MADE From Bad to Worse

Today I watched a lot of MADE. I was bored, okay?

Two of the three episodes were about cheerleading. The first one was actually not completely horrible. The second one was, though! Why are cheerleaders so whiny?

Was that horribly vague? Good.

The last episode I watched, which was a premiere, was by far the worst, though. Absolute crud. It was about some crazy anime fan who gives all anime fans a bad name. (Here is a video. Thanks, MTV, for not letting me stinking embed. You are so sensible and fair.)

"Amanda," whose name will be in quotes because she's practically a TV character herself, is an insanely awkward, overweight MySpace user (and this is in a post-Facebook world, mind you!) who claims to have no friends or social skills. She wants to be an "independent woman." In her spare time, she likes to make MySpace accounts where she role plays as Sonic the Hedgehog and some really plain-looking moe girl. The latter's profile pic is of the girl lying on her back, pulling her shirt up and probably not wearing underwear.

Moving on.

Despite how awful I'm making her sound, "Amanda" didn't seem that bad, as far as weeaboos go. Sure, she doesn't know squat about any anime that hasn't been on Adult Swim or butchered by 4Kids, but most people haven't, sadly. But then she started crying. Over and over and over again. She would never, ever stop crying.

Her MADE coach was this really obnoxious girl named Julie who would make "Amanda" do all of these idiotic exercises to make her like herself. She also made "Amanda" wear makeup and the hottest fashions one can buy on the cheap from the 2003 store. Okay, whatever. Julie, however, also made her stand on a street corner in Times Square like a cheap prostitute holding a sign reading, "I Have Self-Esteem Problems. Compliment Me." Yes, Julie, that's definitely going to raise her confidence. The stupid girl stood in the middle of the busiest, brightest stinking spot of the loudest city this side of Beijing wearing some ugly sweater and crying her eyes out for the fifth hour straight. It was really pathetic. It would have been sad if I didn't hate this whiny brat so much.

Later on in the show, "Amanda" asked Julie if she could go to Mokucon, which is some stupid anime convention in Rutgers of all nasty places to hold a convention that doesn't even have a website or anything. She wants to go because Vic Mignogna (seen at right) was going to be there. That's when I knew this girl sucked. I love FMA, too, babycakes (sorry, I say that sometimes), but anyone who knows squat about Vic Mig knows he's an borderline insane Evangelical Christian. And I mean, I love Evangelical Christians as much as the next girl, but...wait, actually, no, I HATE EVAGELICAL CHRISTIANS. (No offense to any Evangelicals reading this? Not that there'd be any.)

So, after being denied, "Amanda" starts - guess what? - crying. AGAIN. "I wanna meet Vic, waaaaah, he loves me, I love him, I wanna go to Rutgers and spend $60 so I can touch his perfect effeminate face, maybe he'll kiss me and give me his cowboy hat and spew his pure Christian ideals that I usually pretend to not know about onto my antisocial cheeks!" That's a paraphrase, obviously, but you know.

But GUESS WHAT? Because Julie is soooo "cool" (a word the coach on the okay cheerleading episode used to death, ugh), she gets Vic to go out to dinner with "Amanda"! And the entire time, Vic says, "Sweetie, no, yer beautiful! SwEEEtie!" and then he laughs obnoxiously. "Amanda," after embracing Vic for what has to be the eightieth time during their dinner (which consists of huge and numerous plates of fried meats), tells him about her lifelong dream. You guessed it! She wants to be a VOICE ACTOR. Because that's ENTIRELY POSSIBLE.

And from then on the episode spirals from being an irritating but not completely intolerable romp in the land of Weeaboo-nia to be a nightmareish rollercoaster ride through someone's unfortunate life. She begins pursuing acceptance into the New York Film Academy's acting program. Obviously, she's terrible at voice acting, regular acting, speaking in a voice that isn't annoying (and trust me, I know and am a master of annoying voices), but people keep leading her on, telling her that she's awesome. One particularly saddening part is when her dad is talking about how expensive the school will be: "But if there's anyone who's gonna get dat der talent scholarship, it's 'Amanda!'" And then we see her acting. It's awful.

In the end, though, she gets into the bloody school. The bloody school where my man Joseph Gordon-Levitt once lectured. It's...it just doesn't make sense. At all.

There was more that I just skipped over, but they were stupid and not worth mentioning. (Parties, pssh, who cares? Visiting Stony Brook of all cruddy places? Boring.) MADE isn't known for being, you know, very realistic or anything less than annoying, but I don't usually find myself so bothered by what I'm watching at the end of the episode. So, thank you, "Amanda," for making it my first time.