The Very Best That No One (Other Pokemon Movie) Ever Was

Pokemon 4Ever was on today. Man, that movie...it doesn't hold up. It just doesn't. Celebi's awesome and all, but he's sort of dull. As is the movie!

It got me thinking about the other Pokemon movies. LET'S RANK THEM BECAUSE I'M TIRED AND WANT TO GET OFF THE COMPUTER:

I haven't seen any of the movies after Destiny Deoxys, because, well, I hate the Advanced Generation series and everything that comes after it. So I'll only do a Top 7, if that's alright with you lot. If it's not, well, there's the close button. Upper-right hand corner. (Actually, I think I did see that Lucario movie. I hated it. Let's just not talk about it, though. It's easier. Less painful.)

 

7. 2000

This one is inexplicably popular. Really! It is. I remember how excited I was to see it in theaters when it came out. I might have seen it on the very first day, even. But I was disappointed. Even as a 6 year old kid, I was disappointed, because the movie just wasn't very interesting to me. It wasn't exciting. I did love that introduced Lugia and some other Johto Pokemon to us before those games ever came out (NOVEMBER 2000 BABY BEST MONTH OF MY LIFE), though, but other than that it just isn't memorable. A lot of people love this movie, and I think it might have even been the best-reviewed out of the series, which isn't saying much because all of them are hated by critics. But, well, since when have I ever been "a lot of people?"

 6. 4Ever

Yeah, as I said earlier...this movie just doesn't do it for me. IT'S SO BORING. Although it does have that amazing-albeit-predictable plot twist where that kid Sam with the stupid hair is really Professor Oak. How old is Professor Oak, anyway?! He's ancient. Possibly more than two centuries old, even. Oh, and one more thing - we rented this movie on DVD back in the day, and it had an audio commentary - which is very cool. But the commentary lasted A TOTAL OF 30 MINUTES. I remember this vividly - they were all talking excitedly about the movie, which sounded really fake, because even I, a huge Pokemon fan, was having trouble getting excited for this movie. But right when it gets to the part where Ash meets Celebi, the stinking STAR OF THE MOVIE, the cast is like, "Oh, well, we don't have anything else to say! Enjoy the movie!" NO. I CHOSE TO LISTEN TO THE COMMENTARY BECAUSE I WANTED TO HEAR MADDIE BLAUSTEIN CONFUSE ME AS TO WHAT GENDER SHE IS. (Yeah, that's right - a woman voiced Meowth. A transgendered woman, but you know, a woman all the same. She's dead now.) It was so disheartening. I think we turned the DVD off.

5. Jirachi Wish Maker

I think I'm being a little unfair to 4Ever. It was dull, but at least I can remember. At least I expressed interest in seeing it more than once. I've seen Jirachi Wish Maker a total of two times. I own the DVD, people, and I watched it once. (Well, actually I watched the DVD itself about 10 times, but that was for the short, Gotta Dance.) It's just...not interesting. It's probably because Max and May are two of the most insufferable anime characters to ever exist, but the movie was bland as that one thing that's really bland that I can't remember right now. The movie isn't that bad, though. I never thought it was so terrible that I had to stop watching. Jirachi is one of my favorite Pokemon (I have two of them, so HA! HA HA!) and there was some really adorable stuff going on. It's just that the movie itself goes on and on and can be quite boring. It also didn't help that I got it in sixth grade, where Pokemon automatically went to being the Game of Forever to being the scarlet letter that called you out for being that kid that everyone makes fun of. Maybe I should try watching it again.

4. Destiny Deoxys 

Here I go, being unfair again! Talk about not being able to remember anything! I can remember the last movie much better than I can remember this one, but what I CAN remember about this movie is that I really, really liked it. I hate Deoxys, I hate Advanced, but this movie was so entertaining that I watched it twice in the span of a weekend. I can't even tell you what it was about, though. I think I need to watch it again.

3. The First Movie

How creative is THAT title? Huh? Huh? Yeah. Well, despite it being one of the worst reviewed movies of the last decade (11 years, but whatever), it's hard not to love this movie. It's pure nostalgia. It's seeing you favorite Pokemon on the big screen. How AWESOME it was to see this movie for the first time. It was promoted like crazy; remember those gold Pokemon "cards" they gave out at Burger King? Yeah, I had several of those. Remember the special cards they gave out when you bought a ticket? I got Dragonite and Pikachu! Those cards are way more special to me than those lame Ancient Mew cards. You can't even use those in the card game, guys. Why people freak out about them, I don't know. But anyway, this movie came out at the height of Pokemon's popularity, and it was amazing. It's not perfect, of course, but who cares? None of the other movies could match how cool it was to see this movie in theaters.

2. Heroes 

While the first movie to come out in theaters was hyped like crazy, this, the last movie to be shown in theaters in America, was a box office bomb. It made less than a million dollars and was released in less than 200 theaters. I was lucky enough to see it with my gal pals (BAHAHA). I think we were amongst the only people in the entire theater. That was when I started to realize that people didn't love Pokemon the way they used to. We were all growing up (I was in fifth grade when this movie came out, and first grade when the first movie came out) and we started to become self-conscious. Pokemon wasn't cool like it used to be. It's too bad for those people who were too obsessed with being mature and "cool" to watch this movie, because it was amazing. We all walked out of that theater crying and saying that was the best Pokemon movie we'd seen. It really is a great movie. Latios and Latias are two of the most popular characters because of this movie. I own this one on DVD, too (thanks Blaire :D) and I really should watch it again. It has the best setting out of any of the movies - it was inspired by Venice. It's really nice. It just has this whimsical air to it.

1. 3

This movie was released at the height of my personal Pokemon obsession. I had Silver, and I played it ALL THE TIME. It's still my favorite game ever, by the way. I was in love with Johto, and while the Johto season of the anime doesn't hold a candle to the original series (Pre-Orange Islands, that is; Orange Islands is definitely one of the worst), I was crazily obsessed with that, too. So then this movie comes out, and of course I love it. Of course I want to see it again, and again, and again. This movie has, in my opinion, one of the coolest plots of any of the movies. It's insanely memorable - I had DREAMS of this movie. It's even quotable. Who doesn't remember how those cool video phones sound? (Yeah, it was a callback to the series, but still. It sounded way cooler in the movie.) Entei was one of the coolest legendary Pokemon yet, and also one of the most disturbing. He could talk, guys! And in this movie, everyone got to have their own Pokemon battles instead of attention whore Ash getting to show off his trainer skills all the time. Ash, your best friends are GYM LEADERS. You can't honestly think you're cooler than them. And, fittingly, Misty's battle against Entei's hostage Molly was probably the coolest. Pokemon 3 was just the right movie at the right time for me. Maybe it's all nostalgia, but, well, oh well. I think I'll always love this movie even so. (Oh, and P.S. this movie had the single BEST short. Pichu Bros. for the win!)

BONUS: Mewtwo Returns

This is the only true direct-to-video release in the Pokemon series. It was horrible. I had to sit through this thing twice and I think I fell asleep both times. The only cool part about it was the cut footage from the first movie that they used as a selling point - "The Untold Story of Mewtwo." It elaborated on Mewtwo's decidedly way-too-awesome-for-American-audiences back story. It was cool, but it wasn't anywhere near as exciting as I'd hoped. After that the movie is just painful to watch. If this was on my countdown, it'd definitely be in last place. Seriously. NEVER WATCH THIS, EVER.

So, thank you for reading my long and very Pokemon-y rant. If you think I'm insane, you're right. If you think my list is incorrect, however, YOU'RE INCORRECT. NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT. *slams door dramatically* But please check back tomorrow. Please!