Apocalypse Please

Today I visited a college and in a mock class we watched the opening to Apocalypse Now. I hadn't seen the movie in going on a year, and since reading Heart of Darkness I had sort of been wanting to rewatch it. Watching the opening again, I was just instantly reminded that this movie is a true masterpiece, much more entertaining and even insightful than the book. I can't even think of a more perfect opening at this moment. "The End" just works so masterfully, it's like it was written for this movie.

Oscars 2011: How Did I Do?

Last night's Oscars were easily the worst in years. YEARS. I wasn't a fan of them last year, despite my love for Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, but that seemed hilarious and amazing in comparison to this year's lifeless and predictable show.

Anne Hathaway wins for "Best Effort" with her likable enthusiasm and had she been hosting by herself, thus being given much more to do than she was last night, I would have enjoyed the show more. But James Franco was there, too, and as much as I enjoy James Franco he absolutely failed as host. I don't know whether he was stoned, tired, or "nervous" (psssh, whatever), but he was terrible. My head bro in charge Rob Sheffield has this theory:

Come on: James Franco was kind of brilliant last night. He treated the Oscars like his own avant-garde conceptual art project, like the way he went on General Hospital for kicks and giggles. Like, what if an insanely pretty boy got up on TV in front of a billion people, and did nothing but smirk and squint and stare off into the distance and look embarrassed to be there? What if he barely said a word, just contemplating his own hotness and flashing his John-Mayer-post-lobotomy grin? What a bold statement on modern alienation! Like the tragic hero of Jean Cocteau’s Orphic Trilogy, he stood trapped behind a mirror, unable to make human contact, cursed to face his own reflection alone. Duuuude! I hope he got at least a B+ for that in his “Media Tedium Strategies” seminar.

Not buying it, Rob, but nice try. Sometimes we forget that James Franco and Lady Gaga are completely different beasts, in that James Franco's life is not completely fabricated for entertainment. I mean, we don't know this for sure, considering he's kind of enigmatic, but I'm pretty certain that James Franco is still a human being who takes life slightly less seriously than most.

Another horrible moment was Melissa Leo's obnoxious speech. God, she seemed fake, and I mean, I don't even hate her but she just wouldn't stop, man. HAI-HAI THAT OSCAR WAS YOURS BBY YOU WERE ROBBED <3 In spite of myself/hypocritically I'm a big advocate for GOOD child actors, and while I haven't seen True Grit (I saw some of the original though!) she seemed amazing in it. HAI-HAI 2012! Actually, no, I want Chloe Moretz to win. She rocks.

Also, the In Memoriam was painful with Celine Dion's wailing of Michael Jackson's favorite song. How could they leave out Corey Haim?! He was a good actor, man! Lucas!

Anyway, terrible hosting, Melissa Leo, and the general bland predictability of it all, which I'll get to, aside, the show managed to have its share of good bits. Kirk Douglas brought the kind of wacky, "does he know what he's doing right now?" kind of hilarity that I love about the Oscars with his extremely long stay on the stage. Norm Macdonald quipped on his Twitter (which was plugged, by the way, much less than I thought it'd be at the show and yet still had a presence in my house as my dad read us Tweets during breaks): "By the time the dead montage starts, Kirk Douglas will be in it." Black humor. Killing it, Norm.

I also liked the Auto-Tune the Movies thing by the Gregory Brothers, whom I adore (yes, in italics). That was probably the most amusing thing of the night for me, other than Kirk. What else was funny? Um. I liked David Seidler's speech for The King's Speech. I also loved Billy Crystal. Weirdly enough I still have vivid memories of his hosting gig back in '03, especially that opening montage. Oh, the good old days. Billy got a standing ovation when he came on stage, and it's obviously because everyone in the audience (and at home) was praying to L. Ron Hubbard or Jehovah or whatever for him to take over for the rest of the night.

Okay, so the show was crud, but the most important thing is really who took home the little gold naked guy. I made my predictions earlier in a really boring post that you probably didn't read, so let's see how I did!

• Best Picture: MY PREDICTION: The Social Network. WINNER: The King's Speech. Okay, this was wishful thinking on my part but MAN, am I mad. Look, I'm sure The King's Speech is a wonderful thing, and maybe I'm just crazy (crazy for you baaabyyy), but I think Best Picture should MEAN something. The movie should have a greater message for it to truly be the best picture of the year. It should be innovative (note: this point is highly contradictory to everything the Academy stands for), it should be something that truly STANDS THE HECK OUT. And maybe The King's Speech does that. But do you think we'll remember it next year? I still remember No Country for Old Men. I remember Crash, although that's because of how mad it makes me. I even remember Titanic. On the same note, I always forget who won these past two years even though Hurt Locker and Slumdog were pretty fresh, so I guess I'm a big hypocrite. On the bright side, as Steven Spielberg said, losers are in the company of stinking Citizen Kane. Enough said. (And by the way, my SUBJECTIVE choice for Best Picture is easily Toy Story 3. Objectively, it's Social Network. I think too many voters are emotional and that helped because I'm sure that The King's Speech is more "likable" in many ways than Social Network with its anti-hero of a main character.)
• Best Director: MY PREDICTION: David Fincher. WINNER: Tom Hooper. OKAY THIS IS COMPLETE AND TOTAL IDIOCY. IDIOCY. ABSOLUTELY. David Fincher is WHY his film succeeds. IT IS COMPLETELY IMBUED WITH HIS VOICE. Who the crud is Tom Hooper?! Who is he? King's Speech had great PERFORMANCES, and while directing is part of that I find it hard to believe that any of those movies nominated are more synonymous with their director than Finchy. I even think Christopher Nolan, who stupidly wasn't nominated, would have been worthy; Inception would be much worse off without him. But NOOO, IT WAS TOM STINKING HOOPER. Whatever. I'm too young to develop an ulcer.
• Best Actor: MY PREDICTION: Colin Firth. WINNER: Colin Firth. I was right! Yay me! Colin Firth can charm the pants off anybody, male or female, and I'm happy for him. However, I was rooting for Jesse or even Javier Bardem. All of those actors seemed very worthy, but Jesse's performance is the one that I still think about even now. Those courtroom scenes were amazing. I'm sure Colin is very deserving, though; he's the main reason why I want to see that movie. Also I like how he thanked Tom Ford, who directed A Single Man for which he was nominated last year. Did he even mention Hooper?
• Best Actress: PREDICTION: Natalie Portman. Winner: Natalie Portman. 2 right! Look, I thought she was good. I loved her in The Professional, back when she was 11. I love that movie. I didn't love Black Swan, but she was in every single scene and really carried it; I thought she deserved it. Nicole Kidman's role, by the way, in Rabbit Hole seemed extremely over-the-top, and she fails at that American accent. No offense.
• Best Supporting Actor: PREDICTION: Christian Bale. WINNER: Bale. Method is as method does, or something to that effect. Yay, Christian Bale!
• Best Supporting Actress: PREDICTION: Melissa Leo. WINNER: Leo. I rambled about this up there but in my prediction I added "Idealistically, Hailee Steinfeld." Blergh.
• Best Foreign Film: P: In A Better World. W: In A Better World. Heck yeah, that would be 4. Told you these things were predictable!
• Best Animated Film: P: Toy Story 3. W: TS3. DUH. Must say, this was the strongest crop in years. Each of these movies should have been nominated for Best Picture. Screw Inception and Winter's Bone/The Kids Are All Right. (Not that I didn't like them or don't want to see them, of course.)
• Best Documentary: P: Exit Through the Gift Shop. W: Inside Job. LAME. I was pumped for Banksy to come out and actually entertain me, but nope, they had to give it to this movie made by two extremely boring people. At least a minority won something for what was the very first time that night (and possibly the last), as one of the directors was Asian.
• Best Original Screenplay: P: Inception. W: The King's Speech. That was a stupid prediction on my part. I said that I had "no idea" and I really didn't. I think I just guessed Inception because Nolan created this entire world, basically. The dialogue was atrocious, though, and The King's Speech seemed to have an entertaining script. That scene they showed for Geoffrey Rush's performance was funny. And David Seidler, as I said, gave a good speech. HOW FITTING HAW HAW *guffaws*
• Best Adapted Screenplay: P: The Social Network W: The Social Network. Heck yeah. Nothing beats this movie's script, man. I liked Aaron Sorkin's closing line about how his daughter's guinea pig should respect him now that he has an Oscar. Such a writer, that guy.
• Best Editing: P: The Social Network W: The Social Network. Awesome.
• Best Visual Effects: P: Inception W: Inception. Of course!
• Best Song: P: "The one from 127 Hours" ("If I Rise") W: "We Belong Together" from Toy Story 3. That was a surprise. YAY TOY STORY 3. Can you believe that "You've Got a Friend in Me" didn't win? Insanity. I still barely remember this song but man, those other songs were terrible. Especially the one from Tangled. Ugh.
• Best Score: P: The Social Network W: The Social Network I said that my idealistic choices were Inception or How to Train Your Dragon but I actually really like this movie's score. It's the only one I could remember!
• Best Cinematography: P: True Grit W: Inception Uh, okay.
• Best Sound Mixing: P: Inception W: Inception Mmhmm.
• Best Sound Editing: P: Inception W: Inception Yep. Sound editing seems like a very tough job. There were so many sounds in this movie.
• Best Costume Design: P: The King's Speech W: Alice in Wonderland. Oscar winner Alice in Wonderland. ...Huh?
• Best Art Direction: P: Inception W: Alice in Wonderland Two-time Oscar winner Alice in Wonderland. Wow. (I must say that it had nice art direction, though. A little garish, but still.)
• Best Makeup: P: The Wolfman W: The Wolfman Yay. Oscar winner The Wolfman. Haha.
• Best Live Action Short: P: The Confession W: God of Love God of Love looked pretty cool, and they guy gave a fun speech. That was his stinking college thesis. Jealous. The Confession also looks good, though, so I picked a good random choice.
• Best Animated Short: P: Day & Night W: The Lost Thing I heard this was really good but I still love Day & Night :(
• Best Documentary Short: P: Killing in the Name W: Strangers No More Whatever. Looked sort of cool but also looked like it was about how white people are the sole saviors of minorities. Eh.

