Remember That SNL Post From A Week Ago?

Yeah, well, I hadn't seen this yet: ZACH GALIFIANAKIS HOSTING. Zach G. is my rock. He is my sovereign. He is my bearded guidance. He is my EVERYTHING.

Well, not really. But I think he's hilarious, and that's more than I can say for most people. Seriously, Between Two Ferns is required viewing for readers of this blog. I knew he was hosting but then I forgot because, well, it's Saturday Night Live and it sucks.

But today I came home with a migraine so I decided, what the heck, let's watch something on Hulu. Originally I was going to watch Gabba Gabba Rey!, who hosted last Saturday, but then I saw a beard with Zach G.'s eyes above it, staring at me, and I had to watch.

HERE ARE THE HIGHLIGHTS, BECAUSE YOU DESERVE THEM!

OHEMGEEEEE DYING HERE. Bullet points!

• "It's great to be back hosting Saturday Night Live..."
• "Putting on chapstick daintily"
• "Homeless professor;" "Vice President of Ultimate Frisbee;" "Alpaca message boards"
• "I live in Brooklyn...and I hate it." I guess a lot of hipsters are in the audience.
• "Excuse me, I've been in Canada...opening up for Miles Davis. Kilometers Davis."
• "I like dark comedies; that's why I like the Wayans Bros." I cracked up at that one. That is just bad. Love it.
• "I went to my high school reunion awhile ago, and it was very weird because I was home schooled...and why I rented that limousine, I have no idea."
• "That is so Raven." He uses that joke a lot, but it's still funny.
• He doesn't really have a blog :(
• "Hoobastank is here!" Hoobastank. Haven't heard that name in awhile. Not since the last Singstar party. Oh, Singstar.

Digital short, so of course it's awesome. I think if Zach Galifianakis crashed the set of some show that I was watching, I'd freak out due to fear and amazement. Dude, if Zach G. crashed The Tyra Show or something horrible like that, I would love it. I would die. And then Tyra would bring me back to life so she can hold onto each and every viewer she has with those disgusting Tyra-fingers of hers and then I would die again.

Zach G. AND Vampire Weekend?! Seriously, why did I not watch this live? Contra stuff isn't that good live but the band is too adorable for it to be a big deal. I love Ezra's new hair, and did he grow five inches? Because he is usually not that tall. And Rostam has this weird way of dragging his feet while he plays guitar that I can totally relate to because I can't dance/stand up like a normal person, either. During the bridge, Ezra was watching him with the intent of a love-stricken bachelor. He, too, was enamored by his band mate's oddness. Oh, and I picked their "Cousins" performance over "Giving Up the Gun" because "Cousins" is a way stinking better song. I could go on and on and on and on about this but I'll stop geeking out now and move on.

PAUL RUDD TOO? And Frank Rich, whose presence/existence I find hysterical because he has the same name as my dad except backwards?! WHAT IS THIS? WHY DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS? This sketch was not particularly funny other than Paul Rudd's being there and Kenan calling Frank Rich "sexy and sinister" and his "wut" face afterwards, but that "What's Up With That" song is going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the day. Zach's outfit was great and I liked Jason Sudeikis', too. And his dancing! We dance similarly, except his dancing is actually SOMEWHAT DECENT. Yeah, I'm feeling self-conscious about my dancing today. Isn't that random?

Whatever, here's "Giving Up the Gun." I have to post it for Rostam's Michael Jackson faces. He looks like Michael Jackson! And why did Chris Tom change his shirt? ...Can I have his old one? Oh, and Chris Baio's footwork is cool. Am I the only one who sees a slight resemblance between Ezra and Devon Werkheiser?

Oh, dear.

Well, that was awesome. I think I feel a little better now. Thank you, Zach Galifianakis. You may look like Marijuana Santa Claus, but to me, you're...well, yeah, I don't know, I guess you're just Marijuana Santa Claus.

Go watch Between Two Ferns now while I watch the Gabba Gabba Rey! episode. Bye.

