Oscars 2011: How Did I Do?

Last night's Oscars were easily the worst in years. YEARS. I wasn't a fan of them last year, despite my love for Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, but that seemed hilarious and amazing in comparison to this year's lifeless and predictable show.

Anne Hathaway wins for "Best Effort" with her likable enthusiasm and had she been hosting by herself, thus being given much more to do than she was last night, I would have enjoyed the show more. But James Franco was there, too, and as much as I enjoy James Franco he absolutely failed as host. I don't know whether he was stoned, tired, or "nervous" (psssh, whatever), but he was terrible. My head bro in charge Rob Sheffield has this theory:

Come on: James Franco was kind of brilliant last night. He treated the Oscars like his own avant-garde conceptual art project, like the way he went on General Hospital for kicks and giggles. Like, what if an insanely pretty boy got up on TV in front of a billion people, and did nothing but smirk and squint and stare off into the distance and look embarrassed to be there? What if he barely said a word, just contemplating his own hotness and flashing his John-Mayer-post-lobotomy grin? What a bold statement on modern alienation! Like the tragic hero of Jean Cocteau’s Orphic Trilogy, he stood trapped behind a mirror, unable to make human contact, cursed to face his own reflection alone. Duuuude! I hope he got at least a B+ for that in his “Media Tedium Strategies” seminar.

Not buying it, Rob, but nice try. Sometimes we forget that James Franco and Lady Gaga are completely different beasts, in that James Franco's life is not completely fabricated for entertainment. I mean, we don't know this for sure, considering he's kind of enigmatic, but I'm pretty certain that James Franco is still a human being who takes life slightly less seriously than most.

Another horrible moment was Melissa Leo's obnoxious speech. God, she seemed fake, and I mean, I don't even hate her but she just wouldn't stop, man. HAI-HAI THAT OSCAR WAS YOURS BBY YOU WERE ROBBED <3 In spite of myself/hypocritically I'm a big advocate for GOOD child actors, and while I haven't seen True Grit (I saw some of the original though!) she seemed amazing in it. HAI-HAI 2012! Actually, no, I want Chloe Moretz to win. She rocks.

Also, the In Memoriam was painful with Celine Dion's wailing of Michael Jackson's favorite song. How could they leave out Corey Haim?! He was a good actor, man! Lucas!

Anyway, terrible hosting, Melissa Leo, and the general bland predictability of it all, which I'll get to, aside, the show managed to have its share of good bits. Kirk Douglas brought the kind of wacky, "does he know what he's doing right now?" kind of hilarity that I love about the Oscars with his extremely long stay on the stage. Norm Macdonald quipped on his Twitter (which was plugged, by the way, much less than I thought it'd be at the show and yet still had a presence in my house as my dad read us Tweets during breaks): "By the time the dead montage starts, Kirk Douglas will be in it." Black humor. Killing it, Norm.

I also liked the Auto-Tune the Movies thing by the Gregory Brothers, whom I adore (yes, in italics). That was probably the most amusing thing of the night for me, other than Kirk. What else was funny? Um. I liked David Seidler's speech for The King's Speech. I also loved Billy Crystal. Weirdly enough I still have vivid memories of his hosting gig back in '03, especially that opening montage. Oh, the good old days. Billy got a standing ovation when he came on stage, and it's obviously because everyone in the audience (and at home) was praying to L. Ron Hubbard or Jehovah or whatever for him to take over for the rest of the night.

Okay, so the show was crud, but the most important thing is really who took home the little gold naked guy. I made my predictions earlier in a really boring post that you probably didn't read, so let's see how I did!