So my tally is 12 out of 24 correct. That would be an F. I suck at this. I think I'll stick to my day job.

Oscar Predictions 2K11

Snow day. I still have a ton of work to do, including studying for my now postponed math test. Blah. So this will be a quick, raggedy post.

FWSF PRESENTS: OSCAR PREDICTIONS

• Best Picture: The Social Network
• Best Director: David Fincher
• Best Actor: Colin Firth
• Best Actress: Natalie Portman (although I'm not that confident)
• Best Supporting Actor: Christian Bale
• Best Supporting Actress: Idealistically, Hailee Steinfeld; Realistically, Melissa Leo
• Best Foreign Film: In A Better World
• Best Animated Film: Toy Story 3
• Best Documentary: Exit Through the Gift Shop
• Best Original Screenplay: Inception (I really have no idea)
• Best Adapted Screenplay: The Social Network
• Best Editing: The Social Network
• Best Visual Effects: Inception
• Best Song: The one from 127 Hours (I am not familiar with any of these songs, not even the one from TS3)
• Best Score: Idealistically, Inception or How to Train Your Dragon (or Black Swan which wasn't nominated); Realistically, The Social Network
• Best Cinematography: True Grit 
• Best Sound Mixing: Inception
• Best Sound Editing: Inception
• Best Costume Design: The King's Speech (c'mon, this is the Oscars, it HAS to be a period drama) (also why was Black Swan deemed ineligible?!?!)
• Best Art Direction: Inception
• Best Makeup: The Wolfman (or maybe Barney's Version which made me scream, "THAT'S Dustin Hoffman?!")
• Best Live Action Short: The Confession (no clue)
• Best Animated Short: Day & Night (easily; one of the best Pixar shorts ever)
• Best Documentary Short: Killing in the Name

Let's see how I do when the Oscars air on February 27th. What do YOU think?

Oscar Nominations 2K11: To Rage Or Not to Rage

You know how Chinese New Year is in February? And how the Jewish New Year is Rosh Hashanah? Well, MY New Year is on Oscar Night. I live for the awards season, and specifically the Academy Awards. A year doesn't really start until you know what the best movie of the previous one was, and so my 2011 doesn't start until February 27th.

Yesterday the Oscar nominations were announced. Yesterday was like my Christmas. I basically have two Christmases, okay? Or three, because of Chanukah. Heck yeah, mixed-religious parenting! Usually award nominations make me pretty upset, but this list seems pretty fair. Let's get on with it, shall we? We shall:

BEST PICTURE

• Black Swan
• The Fighter
• Inception
• The Kids Are All Right
• The King's Speech
• 127 Hours
• The Social Network
• Toy Story 3
• True Grit
• Winter's Bone

There are ten nominees again, obviously. Yay? Not really. The reasoning behind the expansion of this most important category was that, hey! Now we can arbitrarily nominate stupid movies that stupid people liked so that we can actually get some people to watch for once! Like The Stinking Blind Side AKA Proving to Us White Folks Once Again That Black People Are Good For Nothing Except Sports! Starring Sandra Bullock's Wig! (Seriously, that was a wig, right? Just awful.) However, how many of these movies did normal people actually see? Toy Story 3, Inception, and I guess The Social Network? So, congratulations on really capturing that teen girl audience, Oscars. At least you can always count on me watching!

That aside, no real surprises here except for Winter's Bone. I had heard it was really good, and that Jennifer Lawrence's performance in particular was award-worthy, but I didn't expect to see it nominated for Best Picture, of all things. I was also mildly taken aback by 127 Hours, if only because the press machine died kind of early on for that one. I really want to see that movie. Man. Anyway, yes, sound list, sound list. I'm especially pleased that Toy Story 3 made it up there. I love. that. movie. so. much.

BEST ACTOR

• Javier Bardem, Biutiful
• Jeff Bridges, True Grit
• Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network
• Colin Firth, The King's Speech
• James Franco, 127 Hours

Boring except for the inclusion of Julia Roberts-sanctioned Javier Bardem. That guy rules, so I'm okay with it. When was the last time one of our best acting nominees was nominated for their part in a foreign film? I think Marion Cotillard back with La Vie en Rose, and she won for that. Cool. I know that Colin Firth has this one in the bag but I'm happy that Jesse Eisenberg and James Franco, who is also hosting and is really, really weird, just saying (this is not to say I don't like him because I do, because who doesn't?), got nom'd, although I'm not surprised. Sort of sorry to see Ryan Gosling left out but his voice bugs me. I still need to see Blue Valentine and pretty much every other movie nominated in some way.

BEST ACTRESS

• Annette Bening, The Kids Are All Right
• Nicole Kidman, Rabbit Hole
• Jennifer Lawrence, Winter's Bone
• Natalie Portman, Black Swan
• Michelle Williams, Blue Valentine

This list is extremely boring. I have literally nothing to say about it. I think I'm doing a predication post tomorrow or Friday and that's where this category will get semi-interesting. But for now, yawn.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

• Christian Bale, The Fighter
• John Hawkes, Winter's Bone
• Jeremy Renner, The Town
• Mark Ruffalo, The Kids Are All Right
• Geoffrey Rush, The King's Speech

John Hawkes came out of nowhere to steal a place from one of the deserving Social Network guys, i.e. Andrew Garfield (or Armie Hammer, who kind of looks like the notoriously pandering "critic" Ben Lyons, doesn't he?). Other than that, I'm pretty neutral here. I didn't see The Town so I guess I don't have any right to criticize it, but it really looked a lot like junk. Marketing campaigns are generally terrible if your movie isn't called The Blair Witch Project or The Dark Knight or something, but if that movie was really one of the best of the year then they totally failed to convey that in the trailers. I think it really just had the Star Trek syndrome, as I call it: its consensus was extremely, maybe absurdly, high because no one found it particularly offensive in anyway. Good but not nearly as outstanding as its Tomato-meter would make it out to be. Regardless, I'm sure previous Oscar nominee Jeremy Renner is deserving.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

• Amy Adams, The Fighter
• Helena Bonham Carter, The King's Speech
• Melissa Leo, The Fighter
• Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit
• Jacki Weaver, Animal Kingdom

I am seriously nodding off. Nothing shocking here. Yay, Hailee Steinfeld. You're already more accomplished than me and the majority of people, and you were born in 1996. (Also apparently you are a quarter African-American, awesome!)

BEST DIRECTOR

• Darren Aronofsky, Black Swan
• David. O. Russell, The Fighter
• Tom Hooper, The King's Speech
• David Fincher, The Social Network
• Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, True Grit

OUCH. No Christopher Nolan, man. For some reason I had forgotten that Inception was considered a contender, but as I watched the nominations live I realized, "Crud. They didn't call Christopher Nolan. This...will not go over well." And it hasn't. I read somewhere that Christopher Nolan could direct The King's Speech, but Tom Hooper couldn't direct Inception. I didn't see Speech, and I want to, but I can't see how that's anything but true. Inception worked because Christopher Nolan had a vision, and he was able to convey that vision quite well. The movie wasn't perfect but it was darn good, all because of Nolan. At least he got a screenplay nod.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

• 127 Hours
• The Social Network
• Toy Story 3
• True Grit
• Winter's Bone

Toy Story 3, man. If that was in Original I think it would actually stand a chance. Even so, I like these picks. I can't explain it, I just do. Although Winter's Bone, I still don't quite get. I guess I have to see it. Was it based on a book, or?

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

• Another Year
• The Fighter
• Inception
• The Kids Are All Right
• The King's Speech

Seemed like a lot of people were banking on Another Year to get at least one more nod, like Best Actress. I believe that this is the only category it got. Whatever. I don't know what will win in this category. I guess we'll discuss that tomorrow, or Friday.

