This Is a Press Conference Of Sorts

My fellow readers --

First of all, I'd like to thank you for accidentally stumbling on my blog. Either that or you're visiting out of pity. Whichever method you've found yourself here by, I thank you.

Today I would like to give my full endorsement to a campaign that I cannot even technically join. It's a Facebook campaign, and I, well, I have my reservations about Facebook. Also, I am less than fond of looking at people's faces. But even though I do not have Facebook, I have a heart. It's very small, but it's there. And it is with a full and proud heart that I spiritually join my formerly much-maligned PopEater's campaign to "Nominate Zach Gilford for an Emmy."

Now, you may be wondering -- who is this Zach Gilford? And when will you make me a sandwich? Well, I would like to educate you. Zach Gilford is one of the stars of Friday Night Lights. Before I was enlightened by PopEater, words that I never thought would come out of my mouth, I had never seen the show before. I did know, however, that it was a teen drama about football, based on a film that may have also been a teen drama about football. I once knew much about the show due to my extensive studies of the teen drama genre, but by the time this campaign came to my attention I remembered but two things: Taylor Kitsch and Texas.

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately for those of you unlucky enough to not know who Taylor Kitsch is, knowing these things did not aid me in understanding "The Son," the fantastic episode of FNL that PopEater recommended that I watch. However, my understanding was no longer impaired once I learned to ignore the subplots and realized that the only thing I needed to know was what it's like to lose someone. I can't say that I know how that feels personally, but I can say that I sympathize instantly with anyone who does, especially if that "anyone" is as brilliant as Zach Gilford is in this episode.

Forget what you know, or what you think you know, about Friday Night Lights. Put your reservations aside and watch this episode, "The Son." It may be nearly an hour long, but it really is worth it. And when you're done, I beseech you, please, if you have a Facebook then join the campaign by going here. If you can, join it twice. For me.



P.S. Update on baby deer situation from yesterday: Its mother came and found it. :)

Relevant Things Going On in My Life Right Now #3

Right now, there's an adorable baby deer sitting in my backyard. It was there yesterday, too, hiding behind a bush. It's so sad; I think its mother abandoned it. Poor guy. Here's some pictures:

But I guess that's irrelevant. Moving on:

• BACK TO THE STINKIN' FUTURE ON BLU-RAY: Heck. YEAH. The complete trilogy (Part III included, unfortunately) is coming out in glorious HD this October. The box set will include extras that people actually want to watch, i.e. ERIC STOLTZ AS MARTY FOOTAGE. Excuse me while I locate my time machine. See you four months from now. 
• New Pokemon Black and White Info: New trailer means more inaccurate guesses and complaints from the fanbase. I like that. Some stuff we know for sure: 3-on-3 battles (o bby o bby), new ugly-as-sin Pokemon (oy gevalt), that the boy trainer's design is adorable and awesome (woot), and a Japanese release date (September 18th, sons). Stuff that only Satoru Iwata and his gigantic bags of money sewn with 10,000 yen notes know: what the "shooter" option means (can we shoot Pokemon trainers now? Because there are times when I've really felt compelled to shoot a brother in his smug face during the game), if HMs will still take up a move slot (they probably will), and if there will be comments in-game that reference the awkwardly mature design of the female player character (I'm dying to know).
• Steve Carell is leaving The Office: It's super-confirmed now. The thing is, the way he's making it sound is that the show will probably continue without him. I need to check my "Stupidest Things Ever" book; just a moment...yep, this one's definitely in there. Seriously. The crud is that? "I think it's just a dynamic change to the show, which could be a good thing, actually. Add some new life and some new energy...I see it as a positive in general for the show," says Steve the Psycho. His publicists are probably feeding him these lines, because there is no way any sane person can believe that. The Office is (or was) specifically about the shenanigans that went on in an office as spearheaded by their wacky ringleader, the Boss. If the Boss leaves, what do we have? And to think, I was telling myself that The Office was getting better. Let's move on before this rant gets mondo-sized and I start saying things I'll regret.
• The Boondocks: I've been watching it recently. It's actually pretty hilarious. People seem to think it's pretty racist, but I think it's just satirizing mainstream African-American culture. I've only seen three or four episodes, but last week's, "Pause," is my favorite, and is also a good and really hilarious example of this. Here's a clip because I love you:
    
• Kevin Smith: I randomly decided to start reading about him today. I can't say I like him very much, although I don't think I've actually ever seen any of his films. My one effort to watch Clerks: The Animated Series was thwarted by my disapproving sister. CURSES! I kinda want to see Dogma, and Chasing Amy is supposed to be pretty good. And Jersey Girl, I've learned, is just as terrible as its namesake, New Jersey. I really hate New Jersey! Sorry.
• New seasons of Intervention and Obsessed: They start TONIGHT, guys! On A&E! Starting with Intervention at 9! I'm so excited, I'm shaking in my SCRAM bracelet and "I Heart Ken Seeley" T-shirt. My girl Lindsay Lohan is coming over; we're going to watch it together. I tried to invite Justin B., too, but he's busy prepping for that dang Macy's Fireworks show or whatever. Fine, JB, you do your little show, but when you come scurrying back to me after you've realized all your friends have left you, don't expect me to bake you any cookies. Not that I can, anyway. Oven's broken.

Quick request before I go back to sweating heavily while watching my Intervention/Obsessed marathon: anyone here know Photoshop and want to make this site a cute little banner? My Photoshop skills are awful. Plus, I only have Elements. If you make me a banner I'll add you to my "will bake cookies" list! That's a huge honor, you know. Just leave a comment and let me know.

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Postings To Bring You...

...this article that I read in the Sunday Styles today.

As evidenced in at least one place on this very web log (or "blog," for those of you multiple-syllables-impaired), I quite like art. Specifically, I like design: fashion design, building design, etc.

Every month when my mother receives a new, simplistically-designed Design Within Reach catalog, I swipe it quickly without giving it a second thought. Following this theft, I stalk down the hallway to my room and proceed to pour over each and every armchair, table, couch, and bed pictured. Left to right, then back again. If I could I would live in an IKEA, and my favorite part of the so-so Please Give was the used furniture store that Catherine Keener and her husband owned.

I love furniture. Repeat: I stinking love furniture.

So even though I had never heard of him before, and even though he was not quite as conventional as my aforementioned commercial architecture havens are, I felt quite drawn to Alex Williams' "The Mysteries of Tobias Wong," the front page article of today's The New York Times Style section. It helps, of course, that Wong lived a life that seemed perfect for a Hollywood (or perhaps a bit more indie) production. This story involves sleep terrors, elaborate pranks, and pills that make your poo silver. Its this undeniably cinematic undertone that compelled me to share this article with you; this story, although it may be real and its ending devastatingly sad, is as enjoyable and dare I say whimsical as a party in an F. Scott Fitzgerald novel (just finished The Great Gatsby today, by the way; pretty good).

Click here to read the article.

R.I.P. Tobias Wong. And don't worry, we'll be back to bringing you the finest in poorly-made dancing .gifs and Justin Bieber rants tomorrow. Or at least by Tuesday. Maybe Tuesday.

Photo credit: The New York Times (Dean Kaufman. Cool name!)

Good News, Everyone! This Title Is Only Slightly More Lame Than Usual!

Hm, on second thought, I don't think that's true. That title is pretty darn lame.



What do YOU think of when you hear someone say "Good news"? If your reply is anything OTHER than Futurama, then you're wrong, and you need to shut your mouth right now and be educated. Honestly.

As seen in that lovely little clip up there, "Good news, everyone!" is the HILARIOUS catchphrase of Professor Farnsworth, whose voice is so amazing that everything I'm writing right now I'm hearing him say in his voice in my head. Oh, and obviously he's one of the main dudes on Futurama.