• Best Picture: MY PREDICTION: The Social Network. WINNER: The King's Speech. Okay, this was wishful thinking on my part but MAN, am I mad. Look, I'm sure The King's Speech is a wonderful thing, and maybe I'm just crazy (crazy for you baaabyyy), but I think Best Picture should MEAN something. The movie should have a greater message for it to truly be the best picture of the year. It should be innovative (note: this point is highly contradictory to everything the Academy stands for), it should be something that truly STANDS THE HECK OUT. And maybe The King's Speech does that. But do you think we'll remember it next year? I still remember No Country for Old Men. I remember Crash, although that's because of how mad it makes me. I even remember Titanic. On the same note, I always forget who won these past two years even though Hurt Locker and Slumdog were pretty fresh, so I guess I'm a big hypocrite. On the bright side, as Steven Spielberg said, losers are in the company of stinking Citizen Kane. Enough said. (And by the way, my SUBJECTIVE choice for Best Picture is easily Toy Story 3. Objectively, it's Social Network. I think too many voters are emotional and that helped because I'm sure that The King's Speech is more "likable" in many ways than Social Network with its anti-hero of a main character.)
• Best Director: MY PREDICTION: David Fincher. WINNER: Tom Hooper. OKAY THIS IS COMPLETE AND TOTAL IDIOCY. IDIOCY. ABSOLUTELY. David Fincher is WHY his film succeeds. IT IS COMPLETELY IMBUED WITH HIS VOICE. Who the crud is Tom Hooper?! Who is he? King's Speech had great PERFORMANCES, and while directing is part of that I find it hard to believe that any of those movies nominated are more synonymous with their director than Finchy. I even think Christopher Nolan, who stupidly wasn't nominated, would have been worthy; Inception would be much worse off without him. But NOOO, IT WAS TOM STINKING HOOPER. Whatever. I'm too young to develop an ulcer.
• Best Actor: MY PREDICTION: Colin Firth. WINNER: Colin Firth. I was right! Yay me! Colin Firth can charm the pants off anybody, male or female, and I'm happy for him. However, I was rooting for Jesse or even Javier Bardem. All of those actors seemed very worthy, but Jesse's performance is the one that I still think about even now. Those courtroom scenes were amazing. I'm sure Colin is very deserving, though; he's the main reason why I want to see that movie. Also I like how he thanked Tom Ford, who directed A Single Man for which he was nominated last year. Did he even mention Hooper?
• Best Actress: PREDICTION: Natalie Portman. Winner: Natalie Portman. 2 right! Look, I thought she was good. I loved her in The Professional, back when she was 11. I love that movie. I didn't love Black Swan, but she was in every single scene and really carried it; I thought she deserved it. Nicole Kidman's role, by the way, in Rabbit Hole seemed extremely over-the-top, and she fails at that American accent. No offense.
• Best Supporting Actor: PREDICTION: Christian Bale. WINNER: Bale. Method is as method does, or something to that effect. Yay, Christian Bale!
• Best Supporting Actress: PREDICTION: Melissa Leo. WINNER: Leo. I rambled about this up there but in my prediction I added "Idealistically, Hailee Steinfeld." Blergh.
• Best Foreign Film: P: In A Better World. W: In A Better World. Heck yeah, that would be 4. Told you these things were predictable!
• Best Animated Film: P: Toy Story 3. W: TS3. DUH. Must say, this was the strongest crop in years. Each of these movies should have been nominated for Best Picture. Screw Inception and Winter's Bone/The Kids Are All Right. (Not that I didn't like them or don't want to see them, of course.)
• Best Documentary: P: Exit Through the Gift Shop. W: Inside Job. LAME. I was pumped for Banksy to come out and actually entertain me, but nope, they had to give it to this movie made by two extremely boring people. At least a minority won something for what was the very first time that night (and possibly the last), as one of the directors was Asian.
• Best Original Screenplay: P: Inception. W: The King's Speech. That was a stupid prediction on my part. I said that I had "no idea" and I really didn't. I think I just guessed Inception because Nolan created this entire world, basically. The dialogue was atrocious, though, and The King's Speech seemed to have an entertaining script. That scene they showed for Geoffrey Rush's performance was funny. And David Seidler, as I said, gave a good speech. HOW FITTING HAW HAW *guffaws*
• Best Adapted Screenplay: P: The Social Network W: The Social Network. Heck yeah. Nothing beats this movie's script, man. I liked Aaron Sorkin's closing line about how his daughter's guinea pig should respect him now that he has an Oscar. Such a writer, that guy.
• Best Editing: P: The Social Network W: The Social Network. Awesome.
• Best Visual Effects: P: Inception W: Inception. Of course!
• Best Song: P: "The one from 127 Hours" ("If I Rise") W: "We Belong Together" from Toy Story 3. That was a surprise. YAY TOY STORY 3. Can you believe that "You've Got a Friend in Me" didn't win? Insanity. I still barely remember this song but man, those other songs were terrible. Especially the one from Tangled. Ugh.
• Best Score: P: The Social Network W: The Social Network I said that my idealistic choices were Inception or How to Train Your Dragon but I actually really like this movie's score. It's the only one I could remember!
• Best Cinematography: P: True Grit W: Inception Uh, okay.
• Best Sound Mixing: P: Inception W: Inception Mmhmm.
• Best Sound Editing: P: Inception W: Inception Yep. Sound editing seems like a very tough job. There were so many sounds in this movie.
• Best Costume Design: P: The King's Speech W: Alice in Wonderland. Oscar winner Alice in Wonderland. ...Huh?
• Best Art Direction: P: Inception W: Alice in Wonderland Two-time Oscar winner Alice in Wonderland. Wow. (I must say that it had nice art direction, though. A little garish, but still.)
• Best Makeup: P: The Wolfman W: The Wolfman Yay. Oscar winner The Wolfman. Haha.
• Best Live Action Short: P: The Confession W: God of Love God of Love looked pretty cool, and they guy gave a fun speech. That was his stinking college thesis. Jealous. The Confession also looks good, though, so I picked a good random choice.
• Best Animated Short: P: Day & Night W: The Lost Thing I heard this was really good but I still love Day & Night :(
• Best Documentary Short: P: Killing in the Name W: Strangers No More Whatever. Looked sort of cool but also looked like it was about how white people are the sole saviors of minorities. Eh.