Saturday Night Live, You Ignorant Slut

It's Saturday night. What are you doing? One of three things, probably: sleeping, partying, or playing Pokemon SoulSilver. Last night, I was doing the latter. But eventually, after playing Pokemon for going on four hours, you think it's time to do something else. So what do you do then?

If you hate yourself, you watch Saturday Night Live.

"That's harsh, Allegra." Girl, please. PLEASE. If you think I'm being a bit over dramatic, then you obviously have not seen Saturday Night Live in the last eight years.

Here's last night's monologue for your convenience.

It's horrible, isn't it? The random appearances of all of those annoying characters was met with relative disinterest by the audience, except for Andy Samberg's Dick in a Box guy. People love the "Dick in a Box" sketch. And you know why? Because it wasn't LIVE.

I think there's something inherently wrong and pathetic about a show that purports itself as the best live comedy hour on television whose best sketches are, well, NOT LIVE. I mean, the show is live for a reason.

So why is all of the live content so bad? Why does it pale in comparison to the pre-taped content? I think it's because of the writing. The writing is just so weak these days. I like Seth Meyers; I think he's a cool, albeit weasel-faced, bro, but he just has not been a successful head writer, at all. Another reason could be that these actors just aren't such great live performers. It seems like all of the performers had some previous experience with it before joining the show, though, so I'm not so sure that's the reason. However, compared to previous casts, this one was much less experienced with improv, with only 1 member coming from Second City, another coming from the Groundlings, and then a few others being in lesser-known improv groups. (Oh, wait, but it doesn't even matter if they can do improv, since Stupid Lorne Michaels doesn't even let them improv! Stupid Lorne Michaels.)

Regardless of their prior experience with live performing, the current cast is actually undeniably funny, even though they try very, very, very hard not to be funny at all on the show (and succeed). Bill Hader, Kristen Wiig, Jason Sudeikis, and Andy Samberg are especially funny -- just not on the show. Andy Samberg is especially horrible on the show, unless he's doing one of his digital shorts. Those digital shorts are always, without exaggeration, the best parts of the show when they're on. Obviously, Andy Samberg's forte (get it? Because Will Forte is also a cast member? Tee-hee? Funny?) is writing his own material and then performing it in front of a camera, and not an audience.

Even feral cats like Andy Samberg!

That leopard is obviously only a fan of his Lonely Island/film work. (Erm, minus Hot Rod. Gross.)

It just bothers me every time I see the show that this awesome cast goes to waste because the writing is awful beyond belief. It's kind of sad, but I would be happy if the show was killed off. I think that it would give these actors the chance to do some better work that they can actually be successful in. They get the chance to film movies and such and such and such, but wouldn't it be cool if Bill Hader starred in his own TV show? Or if Kristen Wiig got the chance to really become the next top female comedienne?

Which brings up another point: everyone ranted and raved over the lackluster Tina Fey episode. Why? Because Tina Fey was there, and she was in the majority of the sketches, and anything with her, no matter how poor it is, is better than anything that they show these days without her. That episode was so hyped because the show has been so bad without her -- and personally, I didn't even find it all that great when she WAS on it! It's just so much more preferable to what we have now. Maybe it's because she's a writer first, and a good writer. Seth Meyers might be both a writer and a performer, but he's lackluster at both of those. I thought Tina Fey kind of sucked on Saturday Night Live, but if you watch even one episode of 30 Rock, you know how talented she really is. I think Andy Samberg would be successful if he was given the same kind of venue (not just with The Lonely Island).

So, in sum: the Saturday Night Live of today is horrible. It is a barren wasteland where talented performers go to make money that, based on the work they perform on the show, they don't really deserve, and where writers who may or may not be good go to become worse. Every single actor on the show is probably just using it to get more exposure so they can go down the Mike Myers or Will Ferrell route, although those two routes really are largely sucky, despite how much money those two might make. Hopefully soon Bill Hader will champion a revolt that will lead to the demise or at least mass exodus of the current cast before Lorne Michaels leeches all of the comic ability out of their impressionable young bodies.

And then they will all cry to Lorne Michaels: