, saying she should have people write all over her pictures. She used this idea and the judges loved it. Erik did not love it when she passed this idea off as her own. That makes sense, of course he'd be mad, but it really made him unlikable in that moment. Jackie, too, but she's always unlikable. I really just wanted Erik to go home. 

(Did I mention that the guest judge this week was famous shock artist Andreas Serrano? I know, you don't care.)

Can I just say that Peregrine cracked me up so many times in this episode? First you see her just standing around nonchalantly in her metallic bunny hood, and then, while wearing that same insane outfit, she has the gall to call Nao "really crazy" (I mean, which she is, but c'mon). Her painting was of fashion models with STDs, and one of them was basically just China Chow. It was called "Syphilis for Prada and Herpes for Chanel." That was basically my favorite non-Miles moment of the episode because during the gallery show China, when looking at the painting, was like, "There's my Chanel collar! And there's my dress! I don't have STDs this is so not cool gaiz D':" China's been completely useless as a host so far. She's no Heidi Klum or Padma Lakshmi (who is actually a really excellent host; thank you, Bravo, for putting Top Chef on right before Work of Art), but I felt like she actually had a personality in this episode, at least. That was nice to see.

The other judges range from annoying to hilariously dumb. Jerry Saltz is the prime suspect in irritating-ness; I'm sure he's the most qualified member of the panel but he really bugs me. I love New York mag but I guess I always skipped the Art section for a reason. Read his recap of the episode to get a sense of how obnoxious he is. The hilariously dumb judge is Jeanne Greenberg Rohatyn, who is barely qualified to even brush her own hair, let alone be in charge of the fate of the people on this show. Jeanne just never has anything of use to say. While Andreas Serrano was standing up for one of the artists that she was dissing, she just gave him this look like, "Uh, are you kidding me right now? How can you NOT agree with me?!" It was incredibly obnoxious and idiotic.

The Tim Gunn character is Simon de Pury, who seems like one of the nicest, friendliest people who has ever existed. While in earlier episodes he seemed more like an observer than a mentor, this time he dispensed important advice and also regaled the artists with his lovely sense of humor. (One of my favorite parts of the show so far has to be, from last week's episode, when Simon tells a joke about a Dr. Zhivago-reading dog. Simon, be my grandfather or something, please!) I think Simon should be a judge, because he seems more cultured, intelligent, and interesting than any of the people who are actually getting paid to give their weak criticisms.

In a horrible segue, not only were the artists trying to be shocking, but the producers were, too, apparently. To be subversive or something, they went with an American Idol-style approach and said that they were going to eliminate TWO people this week. Yeah, I just put "American Idol" in the same sentence as "subversive." That should tell you what I thought of this choice.

The bottom four were Erik, Nao (the "internationally renowned performance artist," she was shaping up to be "The Villain" in the beginning but just faded away), Jamie Lynn (the "Nice Christian Girl"), and John, who was one of my absolute favorites. He won last week's Book Cover challenge and was just generally sweet and huggable. Oh, and, yeah, he was a good artist, too. This week he made a picture of a dude performing "auto-fellatio." I don't want to explain what that means to you, but I also don't want you to see the picture. Hopefully you know enough to know what that means on your own, because it's really disgusting. Unfortunately, the judges found John's picture safe and uninteresting. They told John that they would have preferred a photo of him actually doing the act, which is completely disgusting and weird to say to someone with a straight face. John looked insanely uncomfortable, and I don't blame him.

Nao was put down for doing thoughtless performance art, which was true, but I found it pretty unsettling. So did Andreas Serrano, who, while not shocked, claimed to be disturbed. This view was undermined by the other judges. Idiots. Jamie Lynn drew a parody of the Last Supper that was not shocking at all. The premise was that "We're making Jesus look bad! I'm going to draw a picture that shows you guys that you're making Jesus look bad with all your debauchery! JESUS CHRIST IS SO WONDERFUL!" Oh-kay, Crazy Lynn. The judges called it "Apostles Gone Wild," and aptly-so, but this "Gone Wild" stuff has become so ingrained in our culture that it's pretty much commonplace. As said in this fine review of the episode, "Presented to a panel that includes a man who dumps crucifixes into vats of urine, this 'outrage' directed at religion was benign if not wholly pleasant." It truly was awful.