BEST ANIMATED PICTURE

• How to Train Your Dragon
• The Illusionist
• Toy Story 3

I think this category is perfect. Last year was pretty great for animation, and I wish that there had been enough eligible films for 5 nominations. I would have added Summer Wars and let Tangled sneak in or something. I love HTTYD and TS3, and I still need to see The Illusionist, but 2 out of 3 is pretty great.

So overall this year's nominations are pretty generic and inoffensive. Check back later this week for my predictions, where the real fun begins, hopefully.

Caution: Disturbing Golden Globes Nominations Rant/"Analysis" As Maddeningly Typed Out by Newly 17-Year-Old Below

I'm an awards show junkie. I believe I've established this?

Yeah. Unfortunately the Golden Globes are widely regarded ("widely" = by me, and maybe only me) as the worst of the big shows, but they are the most perfect fodder for my constant girlish rage at all things movie/TV-related so by gum, I shall watch them! And I shall obsess over the freak show nominations that the HFPA makes! And I shall force you to endure this obsession via posting about it in capital letters! AHA! Also I'm obligated to watch the Golden Globes and all of the above and everything because Ricky Gervais is hosting (again) and that man deserves my constant attention. (I'm of the teeny tiny camp that believes that Extras is better than The Office, but I hold this view only because I find the former funnier. The Office is more significant and I will never deny that. 'Cuz I know you care so much?)

So, let's start with the Big Ones:
Best Motion Picture: Drama

• Black Swan
• The Fighter
• Inception
• The King's Speech
• The Social Network

Okay, actually, there isn't much to rant about here. This list seems to be pretty standard as far as this awards season is going, although the inclusion of Inception really does sort of confuse me. I REALLY liked the movie, but I don't know. It had problems. Maybe they're nominating it because, like me, the HFPA loves Leo and JGL? Hmm? Maybe? Yes? But other than that, actually, this category is alright. I'm betting on Social Network, which was great, although I haven't compared the reviews between it and Black Swan, The Fighter, and The King's Speech enough to be sure. (Although I think Speech is really its only true competition.)

Best Motion Picture - Comedy

• Alice in Wonderland
• Burlesque
• The Kids Are All Right
• Red
• The Tourist

This. Category. Is. A. Load. of. AWFUL HORRIBLE TERRIBLE-NESS-NESS-NESS I MEAN AAAGH WHAT? WHAT? WHAAAAAT? (Here be the Caps Lock abuse.) HOW IS ALICE IN WONDERLAND A COMEDY OR WORTHY OF ANY SORT OF "MAIN" AWARD? BURLESQUE GOT MIDDLING REVIEWS SO HUH? WHAT? SINCE WHEN WAS THE TOURIST A COMEDY? AND RED OVER SOMETHING WITH MORE CONSISTENTLY POSITIVE REVIEWS LIKE SCOTT PILGRIM? Okay, Scott Pilgrim was divisive and those foreigners at the HFPA, I could see them not "getting" it. BUT STILL. I think it was the funniest movie I saw this year SO OBVIOUSLY THAT SHOULD MEAN SOMETHING CONSIDERING THIS IS "BEST COMEDY" RIGHT? AAAAAH. This is the WORST slate of noms in ANY category that I've seen since maybe the 2008 Oscars when Ben Button was considered a serious contender despite the fact that it wasn't that great and Slumdog Millionaire won over Milk which, in my opinion, was MUCH better. UGH. I HATE THIS.

Best Television Series - Drama

• Boardwalk Empire
• Dexter
• The Good Wife
• Mad Men
• The Walking Dead

This category irks me. I'll get to Comedy in a second (or minute or ten minutes) but why does that have 6 nominees and this 5? Asymmetrical! Asymmetrical! Why Boardwalk Empire and not Breaking Stinkin' Bad, man? When everyone who knows anything in TV knows that this season was one of its best? For that matter, which seasons of these shows are the nominations based on, considering that seasons end in May and start in September? Are they based on last season? End of last and beginning of the current season? It's extremely non-sensical. Thankfully, I don't really care too much about drama other than a couple of things so this looks otherwise normal. I believe that this will become the standard and we'll see Walking Dead nom'd at the Emmys next year. But we're not seeing Boardwalk Empire, I know that's for sure... Who knows though?

Best Television Series - Comedy (and Musical)

• The Big Bang Theory
• The Big C
• Glee
• Modern Family
• Nurse Jackie
• 30 Rock

I still don't get it. Nurse Jackie is a comedy? Huh? I really need to get Showtime. I thought The Big C wasn't supposed to be very good? And again: six nominees? Really? Was that necessary? Glee won last year and if it wins again I don't think I'll ever watch the Globes ever again. Really. That's just wrong. Glee is a fun guilty pleasure, not a serious awards contender. As always I'm rooting for 30 Rock, which has been consistently wonderful all season-long. Plus I bet the HFPA is in love with Matt Damon (Carol! CAROL!) so come on, guys! Do it for Matt!

Best Animated Film

• Despicable Me
• How to Train Your Dragon
• The Illusionist
• Tangled
• Toy Story 3

Toy Story 3. Easily. I LOVED How to Train Your Dragon but Toy Story 3 was one of the best movies I've ever seen. It really was. I am madly in love with that movie. I felt like this was an especially strong year for animation, so I'm sad that the Oscars are going to only nominate three films. I think this is a great list, covering all of the bases.

So the big categories are sort of lopsided, obviously...Motion Picture Comedy is so wretched, and TV Drama is weird...but other than that, these noms are safe and as expected.

Acting is a whole other story.

DRAMATIC PAUSE.

That's an overstatement. It's really not that bad. It's just the Motion Picture Comedy category again...

Best Actor in a Motion Picture - Comedy

• Johnny Depp for The Tourist
• Johnny Depp for Alice in Wonderland
• Paul Giamatti for Barney's Version
• Jake Gyllenhaal (TWO A'S) for Love and Other Drugs
• Kevin Spacey for Casino Jack

Okay. Okay. WHAT. IS. THIS. OHOHO JOHNNY DEPP VS. JOHNNY DEPP HOW FUNNY. I assume that's where the "Comedy" in the title comes from, yes? Because THESE MOVIES ARE NOT COMEDIES. MY GOD. Okay, well, perhaps Barney's Version and Casino Jack are, but considering that NEITHER ARE OUT IN THEATRES YET, it's hard to tell. I'm getting a feeling that the HFPA gives preference to movies that premiered at foreign film festivals or something because that's the only way this can work. I mean. Dayum. And what the freak, isn't Love and Other Drugs about how Anne Hathaway has Parkinson's Disease or something? Huh? Jake Gyll! Explain this to me! BLAAARGLE.

Yes, I know this blog is well-written/articulate, never resorting to childish nonsense words. Thank you for noticing.

Some other things of note because I'm getting tired of re-typing the ENITRE list for each category again:

• Piper Perabo for TV Supporting in Covert Affairs: what the crud is this doing here?
• Katey Segal for Sons of Anarchy in TV Supporting: very nicely done, HFPA, very nicely done.
• Scott Caan for Hawaii Five-O in TV Supporting: ...um
• Julia Stiles for Dexter in TV Supporting: Julia Stiles is awful. Awful.
• No Armie Hammer for The Social Network in Motion Picture Supporting: what the what? He was so good though! (At least we've got Andrew Garfield.)
• Halle Berry for Frankie and Alice in Best Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama: I consider myself reasonably aware of what's going on in the industry but I can't say I've ever heard of this movie, so obviously I'm confused. 

You know what's annoying? This post isn't even that long but it took me an hour and a half to write. I'm sure that "half" comes from just trying to find the list in a properly formatted way, so thanks to IMDb for being the only place that organizes the nominations properly.

Also, I'm really upset about the lack of Yogi Bear, The Nutcracker 3D, and Marmaduke nominations. I was so sure that those three were going to sweep the categories! 

p.s. misleading title is misleading? discuss

I Hate Computers (Or, Allegra's Favorite Time "Wasters" That are Actually Great Uses of Your Time Assuming You Have Nothing Important to Do)

Because MY computer crashed I now have a vendetta against all computers. This is how a rational person...rationalizes?

Mehhhh.

If my computer was working I'd be finishing my college applications. Actually, I'd be procrastinating on finishing them. Now I can't even do that! Well, technically I AM procrastinating, sort of, just now I have a valid excuse.

Here are my invalid excuses:

Style Rookie: At the risk of sounding creepy I've been reading this girl's (Tavi, age FOURTEEN) blog for almost 2 years now. It's about fashion, which, if you know me in person (I bet you do, too) is like the antithesis of my being. That's actually extremely hyperbolic (as is the use of "extremely"!), I think fashion is great, especially Tavi's fashion sense considering she's barely a teenager. I'm just really lazy (not a stretch of the truth in any sense) and self-conscious and cheap and lazy and repetitive.