So my tally is 12 out of 24 correct. That would be an F. I suck at this. I think I'll stick to my day job.

"Say-GUH!"

I was browsing GAF yesterday and found this really interesting article and accompanying thread from the 90s. It's an interview with the then-president of SEGA of America. Very prescient and a good read.

They're scans so you should just read it on the thread: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?s=7ac3d76ef3a68bd11eed2a0ee3bc5608&t=422270

I always wonder how my life might be different if Sega never exited the console war. It's quite sad that they lost so badly, too, especially since the Dreamcast is now looked upon so fondly. Even then, it was liked, I think; Sony just was a tough competitor. The Dreamcast couldn't stand a chance against the PS2 with its DVD player (and better reputation; after the Sega Saturn, Sega's brand name was so damaged in this country that the Dreamcast was arguably screwed from the start).

It's especially sad when you realize that all of this could have been avoided had the higher-ups over in Japan not been so negligent of their American counterpart. Maybe Japan was ready for the Saturn (not that it did so hot there), but the Genesis was still riding high over here and could have lasted another year or two. Reading about the mismanagement back then and knowing full-well what the aftermath was is so sad.

Especially, if you read the thread, when you find out about the massive mess-up that was the Saturn's launch in this country! It was supposed to come out on "Sega Saturday," and the PS1 was going to come out a week afterwards. However, at that year's E3, the president (Tom Kalinske, who is the guy interviewed) announced that that was a ruse and the Saturn was immediately available at certain retailers. The retailers left out turned their backs to Sega, feeling abandoned, and this move just caught people really off-guard. Coupled with the fact that the Saturn just wasn't a very good system, Sega was doomed to fail against the superior Sony PlayStation.

Of course, Sega is still in the video game business, so it's not completely different now a days. But I always wonder what would have happened if the Dreamcast was a juggernaut and instead of the XBOX 360 we had Dreamcast 2 fanboys or something? That the latest Sega console was ubiquitous with gaming, just like the Wii and PS3 (and 360) are now? These hypotheticals will forever remain hypothetical.

Sigh.

The Sunday Morning Couch Potato Blues

I spend most of my time sitting down on the sofa. Actually, sorry, did I say sitting? I really meant lying. I go from lying in bed to lying on the sofa. It's the good life.

Well, it would be if I didn't have exorbitant amounts of homework to do over the next week. (Heck yes, New York Public Schools getting the whole week off. Best state, confirmed.) So whilst I sob in a corner and procrastinate on my English reading(s), Latin translating, Economic journaling, Spanish studying, and Physics note-taking, here is a slew of songs to help you cope with your own Sunday weepies. (Eww. Weepies is a stupid word. And also a band.)