In the end, the judges kicked off John and Nao, which was completely idiotic. While Jerry Saltz seems to indicate otherwise in his review, I think that the producers wanted to go for shocking in as many aspects as possible. John said that he was "went from winning a challenge one week to being sent home the next [which] is extremely baffling," and I agree. It was stupid. And Nao's might have been meaningless, but I'd be pretty shocked if I saw someone covered in feces that they rubbing on their crotch, and I doubt that'd have a point, either. Erik has been either awful or mediocre for the last four challenges, and Jamie Lynn's was outstandingly bad. Sending home Nao and my beloved JOHN was stupid beyond belief.

It may seem like I have a lot of criticisms, but I'm a hater. That's what we do. I actually really liked this episode, but I don't think I liked it as much as last week's. Next week there's supposed to be some Miles x Nicole (who I haven't mentioned even once, have I?) stuff, which means that there will be lots and lots of Miles, which makes me an excited little girl.

I'll give this episode 3 and a half Little-Mermaid-lovin' Miles out of 5.

Check out the "works of art" here.

This Is a Press Conference Of Sorts

My fellow readers --

First of all, I'd like to thank you for accidentally stumbling on my blog. Either that or you're visiting out of pity. Whichever method you've found yourself here by, I thank you.

Today I would like to give my full endorsement to a campaign that I cannot even technically join. It's a Facebook campaign, and I, well, I have my reservations about Facebook. Also, I am less than fond of looking at people's faces. But even though I do not have Facebook, I have a heart. It's very small, but it's there. And it is with a full and proud heart that I spiritually join my formerly much-maligned PopEater's campaign to "Nominate Zach Gilford for an Emmy."

Now, you may be wondering -- who is this Zach Gilford? And when will you make me a sandwich? Well, I would like to educate you. Zach Gilford is one of the stars of Friday Night Lights. Before I was enlightened by PopEater, words that I never thought would come out of my mouth, I had never seen the show before. I did know, however, that it was a teen drama about football, based on a film that may have also been a teen drama about football. I once knew much about the show due to my extensive studies of the teen drama genre, but by the time this campaign came to my attention I remembered but two things: Taylor Kitsch and Texas.

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately for those of you unlucky enough to not know who Taylor Kitsch is, knowing these things did not aid me in understanding "The Son," the fantastic episode of FNL that PopEater recommended that I watch. However, my understanding was no longer impaired once I learned to ignore the subplots and realized that the only thing I needed to know was what it's like to lose someone. I can't say that I know how that feels personally, but I can say that I sympathize instantly with anyone who does, especially if that "anyone" is as brilliant as Zach Gilford is in this episode.

Forget what you know, or what you think you know, about Friday Night Lights. Put your reservations aside and watch this episode, "The Son." It may be nearly an hour long, but it really is worth it. And when you're done, I beseech you, please, if you have a Facebook then join the campaign by going here. If you can, join it twice. For me.



P.S. Update on baby deer situation from yesterday: Its mother came and found it. :)

Good News, Everyone! This Title Is Only Slightly More Lame Than Usual!

Hm, on second thought, I don't think that's true. That title is pretty darn lame.



What do YOU think of when you hear someone say "Good news"? If your reply is anything OTHER than Futurama, then you're wrong, and you need to shut your mouth right now and be educated. Honestly.

As seen in that lovely little clip up there, "Good news, everyone!" is the HILARIOUS catchphrase of Professor Farnsworth, whose voice is so amazing that everything I'm writing right now I'm hearing him say in his voice in my head. Oh, and obviously he's one of the main dudes on Futurama.

I think the chances are pretty good that you know what the show's about if you're reading this, so let's skip that. Just read the Wikipedia page if you for some reason DON'T know. The important thing to keep in my mind about the show, however, is that it was canceled back in '03, and then two years ago it was brought back from the dead by Comedy Central (originally on FOX, blah blah) to create a new "season," aka 4 direct-to-DVD movies of highly differing quality.

The first movie was Bender's Big Score, which was the best of the four. If the first movie is the best BY FAR and completely unrivaled in quality, then you're really not doing something right, and you should probably stop making those other, cruddier movies. The second was Beast With a Billion Backs, which was okay. It was much better than the next one, Bender's Game, which was completely unfunny and was practically parodying the show's nerdiness in a much more obnoxious and obvious way. Really bad. The last one, Into the Wild Green Yonder, was pretty good, but, like the two that preceded it, was probably not that necessary, really.

Despite the majority of them being really not worth the money, the movies sold well and Comedy Central was like, "Hey, let's bring this show back for another season, guys!" The South Park kids glared at the executives who said this, sensing competition. But for once, the KIDS FROM SOUTH PARK LOST. And it was an excellent day.

So now, 11 years after the show originally started, we have season 6, which premiered on Comedy Central on Thursday (oh, it's Saturday now? dang, thought it was Friday). BUT IS IS WORTH IT? Boy/girl, I'll tell you.