I think the chances are pretty good that you know what the show's about if you're reading this, so let's skip that. Just read the Wikipedia page if you for some reason DON'T know. The important thing to keep in my mind about the show, however, is that it was canceled back in '03, and then two years ago it was brought back from the dead by Comedy Central (originally on FOX, blah blah) to create a new "season," aka 4 direct-to-DVD movies of highly differing quality.

The first movie was Bender's Big Score, which was the best of the four. If the first movie is the best BY FAR and completely unrivaled in quality, then you're really not doing something right, and you should probably stop making those other, cruddier movies. The second was Beast With a Billion Backs, which was okay. It was much better than the next one, Bender's Game, which was completely unfunny and was practically parodying the show's nerdiness in a much more obnoxious and obvious way. Really bad. The last one, Into the Wild Green Yonder, was pretty good, but, like the two that preceded it, was probably not that necessary, really.

Despite the majority of them being really not worth the money, the movies sold well and Comedy Central was like, "Hey, let's bring this show back for another season, guys!" The South Park kids glared at the executives who said this, sensing competition. But for once, the KIDS FROM SOUTH PARK LOST. And it was an excellent day.

So now, 11 years after the show originally started, we have season 6, which premiered on Comedy Central on Thursday (oh, it's Saturday now? dang, thought it was Friday). BUT IS IS WORTH IT? Boy/girl, I'll tell you.

The first episode, boringly titled "Rebirth" (like I should be criticizing anyone's titles), picked up right where Green Yonder left off, except for the teensy fact that everyone who was on the ship that flew into the wormhole was dead, except for the Professor and Fry. Oh, and Fry had a Fry-fro! ("Professor, my Fry-fro's all frizzy!" So randomly hilarious) The thing is, apparently they're not actually dead? It was kind of convoluted and hard to understand, but the fact of the matter is, thanks to the Professor's pool of stem cells ("Aren't those controversial?" "In your time, yes. But nowadays, shut up! Besides, these are adult stem cells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults, whom I killed for their stem cells") they were all revived, good as new. Bender has a doomsday device implanted inside of him when he nearly "dies" (robots can die?), so in order to prevent it from going off, he has to dance. It's great. Oh, and Leela's in an irreversible coma, anyway, but really, no one cares about her. Well, Fry does, now that they're "together" or whatever. Comedy ensues when Fry, devastated when told Leela's in a coma, goes to Build-a-Bot Workshop and makes a robot Leela...but then the REAL Leela wakes up! GASP!

Towards the end it got pretty insane because a cool plot twist was revealed. I won't spoil it but it has to do with Fry and robots. (It's kind of obvious now. Sort of.) "Rebirth" was a pretty cool episode that introduced us to what the tone is going to be like for this new season while also going back to its old hilarious ways. The Professor completely "won" this episode and had all the best and most easily quotable lines. He also had the Chamber of Understanding, which looks funky and I want it.

I'll give this episode 4 and a half perpetually dancing Benders out of 5.

The next episode felt more like the type that would show up in the original run of the series. Once again, stupid title: "In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela." Yeah, I get the lame reference, GUYS, but it's unwieldy. CHANGE It. Just kidding, you can't. You'll have to live with that poor choice for the rest of your lives. Hee-hee!

This episode was pretty funny, although the plot was a little stupid and I didn't find the "V-GINY" thing as laugh-out-loud hilarious as the writers were making it seem. Basically, there's some Death Sphere that's bent on destroying planets, and Earth is in its path. Nixon (who sounded a little different, or was that just me?) assigns Zapp Brannigan, one of my favorite characters, to stop "V-GINY," and since he's your eternal bachelor he wanted Leela to join him so he could get some alone time with her.

Futurama	Thursdays 10pm / 9c
V-GINY
www.comedycentral.com
Futurama New Episodes Futurama New Episodes Ugly Americans

At the beginning of each Act, there were these dream sequences that were modeled after old radio shows (albeit with images, of course) that were basically Zapp's dreams. They were a nice touch. I liked how low-budget they looked; Leela was played by some girl who two-eyes wearing one giant eye, but you could clearly see her real eyes under the mask.

The best part of the episode is one that I unfortunately can't find a clip of, so you should watch the episode for it. It was a really long gag between Leela and Zapp where Leela uncovers all of Zapp's lies about what's actually happened (the title comes from the fact that Leela thinks they've crashed on this Eden-like planet where they find out that they're the only humans left and have to become like Adam and Eve). It goes on for nearly five minutes, but Zapp's face just kills it. It wasn't the most original joke, but the voice acting and the animation made it hilarious (also the fact that it went on and on and on).

One criticism of this episode was the ending, which was awkward and uncomfortable and kind of out of character. Won't spoil it, but those of you who saw it know what I mean, I hope. I also didn't care much for the B-plot, which had all the other characters becoming this FCC-like group that tried to stop "our planet's indecency" in an attempt to prevent V-GINY from destroying us all. Sometimes the writers forget that the show takes place in the 22nd Century, it seems. While they're obviously free to envision it however they want, there were some questionable parts in this episode.

While I liked "Rebirth" better, Episode-With-Unwieldy-Title was also pretty funny. 3 and a half Cringing Zapp Brannigans out of 5.

Here's a trailer for the new season of Futurama, Thursdays at 10PM on Comedy Central:

SCHOOOOOL'S OUT FOREVAH

Not really, unfortunately. But as of today I'm FREE for the summer! YAY. Call me up, Bieber. I know you're not busy.

Since I have nothing to do all summer and have no friends whatsoever (SOMEONE PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT AND PROVE THIS IS FALSE D:), I'm going to be doing lots of blogging, about things like:

• Work of Art, that new art-related reality show on Bravo that is my latest guilty pleasure
• Pokemon, because it rules (and just tons of video games in general)
• Lady Gaga, because she is the complete opposite of Pokemon in that she does not rule, and for a second there I wrote "Pookemon," whoops
• Intervention and Obsessed, two of my favorite shows EVER that are going to be showing new episodes ALL. SUMMER. LONG. THERE IS A GOD AND HIS NAME IS KEN SEELEY
• Hopefully NOT college. No, we will speak about that as little as possible.
• how much I love making lists (expect a lot of them!)
• reviews of movies that I plan on seeing, like INCEPTION! and SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD! and maybe The Last Airbender...if someone PAYS ME. Hee hee, haw haw
• and other random popular culture-y things that may or may not be scarily random or pretentious

Most importantly, though, I will be posting .gifs of people dancing. LIKE THIS ONE:


GIFSoup

I never tire of that. EVER. That's the summer for you/me/US. Now give me a hug! ...Just kidding.

Have you read that Persona 4 comic yet? READ IT READ IT READ IT

Seriously though. Stick around, or I will weakly attempt to cause you physical damage, by such PAINFUL methods as poking and staring menacingly. Oh, yes. SO KEEP READING. 

A Quickie: Toy Story 3

I just saw Toy Story 3. I could honestly write an extremely long post about it, but I don't think I really need to. All I need to do is tell you that you have to go see it yourself as soon as possible. It was one of the best films I've ever seen in my life.

You think I'm being hyperbolic? You're wrong. You need to go see it and find out for yourself.

If you want to read them, here are some links to reviews. But I suggest you not read them until you've seen the movie:

By A.O Scott (The New York Times)
By David Edelstein (New York)
By Richard Corliss (Time)
And a negative review from the most hated man in film criticism, Armond White (New York Press)

The End of E3/Making a Sandwich!

So today was the last day of E3 2010. This year's show was pretty grand, although most of the really cool announcements came from first parties. Third parties were pretty meh this year, for the most part. But Nintendo was so excellent and announced so much cool stuff that they made up for everyone!

There isn't too much to report from these last two days, but I would recommend you look at this thread from my best friend (next to my kitty cat) NeoGAF. It's hilarious and shows you all the cool moments from E3 in .gif form! Yay.