Create a playlist at MixPod.com

1. "Bratty B" by Best Coast: I love this song! It's so short, and it hits its stride right at the end, but regardless it still manages to be one of my favorites on the album. They played this song in last Thursday's episode of Skins (the British one, not that unholy American abomination), and I was so excited that I had to pause it and listen to the song a couple of times before I was able to continue watching the episode. Yeah, I'm a little obsessed.
2. "Pick Me Up" by the Format: My favorite Format song is "Oceans." I've listened to that song nearly 70 times. Love it. You would think that my love for that song would inspire me to listen to the band's other songs, then, right? Well, not really. I get very attached and then don't care to explore my other options. I had a handful of other songs by the band ("She Doesn't Get It," "Inches and Falling," "Wait, Wait, Wait," and "I'm Actual," which are all awesome) but that was it. Recently I acquired a couple of their other songs, and this one is my favorite. You're welcome for the needless back story, now enjoy the song.
3. "Miami" by Foals: Love this. "Would you/be there/be there/be there for me?/In Miami?" This song is such a killer singalong. I also love the synths, or what I assume are the synths. Really hard to tell these days. This song is so smooth, like some extremely charming guy who ensnares all of the girls at the club. Like Tony! (British version, of course.)
4. "Composure" by Warpaint: Warpaint is a really cool band. It's four girls making some intense, inventive music. They make sounds that I didn't even know you could make with just a guitar or bass. This song, like "Miami," is fun to sing along with, especially that beginning. Keep my! Keep my! Keep my! My what? And then it gets really fast and I can imagine people freaking out at a party while dancing to it. Or maybe it could be the music accompanying an extremely scary chase scene. Such a good song.
5. "Hard Believer" by First Aid Kit: You know, 3 out of these 5 songs have been by ladies. I used to hate music by women. Oh, how times have changed! These sisters are really young (well, older than me, but still) and already really talented and accomplished. I dig this song a ton. I keep singing, "Love is tough! Time is rough!" Their songs are like easy listening, because they just come in and out of your consciousness, listenable without taking over everything, and I really appreciate that. Even though they're not overpowering, this song and also "Ghost Town," which I love, always get stuck in my head. They stay with you, these girls.
6. "One Time (Live Acoustic)" by Justin Bieber: Hey, Biebs, haven't seen you in awhile. I guess you've been busy promoting that little movie of yours, and being surprisingly entertaining at the Grammys. That's cool, that's cool. This acoustic version of my FAVORITE Biebs song is pretty adorable. I like that he dedicates it to Cammy Elizabeth from Virginia, although Cammy Elizabeth is a really terrible name. What is this? A Scholastics book?
7. "Tiger Mountain Peasant Song" by Fleet Foxes: This is a live version, but it's still really good. I think this song is just so pleasant; I always call it "Pleasant Song" in my head, although that's not exactly intentional. I just misread the title. But "Pleasant Song" works because this song is so unobtrusive and lovely and nice, I like it a lot. I think it's my favorite song by these guys. Apparently they have a new album coming out. That's nice. Even though a lot of people think they're derivative (or maybe that others are deriving from them), I don't mind because they're great.
8. "Flightless Bird, American Mouth" by Iron & Wine: I've been listening to this a lot lately. I like the imagery and the melody is so sweet and calm. This song was in Twilight, but let's ignore that fact, okay? Although after I saw the scene where they play this song I couldn't listen to it for awhile because I kept thinking about Robert Pattinson' disgusting face, not to even mention Kristen Stewart and her stale, non-existent acting. Ugh. That connection aside this song is wonderful. "Now I'm a fat house cat..."
9. "We Could Love" by Cavil at Rest: Cavil at Rest is what Local Natives was originally called. This song reminds me of a less rhythmic "Airplanes," but I mean that in a good way. Very mellow. All of these songs are mellow! Except the first few, but still. I love the opening line: "I could say that love was/created/with you in mind." Also the chorus: "Don't/you/tell me/that life/isn't/beautiful/when we're/all/loving/each other!" This sounds a lot like the summer to me, and specifically the summer in 1960s Atlantic City, or some other place with lots of cabarets. I don't know why. I think it's the light drumming. Also, I have an overactive imagination.
10. "Rose Garden" by Shad: And we end on a slightly more upbeat note. Shad is an awesome Canadian rapper. I'm not a huge rap fan but this song and "The Old Prince Still Lives at Home" are my jams. My favorite part of this song, though, is not the rapping, but the girl singing, "I didn't come here for a rose garden!" I love how it's sung at the end, it's just so nice. Shad's songs always put me in a good mood, so I appreciate him, especially after a slew of somewhat less uplifting songs.

So that's the deal. Enjoy the music.

I HATE MY LIFE AS LIZ, Part 3

Yesterday, for the first time in YEARS, Daria was on television, IN ENGLISH, at a watchable hour (on Logo, randomly). I WAS ECSTATIC LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA FOR REAL.

Daria, as you obviously are aware, was an animated series on MTV of all things back in the 90s, when the M still stood for "music" and not "my God this is terrible." It was snarky, but it was genuine, it was sincere, and Jane and Daria's perpetual cynicism was not unchecked. They were likable, but I think a lot of the time this was despite their raging sarcasm. Of course it's fun to see them get away with their vitriolic, witty quips, but you understand that these girls were not supposed to be models for the viewer. They had flaws. They were real.

Scarily enough, Daria and Jane were even more real than the person that many are touting as their present-day, real-life "counterpart." Guess who that could be? YES INDEEDY, the abominable Liz "Look At Me, I'm So Nerdy With My Makeup and My Expensive Art School and My MTV Affiliation and Hipster-esque Appreciation For Anything Ironically 'Cool'" Lee. How I loathe that woman; her hair, dyed red with the blood of those who fought in the Great War for the Betterment of Teenage Culture, sends me into a murderous frenzy upon sight, for gods-sakes. Unlike Daria, Liz Lee lives in a completely manufactured world where everyone is played by an actor and almost everyone is a self-obsessed idiot. (Oh, wait, that's exactly like Daria. BUT DARIA IS A CARTOON OKAY) This fact infuriates me, mostly because Liz has kept up this ruse successfully for two years now, and is not going away like I so politely ask her to every night in my dreams. And by "polite" I mean "threateningly," but that's besides the point!

