I hope not, because I'd be breaking that promise.
Certain things are too good not to post, and today, this Justin Bieber-related video is one of them.
Biebs, as I affectionately call him, because we are good chums and have pet names for each other, for instance, he calls me Lady Legs, which isn't quite as cool as Biebs but is definitely something, is definitely not the smartest. This shouldn't be a surprise; have you ever head "Baby?" I'm pretty sure the only words in that song are "Baby" and "ooh," and ooh isn't even a real word, it's more like an expression of feeling, like "ow." But Biebs doesn't have to be smart, all he has to do is look like a 12-year-old Bie-ver (HA HA OH HA THAT IS SO PUNNY HA HA) and the girls will love him.
One of those rare instances when they Photoshop weird-looking people to look weirder.
Justin Bieber is one horrible little demon that I can't ever seem to avoid. Not a day goes by anymore when I don't see his name somewhere, or get that stupid little "One Time" stuck in my head. And despite our aforementioned chumminess, Biebs and I constantly backstab each other. Um, behind each others' backs.
Instead of defending him in his idiotic moments like the one above, I laugh at him. Oh, how I laugh. I laugh and I laugh and I laugh. And when I read articles about him, like this one, I laugh at them, too. Especially these horrible little comments. You won't mind if I post them, will you, Biebs? You won't uninvite me from that quaint little dinner at the Olive Garden (which you insist is real Italian food, oh, you're so naive, it's adorable) that we were going to have with Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift and Taylor Hicks, will you?
BigPhill: he looks like a happy lesbian
Davesays: i wanna slap this kid...tell him to stfu!!
ill2012: isnt tina fey a dy** anyway? looks like justina bieber to her
That last one wasn't all that relevant to the Biebs himself, but I still thought it was funny, in a really sad and pathetic kind of way.
But Biebs! Despite our very high schoolish relationship, there are some things I really like about you. Well, one thing anyway. One thing other than how catchy "One Time" is. LET ME TELL YOU ONE TIME THAT I LOVE, THAT I LOVE~ ahem. I like how self-deprecating you can be. You're not Miley Cyrus, and that's good. You're a Bieb. And a Bieb makes cool videos like this one:
He talks loudly in libraries and he swims directly after he eats. Oh, Biebs. You are my best friend sometimes. And then I remember how stupid you are, you stupid little Canadian, daring to call himself an American, insulting Germans, Americans, and New Zealanders alike, making three-year-old girls cry, and I just don't understand you.
Who could I compare you to? Lil' Bow Wow? No, he was never like this. Justin Timberlake, whose BEST STINKIN' SONG NEXT TO SENORITA AND ROCK YOUR BODY EVEEEER you covered in your youth so supremely? Maybe, but at the same time, JT made babies cry as part of a collective. You're going solo, my man. You're the tiniest teen pop star since that last tiny pop star, and you didn't even need Disney's help!
It's why Funny or Die and I find you so encapsulating, such a force that we must reckon with. I don't think I'm using that phrase correctly.
This kid can have these really obnoxious and idiotic fans and make videos on Funny or Die, which isn't the most idiotic preteen girl-friendly, and they will still make accounts to post poorly spelled messages to "him," as if he will read them. And he can post totally serious videos on the site and still get Chosen One status!
Select Comments:
didnceto0o: i don'love u-i like u. but not because u are famouse or all the girla love u.i like u just because u act like a normal boy-not like a flashy superstar and of the videos i know u have really big heart!i like this in you. maybe i'm crazy but..
minkay: Pretty sure that If I met you, I would give you a million roses. I would do anything you wanted me to do for ever and ever. Because your heart and mine make a whole, and I will go out with other people, but my heart only belongs to you. Forever and ever.
Chrissi: Hey Guys!
Please vote for my cats:
http:// www.whiskas.com.au/CatProfile.aspx?id=40730
&
http:// www.whiskas.com.au/CatProfile.aspx?id=40709
(Remove Spaces)
They are cuties! :D
I just don't get you, Bieber. You're nothing special. But everyone loves you. If I were a few years younger, maybe I would understand, although I doubt it, since I was never really that kind of kid.
But I don't hate you. I could tolerate a world where Biebs is on the top of the charts. Sure, he may not know what "German" means, but, well, he doesn't dress like a stinking disgusting ugly obnoxious oh-my-god-shut-up-no-one-cares slut bag. And that's a good thing.
No comments:
Post a Comment