Oh, and also, um, the biggest revelation of the last two days is that Kinect pretty much doesn't work unless you're standing up. LAME!

So, E3 was great fun. I'm already itching for next year's! I love E3. So. Much.

But now let's talk about Lady Gaga.

After hearing my sister sing it over and over for the last couple of days, I decided that it was time I watch the video for "Telephone." Here it is!



Um, I think I like "Paparazzi" better. But this song is pretty stinking catchy. Things I like in random order: how horrible Beyonce's acting is, the "LET'S MAKE A SANDWICH" part, the cigarette sunglasses, the fact that, according to my sister, that girl whose butt Beyonce's...whoever that guy is to her smacks, the Asian one, apparently says (in her subtitles) "One Piece!", the dancing in the scene right after they kill everyone when they're in that room with all the dead people, and that part when Gaga's bailed out by Beyonce and before she leaves the jail she strokes her hair and gives that little smile and wink. It's pretty funny.

Of course, most people see Beyonce's "Video Phone" as the response or sequel or sister video of "Telephone," so here it is, too.



Both the video and the song are pretty awful. I like the synchronized dancing and Beyonce's many, many weaves. That's about it. I mean, it's catchy, but it sucks. Are you HEARING the lyrics, my darlings? No line in this farce rivals the sheer magic of "STOP CALLIN' STOP CALLIN' I DON'T WANNA TALK ANYMORE." Not a single one.

Enjoy those random, not-at-all-E3-related videos. Try to, anyway. You'll probably like them better if you keep them open in a separate tab and just listen to them.

Gifs! 

"I GOT MAH HEAD AND MAH HEART ON THE DANCEFLOOR!"

E3 2010 Day 2: Nintendo and Sony (Plus a Tiny Ubisoft Recap)

Today started out as one of the worst days of my life, but quickly became one of the Top 10 Greatest Days Ever. Capitalization WARRANTED.

Before we get to the brilliance and excitement that was Day 2 of E3 2010, let us backtrack to yesterday and talk briefly about Ubisoft's conference. It was not too thrilling, save for some surprises (new Rayman AND new Raving Rabbids, MICHAEL JACKSON SINGING/DANCING GAME!). My favorite games were Children of Eden, Project Dust, and Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood, which I will never play, most likely, but will champion regardless. I also enjoyed Innergy, which is a silly name for a silly game but also too cute for me to pass up. The conference was hosted by Joel McHale from The Soup and that enjoyable but soon to be overrated sitcom, Community. He hosted last year, too, but I think he was much funnier last year. There were a lot of great, mean-spirited quips, especially at the pink-haired guy who demoed Innergy. God, I really hope that's how it's spelled, or I'm making myself look like an idiot.

Now onto today's conferences!

 Nintendo Press Conference: June 15th, 2010, 9 AM Pacific. 

Usually, people are advised to save the best for last. For Nintendo, this was not the case. Not only was this the single greatest Nintendo conference I've ever seen, but it was one of the best conferences in E3 history. It was definitely the best one out of the Big Three (um, spoiler?). Being a going on 10-year-long Nintendo fangirl, I probably was going to be a little biased from the start, but this seriously was excellent. I know a good press conference, people! Trust me.

Not only was this show amazing, but they showed their single most hyped up game FIRST. That would be The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword, a title whose presentation came completely out of left-field. When this title showed up on screen, the crowd went wild; it was insane. It was MADNESS. (But it was not Sparta, that comes up in the next conference.) At first you thought that the game was just going to be shown by our guy from Treehouse Bill Trinen, who I love (I love ALL Nintendo people, though), because Shigeru Miyamoto, a man who needs no introduction EVER, was on a screen in some pre-recorded video. But then Shiggy jumps out of a screen. HE JUMPED OUT OF A SCREEN, GUYS. It was excellent.

From IGN. Obviously. THANKS IGN :) Don't get mad at me for stealing your bandwidth!

He proceeded to demo the game. It looked fun, and this is coming from someone who usually cries just from thinking about Zelda (well, specifically Twilight Princess...and Majora's Mask...). The graphical style was lighthearted in a pseudo-realistic kind of way. The game will rely heavily on MotionPlus usage, with players having to move the Wiimote like it's an actual sword; the Nunchuk simulates the sword. While Shiggs said that the game would have 1:1 control, the live demo did not seem to be so responsive. This was probably because there was interference in the crowd (Bill started yelling at people to "TURN OFF DAT WIRELESSSSS." Hilarious); play previews posted online said that the game really was amazingly close to 1:1. Overall, the game looks great. The release date is still ambiguous but my man Miyamoto said it would come out sometime next year. I don't know if I'll pick it up, but it looks good. 

Now, remember: this is only the beginning. Already, Ninty had showed off what many considered to be their biggest game of the show. Man, they were wrong. The biggest game was coming up next...MARIO SPORTS MIX! :D Haha, no. But Mario Sports Mix did look pretty grand. Reggie -- you know, Reggie, the guy, one of the greatest Nintendo dudes -- announced it while talking about the sports games coming to the Wii. This is an arcade-style medley of sports: volleyball (YESSS), hockey, something that looked like dodgeball that could have not been dodgeball (no wait, it was dodgeball), basketball (YAYYY), and others to be announced. It looked really, really fun. I'm excited. I love the Mario Sports games. Especially Mario Tennis. But not Power Tennis. That crud was dreck. Or is it "that dreck was crud"? Either way.

After that, they talked about some more casual games. Now, the previous two years, casual games were the main focus. However, it was surprising that, right after they were done making a big deal out of the previously-announced Wii Party, an unnecessary Mario Party successor, and Just Dance 2, yet another dancing game I can't play with my friend Matt Damon, they just went straight into Golden Sun. Everyone was going nuts. Me? When Reggie announced that the subtitle would be Dark Dawn, I spent much of the trailer pondering the logic behind that name. I mean, how can the dawn be dark, guys? HOW CAN THE DAWN BE DARK? The game looks pretty good, though. It's coming out this holiday season. It's not my top priority, but we'll see. 

Then they went into something that would have been really exciting had IGN not spoiled it for everyone yesterday: a Goldeneye 007 remake, exclusively for the Wii! I really enjoyed how excited everyone got. I've never played it, but everything I've ever heard about the original has been really positive, and I'd be happy if something nostalgic from my past was being remade for me to enjoy all over again. The graphics were questionable but I'm sure it'll be really, really fun, at the least. It's also coming this holiday. It'll be one bizzzay season.

After that came a lot of Epic Mickey footage! It was so cool. They showed an animated cutscene from the game that was STUNNING. GORGEOUS. BEAUTIFUL. I wanted the game ten times more than I had wanted it before after that and the rest of the demo, and I already wanted it a ton. It looks like just a really classic, fun platformer. One thing I love about Nintendo and their consoles is how friendly they are to games that are designed for all-ages. They're not concerned with being "mature" (although most developers just equate maturity with blood and gore), they simply want to have as many fun games available on their systems as possible. This looks to be one such game! It should be great. September, guys! 

After that came probably the most left-field surprise: A NEW HOME CONSOLE KIRBY GAME. OH YOUR STINKING DEITY OF CHOICE. I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT. It was the cutest game I've ever seen, ever. Think of the cutest game you know. This game is about twelve times cuter. It was brilliant, innovative, had amazing style, and just looked to be really, really, really, really, really CUTE. It's coming out in fall, like every other amazing game that I want, it seems. I need it. I need this game. It's called Kirby's Epic Yarn, which is a...questionable title, but it doesn't matter! You play as a yarn version of Kirby who can use his yarn powers to stretch things and just generally be adorable and make you want to throw money at him. Geez, man. GEEZ. Kirby, I will thrown money at you any time you want. Name the amount.