What's most infuriating about the Daria/Lee comparison is that Lee herself embraces it, as stated in this new and completely unnecessary interview by CNN (yeah, remember when they were a veritable source of information?). She is deluded enough to call Daria an inspiration, and y'know, as disgusting as it is, it makes a lot of stinking sense. Liz Lee is a cartoon character, through and through. Too bad none of her snark is even vaguely amusing.

The article disgusts me in so many ways. May we count them?

1. This quote: "'The executives at MTV are really smart. The fact that a show like that is on now is amazing and great,' said Fogelnest, who hosted his own show on MTV as a teenager (from his bedroom, no less), 'Squirt TV,' in the mid-1990s. 'My Life as Liz' is 'the one thing where someone's not pregnant or drunk; it's what real people are like.'" Okay, I understand that Jake Fogelnest and Liz Lee are "friends" or something weird like that, but this is some actually scripted nonsense. "Amazing and great"? Huh? And NO, real people are not like this. Honestly, the people on stinking Teen Mom are FAR more real than any person on My Life as Liz. Sorry. (Not.)
2. "But My Life as Liz is unique for another criticism that has been leveled against the show's star: 'My nerd cred is attacked all the time. People think that that was fabricated by MTV. That's the hardest rumor for me to deal with.'...When people (online) say, "You're not a real nerd,"' said Lee, 'I'm sitting in my room with shelves overflowing with stacks of comic books.'" LOLOLOL YEAH OKAY BECAUSE THAT MEANS YOU'RE A NERD. Shelves overflowing with comic books. PUH-LEEZE. Look, maybe Liz Lee DOES read comic books. Whatever. But that doesn't make her a "nerd." That just makes her someone who likes comic books. She is unbelievably image-obsessed, and that just adds fuel to my intense hatred. Which, if you couldn't tell, is super crazy intense, like, whoa.
3. "Benjamin Nugent, author of 'American Nerd,' noted, 'When you have people choosing to be nerds, questions of authenticity can come up. Before, you had no choice to be a nerd. Now that it's an acceptable option, you can accuse someone of being that way just to be cool. When it was uncool, you never had to worry about authenticity.'" I just find this really idiotic while also extremely obvious. What I don't understand is why one now suddenly has an option when they didn't before. You can choose to like video games and what-have-you or you can choose not to. It's that freakin' simple.
4. "'Daria made it cool to be a smart chick,' said writer Jennifer Vineyard, who worked at MTV for eight years. 'Just the presence of people or characters like Daria help make it cool to be yourself. There's a tendency for young girls to play dumb. Characters like Daria show you that you don't have to.'" I mean, I don't know, I don't think that being who you are has to be cool. You just are who you are and you don't complain. Well, you do complain, but then you grow up and you realize that it doesn't matter, these things are forever. Daria definitely is cool, but I don't know why she had to come around to prove to people that being intelligent was something worth being!
5. "Nugent also pointed out, 'Because it's now being put on MTV, teenagers are seeing it as more acceptable. I'm surprised how many kids come up to me and introduce themselves as geeks.'" I don't even know what to make of this. It's just...wow. Um.

I have to give up because I hate so much about what this article chooses to be. My Life as Liz is a terrible misrepresentation about the "nerd" subculture. It doesn't help. It hurts, and it hurts a lot. Liz masquerades as some teen nerd queen but she's just a robot programmed by Viacom to appeal to the one niche not watching MTV. God, I wish she wasn't succeeding.

"The...Suburbs."

Last night I watched the Grammys for the first time in years. The Grammys are the lest important out of all of the major awards, maybe because they're light on awards and heavy on performance by people I don't care much about. Seriously, they gave out maybe 10 awards last night. It's like a big, three hour concert. However, for some reason we found ourselves watching.

And you know? It wasn't terrible. Justin Bieber was good, and I'm not saying that just because I'm biased because we're best friends or anything; Rihanna was good, and so was Bruno Mars and Janelle Monae. Other than that, the show was kind of dull. I was anticipating Arcade Fire's performance, but then they did "Month of May," which is a great, fun song but I was looking forward to "Ready to Start," or maybe "The Sprawl II."

But then? Right after they performed, it was time for Album of the Year. The awards, in my opinion, don't really matter much. It's all a big popularity contest. "Need You Now" is NOT better than ANY of those other songs (or "records" depending on the category) nominated, but it still won. It's politics. But Album of the Year doesn't usually go with the popular choice, so it's always a nice surprise. This year was no different, as you can see in that video.