The thing about fashion bloggers is that their blogs are always very accessible and fun to read, even for people like me whose pictures show up in the thesaurus as the antonym of fashionable. Tavi likes Freaks and Geeks and that's good enough for me. (Seeing her in all of these magazines is a strange experience for me, just like how every time I walk past Forever 21 and see the girl from The Stylish Wanderer, another blog I read, I freak out. I remember reading these blogs when they would get at most 60 comments! Which is still a lot but now they get so many more and are on advertisements and it's insane! And recently I was reading some magazine and they had Keiko Lynn and Jane from Sea of Shoes and Arabelle of Fashion Pirates and I was just like, WOW, this is nuts. Yes, I read way too many fashion blogs. I know. You can stop laughing at me. Really. Please. Thanks.)

Oh No They Didn't!: I always get randomly obsessed with this site. Once a month or so I'll go on here because I'm bored and have an essay due the next day and then I'll just go on it every day for the rest of the week. The thing is, I consider myself somewhat culturally aware and yet I don't understand half of the posts on here. But the posts I do understand are great. And I like the comments section, if mostly for people's icons. The terminology they force themselves to use can be grating ("I agree" = "ia," "My thoughts exactly" = "mte," etc. which seems obvious but totally isn't so urgh go away) but so can I! Also their layout is purple, and purple is a nice color, so I am obligated to enjoy this site. See: red, yellow, light brown.

NeoGAF: I've mentioned this site before. The number one video gaming forum/news aggregate on the Internet, NeoGAF also has an entertaining Off-Topic section. Okay, so half of the jokes are just stolen from the site that rhymes with More-Can, but at least GAFfers don't sic their hounds on people and there's no porn or anything. Although my NeoGAF primer consists of: 1. Do NOT join the website 2. Do NOT read Girl-Age threads for fear of being sucked in 3. Do NOT read OTs for a popular game you like but know is divisive because you WILL get mad. (P.S. I break rule number 2 all the time. Girl-Age threads can be hilarious.)

Sporcle: So fun. Usually I resist phenomena like I resist laughing in classrooms (I said I was self-conscious bruh) but this is the one thing the people I have had the "fortune" to attend school with for the last 13 years got right. Sporcle is full of "fun stimulating mental diversions," AKA "Games that Allegra Must Play, Preferably Late at Night, Preferably with Her Sister." And she does! I recommend games that involve video clips or naming as many episodes of a show as you can. I also like the ones where you have to write out all of the lyrics to a theme song in a minute or so. SO fun.

IMDb forums (fora?): Only if you feel like dropping your IQ a couple hundred points. Yes, IMDb forums will knock your IQ into the negatives. I recommend going on the Jon and Kate Plus 8 forum because it is the most hilarious forum in the WORLD. An alternative to this for the people who are fond of their brain cells would be TWOP (aka, Television Without Pity for those averse to cutesy acronyms). TWOP has some really bad threads, too, but overall it's a better moderated and thus better reading. Check out the America's Next Top Model and Teen Mom threads/boards for all of the LULZ and insight you can handle. TWOP-ites are nasty, and I love 'em for it.

I think you've got enough fodder for preventing you from getting anything done for weeks now. Yeah, you're welcome.

Lesson in Latin

Today is (was?) my 17th birthday. Yay me!

I'm tired and unfortunately have a Latin SAT 2 to  study for. Blargh. Thankfully IFC read my mind (as TV just loves me in general) and decided to play Life of Brian, which has a truly hilarious -- and helpful! -- scene in which Brian's Latin is corrected by a Roman official...



This scene is funny but especially so when you've experienced this for yourself. Latin is awesome but when you're a first year student who never was properly taught the mechanics of ENGLISH, let alone some archaic dead language, it's a pain. Imperatives and locatives and indicatives and datives...blah.

Sed iam, eo facere meum laborem. (But now, I am going to do my work.) Lame that I have to work on my birthday.

I think I'm just going to read my brand spanking new copy of Freedom by Jonathan Franzen instead. Tee-hee. :P

Not for the Faint of Heart: Quickies, Liars, and the Hilariously Cruel

You may have noticed that a lot of my mini movie reviews are called "quickies." Unfortunately as a teenager who spends most of her time reading Internet forums, I am exposed to terminologies such as that.

Don't know what a "quickie" is? Let Urban Dictionary define it for you, here.

I forgot about that, so naming my mini reviews that was unintentional. I think it was an unconscious thing. Like the girl in the video I'll be getting to in a second, I internalized that term sometime ago and it all just came out one day. Curse you, Toy Story 3 and my subsequent non-review! (jay kay love you baby)

And now the video I am getting to in a second. I love reading about random things. I think I just wrote an essay about that recently for some college. It was a terrible essay. But that aside, reading about random things = check plus.

I have different obsessions that I go through. A couple of years ago I was obsessed with author scandals, like the whole James Frey-exaggeration-Oprah deal, as well as the outcry against Jonathan Franzen after spurning Oprah's approval of (his absolutely amazing) The Corrections. The one that I always thought was most pathetic was the story of How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life by 19-year-old (at the time) Kaavya Viswanathan (spelled that right on my second try, whoo!).

Kaavya V. was the victim of a high pressure Indian household who was convinced that she must attend Harvard for her life to have any meaning. So she did the requisite extracurricular activities and extreme studying; eventually, she got in. Thankfully, unlike many children born from these kinds of stifling environments, she liked to read and was a decent-enough writer. (Apparently she wrote an extremely long novel about Irish history in high school? I mean, wow.)

So Kaavya got a book deal and got to Harvard. She released the young adult sounding Opal Mehta, which personally sounds extremely generic and frivolous to me (it's practically an autobiography, except starring Opal and not Kaavya, and Opal did NOT get into Harvard because she was too boring), and it sold well. That is, until she was hit with accusations of plagiarism.

Here is the by now-infamous video, where Katie Couric grills Kaavya on this in a totally-not-biased-at-all way (oh, Katie, how we all wish you were still on the Today show):

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

In the end, Kaavya (who I did feel sort of bad for by the end of that clip) got her book pulled of the shelves and never wrote another word. Okay, that's an exaggeration, but her dreams of being a famous author were dashed. That's what you get for plagiarizing other generic teen girl novels, sister! And she plagiarized a lot of them, too: the Princess Diaries, some books by some Megan McCafferty woman, another book about an Indian-American girl...it's sad.

She got to stay in Harvard, though. I find that to be an ethical issue. I'm sure they have an upstanding rule about plagiarism (didn't The Social Network talk about this? Oh wait, no, that was different because their conflict was internal within Harvard. This was the case of a Harvard woman stealing from non-Harvard women, so I guess Harvard didn't care as much? Although even in the movie they didn't care!) so wouldn't it make sense for her to be reprimanded by them in some way? I guess her public humiliation was punishment enough.

Read more about the scandal here.

And now for our hilariously cruel portion: this is utterly unrelated to neither quickies nor plagiarism but it's a Roger Ebert review and he demands our constant attention!

Surely you've seen those terrible commercials for the fittingly awful-looking The Nutcracker 3D? Yeah, well, guess what? It's AWESOME! No, wait, sorry. It's not. At all. In fact, it currently has the dreaded 0% on RottenTomatoes, a badge of horribleness that not even The Room can boast to have. (The Room is probably way better though, and it's one of the worst movies I've ever seen. And I've seen Manos: The Hands of Fire! Which was worse yet. But still, okay?)

While most reviews of Nutcracker are side-splitting, Ebert's is my favorite. I read it to my sister and we both laughed mightily. (Random: anyone remember that movie Mighty Joe Young? Ugh. Awful.) Here it is, with the best parts in bold!

From what dark night of the soul emerged the wretched idea for “The Nutcracker in 3D”? Who considered it even remotely a plausible idea for a movie? It begins with an awkward approximation of the story behind the Tchaikovsky ballet, and then turns it into a war by the Nutcracker Prince against the Holocaust.
Am I exaggerating? At one point, the evil Rat King (John Turturro) has his troopers snatch toys from the hands of children so they can be tossed into furnaces, and the smoke will emerge from high chimneys to blot out the sun.

Yes. And the rats are dressed in fascistic uniforms. Against them stand our heroine Mary (Elle Fanning) and her Christmas present, a nutcracker (voice of Shirley Henderson) that has imprisoned a handsome prince (Charlie Rowe). And two-legged helicopters swoop low over screaming children, and the city is laid waste, and the rats dream of world domination.

You may be in disbelief. I was. “The Nutcracker in 3D” is one of those rare holiday movies that may send children screaming under their seats. Their parents, naively hoping to see a sweet version of “The Nutcracker,” will be appalled or angry, take your choice.

Yes, the film uses melodies that began with Tchaikovsky at one point, but now they have — are you sitting down? — lyrics by Tim Rice (“Jesus Christ Superstar,” “Evita” and “The Lion King”).
“The Nutcracker in 3D” easily qualifies as one of the most preposterous ideas in the history of the movies. It isn't a story, it's a gag line for one of David Letterman's “Top 10 Lists” (No. 9, “It's a Horrible Life”; No. 8, “A Christmas Carol in Hell”).