SO CUTE.

Next segment was boring. Reggie made reference to some random Treehouse worker named Chico (a girl) who played Dragon Quest IX for 140 hours. Shouldn't you be working, Chico? Not just playing games? AND DON'T GIVE ME THAT "I work at a game company" CRUD. BAD CHICO. So, yes Dragon Quest IX is coming in July (26 days from today). After that we saw a cool new Metroid: Other M trailer with lots of gameplay. Looked good. Comes out August 31. 

Donkey Kong Country Returns was next. It's the first new DK platformer in a good stinkin' long time. It's made by Retro, who did Metroid Prime and stuff. It looked really, really good. I think it comes out next year. Not sure if they said. I really enjoyed the trailer...too bad it wasn't a surprise to me. The Internet spoils EVERYTHING! (Hey, does anyone remember that DK Country TV show from the early 00s? It was...uh. I watched it a lot, but I'm not sure that I would say that that time was not wasted.) 

After that was the big guns. The 3DS! SO MUCH STUFF happened during it, I can't even explain it all. The system looks EXCELLENT. It's a big bulky, but it kind of has to be. The lineup is FANTASTIC. It might just be the greatest game system of all time. I'll post the whole video(s) for you to see for yourself, because it's just way more than my words can explain right now.

Sorry the videos are sized differently. I WANTED THINGS TO BE UNIFORM. Sad face. Well, anyway, doesn't that look AWESOME? So great. It was so EXCITING. System of forever, right there. I wasn't expecting much from the 3DS, but I was completely blown away. Just look at that line-up! It's awesome. Satoru Iwata, you are definitely my guy. You rule. You...you all are the greatest people to have ever LIVED.

Nintendo's conference was so gosh darn good, it's going to be hard for me to talk about Sony at all. I'll try.

Sony Press Conference: June 15th, 2010, 12:00 PM Pacific

Sony is known for their cool montages. There were a lot of them. They were mostly enjoyable, but by the 4th minute of the 3rd one, I started to get a little bored. Regardless, the opening was nice. Jack Tretton hosted, and he made lots of fun digs at Kinect and their Cirque du Soleil promotional event the night before E3 started. Um. Also, the stage was really cool looking. Soon Kaz Hirai came out. I love that guy. Too bad he was stuck rambling about 3D for 10 minutes. It was hard for me to pay attention, especially since I knew now that, well, Nintendo had come up with my ideal 3D solution. But he tried. Then he started talking about system updates that will allow games to be in 3D, and I was fuming something vicious. I HATE SYSTEM UPDATES. They take too darn long!

Moving on. Killzone 3 was shown. Audience excitement level - high. Mine - low-ish. Pretty tired of FPSes, myself. It was demoed by a German named Herman, which I find far too funny for my own good. Before he left, Herman the German said that the game would be out next February. Good. Now let's stop talking about it.

Then there was a make.believe thing. I still don't understand what that is supposed to be. Some sort of multimedia...thing? I wasn't paying attention until I saw a red panda, followed by a polar bear! Red pandas and polar bears are so cute! Thanks, Sony! This, by the way, was the second cool montage of the night. It was followed by another montage. In said montage was The Sly Cooper Collection, which I'm really excited for despite hating every minute of Sly Cooper that I ever played. All 12 of them! But I love fun, gore-free action/adventure games, which the PS3 is sadly lacking. They did announce a really cool PlayStation Move (their new motion controller that they prattled on about) game called Heroes on the Move, starting Ratchet and Clank, Jak and Daxter, and the Sly Cooper gang. It looks...ugly. But fun! Really fun. I love Ratchet and Clank: Tools of Destruction, so even though I probably won't get the Move, I'll keep my eye on the game.

So the PS Move was touted around for the longest time during the show. It was tiring. I like the previous name better, the Wand. I think it's been called the Move for a year now, but oh well. There were some cool games showed for it...well, other than Heroes, I liked Sorcery. The crowd seemed to really like it, too. It looked really, really fun. But not fun enough to convince me to spend $50 plus extra costs on another motion controller.

The best part was when VP of Cool Things Kevin Butler came on stage to make an amazing "inspirational" speech about gaming. God, that man is funny. People were screaming "I LOVE YOU" from the crowd. The crowd was filled primarily with large, sweaty men, mind you. It was fun. Here's Kev's speech below.

He is HILARIOUS. Love the Kinect dig in the beginning. So mean, those Sony guys. I mean, this was mainly just more Move promotion, but it was FUNNY. So, thanks, Kevin. Later, they also showed some new PSP commercials in the vein of the Kevin ones starring that Bobb'e kid who's all over the place. Y'know, the go-to smart mouthed African-American kid? That's him! He plays Marcus Rivers in the new PSP commercials. Very, very funny. Hopefully we'll see them on TV soon.

LittleBigPlanet 2 was demoed. That game looks awesome. I've talked about it before, and not that much else was revealed. Release date? Um...I'm not sure if they said one. Or if they did, I missed it. I think it's out next year, though? I want it. A lot. After that they had to bring the mood down by announcing the not-at-all-surprising PSN Plus service, which will be $50 for a year or $30~ for three months.Wait, that doesn't sound right. Oh well. It's so stupid - you get "100s of dollars worth of free content!" The thing is, that free content only remains free for you to play as long as your subscription lasts. I find that pretty lame, especially since they're giving away PSN games that people will probably want to play for a long time. I guess that's so they can get people to subscribe for longer. Thankfully, all of the currently free services will remain free, so I'm largely unaffected. I still find this service irritatingly XBox Live-ish, though.

There was then a surprise announcement that Portal 2 will be on the PS3, and will be the "best console version." Cool stuff. They showed a trailer. Nice. Gabe Newell is a funny guy, I guess, although I really do not like him at all. Oh, then there was a beautiful FFXIV trailer that made me want the game even more. Too bad it's a stinking MMO. URGH! I don't want to play an MMO. But I do want to play you, FFXIV. So badly...so badly. We'll see. I don't think I ever will play you, but we'll see. ...Um. Oh, Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 was shown briefly in yet another montage. Everyone cheered, including me. Then some time was spent showing a trailer for inFamous 2, which looks GREAT. I like the first one a lot, so I'm excited for the new one. I think Cole got a new voice, too. And hair!

The end of the conference saw the unnecessary return of one of the creepiest games ever, Twisted Metal. I was frightened so much that I couldn't look at the screen. What a horrible way to end the conference...I didn't think the series was that beloved. It was kind of random. I wish they hadn't shown that at the end, or at all. It was really, really creepy. Too many clowns.

All-in-all, this conference was better than Microsoft's, but far worse than Nintendo's. It was pretty dull, and definitely not as good as last year's. At least it was better than Sony 2006, but it's pretty hard to be worse than that.

This day was excellent, if mostly because of Nintendo. Tomorrow will be some third-party conferences, including Konami and I believe Square Enix. Those conferences will not be televised, so I'll just try to post some news highlights. Either way, E3 is still on until Thursday, so more awesome exciting fun times are on the way, I'm sure.

(Now I'm going to go watch DBZ Kai, which features yet another horrible English literal translation of a Japanese song. Bleh.)

E3 2010 Day 1: Microsoft and a Little Bit of EA

So, whoops. I thought E3 started tomorrow! Guess how shocked I was when I came home today to find that Microsoft had just started their media briefing (answer: I was screaming)!

For what may be the first time ever, Microsoft's conference was shown live on TV exclusively on Spike. Surprise #2 of the day. GameTrailers TV/Gametrailers.com must have won exclusive coverage of it (although I checked G4 after and their Pre-EA conference show was all about Microsoft's briefing, so). It was strange.

Let's get to the actual conference, though!

Microsoft Media Briefing: June 14th, 2010, 10:30 AM Pacific.