Yep, Arcade Fire's The Suburbs WON, and I was just as shocked as you and everyone else watching. I was also ecstatic, because for once it's 1. a band that I like and 2. something that's actually good! (that I've heard, anyway, haha). The fact that these guys even got nominated surprised me, but that they won as well was a really amazing way to end the show. Of course, not everyone felt the same way; I heard people at school today whining about not knowing who the band is, and people took to their Twitters to complain about some "unknown" band winning over Eminem and Lady Gaga. (They also complained about actually unknown singer Esperanza Spalding winning Best New Artist over the Biebs. Whatever, I ain't even mad.)

Arcade Fire might not have been the popular choice, but in my opinion, they were the right choice. Music is a very subjective thing but they just made a very classic-sounding rock and roll album. It's not really heavy stuff, although the lyrics definitely have substance (MAN, I love the opening lines to "Ready to Start": "Businessmen drinking my blood/like the kids in art school said they would." I also love the lyrics to "We Used to Wait"), not that Eminem's raps don't or anything, but this album, in my opinion, was very accessibly, just objectively good music. It's very Americana, and the Grammys eat that crud up, I think.

So congrats to Arcade Fire. Let's hail this as a win for the good and not just the popular.

I don't shine if you don't shine.

Yesterday I went to an awesome party. Whoo. After said awesome party, however, I was unable to sleep, which is always the worst. I went to bed at 11 or 11:30 and didn't fall asleep until after 3. And then I woke up at 6. And now my nose is running and my throat is sore and my back is killing. Ugh.

That being said, I have no interest in writing an elaborate post today. So, instead, here, watch Thursday's Parks and Recreation (BEN AND LESLIE AAAH) and 30 Rock (I will miss you forever, Carol):



"Ron and Tammy, Part 2" (Parks and Recreation)



"Double-Edged Sword" (30 Rock)

Ironically, the Super Bowl Got Me Thinking

Thought: Last night, Christina Aguilera, who, if I may comment, and I may because there are no rules here, this isn't Fight Club, although it would be cool if it was, except I wouldn't have lasted this long, I would probably be like Jared Leto's character and Edward Norton would take his anger out on me because Brad Pitt had a crush on me and then I would be disfigured and scary-looking, looked like her face had been stretched out completely, sang the National Anthem at the Super Bowl. It was terrible. (I heard it playing in the other room and wondered if our neighbors' cat was being murdered or something.) Xtina screwed up some of the words, and that's...yeah. Bad.

Of course, I don't even know the words myself but I assume you're expected to know what you're singing before you go out and sing it? Maybe they just saw Christina and her melting stretchy face in the stands and said, "Oh my god! Christian Aguilera! Even though she's totally irrelevant she's like the most famous singer here! Let's have her sing the Anthem! Maybe people won't be able to tell that it's her and not Lady Gaga, who kind of looks like her! Man, this is genius! I smell a bonus! I think? Or is that a hot dog?" and that's why she sucked so hard.

Personally I'm not offended when people screw up the Anthem. I don't understand why we need to sing it at all our sports games. I guess the majority of the people watching sports are from middle America where you're shot if you don't greet people by yelling, "HECK YEAH, AMERICA!" and smacking them on the butt in a totally non-homosexual way. (Note: I'm a naive, over-generalizing East Coaster. Duh.) Also, why is the "Star-Spangled Banner" the Anthem? I think "America the Beautiful" and even "God Bless America" are better songs, objectively, although I don't think it's a good idea to have a Christian-themed anthem. And why the crud do we need so many patriotic songs, anyway? I get it, really: the USA is pretty spiffy or whatever. I'm not down on it. We have the best cable channels, after all. But I think instead of singing these really boring and stupid America songs before games we should just be given ice cream in red, white, and blue cups. I love ice cream, and so does every other patriotic person; eating ice cream should only reaffirm our patriotism, then. HECK YEAH, ICE CREAM! IN AMERICA!

Thought: After the Super Bowl I screamed at my dad for half an hour, "IS GLEE ON YET? IS GLEE ON YET? HELLO? CAN YOU GET ME SOME ICE CREAM? OH, AND IS GLEE ON YET?" Yes, I scream in CAPITAL LETTERS GRRR. You see, Glee was the post-Super Bowl show this year. Was it The Office last year or two years ago? Because that was the last show that I cared about that aired after the game. I have low expectations for Glee, since it's one of the most infuriatingly overrated things in the history of infuriatingly overrated, a canon that also boasts U2 and Twilight. Last night's episode probably met my expectations: it was boring, the characters were either not there or acting strange (since when has Chord Overstreet a.k.a. "Sam" been so terrible? That broke my cold, dark little heart), but at least the songs were mostly good and it was kind of funny. The best song for me was not the overhyped "Thriller"/"Heads Will Roll" mash-up ("Heads Will Roll" was so underused! But I loved when one of the football players asked who the Yeah Yeah Yeah's are), but the random and unnecessary a capella cover of "Bills, Bills, Bills" by Blaine and his gang of the Gay-Friendly Non-Gays, Featuring Ex-Glee Member Kurt. So good, yet so, so, so pointless.



As he was singing and dancing and being generally enviable and awesome and talented and my future best friend-like, I realized that Blaine is not doing his whole singing and dancing act for the guys. He's doing it, it seems, for the ladies. Blaine is supposed to be gay but I don't get that vibe from him, maybe because his actor Darren Criss is straight and not able to communicate otherwise well. Maybe I'm being stereotypical, but I don't think it's about stereotypes; despite the fact that they're setting up Blaine and Kurt's future relationship they really have no chemistry whatsoever. In fact, maybe Blaine is asexual; he just does not give off the sense that he's ever had romantic interest in anyone, neither female nor male. I don't know if it's the writing or what. He just exists to sing and dance and all of the girls swoon when he does.

I like Blaine a lot but he just is this sexless being. I actually respect that about him, because most people his/my age play up their sexuality in a really obnoxious way, although that's not as true for gay people, I guess. What I don't like is that he's supposed to be some role model for all of the gay boys that watch; they either have Kurt, who is flamboyant and kind of terrible, actually, and just embodies every stereotype ever, or they have Blaine, who must hide his homosexuality really darn well or something despite attending his charming all-boys school, or "Tolerance Narnia," as the AV Club hilariously puts it. I guess I don't have to care this much but if I didn't I wouldn't be me!...

Thought: ...Although that probably wouldn't be a bad thing. (Haha, us teenagers are just so self-deprecating and down on ourselves, it's adorable.)

L'illusionist

We saw this, The Illusionist, last night. So now I've seen all three of the Animated Film nominations. While this is my least favorite of the three, that is not because it isn't good. Actually, it's great, so, nomination well-deserved. While Toy Story 3 and How to Train Your Dragon had great CG visuals, nothing beats a beautiful hand-drawn, 2D film, and this one was one of the best-looking I've seen. The Triplets of Bellevile always creeped me out but this film is a must-see. Very funny, very touching...also very sad, let me tell you. I mean, if you cried at the end of Toy Story 3 (which, c'mon, you did) wait until you see how this one ends. Man.

Scholastic Art and Writing Awards, With Jesse Eisenberg

My sister is a better writer than me. You could replace "my sister" with anyone, except maybe Snooki and her ghost writer, and this statement would be true. However, humility and self-consciousness aside, my sister is assuredly a better writer than me. (I will, however, say that I have better grammar than her. And a little grammar goes a long way. I hope.)

The Scholastic Art and Writing Awards are made for people who are not only better at writing than I am, but also just better at writing than most people. Well, most people in grades 7-12 anyway. There are different levels of recognition, regional and national, and my sister just got the highest regional recognition today, the Gold Key! Winning the Gold Key moves you on to the National competition, where you are entered for the chance to win some pretty meaty scholarships.

Since I am a really amazing person, I am very supportive and wish my sister the best of luck. This is all well and good, but you may be wondering how this relates to my blog. My blog allegedly has a theme/purpose, so darnit I will honor that or I will die trying! Like 50 Cent! Blargh!

The relevance is this: as I mentioned before I think Jesse Eisenberg is awesome! He's a great actor and seems like a good person, too! This is evidenced by his association and sponsorship of the very same awards organization that just honored my sister!



What a wonderful coincidence! So not only does Jesse wholeheartedly believe in this organization, he also is willing to participate in their fundraisers. He (and the non-Asian but very Asian-looking Lili Taylor) will be doing a "literary reading" in the NYC on March 9th. Unfortunately, the bleeding thing is 1. on a Wednesday and 2. for people 21 and up. CURSES. Why does it have to be at a bar, you guys?! This organization celebrates YOUNG writers! Ugh. So close, yet so far.

If for some reason YOU are 21 and/or older and are reading this blog and feel a desire to torture me, then by all means go. You can buy tickets here. But don't think I'll be happy for you.

Edited to add: Maybe one day Jesse will read my sister's winning short story. At any rate, here is his excellent reading of this brilliant essay that won the Gold Medal two years ago.

Relevant Things Going On in My Life Right Now #6

So, a couple of things. Obviously I have a new layout. Yay! (?) I really liked the old one but I feel like this one goes more with the spirit and the tone of this very silly web log. Second, that above is Johnny Weir. Is it just me or does he look slightly like Christian Bale there? Anyway, I just watched this documentary about him, Pop Star on Ice. It has a 17% on Rotten Tomatoes but I actually enjoyed it, even if it was mostly because Johnny is hilarious. His Russian accent is awesome.

Other than that, a lot has happened since my last post, so I thought I'd do one of these to cover everything. (Also I have a Snow Day, A-STINKING-GAIN, and I want to do other things and this is easy-ish.)

• The NGP: No, it's not some kind of government branch that's out to get you. It's the name of what is more commonly known as the PSP2! The NGP was unveiled last week and it basically is a fatter PSP with two joysticks and better graphics. This is enough for many people to rejoice over, but I remain unconvinced. It's not that I don't think the NGP looks cool, because it definitely does, and it's not that I don't think it will be successful, because I know there are a lot of people who want to buy it; it's just that, in terms of innovation, it seems like it's lacking in that extra "wow" factor. I mean, I have a PS3 to play my PS3 games. I don't need a portable for that. What it means for me, though, is that soon the PSP will finally be low enough in price that I can buy one! Yay!
• Jesse Eisenberg on SNL: I am a Jesse Eisenberg fan, and his episode of SNL was the funniest in ages. I watched the entire show, live, and that is something I never do! It was worth it, though. The best sketches were the Don't Forget the Lyrics! one, which awkwardly didn't get as many laughs from the audience as it did from me; the one with Bill Hader as Herb, the old and bitter newscaster who kept hitting everyone in the face (I'm sorry but his constantly hitting everyone in the face with the microphone was extremely amusing, especially when Bill Hader started cracking afterwards); the Lonely Island song, "Do the Creep;" and the Bride of Blackenstein, which featured the best line of the night from Jesse Eisenberg: when asked where he got the bride's mouth, he replied, "From a ho who didn't know her place!" Weekend Update was also amusing thanks to Kenan as Tyler Perry: "My best friend is Oprah!" It wasn't all kittens and cupcakes, though: the fake commercial was incredibly offensive and all of Kristen Wiig's turns were awful. But Jesse Eisenberg was able to bring his antsy energy and host a fun show. Watch the episode here.
• The new series of Skins: It premiered over in jolly old England last Thursday. I watched it over the weekend; it was my first time watching the British Skins in a decent amount of time, since I never watched the third or fourth series besides some clips. Okay, so there were definite shades of Mean Girls, but Franky and Grace and Rich and maybe Alo (which is a stupid name) seem awesome. Matty had potential also but his acting was terrible. I'm excited to see what happens this season. Err, series.
• "The Trapeze Swinger": is a beautiful song, by Iron & Wine. He wrote it for a movie that stars Topher Grace (and, disgustingly, Dennis Quaid):
• No Color by The Dodos: I posted about them last month, but today you can now pre-order their album! There are four different options: digital-only, CD, vinyl, or deluxe, which includes all of the above plus a shirt, a poster, and some other stuff. Also, you can get any of the first three options with a shirt, and the CD and the record also come with digital downloads. I'm conflicted over which package to get. I'm thinking CD, but I kind of want the shirt as well. However, the CD plus the shirt is $30, and that's way too much. I think I'm just going to get the CD. Also, when you pre-order you get a download of the first track, "Black Night," which you can listen to on the site. I listened to it and it is INSANE. In a good way! So. Do that.
• Bioshock: I got it for Christmas and my friend and I started playing it yesterday. Okay, I mostly just watched and yelled, "Welcome to the Circus of Values!" But I got to play a little. It's fun times, but also really scary. I'm not good with scary things. Thankfully, I got over my fear of the screaming, gory splicers kind of quickly. Sort of. Also, the game has the most stupidly easy trophies out of any PS3 game I've ever played. Awesome.
• RuPaul's Drag Race: So the Johnny Weir show was on Logo, and now RuPaul's show is on and we haven't bothered to change the channel. I'm not really paying attention but I see that SUTAN, the make-up artist from America's Next Top Model, is competing, and that is REALLY COOL. His drag queen persona is Raja. This should be fun. Also, watching the show is reminding me of how Tobias would mix up his pronouns a lot in Arrested Development. I'm planning on rewatching that soon, maybe when the AV Club starts its alleged Classic recapping of it.
• Sundance: This year's Sundance has been one of the most-hyped in years, in part because of the wealth of nominations movies from last year's have earned recently (see: Winter's Bone!). I'm going to write an article about it later today; maybe I'll post it on here sometime. I'll at least get around to talking about the movies that intrigued me. One of my life dreams is to go to a film festival (yeah, I totally dream big, right?), so I hope to attend Sundance one day. Maybe as press!
• Zombieland: is sitting in my DVD drive. I've been meaning to watch it for over a year now. Today, I finally will. So I'm going to go do that.

Have a splendid day.