Andrei Konchalovsky, who wrote and directed this live-action CGI movie, says this “Nutcracker” has been a dream project for 20 years. That is tragic. Konchalovsky made the great films “Shy People” (1987) and “Runaway Train” (1985), and perhaps he became obsessed with this folly.

But what did others think? What about Nathan Lane, who plays a character not previously associated with the Nutcracker tale, Albert Einstein? Yes, Lane gets to sing a song about the Theory of Relativity, but not since he played Jacqueline Susann's adoring husband in “Isn't She Great” (2000) has a role been more thankless.

Only one thing could have made this film worse, and they haven't neglected it. That would be to present it in 3-D. They have. The movie was filmed in Hungary in 2007, and perhaps those studio execs screening it sensed a certain lack of enthusiasm. Maybe they thought that by retroactively “adapting” it to 3-D, it would play better. No luck. I've seen bad retro 3-D, but I've never seen 3-D as bad as this. The film is so dim and dingy, you almost wonder if the smoke from those burning toys is drifting between you and the screen. 

 Funny stuff. Gotta love that guy.

This post was exquisitely long. No more posts until next week, I think. My birthday's on Friday so I'm going to be busy! Wish me happy birthday in the comments?

A Quickie: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1

I went to see it tonight, and it was so good! Here's my five-star review:

I think I may be closer to a 4.5 on this one, but I really did love it, and would rank it up there with 1 and 3. It did feel like there was more "exposition" (even though these movies abandoned trying to re-familiarize audiences with the overarching plot about 3/4 movies ago, which is both good and bad) than actual action but I enjoyed it as a more character-driven story than other movies were. I really love the interaction between our main gang, especially Harry and Hermione and Ron and Hermione (I just love Hermione), and it was nice seeing pretty much all of our favorite characters again, even briefly (LUPIN HI LUPIN...WAIT WHERE ARE YOU GOING COME BACK AND BE IN THE WHOLE MOVIE PLEASE he looked really good in this movie, I feel like he's decreasing in age or something). This movie was SO BEAUTIFUL, I really felt like saying "wow" the whole time. The colors and the locations were great. Those HP kids better be grateful that they got to see all of these amazing places. The ending felt a bit odd; "No, Harry, I can't help Dobby, we haven't reached our death quota yet! And also it would be a perfectly sad way to end this movie! So let's end it now! Predictably! But let's also remind people that this is TBC by showing Voldemort! Yay!" Also I haven't read the book since it came out so the movie was a bit hard to follow at times, but even so this felt like one of the most succinct (despite its running time) films in the series, as well as the most engaging, and I'm SO READY for Part 2!

A Quickie: Catfish

Tonight I attended a special screening of Catfish. Here's my Flixster "review" (I gave the movie 4 stars):

I got a very cool opportunity to watch this movie at a screening that had a Q&A afterwards with the directors + Nev. VERY cool. And since I'm a kid and there were other kids there and kids are just awesome, Nev and Rel stuck around for an hour (maybe even more; they were still talking to other people 20 minutes after I left!) and took more questions and talked to us. Very cool. All of the other girls were fawning over Nev but my friends and I talked to Rel, who was similarly very nice (but not as...not charming, but obsessed with the ladies). So, very cool. Although Henry disappeared. I wanted to talk to him, too. Oh well. It was cool talking to/shaking the hand of a filmmaker.

Okay, it's not really a review, but if you haven't noticed it's almost midnight. So shut up. Blaaargh. (The movie was really good though, by the way. Funny and uncomfortable and sad and uncomfortable and uncomfortable and...)

Books-To-Movies: How I See Them (A Candidate For Worst Title Ever)

(I guess this is kinda an addendum to my Scott Pilgrim review. An additional bullet point, if you will. And you will. So, yeah.)

Being someone who read the complete series of graphic novels before seeing the movie, I had to wonder whether I would be able to follow along as easily had I not.

With a lot of adaptations (book, TV show, movie, etc.), I always find it helpful to have some kind of background knowledge at least to have a good understanding of what's going on. For example, the Harry Potter movies: even when they were first coming out, I knew that it would be best to read the book first to have a complete understanding. However, these movies are top-notch adaptations in that they cover the majority of the books (this is true for the earlier ones, at least). The first movie sets up the HP universe well-enough that someone who, for some weird reason or another, hasn't read the books could still completely understand what's going on.

However, having read the books first allowed me to have free reign to whine about the little things missing. I like having my permission to whine, thanks very much. This is what happens with a lot of movies based on books that I've read. Atonement is widely considered a good movie, but I read the book first. That book is mad dope, y'all. (What does that even mean?!) It was one of the best books I read last year. But the movie just couldn't compare. Instead of enjoying Saoirse Ronan's acting/existence (don't ask) like I should have been, I found myself glaring and saying, "NOPE, BOOK WAS BETTER!" or "THAT WASN'T IN THE BOOK" or whatever. And it was a generally faithful adaptation, too. But oftentimes having read the book first will affect your perception of the movie -- usually negatively.

The thing is, I don't like watching the movie first, especially if it's faithful to the book.. I don't like reading books where I already know everything that happens. I couldn't read Fight Club for this reason, even though I probably would have liked it. It just bored me out of my mind because I already know that Tyler Durden is part of the narrator. (Sorry if that's a spoiler for you. I just read a Shadow of the Colossus spoiler so I understand how upsetting they can be. T_T)

However, with something like Scott Pilgrim, or like Harry Potter, watching the movie is seeing your favorite characters come to life. And I guess everything I just wrote about is really irrelevant, because SP and HP are totally different. The Harry Potter movies, like I said, have really good exposition. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World? Eh.

I think with something as insane as SP, it would be hard to understand what's really going on. The story is very streamlined, and it's not too confusing. It's random and nonsensical, but for someone who hasn't read the comic but likes video games it won't be too implausible. Weird, but possible. The thing I worry about for the non-reader who watches this movie is they're going to have a warped perception of the comic books if they ever to choose to read them later. While having read the books first influenced my opinion of the movie (which you can find here), someone who doesn't know that Kim Pine is more than a misanthropic, cynical jerk with a gigantic stick up her butt might will get the impression that that's who she is. It's not the case. It upsets me. Very, very much. It makes me so sad, so very, very sad. Although apparently some moviegoers enjoyed her depiction. I guess it's their perceptions not matching mine that upsets me.

Also, not having read the comics first, I would be confused about why Envy was so important, I might think Ramona is boring, and maybe even sort of NICE, which is not the case at all, and I might think that Young Neil is more important and socially awkward than is really the case.

In short, not knowing the comics will make you not know the real story. Will the story that appears confuse you? Well, the reviews by people who didn't even know about the comic don't seem to talk about being so confused (although there are people saying "WHY DO THEY TURN INTO COINS WUTWUT"), it's more like they're saying they can't relate. That is something that's lost in the movie, too. As I said before in the review that I will pimp as many times as possible, no one receives real characterization besides Scott. Knives grows up a little bit, too, but aside from that it's all about Scott. It makes sense, since this is Scott's side of the story. But reading the comics, you come to love everyone. In this movie, unless you're one of those weirdos who finds Movie Kim likable, you won't want to root for anyone. That's the biggest loss.

That, and you're missing out on a really good series of graphic novels.

Sorry this was so rambly and nonsensical. What I really just want to know is, for people who did not read the comic books first, what did you think of the movie? Does it make you want to read the comic books now? Did you understand everything without trouble? 

Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World Mini-Review

 

After months and months and months and months and MONTHS of hype, I finally saw Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World yesterday. HOORAY! It's very likely that if you're reading this right now, you know exactly what Scott Pilgrim's about, so I will refrain from saying anything more than 1. the graphic novels set expectations at exceedingly high levels and 2. this movie definitely appeals to a certain "type."

But was this the type of movie for me? The answer is YES YES YES.

