This Post Was Hijacked By the ATAS

ATAS = Academy of Television Arts and Sciences.

I was going to try to write a review of Work of Art, but I realized a few things. 1. I am so tired that I am beginning to hallucinate, 2. My brains are trying to crack my skull right open, 3. I just said "brains" when I should know that it can only be "brain," singular, geez, you don't have more than 1 brain, 4. the Emmy nominations are out, and 5. I'M REALLY COLD AND IT'S NOT EVEN COLD TODAY.

Let's focus on #4.

Here's the list of main nominations. If you care about things like directing, writing, and stunt coordination like I do, then you might want to go to the actual Emmy website, where they have a fancy drop-down menu of ALL the nominations.

Before I start ranting, let me just say that I rely a bit too much on awards shows like this to base my opinions on things. Awards help me affirm and tailor my tastes in television, which is pathetic, because it's television, and the most important thing should be whether it entertains you or not. Since I watch a lot of reruns and not a lot of new shows on TV (especially when it comes to dramas; I don't watch a single drama during its regular season, unless Glee counts), the Emmy Awards show is particularly useless to me. I like seeing the celebrities the best, but when you don't know or care about the majority of them, then it gets boring, especially when people from horrible shows like, um, Gary Unmarried or Friends (yeah, I HATE FRIENDS. Wanna make something of it?) get to go. I used to not watch the Emmys at all for this reason. I still love the Oscars better. But now that I watch some things that actually qualify for the 2010 Emmys as opposed to the 1990 Emmys, then I guess I have to watch it. And I have to rant at you about it. Moving on.

Okay, so, first things first. We failed, team. We failed to get Zach Gilford (if there wasn't already a Zachy G. in my life, I would surely have affectionately dubbed him that by now) the nomination he deserved (for Best Guest Actor in a Drama). Fortunately, "The Son" got a writing nod and to the excitement of FNL fans across the country the two lead actors got nominations. When I saw that both Kyle Chandler AND Connie Britton got nominated, I was happily surprised. And I'm not even completely sure who they are! (But then, who are we, anyway? Yeah, I just got all philosophical on y'all's eyeballs. ...I'll leave now.)

As I said before, I'm not much of a follower of drama, but I'm happy that Dexter got so many nominations. Hopefully it sweeps all of its acting categories like it did at the Globes. I love Michael C. Hall (who doesn't?) and I want him to get everything he deserves. I also want him to hang out with me some time. We can go see a movie together. It doesn't even need to be a good movie. Ahem, but I fully expect that Mad Men will do its obligatory "Yeah, we're cool and awesome and retro" rounds and win everything. I didn't care much for what I saw of it (which is way more than you'd think) but I really like Elisabeth Moss and everyone is so wildly obsessed with Christina Hendricks' boobs acting, so if either of them won Supporting Actress, I'd be happy, I guess.

Drama seems to be relying on the old (stale) standbys, but Comedy saw things being changed up. In Best Series we see Nurse Jackie, Modern Family, and Glee as newcomers in the race, and a show I always enjoy when I see it, Curb Your Enthusiasm, gets a nomination for the first time in what seems to be a long time (2 years is a long time, okay?!). I, like basically anyone with a functioning sense of humor, like Modern Family and Nurse Jack-ay is supposed to be good, but I'm going to be a hater and say that I really, really am tired of this Glee bandwagon that's been making its rounds to every state in the country and picking up people for a joy ride that they're brainwashed into enjoying and never allowed to get off of and required to spend lots and lots of money on and then, years later, when it's finally over, they get nothing but a sense of dread that, crud, maybe they've made the world a slightly less habitable place. This can be simplified: I HATE GLEEKS. If you call yourself a Gleek, I hate you. Go away. I'm sorry, but leave. Now. There are things I can like about Glee, as I've written about in the past; I like Kurt and I'm really glad that he got a nomination, even though his acting is generally nothing to write home about (He hopefully got nominated for Rose's-Stinking-Amazing-Turn and that whole "Home" episode in general), and I like his dad, whose name is annoyingly Burt. But Glee is not a god. If Glee is your deity of choice then WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Go watch Singin' in the Rain or something before I make your face melt* with my poorly articulated ranting!

Glee leads the stinking pack with 19 noms. Nineteen. Let's talk about something else, though. Modern Family got a lot of acting nominations, which makes me happy. GO TY BURRELL GO GO GO. The Office was largely left out, but hey, I'm not complaining. Its Series nod is unwarranted, if you ask me. "Niagara" a.k.a. "Jim and Pam's WACKY Wedding" got a writing nomination, confusing the heck out of me. I will admit, though, it was probably my favorite episode of the season. 30 Rock got lots of nominations for a season that many people felt was lackluster but I found to be quite good. I wish that Cheyenne Jackson as Jack/Danny was nominated for Guest Actor, but Will Arnett was, instead, which is definitely fine. Devin is one of the best characters. (Oh, and go J. Krak for Supporting! You won't win because of Jane Lynch, but even so.) Amy Po-Po got nom'd for Parks and Rec which she definitely deserved. I was once a P&R hater but now I find myself wishing it was recognized for more. This season was great.

Big thing that people will use to affirm some kind of nonsensical and unimportant point over the next few months: Conan's Tonight Show was nominated for Variety Series while Jay Leno was nowhere to be found. Well, duh. Hollywood loves Conan, and they feel all the more sympathetic for him now that he can't afford to come to the country club anymore. Unfortunately, he'll lose to Jon Stewart, but it's okay. At least we know he'll be there. (Also: how the heck does SNL still get nominated for these things? Is there really no other variety show to fill up the space?! That show aside, every show nominated is excellent. Colbert especially was awesome this year - I loved his Olympics coverage. So. Much.)

I think it's stupid to nominate reality shows, but there are some good ones. Like Intervention! Sadly, despite having a few of the best episodes in its entire run (Amy W., Marquel) last season, it was snubbed. However, it did win last year, and that season was probably the single greatest (Joey AND Bret were in that season, I mean, c'mon), so let's give someone else a turn. (I'm an Intervention obsessive, so apologies for my confusing babble.) In Reality-Competition we see Top Chef nominated against the newly-Lifetime'd Project Runway. I want Top Chef to win. I better get what I want. Also, why the heck was Padma not nominated for Best Host when she is a truly excellent host? Watching Top Chef recently proved that to me. She rules.

No one cares about Outstanding Animated Program anymore, but I do. The only things that anyone likes that were nominated are South Park and The Simpsons, and one of those isn't even good anymore. You can pick which one. The South Park episode(s?) nominated are the controversial Mohammed ones, so I think that just knowing about them alone will guarantee that voters will choose them. South Park is probably the only one that even deserves a win, anyway. By the way, did you know Anne Hathaway was nominated for her guest appearance on The Simpsons? How weird is that! I seriously did a double-take.

I think the nominations made a lot of people happy. Some new blood was brought in, which helps to outweigh the staleness of certain other categories. However, even categories that feature the same dang people over and over have been injected with some new life (apparently people are very happy about Matthew Fox's nomination, for instance). I read a lot of Dream Nominations yesterday and the day before (okay, not a lot, but enough) and it seems like a lot of people's "dreams" came true.

Sorry for that lame joke. Emmys are on end of August. Expect more ranting to commence the day after they air.



*Please do not hold me liable for any accidents caused by your face spontaneously melting.