An Explanation, A Rant, A Fuss

Yesterday I received an Anonymous comment on my last Liz Lee-related rant. Usually I address these often condescending, "I'm so superior and worthy because I'm posting anonymously on a random Internet blog"-sounding comments directly, but I want to talk about this one with the whole class.

Anonymous said...

"Allegra is an American fashion model from Miami, Florida" Case closed.

April 4, 2011 12:51 PM

Hey Anonymous! Thanks for your comment! Let me point out why I find it so hilarious, because I find it so hilarious!:

1. The quotation.

I suppose this explanation is long overdue, although I honestly feel like I gave it at some point. Even if I did, though, why is it necessary? Isn't it obvious that that's a joke?! Do you think a Floridian model would be spending her Saturday afternoons blogging about Bebe Zeva, her weeknights about Cartoon Network shows?! Really!?

If you're really that naive then I'll just be honest with you: my about me is a joke. Seriously. It's not even something I came up with on my own, it comes from the opening lines of this biography of America's Next Top Model Cycle 4 contestant Tiffany Richardson:

Tiffany Richardson is an American fashion model from Miami, Florida. She enjoys eating Popeye's spicy wings.

Look at Tiffany. She gets it, even if you didn't, Anonymous!

See? Yeah. I thought that was ridiculously stupid and funny so I just made it my About Me. I guess a joke isn't really a joke if you have to explain it but I didn't really think that I had to!

2. The implication.

So because you believe(d) that I am a model -- which is so humorous to me that I had to get up and go laugh hysterically for a good twenty minutes before I was able to function properly and continue writing -- you decided that a. my opinion was invalid b. my opinion was inaccurate c. my opinion was biased because all models are born with a distaste for inauthentic, obnoxious hipsters who masquerade as "nerds" for the money and/or LULZ?

I don't have the scientific evidence to back me up on option C but I can say with much confidence that all three options are sad and wrong-headed (except for the part about Liz being an inauthentic and obnoxious hipster who masquerades as a "nerd" for the money and/or LULZ. Y'know, just in case you didn't pick up on that, either). I think it's pretty great that you thought that because I was a model my opinion about Liz Lee was worthless and stupid and wrong. Well, listen, I'm not a model, so what's your excuse now?

Or maybe you just have an irrational hatred of Miami? That could be it. After all, what other reason would you have for quoting the "Florida" part too? I can't say that I've ever been to Florida, but Miami seems like a decent enough place. Obviously if Foals thought it was worthy enough to write a seriously awesome song about, then it must not be so bad. Why the hate, Anon? Why the hate?

Whether it was because you thought I was a model, a Floridian, or both, overall you seem to think there is a link between that and "stupidity," which, in your crazy foreign language that doesn't use the Roman alphabet and thus is utterly unintelligible to me and my ethno-centric ways, means that I don't like Liz Lee. Hate to break it you, sir or madam, but a LOT of people don't like Liz Lee. Not everyone falls for her heavily scripted, label-tastic antics they way you do! Crazy, isn't it?

Man, now all of my angry feelings of hatred towards Liz are bubbling up again. Curse you Anonymous! ...and thanks for commenting.

P.S. I'll admit that some of my hatred for her is rather irrational, but then, you should also admit that some of your appreciation of her is irrational, too. From an objective standpoint.

Regularly scheduled blogging to start up again tomorrow.