Here we go with bullet points:

• The casting was nearly perfect. Knives, STEPHEN STILLS (!!!), YOUNG NEIL (!!!), Stacey, and even Wallace, who I was worried the most about, were all perfect. Guess who else was awesome? Michael Cera as Scott. Haters gonna hate, but I thought he was...I'm trying not to say great because that rhymes excellent. He did not play "himself" (although if you've ever watched this kid in an interview you would know that he's not quite as awkward as you think), he played SCOTT. 
• More on that: Scott was a bit "toned down" from the comics. However, he was still the most enjoyable character to watch for me; maybe this was because he was the one who received the most characterization.
• More on THAT: Okay, so obviously this movie tried to adapt six volumes into one two-hour movie, which is a hard thing to do perfectly. And while I think a lot of the plot changes that were made helped to make it more cohesive and fit better into the allotted time, certain choices were made at the expense of character development. Biggest offenders: Kim, Ramona, Envy. Envy isn't as important, so it's okay, but up until the fight against Todd we keep hearing about how Scott dated Envy and she broke his heart and blah blah blah. But we never delve into their back story, which is the most interesting part, and when Envy shows up you think, "What? How the heck did Scott ever date this girl?" Also, she's just bland as heck and she and Scott don't have any closure or anything. She's just never mentioned again. We got an idea of who Ramona was: mysterious and distant. But that was it. You never really understand why Scott is in love with her and fighting for her. It's like he's just going with the motions. They don't have too much nice alone time, which was too bad, because the scenes where they did were amongst my favorite (their second (?) date, the Seinfeld-esque scene although Ramona technically isn't in that one). Basically, Ramona is flat. 
• The most egregious offense OR more on that AGAIN: KIM. I HATED KIM IN THIS MOVIE. Kim is one of everyone's favorite characters. She's a cynical, misanthropic jerk, but she really does care about Scott and everyone else. In the comics, she has depth. However, in this movie, Kim hates everything and everyone, especially Scott. She is never happy and she is never not being sarcastic. When she sees Scott her eye starts throbbing and that scary, dramatic music even plays. (Those screechy violins, you know.) She HATES him because he dumped her in high school, but the real Kim didn't care about that THAT much. Also, the real Kim was interesting, and that was what made me the most upset. This Kim was boring and I can't remember almost anything she said.
• I missed Joseph. He's one of my favorite characters. Thankfully, they had the guy that Wallace stole from Stacey in a number of scenes, kind of as a replacement. Although he was nowhere as awesome as Joseph.
• Let's talk about stuff I liked again, though. I LOVED the music. Sex Bob-omb were, for being self-loathing and "terrible," really good. I really liked their "Garbage Truck" song. Stephen Stills was a good singer, and Scott was a surprisingly competent bassist. I liked his "Ramona" song, too, although Ramona kind of blew it off. THAT GURL, WAI SHE GOTTA BE LIKE THAT
• The opening credits. The opening credits made my heart race. (I'm a little over-dramatic like that.) The visuals were just very, very cool. I loved the opening scene, too. I don't know, I just found it perfect. 
• The fight scenes were pretty awesome, although I think some of them went on for too long. (Most notably the first one, against Matthew Patel.) I did love that Ramona talked about her relationships with most of them via black-and-white cutscenes. I think my favorite fights were Scott vs. Lucas and maybe Scott vs. Todd. That one was hilarious, mainly because of how it ended. (I loved the Vegan police high-fiving in slow motion.) 
• More hilarity: The Ninja Revolution game, that aforementioned Seinfeld scene, Young Neil's idiocy, Knives' stalkerish tendencies, Scott and Ramona's date, etc. etc. There's a lot. (Oh, also, but this comes towards the end: "Do you know how long it took me to collect all of the Evil Exes' contact information? TWO HOURS!"
• I'm just going to mention it again: Wallace ruled.

ENDING SPOILERS HERE:

• The ending was weird and not wholly satisfying. That last fight went on forever, and what are they trying to say -- they're basically suggesting that Self-Respect > Love, which is kind of stupid and kind of a bad message. I guess they were trying to set up an ending where Scott and Ramona DON'T end up together. Instead, Scott would end up with Knives (word is that that's an alternate ending). I actually kind of like the idea of that, because I really liked Knives, as creepy as she was at times. She was a sweet girl and Scott actually had a rapport with her. However, Knives basically says, "Dude, we just spent nearly 2 hours murdering people so you could make out with this chick for a little bit. Seriously? LYK GO GET HER LOL" so then Scott has to go get her. It was pretty stupid that Ramona STILL hadn't "found what she was looking for" or whatever, instead keen on leaving behind yet another ex. Sister sure is flighty. Which ending do you like better, Scott and Ramona or Scott and Knives? (Look at me, trying in vain to initiate conversation between commentators and myself.)
• Either way, I like the ending that Bryan Lee O'Malley chose for volume 6 instead. That was more meaningful.

ENDING SPOILERS, OVER

The movie's not perfect, but it's about as good as a live action Scott Pilgrim could ever be. I really liked it. Really liked it. I think your mileage may vary, and I don't see many "older people" enjoying this as much although you never know, but it's a sort of ADD-addled film that could possibly define my generation. Although I really hope not. I hate my generation. We don't deserve a movie this fun.

I give Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World 4 Slutty Wallace's Sleeping Next to Various Guys and Scott's out of 5.

P.S. Even though I gave Inception a better score, I think I enjoyed this more than that. It's being a comedy certainly helps. But they're both great so see them!

For the other movies I saw this summer, you can read my Inception Mini-Review here and my quick post about Toy Story 3 here.

The Things We Do When There's Nothing Else To Do

Today I watched two movies. Would you like to know what they are? Check either an emphatic "Yes!" or a slightly bored, "Sure, okay." Would you like to know what I thought about them? Your options are, once again, of enthusiastic or apathetic affirmation.

Basically, you're going to hear about them either way.

Copy-pasted from my Flixster page:

The Science of Sleep

My "review" (I gave it 3 stars out of 5):

I love Gael Garcia Bernal in this movie, and Charlotte Gainsbourg was surprisingly not at all annoying. But this movie just had no real plot to speak of. It plodded on, boringly, and nothing really HAPPENED. The imagery was sometimes cool, sometimes garish and painful to look at. The movie seems to ride too much on the visuals and too little on the story. There was some good dialogue, though, dialogue that I'm sure the 20-somethings will quote in all seriousness, saying, "YES I AM LIKE THESE CHARACTERS" when really, they are not. But while dialogue like that bothers me in most other movies, I find myself wanting to quote these things, too, because they are meaningful, even while they are trying to be.

Additional thoughts: About the dialogue thing. It's the same with another, much better, and more popular Michel Gondry movie, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. The plot of that movie is inherently easy to relate to for a young person, and there are so many conversations that the characters have that you can, and do, see said young people quote and apply to their own lives. However, these snippets aren't TRYING to sound clever or witty. They're not trying to sell posters. Gondry (well, Charlie Kaufman wrote that movie, but still) has a knack for selling the sometimes preposterous dialogue as realistic. These movies are not annoying.

Well, okay, actually, Science of Sleep is annoying at times. But it's good to know that it's not because of the dialogue. It's annoying because, as I said before, nothing really happens at all. People sing the praises of experimental films, saying a plot isn't necessary, and there doesn't have to be a character you like. The latter, I can concede, is true for the most part. But it's my personal opinion that a film is trying to tell you a story. There are a lot of films that convey emotion, but, to me, the best movie is the one that conveys emotion within in a story. This movie is just preoccupied with feelings, although I'm not so clear as to what those even are here! One quote I really like is from a review of the first Back to the Future by the BBC: "Every scene, every line works but then later you see how you were set up: nobody says anything that doesn't become important to the plot later. That should be terrible, but it's done so very well that it's a treat. It's undeniably formulaic but so outstandingly executed that it vindicates the formula." There shouldn't be completely pointless scenes, especially if said scenes are extremely boring like the ones in this movie. Every scene should have a purpose, even if that purpose isn't to drive the plot along.

Here's one crazy scene from the movie. I think it's emblematic of what it basically is:

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

 This review that I posted on my Flixster basically covers all of my opinions about this movie (I gave it 4 stars out of 5):

It cut out a lot of the stuff that I hated from the book, making the plot a lot tighter and easier to follow (for the most part). However, it also cut out a lot of Mikael's characterization and a lot of the stuff that I really liked from the book - namely, the stuff involving his magazine. My favorite characters in the book are Berger and the graphic designer whose name I can't remember, and Berger's subplot was completely ignored. It's really important, too, so what the heck? And the graphic designer wasn't even in the movie!

Since Mikael's backstory was ignored in favor of having more scenes with Lisbeth in them, it was really hard to pay attention to him. Luckily, Lisbeth carries the film. While I didn't personally imagine her to be as...intense as she was in this movie (in terms of how she looks, really), I do agree that the casting is pretty perfect. Also, Lisbeth is much less awkward and irritating. She's more talkative without losing the anti-social behavior that makes her who she is. I'd say that if they added at least SOME of the Millennium stuff, then I would have liked this movie WAY more than I liked the book. But as it stands, I'd say that I liked it a little more than the book. I definitely appreciated the fact that I didn't have to read this movie and face the horrible writing and drawn out descriptions. That helped.

Additional thoughts: More on the book, really. I make it sound like I absolutely HATED it. This isn't true. I actually really liked it! The writing wasn't that good, but I guess at the time I was just too used to reading all those fancy novels we read in school and such. This is more "popular" fiction, you know, like Dan Brown, Stephen King, Tom Clancy, etc. Also, I hadn't read a mystery novel in a long time, so I didn't remember what they "felt" like. But this movie reminded me of how interesting the plot was. Once again, that is most important to me: a good story. The book, and the movie, had a very good story. While the book decided to convey the story sometimes with "drawn out descriptions" (seriously: there was a WHOLE CHAPTER just dedicated to Mikael Blomkvist's day at the cafe! Ugh) it really did get the job done. The book did a way better job of letting you get to know the characters, as well.

So, that was my day. Notice that I am considering my day to be over when it's not even 2:30 yet! Such is the nature of the summer. *dramatic pose, then even more dramatic fall to the floor!* Excuse me...I feel so faint...I haven't yet had a cookie today...I should correct that situation at once!