The big M took the majority of their hour-and-a-half-long conference to showcase their new Minority Report-esque peripheral, Kinect (formerly known as Project Natal to us cool kids who have been following it since last year). The Kinect is...I'm not sure what to call it, really. It's not a controller, please make that distinction. If you don't, Microsoft will send someone to your house to set you straight. Painfully. Kinect allows you to control your games and the XBox interface with your body and your hands. It's basically this little camera thing that tracks you and your movements 1:1 with the game/menus.

The Kinect. Coming November 4th, 2010.

Microsoft wanted us to really get that, yes, your body is the controller, guys! It's totally cool because you can't lose it in the dark and you can move things WITH YOUR HANDS. You're totally in the game, guys! Totally! Except, Microsoft, you're no more in the stinking game with this stupid, poorly named camera than you are with a camera. God darnit.

I mean, I guess some of the Kinect games were sort of cool. Kinectimals (WHAT A HORRIBLE NAME THOUGH UGH) was pretty adorable. It was actually pretty hilarious, because there was literally no segue whatsoever into the demo. You just saw this little girl (Asian, like a LOT of the demo-ing people. Actually, almost all of them were minorities. I felt like it was to clear up that rumor from last year started by N'Gai Croal that it couldn't recognize black people) walk up to the screen and just start saying, "SKITTLES! YO, SKITTLES! WHERE YOU AT, BOY?" ...Okay, she didn't say that, but that would have been the bomb. She just started taking to her pet TIGER, SKITTLES. Because that makes more sense. This went on for a long stinking time. But it was cuter than my very cute pants, so it's okay.

Another cool Kinect game was one by Harmonix, a poorly-named dance game called Dance Central. Personally, I think the game will either flop or be the best-selling game for this stupid camera thing. You do these insane dance moves to these classic songs (one of which is Bell Biv DeVoe's "Poison," which was demoed by a Japanese woman so wonderfully; THAT GIRL IS POI-SOOON) - you ACTUALLY do them. The thing is, though, I find it impossible for someone like me, for example, or my bro Matt Damon, to be able to play this game at all without failing out immediately. Regardless, it's a cool concept.

Some other funny Kinect-related moments: my much-maligned Kudo Tsunoda came on stage and acted pretentious, per-usual. He was dealt massive damage when one of the greatest people who has ever lived came on stage to demo the dreadful Kinect Adventures game called him Lorenzo Lamas in a great deadpan voice. Sheer hilarity. He also then referred to his "BFF Oscar." It was fantastic. 

Let's see...what else? That was pretty much it on the Kinect front. There was a cool Star Wars trailer, but that was about it after the other stuff. There were lots of other games shown, but none of them seemed to have much potential or appeal to a more "hardcore" audience. It was pretty disappointing. Not that I was expecting much, anyway. Kind of a 360 hater here.

The rest of the conference was dedicated to letting us watch other people play the games that WE want to play, which was boring and unfair. Plus, the majority of the games (save for one by Crytek, whom I do not care for one bit) were ones we had already known about, which was a completely snooze. The one cool part, for me, was the gameplay footage from Metal Gear Solid: Rising, the ONLY Japanese game in the whole lot. I'm not very interesting in the MGS series, but I do find it quite interesting. Also, Rising did look fun in a completely grotesque way. It's much more blatantly action-y than the other games, and I think a lot of people will get excited for it. Dude, Raiden's power is CUTTING PEOPLE IN HALF. If I wasn't so squeamish I would want that game something awful.

The last part of the briefing was the absolute WORST. They announced one of the worst-kept secrets of the show to be real, the new model of the 360, affectionately (?) dubbed the Slim. It's incredibly ugly.

LOOK AT IT. LOOK AT ITS UGLINESS. P.S. Thanks for the pic, Kotaku, love ya, xoxo

And you know what they decided to do, those stupid rich jerkfaces, right after they announced that this baby was coming out on Friday? THEY DECIDED TO GIVE ONE TO EVERY SINGLE STUPID PERSON IN THE STINKING AUDIENCE. What a gip. A TON of people are mad about that on the Internet. Seriously, that is not cool. People gave our guy a standing ovation after that, but who wouldn't? It was still lame.

So, that was basically it. All-in-all, it was an incredibly boring press conference. I was still glued to my seat, of course, but it was kind of a disappointing start. People have already made comparisons to the two worst conferences of recent history: Nintendo '08 and Sony '06. While I'm not sure this was THAT bad, it surely wasn't much better. Hopefully Nintendo and Sony will clean Microsoft up tomorrow.

The EA conference came on later, shown live on G4 where it rightfully belongs. While it's not one of the Big Three, it may still be worth discussing briefly.

EA Press Conference: June 14th, 2010, 2:00 PM Pacific. 

Quick highlights:  

• Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit did actually have a very cool trailer. I actually really like the concept, even though at first it just seemed like the most stupidly dramatic racing game ever.

• The Sims 3 for consoles had a presentation that waxed philosophical (am I using that correctly?) very weirdly. He started blabbering on and on about life and death. Strange. But the game looks cool. I want it. The Kris Allen song in the trailer was...strange, though, to say the least. 

• I enjoyed the enthusiasm of the audience during the Dead Space 2 and Medal of Honor segments. 

• 3D Crysis 2 would have been cool if 1. I cared about Crysis 2 and 2. I could see the evidence of it being 3D on my TV. Oh, but it was funny when the background character kept screaming "STOP! SHE'S RIGHT HERE! WAIT!! STOP!!" Haha.  

•  Not from the show itself but on Kotaku's liveblog, Mike Fahey called Cliffy B (Cliff Blezinski for you common folk) Clifford the Big Red Dog, hahaha. 

• That Star Wars: The Old Republic trailer was pretty intense. Not that interested in the game. 

So, that was about it. Today was not that great; I'm more looking forward to tomorrow, where both Nintendo and Sony will have their conferences. Really excited for those -- they're supposed to be promising. VERY promising INDEED. I'll make sure to give you the recap manana. Ta-ta!  

ETA: URGH, Ubisoft is having a conference at 5:00 Pacific, but I don't think I'm going to cover it. I'll give you any major news tomorrow. (Stupid, stupid finals to study for.) 

New Layout

I have a new layout. Obviously. Tell me what you think :)

And so that this post isn't completely irrelevant:

Relevant Things Going On in My Life Right Now #2

Me cosplaying as Captain Willard from Apocalypse Now. LOLOLOL (That's not funny, is it?)

It seems like every time I want to write these things, I'm watching something on MTV. This time, it's True Life: I Hate My Face. Ladies, don't worry, you're not alone; I hate your faces too!

So, that aside:

• MTV Movie Awards: I saw them yesterday, and then again today (not by choice the second time!) They weren't that good, at all. Predictably, Twilight swept everything. Pretty lame. Trying to think of funny moments right now and failing really hard. Oh, actually, no, Aziz Ansari was surprisingly funny; I liked his Human Giant skit and the one with Zach Galifianakis. He was teaching Zachy G. how to have "swagga." It was as funny as it sounds. The opening with Les Grossman (from the stinking 2-year-old Tropic Thunder, I mean, come on guys, he's funny, but why are you bringing him back now? So random) was pretty funny. Michael Cera bookends. Yep.
• Apocalypse Now: Just saw the end today. It was a pretty excellent movie, aside from the fact that I had no clue what was going on half the time. But that's what happens when you watch it over a period of a week. You know. "THE HORROR, THE HORROR!" Why is "I love the smell of napalm in the morning" such a popular line? Really. But I did love that character, even though he really wasn't that important in the long run. And --spoiler-- who ever thought that Lance would be the only one in Martin Sheen's party left? NOT I STEVE CARELL
• The Hard Times of RJ Berger hatred: Okay. So. You should probably know me well enough to know that I kind of HATE a lot of things. Sometimes I just make assumptions. Usually, though, my assumptions are OVER 9000% CORRECT. This is one of those times. RJ Berger is some little demon that reared its ugly little head in some MTV/Viacom office saying "PUT ME ON TELEVISION OR I WILL KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU AND MAYBE ALL OF YOUR SHETLAND PONIES TOO." We all know how much Viacom employees love their complimentary Viacom Corp. Shetland ponies, so they, begrudgingly, obeyed Mr. Berger's commands and gave him his horrible show. Okay, so, back to the assumption thing: I kind of haven't seen the whole show yet. But really, if you saw the commercials, you'd know - it's not necessary for me to see it to know that it sucks. I MEAN. COME ON. RJ is supposed to be 15 and HE LOOKS CORY MONTEITH-AGED. Man, it's just not okay. After it premiered on Sunday, I checked the Internetz and saw that most people above the age of 14 called it crud. I also found out that it was a lot more...um...yeah, just read this: http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-hard-times-of-rj-berger-pilot,41841/
• Old video game commercials: Okay, these aren't that old, but remember now: I'm young and stuff. There's the Kirby! Nightmare in Dreamland one that has that song that everyone who was worth my time (oh snizz oh snizz) knew all the words to back in, like, fourth grade; then there's the Super Smash Bros. one from all the way back in the 90s. That one's one of the GREATEST. EVER. It's even greater than my cat. And my cat is pretty darn great. (ETA: Upon further consideration, I have decided that my cat is still greater than this commercial.) Oh! Then there's the Pokemon Red and Blue commercial. Guess who's in it? DRAKE BELL. Gasp! Giggle! Squee! Here's another one that's actually really depressing for a commercial trying to sell you two really expensive kids' games. Man, Nintendo had the best commercials back in the day. Now? Meh.
• E3 excitement: OH MY GOD IT STARTS NEXT TUESDAY GAIZ. I am SOSOSOSOSOSO excited. I think this year's going to be AWESOME BEYOND BELIEF LIKE TOTALLY FERRLZ. I probably shouldn't hype it so much BUT IT'S HARD NOT TO, MAN! Last year it was really early, and I had Study Hall 9th period so I left school early to go watch the press conferences. Now it's during my Finals week, so I come home even EARLIER! :D ...but then I have to study. But PSH THAT CAN WAIT. Plus, on the last day I don't have any tests. I might have to be resuscitated, guys. Be on hand.
• Glee season finale: This season was insanely long. Insanely. Scarily, even. The thing is, it wasn't really any longer than the average season, number of episodes-wise. It just lasted the ENTIRE SCHOOL YEAR. It was crazed. This episode had a lot of problems; it felt completely like a different show. Refer to this annoyingly positive but still pretty on-the-nose review: http://www.avclub.com/articles/journey,41944/ Here's the single-greatest moment from not just the episode, but also probably the season (next to Kurt's "Rose's Turn" and that sweet moment with him and his dad and Finn); it's Jonathan Groff singing "Bohemian Rhapsody!" 

On a Completely Unexpected Note

From reading this blog or just knowing me as a person, it's quite apparent that I'm pretty pretentious when it comes to music (and movies, and TV, and most things, sadly). When people talk about some song by Rihanna that I've never heard, for instance, I'll proudly yelp, "Oh! I have never heard that song, for I do not listen to the radio, NPR and other stations my father puts on in the car aside notwithstanding! My grandest apologies!"

However, despite my lack of radio-listening and "indie" predilections, I'm not completely immune to the power of just plain good pop music and its catchiness. I mean, I pretty much spend all day watching TV, kids. I'm bound to hear "Eenie Meenie" sometime. How do you think I know about Justin Bieber, anyway? How do you think we became such swell chums?

Youtube is so helpful in this regard, in my journey to act my age and stay in touch with the mainstream. Here are some popular songs I like that you actually have heard of, both new AND "old!":

Kelly Clarkson - "Since U Been Gone"

I don't go to parties often, but if you ever have had the luck (BAHAHA) to be at a party with me, then you know that I actually LOOOOVE Kelly Clarkson. Especially this song! I can be found singing it at the most random of times in the most angelic of singing voices. Just ask any of my friends! All 3 of them! (Just kidding, hee hee. Hello, friends who have probably been forced to read this!) This song is actually amazingly good. The title may be grammatically incorrect but if that's the only negative this pessimist has, then you're doing something right, Kell! Other Kelly Clarkson sing-along favorites include: "Breakaway", "Walk Away", "Behind These Hazel Eyes", "My Life Would Suck Without You"

B.o.B. - "Nothin' On You"

I actually stealth-linked to this video before, but I don't care. I'm posting it AGAIN. Because it's AWESOME. Most people I know are like, "Eww, rap is gross, I'm gonna go listen to my [insert serious crud here] instead!" But rap isn't all bad. Obviously! Bruno Mars has such a niiice voice. Soooo niiiice. Plus, any song that has an N64 reference in it is cool in my very large and VERY COOL book. And this video seriously is really cool. Other B.o.B. songs I can be seen chair-dancing to: "Airplanes", "The Kids", "Magic"

Lady Gaga - "Paparazzi"

I actually despise this music video, save for the scene towards the end where she's decked out in that seriously weird Minnie Mouse getup. The song, though. OH, THE SONG. This song was made for me to rock out to with my truly inspiring vocals! And I do, very often in fact. My personal stance on Miz Gaga is that she wouldn't be at all interesting if it wasn't for her outfits, and I think that still stands; this song isn't particularly interesting or novel, and a lot of people cite its music video as a positive for it when they really should just focus on the song itself. Lucky for Gawgs, this song is so stinking catchy I wish I didn't start watching the video now because it's going to be stuck in my head AGAIN, and last time it was stuck in my head I swear it didn't leave until I cleansed myself with some Justin Bieber (I think "Eenie Meenie" in particular, which is actually quite bad). Other Lady Gaga Jamz: "Just Dance" (DO DAW DO)

Colby O'Donis - "What You Got"

Okay, I'm not sure how popular this song was, but if it wasn't that popular, then, well, IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN. Seriously, I dig this song something awful (that sounds horrendous). Colby, you may be of ambiguous ethnicity, but my feelings for your song are quite obvious - LOVE IT. Especially that chorus; I mean, COME ON GENTLELADIES AND MEN. It's so simple and perfect and smooth like the ice cream I really want to eat right now but don't have. Ice cream! ICE CREAM! Sadly, there are no other Colby songs I even know so I can't recommend them, but see the aforementioned "Just Dance," since he features in that.

Jason Derulo - "In My Head"

Dang, this song is catchy. It just gets catchier and catchier as it goes along. The vid's a bit annoying, the silhouettes aside, but that chorus is too good. I don't know how much Jason (Jason or Jay-shawn?) Derulo really brings to the table, especially lyrically, considering most of the song consists of "yeah-ah," "ehh," and "what's goin' down," but if this was his one hit, I could live with that. And I hope that everyone else would be able to, as well! (Although apparently his first song was a hit, too. But DO I CARE?) Derulo reminds me of someone else who I'm about to get to, albeit a less cool and original iteration...

Ne-Yo - "Closer"

CRUD. Try to point out a flaw in this video. Just. Try. It. "Um, well--" SHUSH. SILENCE. We'll be having none of that. Not that your point would have been valid, anyway. Ne-Yo's got the moves, man, and the style! This video is way too cool for someone like me who's been wearing the same smelly pajama pants and Oprah-related t-shirt for the last two days. I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy! But I'll watch from afar regardless because Ne-Yo, you're the man. Although I find it weird that two of your songs share their names with Kelly Clarkson ones ("Because of You" and "Miss Independent") but we'll let that slide because your dancing is so choice. (Speaking of dancers, Chris Brown is truly amazing. Wife beating aside, of course. I never get tired of this performance.  I couldn't care less about his music, though.) Something similar: Justin Timberlake! I love Justin Timberlake. I really do. I'd recommend "Rock Your Body," "Cry Me a River," "Senorita," "My Love"

Vanessa Carlton - "A Thousand Miles"

I think everyone is tired of this song by now; it's been played to death, I'm sure. But it's probably one of my favorite songs ever. I definitely loved it when I was a young'un, and honestly, I still do now. And PROUDLY. Her piano-playing is killer, man. I remember seeing her do this song on U-Pick Live back in 2002 or 2003. Or maybe it was one of her other songs... Either way, it made my day. I think. Geez, that was so long ago. I wish that Vanessa C. had been more popular, or at least sustained her popularity, but it's kind of faded out. I'd prefer to see more people like her than more people like the next artist on my list... Other Vanessa faves: "Ordinary Day," "White Houses" (seriously, I don't know anyone who doesn't LOVE that song especially. And her outfit in the video is awesome, although the rest of the video is lame)

Miley Cyrus - "Start All Over"

Okay, so this is the only song on this list that I'm pretty embarrassed to admit that I enjoy. I mean, I don't have it on my iPod or anything; what do you think I am, some kind of animal, like a 12-year-old girl? But this song is just SO CATCHY. The catchiness totally overpowers how bad Miley Cyrus' voice is. And that part when you just see the guitarist strumming the obviously-not-functional guitar while walking down the street? I LOVE IT. The dancing is fun to watch, too. It's my guy Marc Webb directing, so that helps. The video also seems like it was done all in one take, for the most part, and that's way cool. Miley actually seems like someone who could -- should, even -- be really famous and successful in this video. I mean, she is, obviously, but this video works kind of as a testament to that for me. Stuff Miley Cyrus sings that I'm similarly embarrassed to enjoy: "See You Again," "East Northumberland High" (Betcha you don't know THAT one!). Something similar: Aly and AJ's "Potential Breakup Song." It's actually really stinking hilarious, and it has Rivers Cuomo's vote of confidence!

There are other bands and songs that I like that are insanely popular; I just didn't list them because they're pretty much crossover hits (Gorillaz, the Killers, Jimmy Eat World, OK Go, Coldplay, La Roux, etc.). Just so you know.

Anyway, yeah. Enjoy these videos while I enjoy the Toy Story 3 Food Network Challenge and continue to not write my college essay and do my Chem homework! :D

And though we are falling stars, we feel just fine: The Romanticism of Yoko and Pinkerton

I'm a bit of a romantic.

Not in that horrible sense meaning "lover of Sandra Bullock films and other examples of extreme sap-pery," but in the sense that I can't help but find myself attracted to stories of trial and failure.

My love of these types of stories is so great that sometimes the presence of them alone can compel me to do or learn about something that I otherwise would not have.

This happens a lot, probably the most often in fact, with music. Let's discuss.

---

One of my favorite albums is Yoko by the little-known band Beulah. Their biggest claim to commercial fame is their song "Popular Mechanics for Lovers" being featured in The O.C., a show I know way too much about for someone who hasn't even seen more than 25 minutes of it before. 

"Popular Mechanics" could be called representative of Beulah's larger body of work. It's sunny, breezy, and it sounds like something you'd hear on a boardwalk. The lyrics are clever, sometimes biting ("Don't believe a word he says/he wouldn't ever take his heart out for you"), and while they're not necessarily upbeat, the music definitely is.

But to call this the Poster Boy of Beulah's work as a whole would be an outright lie. Yoko is the story of what happens to a band when it's on the brink of destruction. Yoko is what a breakup sounds like. 

It's fitting that the title is the name of the woman often credited for breaking up the Beatles. Here, in a nutshell, is the history of Yoko's production, courtesy Wikipedia:

The period surrounding Yoko's conception and recording was one of great personal strife for the band - [Miles] Kurosky split with his long-term girlfriend and three of the six band members went through divorce while the record was being written, rehearsed and recorded. Amid all this, the foundations of the band appeared to be shaking; rumours of a break-up were rife and well-founded. The mood of the album was certainly much darker and the band phased back much of their instrumentation, preferring to create more of a live sound than layering multiple overdubs atop the mix. The album took a much rockier direction than their previous efforts; yet, upon its release in 2003, attracted a similar lauding that had greeted their previous two records.

So, obviously, heartbreak had a huge effect on the album. The album opens with "A Man Like Me," which is a plea to a lover on her way out to stay. "So try/try lifting all your weight/for a man/a man gone wrong," sings Kurosky, lead singer and one of the principal songwriters for the band. From "A Man Like Me," which is quiet with well-placed outbursts of energy in the chorus, we head into the unbelievably angry "Landslide Baby." Beulah was known for its clever and personal lyrics, and they're definitely there on "Baby;" this time, however, the lyrics (of which "I do believe that you hate yourself" is one) are now combined with a sound that better fits their mood as opposed to the sunny pop Beulah fans were used to. It's angry, it's loud, but it's still catchy and genuine pop. "Baby" stands out as the harshest and maddest song of the band's, and when it comes on right after the sentimental "A Man Like Me," you know that you're in for something quite different.

The band was also once reasonably religious (although it didn't have the greatest bearing on their music) but as their lives started to crumble around them and they fell into their states of (relative) despair, that belief was called into question. This was communicated in "Me and Jesus Don't Talk Anymore". The lyrics are slightly vague, but the devil is talked to "have a lease" and to be "riding with me again," along with "Maybe I'm losing sleep over nothing/maybe I'll be just fine/He tears me away from all those little things/that seemed so important when I knew you." The song ultimately is another lamentation of a relationship ended; this time, it seems more like it's a relationship with Jesus than with a woman, but it resonates all the same, even for those of us less-religious. (It's also really darn good, just in general.)

The sunny pop that the band was most well-known for did not belie any sunny or necessarily optimistic attitude. Even on The Coast is Never Clear, the album that came before Yoko and one that similarly had a troubled production, the recording process was tough and reflected in the lyrics: "Kurosky was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and took daily therapy sessions, which informed the lyrical mood of the record, which was often incredibly downbeat, very much at odds with the breezy, summery feel of the music." However, with Yoko, it was much more obvious that something had gone wrong, if not with the music, then with the band itself.

The band had been struggling to get by from the beginning, from company buyouts to poor sales, but it was never apparent to those who did buy their albums and see their shows that they were really going to call it quits until Yoko. In a way, Yoko the album was the "Yoko" that broke up the band; Kurosky and company flat-out said that Beulah would be no more if the album didn't reach gold status.

Guess what? It didn't. 

While other indie bands were recognized for their greatness and became cult figures post-breakup, even if they didn't necessarily have much fame when they were together, Beulah did not and does not have much of that. Yes, there are devoted fans who constantly lament the death of the band, but in the broadest sense, Beulah failed. They failed, and it stung. While Kurosky rose from the ashes to release a solo album, he and his former band still has not received the recognition they truly deserve. Beulah has faded away, for the most part, and it's a tragedy.

But what a way to go out.

Yoko is one of the band's most critically acclaimed releases, shining bright amongst its brothers. There are, indeed, shades of Coast and the tunes that made Beulah popular with the fans it did have, like "My Side of the City" (which was even featured in a Dance Dance Revolution game!) and "Your Mother Loves You Son." 

The most sensitive and beautiful stuff of their career is on the album, too, like "Don't Forget to Breathe" and my number one favorite, "Hovering." "Don't Forget to Breathe" is the penultimate track to not just the album but also to the band's career. It may be hard to imagine that one track less, less than four minutes long, could end an eight-yearlong journey so perfectly, but it did. When listening to it, the song doesn't really sound like anything special, and it definitely doesn't sound like anything on the other three previous albums (Coast, When Your Heartstrings Break, and Handsome Western States, in reverse chronological order), but that's why there are lyrics. The song sounds like a letter to the people who never cared, never took the time to listen: "Your last words will not be heard/there's too many of them that no one deserves/I don't need your love." This is driven home by the chorus, which rhetorically asks outright, "Is it worth me trying?" 