The first episode, boringly titled "Rebirth" (like I should be criticizing anyone's titles), picked up right where Green Yonder left off, except for the teensy fact that everyone who was on the ship that flew into the wormhole was dead, except for the Professor and Fry. Oh, and Fry had a Fry-fro! ("Professor, my Fry-fro's all frizzy!" So randomly hilarious) The thing is, apparently they're not actually dead? It was kind of convoluted and hard to understand, but the fact of the matter is, thanks to the Professor's pool of stem cells ("Aren't those controversial?" "In your time, yes. But nowadays, shut up! Besides, these are adult stem cells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults, whom I killed for their stem cells") they were all revived, good as new. Bender has a doomsday device implanted inside of him when he nearly "dies" (robots can die?), so in order to prevent it from going off, he has to dance. It's great. Oh, and Leela's in an irreversible coma, anyway, but really, no one cares about her. Well, Fry does, now that they're "together" or whatever. Comedy ensues when Fry, devastated when told Leela's in a coma, goes to Build-a-Bot Workshop and makes a robot Leela...but then the REAL Leela wakes up! GASP!

Towards the end it got pretty insane because a cool plot twist was revealed. I won't spoil it but it has to do with Fry and robots. (It's kind of obvious now. Sort of.) "Rebirth" was a pretty cool episode that introduced us to what the tone is going to be like for this new season while also going back to its old hilarious ways. The Professor completely "won" this episode and had all the best and most easily quotable lines. He also had the Chamber of Understanding, which looks funky and I want it.

I'll give this episode 4 and a half perpetually dancing Benders out of 5.

The next episode felt more like the type that would show up in the original run of the series. Once again, stupid title: "In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela." Yeah, I get the lame reference, GUYS, but it's unwieldy. CHANGE It. Just kidding, you can't. You'll have to live with that poor choice for the rest of your lives. Hee-hee!

This episode was pretty funny, although the plot was a little stupid and I didn't find the "V-GINY" thing as laugh-out-loud hilarious as the writers were making it seem. Basically, there's some Death Sphere that's bent on destroying planets, and Earth is in its path. Nixon (who sounded a little different, or was that just me?) assigns Zapp Brannigan, one of my favorite characters, to stop "V-GINY," and since he's your eternal bachelor he wanted Leela to join him so he could get some alone time with her.

Futurama	Thursdays 10pm / 9c
V-GINY
www.comedycentral.com
Futurama New Episodes Futurama New Episodes Ugly Americans

At the beginning of each Act, there were these dream sequences that were modeled after old radio shows (albeit with images, of course) that were basically Zapp's dreams. They were a nice touch. I liked how low-budget they looked; Leela was played by some girl who two-eyes wearing one giant eye, but you could clearly see her real eyes under the mask.

The best part of the episode is one that I unfortunately can't find a clip of, so you should watch the episode for it. It was a really long gag between Leela and Zapp where Leela uncovers all of Zapp's lies about what's actually happened (the title comes from the fact that Leela thinks they've crashed on this Eden-like planet where they find out that they're the only humans left and have to become like Adam and Eve). It goes on for nearly five minutes, but Zapp's face just kills it. It wasn't the most original joke, but the voice acting and the animation made it hilarious (also the fact that it went on and on and on).

One criticism of this episode was the ending, which was awkward and uncomfortable and kind of out of character. Won't spoil it, but those of you who saw it know what I mean, I hope. I also didn't care much for the B-plot, which had all the other characters becoming this FCC-like group that tried to stop "our planet's indecency" in an attempt to prevent V-GINY from destroying us all. Sometimes the writers forget that the show takes place in the 22nd Century, it seems. While they're obviously free to envision it however they want, there were some questionable parts in this episode.

While I liked "Rebirth" better, Episode-With-Unwieldy-Title was also pretty funny. 3 and a half Cringing Zapp Brannigans out of 5.

Here's a trailer for the new season of Futurama, Thursdays at 10PM on Comedy Central:

Thirteen (Or, I Review Parks and Recreation, The Office, and 30 Rock)

So I didn't post reviews on Friday like I said I would consider doing. Sorry.

I was going to review the season finales of Community, Parks and Recreation, The Office, and 30 Rock (AKA NBC's entire Thursday night line-up) but then I barely paid attention to Community and I just got lazy.

I'll just sum up my opinions on the other three for you, anyway, while I rock out to B.o.B (Nothin' on YOOOOOU, baybeh).

Parks and Recreation: #2.24 "Freddy Spaghetti"

I wouldn't really consider myself a Parks and Rec fan, nor did I watch every episode this season, but every episode that I did see I enjoyed. Season 2 was a major step up from that crudtastic season 1 that I hated so so so so so so so much.

This episode was especially good. I did a lot of "awwing" Thursday night because of this and 30 Rock, which I'll get to. (And from what I heard, I probably would have been grinning madly at Community too). There were lots of sweeeeet moments between Wamy ("Amy" to you people out of the loop that really only includes me but okay) Poehler, aka Leslie Knope, and Ben, who was played by the guy from that show I've never seen on Starz, Party Down. Ben was Rob Lowe's (oh yeah, he was guest-starring, too) partner, and they came to Pawnee to authorize budget cuts or something. Ben started off as the main antagonist, but eventually became pretty close to Leslie, empathizing with her ambitious political dreams. The episode is kind of based around Leslie trying to set up a fundraiser to build a new park, and the main attraction was supposed to be the titular Freddy Spaghetti, a name that I always feel idiotic for typing; however, when Freddy nearly bails out for some other gig, it's Ben who gets him to come back to play Leslie's fundraiser. Yes, it was as adorable as it sounds. (As was the last scene with Leslie and that guy, um, Mark, who left the Parks and Rec department. In the end, nearly everyone lost their job to buget cuts, I think. It was sad.)

The B-plot of the episode was centered around the love triangle between Andy, Ann, and April, who is probably too young tot be dating Andy, but that doesn't stop her from trying. We see a new side of April - she's not completely apathetic! But she is an insanely jealous person. This was a continuation from the previous week's episode, when April is suspicious of Ann and Andy and then turns Andy down or something. In this episode, Andy and April almost get together until Ann ruins it. She's lonely, you see. That's all I'm going to say.

This episode was a lot more emotional than most episodes of the show and had lots of character development. It really felt like a finale, though; I got shades of "Casino Night," The Office's awesome season 2 finale. But it was still funny, mostly because of Ron (others would include Tom, but I despise Aziz Ansari), so it was a balanced and satisfying conclusion to a very good season. Too bad we're going to have to wait until January for more Parks and Rec.

I'll give it 4 Pregnant Wamy Poehlers out of 5.

The Office: #6.26 "Whistleblower"

I'll be blunt: This episode sucked.

There were some funny moments, mainly because there was a good amount of Andy, and Andy is probably my new favorite character. There was a sweet moment or two, particularly the one at the end with Michael and Kathy Bates playing some chick from Sabre or whatever it's called. But all-in-all, it did not feel conclusive, very little happened, and it was BORING. It felt like a mid-season episode that shows in one of those slow March weeks.

Here's the plot: Sabre printers catch fire. Press finds out from an employee who leaked the info to them. Who is this employee question mark exclamation point.

A writer is supposed to take this boring-sounding plot synopsis and make it funny, engaging. These new Office writers, picked off the streets outside their Ivy League colleges, do not understand how to do that. The actors try their darnedest (Ed Helms, Mindy Kaling, Steve Carell, and even Jenna Fischer especially), but it just fails so much because of the writing. Jim and Pam used to be the two most popular characters, and amongst the most well-written, but, sorry to be a hater, they're absolutely dreadful now. Jim just lazily makes faces to the camera and says something sarcastic every now and then. Pam whines and talks way too much. Thus, the writers have been steadily shifting to the relationship between Andy and Erin, which is still interesting, but very little time is devoted to them.

Most of the time was spent with Michael and Kathy Bates. Michael proudly defends his new parent company against the "allegations" that their stupid printers catch fire, although he does it more because he's excited to be on TV than because he cares about Sabre. Because who really cares about Sabre, anyway? I don't. They brought that creepy tall guy into the office. What's his name, anyway? Wikipedia says Gabe...he is so creepy. Speaking of people we don't care about or like, the best part of the episode was also the most awkward: the IT guy who I had never seen before, Nick, announced that he was leaving. No one cared. There was a funny callback to the old IT guy, the Arabic one that Michael thought was a terrorist. (Where'd he go, anyway?) And then there was a hilariously awkward scene where Nick yells at everyone for treating him like dirt and then leaves to teach in Detroit. Poor guy, hope he doesn't get shot.

So basically all that happened was that we find out that Andy was the "whistleblower," everyone hates him more than usual except for Erin, and then Kathy Bates tells Michael that she'll try to get Holly back. For a finale to have only two minor conclusions like that is really anticlimactic. I wasn't a Holly fan, at all, although I appreciate them at least furthering Michael as a character in terms of his relationships and such. But what is Kathy Bates even going to do about it? What can she do? I don't know. I miss David Wallace.

2 Creepy Sabre Employees Who Always Look Scared out of 5.

30 Rock: #4.22 "I Do Do"

A lot of people thought that this season of 30 Rock was the worst, but I'm a relatively new fan, and I liked this one as much as the last season (although I watched Season 2 over winter break and nothing beats that). This episode, which was a continuation, like Parks and Rec, of the previous week's, was especially good.

Following "Emmanuelle Goes to Dinosaur Land," which is an amazing title, Liz tries to find a way out of "settling" with her hilarious British soul mate Wesley Snipes. Yes, like the actor. Wesley is the one who brought us such great phrases like "Gangway for the foot cycle" and "My velocipede!" and we love him for it. Well, "we" meaning everyone but Liz, who can't stand Wesley at all. I think everyone who watches the show wants Liz to be happy, but I would've been fine with her marrying Wesley if that meant that we got to see him again. Alas, that was, of course, not to be.

As Liz begrudgingly attempts to get used to the idea of having Wesley around, Jack tries to work out his own relationship problems - should he choose Nancy or Avery? At the beginning of the episode he's convinced that he wants Nancy. It's understandable, considering Nancy is sort of like the way more Bostonian female Jack, but at the same time, you can tell that this really is a hard decision for Jack. Personally, I HATED Nancy. I couldn't stand her horrible accent. There were lines she said that I normally would have thought were funny had she not been the one saying. I don't really care much for Avery, either, but one of the things Jack wanted the most was an heir, and he wasn't going to be getting that from Nancy. Avery reminded me of Edie Falco's character from season 2, and I actually kind of liked her, and I thought that type of character was good for Jack. And guess who he really chooses in the end? A pregnant Avery. I read somewhere that this might mean next season will be all about Jack complaining about not being able to be a good father because he didn't have one growing up, and I really hope that's not the case.

Matt Damon guest-starred as the pilot that Liz meets at Wesley's office, Carol. Within two minutes of talking to him, Liz discovers that HE is her true soulmate. Carol likes everything that Liz likes and even likes TGS, so he's kind of like Liz's scary fanboy, except awesome. Also, he is a horrible dancer, and I find that endearing. Carol is so perfect for Liz that I could not stop awwing at them. I like the characters on 30 Rock so much that seeing them happy makes ME happy. It's infectious. Unfortunately, when Liz tells Wesley that she and Carol are soul mates and Carol overhears, she nearly ruins it. I felt like Carol's reaction was realistic, but at the same time, he was just kind of like, "Wow, creepy. Bye," and then he specifically said bye to Jack in a way that was supposed to bring us back into Jack's story, but it kind of bothered me. That's a nitpick, but still. However, Carol comes back. Why? What normal person would do that? He says that he thought about it and that he's getting old, too, and...basically, he tells Liz that he's settling for her. It's kind of like Wesley and Liz all over again, with the roles reversed, except that there's a mutual interest there. I think I'm the only person seeing it like this, but Carol specifically says "I'm 39 years old" as if he's saying he has no other options.

Whatever, I love him anyways. I even made this really bad .gif of him dancing!:

I haven't even talked about Kenneth yet! Kenneth had one of the best parts of the episode when he drunkenly gives a speech at Grizz's wedding about how he loves everyone after losing his job. Basically, Jack got Kenneth a promotion -- to LA. Kenneth gets mad. Kenneth acts totally and hilariously un-Kenneth-like to lose the promotion, only to end losing the job. Then he shows up the wedding and gives a heartwarming speech. Yay, Kenneth. The best part of that was that he sounded completely angry the whole time...oh, Kenneth! I love you.

This episode was the most truly conclusive out of the three I saw; it ended Liz and Jack's season-long arcs in a nice way. I'm just worried that Liz and Carol aren't actually going to end up together. That's the nature of the guest star, although Carol's a pilot, so, hey, maybe it can work?

5 Dancing Matt Damons out of 5 :)

Those were like extra-long, out of order summaries with "I love you"s and "Hilarious"es thrown in, but OH WELL. NOW YOU KNOW. I'd recommend you go watch "Freddy Spaghetti" and "I Do Do" on Hulu, as well as Community's finale, "Pascal's Triangle Revisited," which I heard was pretty good. I only saw some of it, and it involved the usage of the term "Tranny Queen," if that will compel you any.

In parting, here's a clip of Kenneth's speech, with bonus Carol and Liz time! And Will Forte as Jenna's creepy boyfriend...or whatever he is...