The Very Best That No One (Other Pokemon Movie) Ever Was

Pokemon 4Ever was on today. Man, that movie...it doesn't hold up. It just doesn't. Celebi's awesome and all, but he's sort of dull. As is the movie!

It got me thinking about the other Pokemon movies. LET'S RANK THEM BECAUSE I'M TIRED AND WANT TO GET OFF THE COMPUTER:

I haven't seen any of the movies after Destiny Deoxys, because, well, I hate the Advanced Generation series and everything that comes after it. So I'll only do a Top 7, if that's alright with you lot. If it's not, well, there's the close button. Upper-right hand corner. (Actually, I think I did see that Lucario movie. I hated it. Let's just not talk about it, though. It's easier. Less painful.)

 

7. 2000

This one is inexplicably popular. Really! It is. I remember how excited I was to see it in theaters when it came out. I might have seen it on the very first day, even. But I was disappointed. Even as a 6 year old kid, I was disappointed, because the movie just wasn't very interesting to me. It wasn't exciting. I did love that introduced Lugia and some other Johto Pokemon to us before those games ever came out (NOVEMBER 2000 BABY BEST MONTH OF MY LIFE), though, but other than that it just isn't memorable. A lot of people love this movie, and I think it might have even been the best-reviewed out of the series, which isn't saying much because all of them are hated by critics. But, well, since when have I ever been "a lot of people?"

 6. 4Ever

Yeah, as I said earlier...this movie just doesn't do it for me. IT'S SO BORING. Although it does have that amazing-albeit-predictable plot twist where that kid Sam with the stupid hair is really Professor Oak. How old is Professor Oak, anyway?! He's ancient. Possibly more than two centuries old, even. Oh, and one more thing - we rented this movie on DVD back in the day, and it had an audio commentary - which is very cool. But the commentary lasted A TOTAL OF 30 MINUTES. I remember this vividly - they were all talking excitedly about the movie, which sounded really fake, because even I, a huge Pokemon fan, was having trouble getting excited for this movie. But right when it gets to the part where Ash meets Celebi, the stinking STAR OF THE MOVIE, the cast is like, "Oh, well, we don't have anything else to say! Enjoy the movie!" NO. I CHOSE TO LISTEN TO THE COMMENTARY BECAUSE I WANTED TO HEAR MADDIE BLAUSTEIN CONFUSE ME AS TO WHAT GENDER SHE IS. (Yeah, that's right - a woman voiced Meowth. A transgendered woman, but you know, a woman all the same. She's dead now.) It was so disheartening. I think we turned the DVD off.

5. Jirachi Wish Maker

I think I'm being a little unfair to 4Ever. It was dull, but at least I can remember. At least I expressed interest in seeing it more than once. I've seen Jirachi Wish Maker a total of two times. I own the DVD, people, and I watched it once. (Well, actually I watched the DVD itself about 10 times, but that was for the short, Gotta Dance.) It's just...not interesting. It's probably because Max and May are two of the most insufferable anime characters to ever exist, but the movie was bland as that one thing that's really bland that I can't remember right now. The movie isn't that bad, though. I never thought it was so terrible that I had to stop watching. Jirachi is one of my favorite Pokemon (I have two of them, so HA! HA HA!) and there was some really adorable stuff going on. It's just that the movie itself goes on and on and can be quite boring. It also didn't help that I got it in sixth grade, where Pokemon automatically went to being the Game of Forever to being the scarlet letter that called you out for being that kid that everyone makes fun of. Maybe I should try watching it again.

4. Destiny Deoxys 

Here I go, being unfair again! Talk about not being able to remember anything! I can remember the last movie much better than I can remember this one, but what I CAN remember about this movie is that I really, really liked it. I hate Deoxys, I hate Advanced, but this movie was so entertaining that I watched it twice in the span of a weekend. I can't even tell you what it was about, though. I think I need to watch it again.

3. The First Movie

How creative is THAT title? Huh? Huh? Yeah. Well, despite it being one of the worst reviewed movies of the last decade (11 years, but whatever), it's hard not to love this movie. It's pure nostalgia. It's seeing you favorite Pokemon on the big screen. How AWESOME it was to see this movie for the first time. It was promoted like crazy; remember those gold Pokemon "cards" they gave out at Burger King? Yeah, I had several of those. Remember the special cards they gave out when you bought a ticket? I got Dragonite and Pikachu! Those cards are way more special to me than those lame Ancient Mew cards. You can't even use those in the card game, guys. Why people freak out about them, I don't know. But anyway, this movie came out at the height of Pokemon's popularity, and it was amazing. It's not perfect, of course, but who cares? None of the other movies could match how cool it was to see this movie in theaters.

2. Heroes 

While the first movie to come out in theaters was hyped like crazy, this, the last movie to be shown in theaters in America, was a box office bomb. It made less than a million dollars and was released in less than 200 theaters. I was lucky enough to see it with my gal pals (BAHAHA). I think we were amongst the only people in the entire theater. That was when I started to realize that people didn't love Pokemon the way they used to. We were all growing up (I was in fifth grade when this movie came out, and first grade when the first movie came out) and we started to become self-conscious. Pokemon wasn't cool like it used to be. It's too bad for those people who were too obsessed with being mature and "cool" to watch this movie, because it was amazing. We all walked out of that theater crying and saying that was the best Pokemon movie we'd seen. It really is a great movie. Latios and Latias are two of the most popular characters because of this movie. I own this one on DVD, too (thanks Blaire :D) and I really should watch it again. It has the best setting out of any of the movies - it was inspired by Venice. It's really nice. It just has this whimsical air to it.

1. 3

This movie was released at the height of my personal Pokemon obsession. I had Silver, and I played it ALL THE TIME. It's still my favorite game ever, by the way. I was in love with Johto, and while the Johto season of the anime doesn't hold a candle to the original series (Pre-Orange Islands, that is; Orange Islands is definitely one of the worst), I was crazily obsessed with that, too. So then this movie comes out, and of course I love it. Of course I want to see it again, and again, and again. This movie has, in my opinion, one of the coolest plots of any of the movies. It's insanely memorable - I had DREAMS of this movie. It's even quotable. Who doesn't remember how those cool video phones sound? (Yeah, it was a callback to the series, but still. It sounded way cooler in the movie.) Entei was one of the coolest legendary Pokemon yet, and also one of the most disturbing. He could talk, guys! And in this movie, everyone got to have their own Pokemon battles instead of attention whore Ash getting to show off his trainer skills all the time. Ash, your best friends are GYM LEADERS. You can't honestly think you're cooler than them. And, fittingly, Misty's battle against Entei's hostage Molly was probably the coolest. Pokemon 3 was just the right movie at the right time for me. Maybe it's all nostalgia, but, well, oh well. I think I'll always love this movie even so. (Oh, and P.S. this movie had the single BEST short. Pichu Bros. for the win!)

BONUS: Mewtwo Returns

This is the only true direct-to-video release in the Pokemon series. It was horrible. I had to sit through this thing twice and I think I fell asleep both times. The only cool part about it was the cut footage from the first movie that they used as a selling point - "The Untold Story of Mewtwo." It elaborated on Mewtwo's decidedly way-too-awesome-for-American-audiences back story. It was cool, but it wasn't anywhere near as exciting as I'd hoped. After that the movie is just painful to watch. If this was on my countdown, it'd definitely be in last place. Seriously. NEVER WATCH THIS, EVER.

So, thank you for reading my long and very Pokemon-y rant. If you think I'm insane, you're right. If you think my list is incorrect, however, YOU'RE INCORRECT. NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT. *slams door dramatically* But please check back tomorrow. Please!

Relevant Things Going On in My Life Right Now #4

I have no clue who that chick on the left is. So don't ask.

Have you guys ever seen The Dish on Style Network? Oh, that's right, I forgot. You guys actually have better things to do than watch reruns of Clean House all day long.Well, basically the show just rips-off The Soup but is more woman-centric. Thus, it is also less funny. YOOOOW! It's hosted by Topanga from Boy Meets World, who is the large woman in the picture. She's gotten, well, quite large over the years.