While their sales weren't strong and their fanbase still remains small, I'm going to answer emphatically "yes." While most people don't know of Beulah, to the people who do, they mean a lot. Their work took a dramatic and darker turn on Yoko, but honestly, it was for the best, and turned out to be the one album that I'll want to have with me always. Yoko might have broken up the band, but if they had to go, at least they left us with this as a parting gift.

---

The best example of this kind of behavior is my love for Weezer's Pinkerton, probably one of the greatest romantic(ist) stories in not-really-that-recent-anymore musical history.

Pinkerton's story is one that I have studied in-depth, but at the same time, it's complicated for me to explain. For the average listener, it can be summed up more easily. It was their sophomore album, following the much poppier and overall happy-go-lucky Blue Album that had sold exceedingly well. The thing was,  Pink was the complete antithesis to Blue, being dark and seen as the progenitor of that now mainstream, much-maligned "emo" genre. Here, as seen on Wikipedia:

Pinkerton is named after the character B.F. Pinkerton from Puccini's opera Madame Butterfly, and the album is loosely based on the opera. Like the Puccini opera, the album includes other references to Japan, Japanese people, and Japanese culture from the perspective of an outsider who considers Japan fragile and sensual. The album's lyrical themes infuse the Japanese allusions with its first-person narrator's romantic disappointments and sexual frustration, the latter at times visceral and graphic. Due to the cohesion of the narrative themes, the album plays as a concept album about sexual longing and lost love, and because of its first-person voice, many consider Cuomo's songs autobiographical. Cuomo has stated that "the 10 songs are sequenced in the order in which I wrote them (with two minor exceptions). So as a whole, the album kind of tells the story of my struggle with my inner Pinkerton."

But then, you still don't know the real background. It started with a leg surgery.

Rivers Cuomo, our Byronic Hero, was born with one leg shorter than the other, a defect that prevented him from pursuing his childhood soccer dreams and required major surgery. If you have seen Cuomo recently, you would know that, obviously, the surgery was successful, but it was still insanely painful. Thus, he took to writing in the hospital as he recovered.

Also during this post-Blue time, Cuomo, disillusioned with the rock star life (a theme he would later address in album opener "Tired of Sex," as well as center the lost Weezer opus Songs from the Black Hole around), took some time off, enrolling at Harvard. Living in self-imposed near-isolation, this period of time was dark for the front man, inspiring directly some of the greatest songs on the album (my personal favorite and lead single, "El Scorcho," has some direct Harvard influence, as Cuomo once told the Crimson, "...one example is, in 'Pinkerton,' in 'El Scorcho,' two lines in the song are actually taken from someone else’s essay in my [Expository Writing] class. Because at one point, we had to do a little workshop thing, and we each got assigned to review someone else’s essay. So, I reviewed this one person’s essay, and I liked some of the lines in it, so I took them and used them in the song"). 

Some other inspired moments from the album include "No Other One," in which Cuomo tells us that, despite all of the things he doesn't like about the girl he's with, "She's all I got/and I don't wanna be alone." "No Other One" has some of the best instrumentation on the album, but it's Rivers Cuomo's sincere and sensitive vocals that really do it for me. "The Good Life" references Rivers persevering disillusionment again; while some called it out for its occasionally less than stellar lyrics ("shaking booty/making sweet love all the night," anyone?), it was a pretty honest expression of the desire to return to the less lonely life, the same one he dreaded in "Tired of Sex."

["The Good Life"] chronicles the rebirth of Cuomo after an identity crisis as an Ivy League loner. Cuomo, who had been isolated while at Harvard, wrote it after "becoming frustrated with that hermit's life I was leading, the ascetic life. And I think I was starting to become frustrated with my whole dream about purifying myself and trying to live like a monk or an intellectual and going to school and holding out for this perfect, ideal woman. And so I wrote the song. And I started to turn around and come back the other way."

Pinkerton is a chronological album, presented in the order it was written. Rivers Cuomo starts off as a rock star getting tired of the lifestyle ("Tired of Sex"), lamenting about it ("Why Bother?") until he decides to lead a life in isolation, as a "hermit" in a completely new place (Harvard). The single most-discussed song on the album, "Across the Sea," recounts the absolute lowest point in Cuomo's romanticist journey to find himself. It's the heartbreaking story of his receiving a fan letter from someone all the way "across the sea," and, even knowing he'll never see her, ever, falls in love with her, largely because he's so lonely. Fans bring it up so often because it's such a specific tale, as opposed to the slightly more general but still extremely personal "No Other One" and "Getchoo", and you can feel the pain that he's feeling. The exceptional songwriting that is heard throughout the album stands out the most here.

So the album stemmed from pain to begin with. Despite that, it was quite brilliant. The problem? Few people initially felt the same. Fans felt alienated, critics called the lyrics childish, overwrought, and insincere, and the band faded into the exact thing that Cuomo had wanted to get out of so badly, obscurity, and even more so, isolation. The album crashed and burned; being a very dark and wintry album released in mid-September, the teenagers that made up the majority of Weezer's fanbase either were disinterested in it when they had it or did not feel compelled to buy it. The sales were awful, and it seemed that what the critics of Blue had thought was true: the band was just a novelty act, a two-hit wonder. (You can read an interesting and informative thesis by a Harvard grad on the subject here.)

As everyone familiar with the phrase "Beverly Hills, that's where I want to be" knows, Weezer isn't exactly suffering anymore; at least, not commercially. But it is critically and artistically that they have let their game down. Cuomo thought that the failure of Pinkerton was everything that made it so appealing to the people who embraced it, albeit a little too late; he thought it was too personal, too romantic. He famously compared it to "being really drunk at a party and having everyone watch you." But if Pinkerton is what Rivers Cuomo produces when he's "drunk," then I hope that he sips some of that alcohol again soon. 

(Note: while Weezer's absolute worst album, Make Believe, sold a ton, the two similarly awful albums to follow it were not nearly as successful, and the band, last I heard, has now found themselves without a record label. While they're sure to end up somewhere else soon, it's a sign that maybe today's listeners would be more receptive, even encouraging, of a new Pinkerton-style Weezer album. Rivers Cuomo, though, being the Byronic figure he is, is probably too arrogant to ever admit that he was wrong about thinking that Pink was dreck, and we'll probably see him in even stranger facial hair and outfits to come.)

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What does it say about our society that it's the tragedies that stay with us the most? Better yet, what does it say about us that we let these musical tragedies occur? 

You may think that the story of Weezer isn't tragic, and as I said before, commercially, no, it isn't. But artistically, the death of Pinkerton and the band's integrity is a loss for lovers of good music.

Beulah's story is most sympathetic, especially when you consider that they never really achieved the success that they wanted to or deserved. But I do believe that the band appreciated the fans it did have. Why would they give us four excellent albums if they didn't? 

The romanticism of music is the most compelling to me, but in other media it is of interest and importance, too. Maybe we'll get to that someday.

Download: "Don't Forget to Breathe" and "Landslide Baby" by Beulah; "El Scorcho" and "Across the Sea" by Weezer; *BONUS* "Hovering" by Beulah 

I'd recommend that you buy Yoko here. 

And I'd also suggest that you purchase Pinkerton here. (A deluxe edition is on Pre-Order here if you're interested.)

P.S. Weird teenager-y Rivers pic found here.  
P.P.S. Sorry this post has a stupid URL. I pressed publish too early. Hence the wrong "posted by" time. I actually posted it about three and a half hours later, heh. But you probably don't care!