But that's not all!:

• 10 Things I Hate About You: The movie used to be one of my least favorites EVER, but in my quest to become the Coolest Joseph Gordon-Levitt Fan in History or something moronic and pointless like that it was necessary to give it another chance. I still think it's a terrible movie. It doesn't age well - it's INCREDIBLY 90s. That being said, it was tolerable. Heath Ledger, JGL, and David Krumholtz all gave fun performances and their characters made me trudge through the movie. Although JGL played the irritating and dull archetype of the Loser-ish Kid Pining For Inexplicably Attractive Vapid Valley Girl, he did it with STYLE! (When I hear anyone say "with style!" I think of Buzz Lightyear instantly. Oh, Toy Story. You're my best friend.) SO. While I can't recommend this movie, if I ever find myself at your house and you put it on, I will only whine for one hour as opposed to three. 
Smart Guy: There's some new channel called Centric that was airing a Smart Guy marathon today. Man, I love that show. Really! I also love Sister, Sister, which, if it was ever remade, I could DEFINITELY star in. It's about biracial twins! I can play that in my sleep! But anyway, Smart Guy has a cool premise that is executed in a stupid-but-hilarious way. T.J. is the bomb, as is his brother Marcus. MARCUS. And then Marcus' friend! I can't remember his name but I think he used to be my favorite character. And T.J.'s dad is so nice! His sister I couldn't care less about, though. Do you guys like T.J. Mowry or Tia and Tamara Mowry better? I can't choose :(
Weekend Box Office: Excitement! The excellent blog that you guys should follow The Playlist reports that Inception came in first this weekend with $60 million. This was expected, although it is perhaps even a tad higher than initial projections. I'm really happy! I hope that the drop-down percentage is slow and this movie will make back its budget multiple times due to strong word-of-mouth. (Read my mini-review for the movie here.) Other new release The Sorcerer's Apprentice opened in a VERY weak third. Read the post I linked for some really good reasoning as to why that is. It's too bad, really, because I like Jay Baruchel and I wish him ETERNAL HAPPINESS. But he'll be okay.
Cheap Trick: I'm just randomly listening to them over and over again today. My favorites are, very boringly, "Surrender," "Hello There," and my number one favorite is "I Want You to Want Me." They're actually a pretty awesome band - not that I doubted otherwise! But Robin Zander has a really good voice - singing AND speaking! SOMEONE RECOMMEND ME MORE CHEAP TRICK SONGS. NOW.
K.K. Slider: He's the adorable singing dog from Animal Crossing! That game is one of my favorites of all zee times. It's just so nice. I played the GameCube one for HOURS. Possibly over 100 hours in fact. I'll never know for sure. My favorite part of the game was being serenaded by K.K. on Saturday night and then getting a bootleg of the song to play in your house. My two favorite K.K. songs are "K.K. Rock" and "K.K. Parade." Unfortunately, the bootleg of "Parade" really sucks. Only K.K. himself does it justice. "Rock" is one of my favorite songs ever, no joke. It really is. It's been stuck in my head every single day of the last week. Here it is in video form (fast-forward a little to :30-ish):
 
Lisa Simpson: Lisa Simpson is my favorite Simpson, followed by Bart. This review of "Moaning Lisa" paints her, however, as a lovable but fun-killing kid. I agree that she is the most human of the family, but there are TONS of moments where you see her acting like a crazy kid like everyone else. She does like Itchy and Scratchy after all. Read the comments as people talk about how they can (or can't) relate to Lisa and why. It's interesting. And since it's the AV Club, it's also funny. 

I think it's pretty cool that I managed to avoid doing one of these for the first 2 weeks of this month. Last month I did two of these! But I enjoy my Relevant Things series since it gives me more to talk about. It's kind of redundant to say "in my life" though because I never think about anything else than pop culture-type stuff, anyway.

P.S. Still working on the Bieber story...you'll get to read it, eventually.

Inception Mini-Review

Whoa. Just saw Inception. You know it, obviously - it's been hyped by pretty much everyone you know for the last YEAR, since that very first teaser trailer came out. But now that it's out, we all have to wonder - does it live up to the hype?

Well, yes, I'd say so. For the most part.

This is a mini-review. I don't think we (okay, I) here at FWSF have ever done one of those. EXPLANATION TIME WHOO: Basically I'm going to sum up everything in bullet points. It's easier and you're more likely to read it without getting bored! (Hopefully.) Think of it as my notes. WARNING FOR POSSIBLE SPOILERS. I'll try to be a little vague.

• The acting was awesome - for me the standouts were Leo, JGL, Ellen Page, and I guess Tom Hardy. Leo played the tortured married man/dream thief - his usual trope, obviously. But darnit if he's not one of the best guys acting today at playing a tortured soul. 
• I'm conflicted as to whether I'd consider Cillian Murphy's acting to be good; his character, although written multi-dimensionally, it seemed, did not seem to feel. He cried at one point, but I didn't get a good sense for who he was because the acting was cold. It was hard to connect with him.
• On that note - this movie is really one without a clear villain. It may seem like it from the beginning, but eventually the villains become friends. For a movie like this, a thriller, a heist, it seems like there -must- be a villain, but somehow it works without one. Perhaps because there are always people shooting at each other.
• The awesome scenes with JGL being thrown around in the hallway, floating around (they're seen in the trailers, you know what I'm talking about) - so cool. I love trying to figure out how that stuff works. It really amazes me. I know that it was done with sets - but how the heck could they have them floating in the air? That's something I'll be thinking about until I buy the Blu-ray and watch the special features that will hopefully cover the Making Of.   
• Ellen Page was a college student in FRANCE. Why did she have a Nova Scotian accent? Was she French-Canadian? It's a nitpick but IT BUGS ME. P.S. Michael Caine rules, bye

OKAY THESE ARE ALL SPOILERS NOW:

• The last third of the movie was the weakest. Once they got into that third dream, on that snowy mountain, it started to get complicated. The premise of this movie alone seems complicated, but it's well-explained. However, the third dream was not. It was unclear to me what the real goal was, and since everyone and everything was covered in white, it was hard to see who was who. When Tom Hardy was attacking someone, it was hard to be sure that it was not actually the other way around. 
• Limbo - the concept should make sense but Chris Nolan complicated it. At least, for me. Also in that limbo part it was incredibly infuriating that there was SO MUCH TALKING. The snappy dialogue is what sets the movie apart from your typical summer action film, but in this scene I just kept wishing that Leo would punch Marion Cotillard in the face.
• On that note - MARION COTILLARD. Her character was so stinking irritating. Maybe that was the point? She was a psychotic witch who was torturing Leo. If that was the goal then she succeeded. But I really dreaded seeing her on screen once it was revealed she was dead. She was cool when she was trying to kill everyone. 
• Her childhood home - it seemed like they were going to explain her childhood, why it was so important. They were setting things up for a BIG SCENE OF EXPLANATION AND LOTS OF FLASHBACKS but nothing ever came. It was a red herring and annoying at that. 
• JGL and Ellen Page - well, actually, Ariadne and Arthur. (Aren't those names adorable by the way?) I'm sure there's going to be tons of fanfiction about them now. I went into this movie thinking that they were going to avoid romance, but obviously they didn't. Although it was brief, anyway. But I think that scene made everyone love Arthur a little more.
• The ending. If you've seen the movie, let's discuss it in the comments. Mark for spoilers. My personal opinion is that the totem falls down, and that it's NOT a dream. But maybe I'm optimistic. God, I hope not. It better all be real! But the callback to the beginning (I actually love frame narratives even though they're done WAY too frequently) was confusing. Obviously Ken Watanabe had been there for a long time, since he was an old guy with lots and lots of makeup. But Leo? What about him? Do we all have our own limbos? But Leo told Ariadne that he had to go find Ken. How did he know that he was even dead? It couldn't have taken THAT long to find him, because he woke up before the flight was over. But Ken Watanabe had grown so old. That's the problem. That's the case against my opinion. That's why most people will say that the ending was a dream. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THIS CHRIS NOLAN WHY

SPOILERS ARE OVER PEOPLE STOP FREAKING OUT NOW

So, while the movie has some missteps, it's something that I think most people will not forget anytime soon. It leaves a lot of unanswered questions that I know I'll be thinking about for a long, long time. Maybe it didn't live up to all of that insurmountable hype, but nothing does. (Except, maybe, The Dark Knight.) It'll probably make you angry - but in a good way. The movie that makes you feel something is the movie that succeeds.

Also, Leo has a really big, squishy head in it. And everyone wears snazzy suits. So you kind of have to see it for that. (Yes, I'm aware that Leo's head is ALWAYS squishy. But it's especially squishy when he's wearing a suit.)

Inception gets 4 and a half Joseph Gordon-Levitt's being mocked by Tom Hardy's out of 5.

Ashamed and Barely Awake

Right now I'm writing something that I hope to get posted for tomorrow/Saturday. Guess what it is? GUESS.

No, whatever you guessed is wrong. I'm writing a story starting Justin Bieber. And it's truly awesome. Maybe you'll get to read it. I hope so, because I really like it. J. Biebs is kind of stupid, kind of jerky in it, but that's what makes it fun. If I post it, then consider this my apology in advance.

I'm pretty tired and don't feel like writing much so I'm just going to leave you a bunch of articles that you should read. Consider it your homework even though it's not graded or even looked at. LIKE ENGLISH 9 HONORS WITH SCHLIEFY HOMEWORK! OR ENGLISH 10 HONORS HOMEWORK! OR AP LANG HOMEWORK! (oh, you know it's true.)

• Whatever Happened to the Box-Office Bomb? from Slate.com
• Vampire Weekend Sued by Contra Cover Model from The AV Club
• Work of Art Recap by Judge Jerry Saltz from New York.com
• Warner Gambles On an Unproven Commodity (Inception) from The L.A. Times

Have a good day. Let me know what you think of those (relatively short!) articles when you read them, which you most definitely will. Right?